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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hi Im Jay and Im 15 and my boyfriend who's 17 is forcing me to send him nudes. I told him about 5 times that im not comfortable with putting myself out there like that but he says he doesn't care and that i should do it for him and if i don't I'll regret it big time. I hate how he gets mad at me if I don't do something he wants, and I'm scared of not doing it cuz he'll get mad and hurt me. I just really don't want to send him nudes and idk what to do he won't take no for an answer. I need advice please help.
The Answer
If he can't respect you on this, you need to end the relationship. This isn't boyfriend behavior, this is bully behavior.
If you are worried for your safety, tell a trusted adult. A parent, or a teacher or a coach. There is no way that what this guy is saying to you is okay.
When a guy wont take no for an answer - run. What if he decides he wont take no when it comes to other things as well? This isn't a safe person to be around, and you deserve to be safe.
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The Question
I'm a 19 year old female. So I was talking to this guy for about a month and I was honestly falling head over heels for him. He made me open up about things I never talk to anyone about. I hadn't felt this comfortable with a guy since forever ago. We got really close and one thing lead to another and we hooked up. Days later things were normal he'd still talk to me everyday but I would get kind of impatient about hanging out again because when you like someone that much and hit it off like that you just want to be with that person as often as possible. I think it kind of scared him off cause out of no where he just stopped talking to me and replying to me. So then I finally asked him once and for all what was going on with us and he told me we rushed things and he wasn't ready for all the expectations I had. My only expectations were that I wouldnt be just a booty call and maybe after dating for a while and getting to know each other we could put a label on it. Now a couple weeks later he pretty much told me he's willing to try things out only as friends with benefits, did I get played?
The Answer
It's worth learning and it's worth learning young: Almost no one 'plays' another person. They get scared, they get confused, they are mean or stupid or selfish. It's almost never a evil plan to get in your pants, it's almost always dumb humans being dumb humans.
This guy almost certainly didn't set out to 'play' you. He honestly meant what he said. As crazy as you might have found it.
If you don't want to be friends with benefits, then don't. Don't obsess over what he might have thought when, or how wrong he was. Just look at what he is actually offering and decide if you want it. If you don't want it, say no and walk away.
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The Question
One of my best friends has metastatic breast cancer. It's starting to progress pretty quickly at this point, although she still has some really good days. So, here's my question to you all...
We've always been attracted to each other. However, because her gf (who is actually an ex at this point...its complicated) and I are good friends and we're adults, we've never, ever acted on it. Talked about it, but never done anything. If we'd met before she met my friend, we'd be together, for sure. But she and the gf don't have sex, ever, and haven't for a very, very long time. She says the gf is a really, really bad lover. But she does want to have one night of great, passionate sex before the cancer takes away her ability to enjoy it. We haven't talked about this at all, but I can give that to her, and I'd LIKE to give that to her. I just don't know if its appropriate to make the offer. I was thinking it would only be a one-time thing, and kept completely confidential forever and ever. Is this a really bad idea?
The Answer
If you haven't talked about it at all, how do you know she wants to have one night of great passionate sex?
So, you've talked about it. She's opened at the door on that conversation at some point. If you want in there, then it's probably time to speak up.
Lets be real: It's probably not a great idea. Putting aside for a second the idea of 'giving' somebody sex - rather than sharing a good time with someone - it will almost certainly leave you both emotionally raw, conflicted and even more vulnerable in a time that that is already going to be very challenging, for her, for her partner, and for you. Even if stays a secret (which is may not) it's going to have an impact on your friendship and that impact might not be all positive.
I'm pretty sure you've already decided to do this, so just do yourself this much of a favour: Be honest with her and believe what she says to you. Trust her if she says no, or she's not sure. Don't push or prod. And tell her honestly that you want to have sex with her - not because you pity her or want to do this FOR her. It's not a charity case and you aren't doing her a favour - you wanna fuck her. Don't pretend to be a selfless hero. That isn't what you are doing. You want to have sex with her because YOU want to have sex with her - not because you want to give her the 'gift' of good sex.
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The Question
Im seeing my ex boyfriend for the last time tomorrow and i want to give hIm the best sex of his life,the best his ever had in his whole entire life..i want him to daydream,fantazise bout me nd the sex and have him come back begging for more..any tips,ideas,anything?
The Answer
Best advice: Don't.
