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tired of my conservativeness
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four and a half years. We had an argument last night about our sex lives. He said to me that he's tired of routine and him always initiating sex. He says that he is tired of me being "conservative" when it comes to sex and can count on one hand how many times I've actually initiated. We've argued about this before and afterwards I would initiate because I know he's right. But itd only be once until he complains again. The problem is that he's right and I know I can't be mad. I don't know why I don't because I'm not shy and I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. Last night I said to him "I'm sorry, its just not me. And you what... I don't think I can ever change that.." And out of, I don't know, anger at myself, I said "why don't you find a girl that can give you what you want." We both agree, although I've never said it aloud, that sex plays a big factor in a relationship. But after I said that I felt like, no I don't want him to find someone else because I want to be the girl that can give him what he wants. Its just so damn hard for me to initiate. You'd think after four years we wouldn't have this problem.. But I do really need to try harder because I'm in love with him and vice versa and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives and I don't want to lose him because of my lack of initiations. Can any one please give me advice and what to do and how to help me open up to him when it comes to sex. I say to myself "its just not me" but maybe its more than that... maybe its because I was raped when I was 14 and my virginity was stolen from me. Maybe that plays a part?
Well, thank you for reading this. Any advice is appreciated.
21/female
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The fact that you were raped probably makes you scared of the situation. I am so sorry that happened to you. I think you should tell your boyfriend your feelings and why you think initiating it may be hard. If he doesn't respect or understand your fears,anxiety or feelings maybe you should take some time apart. If you don't want to do anything, you should'nt feel pressured to. Therapy may help you overcome those past emotions,but I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and explain how you value your relationship but the physical aspect is going to be a process to overcome and hope he helps you through it. A good guy will understand and will want to help, so talk to him.
Best of Luck
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I think you should tell your boyfriend what happened. [when you were 14 and you got raped]
Tell him the whole story.
Tell him that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
If he says something like "i know you don't love me" just say "yes i do, why would i stay with you for 4 years if i didn't?"
WELL, I HOPED I HELPED!
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