This kind of sexy revenge plan only works in the movies. In real life, you'll end up feeling shitty.
If you wanna have sex because you'll have fun yourself - great! If you want to have sex because you think you can control what he thinks or feels, or win him back that way - don't. That's not how it works. Except in bad movies.
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The Question
Hi. So I was on a site and it said I won an iphone 6. I read the comments and it was real buuut I need a credit card to get it and my dad doesn't have one(NO ONE in my family has one). Anyway I came across this site where I can download fake credit card numbers and CVV codes but I don't know if I should download one. Will I get in trouble if I download a number? I really want that Iphone 6.
The Answer
You didn't win an iPhone 6.
It's a scam. It's a scam to try and collect credit card numbers, and then sell them to criminals.
The 'fake' credit card numbers you found are probably numbers that were collected by exactly this sort of scam, and are now canceled and no longer any good.
When something looks too good to be true - not only is it probably not true - it's also probably a person trying to scam you.
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The Question
Okay, so I know it was stupid for me to even be talking to this guy on Kik. I know it's dangerous to talk to people you don't know but here is my situation.
I was talking with this guy on kik for awhile (maybe close to a year)I was 18 when I started talking to him and now I'm 19.
I never sent him any picutes or anything like that. Actually I even gave him a complete fake name and I also lied about what my race was because when I started talking to him I thought I'd rather be safe and not give my real information out this guy.
I didn't want to talk to him anymore because I just kind of had enough. I came to realize he has anger issues and would get angry over stupid stuff and just seemed controlling. We did have conversations that were not the most appropriate but I never sent him anything myself. All he ever got were texts on kik.
Well I started to not respond much and he got annoyed and said "just block me" and whatever so I did...then he messaged me with a new account telling me to unblock him because he wanted to talk to me. I didn't say I would or not I just responded back with "well you are the one that told me to block you" and he said "just do what I tell you" well I didn't. I just ignored it.
Then he messages me more saying he is going to track me down and that he is going to track my IP address and that he has all the information he needs to find me and that he won't give up. Said he is looking for me and will find me and he's angry.
He is 29 and lives in a different country.
I want to know if he can actually track me down. He knows what city I live in but I lied about my name and race and never sent him any pictures. I have described to him what I look like though and my username for kik isn't something I use for anything else
I just want to know if it's possible for him to find me and how likely it is that he could find me because I'm a little worried about it.
The Answer
It's extremely unlikely - very nearly impossible - that he could find you. With only the IP addresses you've used when using Kik (because, you'll have used many over the weeks and months, not just one) he can't track you down with much precision at all. He would need much more information than that.
From now on, just block him the very moment he contacts you. Don't engage with him at all. It's likely that he is a just a controlling bully, with no ability find you and no intention on traveling to your country. That is the most likely situation.
Really, don't talk to people on these instant messaging apps unless you know them in real life. It's just a good general rule.
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The Question
im 18 f and find my weight a very difficult subject. people keep telling me how skinny i am but i just don't see it. when i look in the mirror i see a mildly chubby girl staring back at me. i was concerned about what people were sayings i decided to calculate my bmi and it said that it was 15.6. i can see that this is probably unhealthy but the problem is food scares me. i don't like eating a lunch and will only eat small portions for breakfast and dinner. for snacks i drink tea or water. whenever i eat a piece of food i think about how the fat will stick to my body and make me look huge. my mom keeps trying to force me to eat, she shouts at me and makes me cry but i just can't bring myself to gain weight. i don't want to look fat or disgusting. is there a way of getting over this? i can't live with my self loathing any more.
The Answer
You need counselling.
When what your mind tells you doesn't line up with the truth, and that causes you this much distress and agony over food, it's time to get help. That is a pretty clear symptom of an eating disorder. You'll be happier, and healthier, if you can address it with a therapist.
It's TOTALLY possible to recover from an eating disorder. Lots of young women struggle with this, and go on to live much happier lives with much better relationships with food and their own body.
You can ask your mom about talking to a therapist, or ask a counselor at school. You may also want to visit a doctor for a check up to make sure there isn't anything going on physically that is contributing to your struggles.
This is tough - but it's not uncommon - and it absolutely can be fixed! You just need to good, sensible professional help to guide you.
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The Question
So I have a twin sister and she is alot quieter and less assertive shall we say than I am.
Recently I've got into a habit (all be it a bad one) of logging into her facebook account-she doesn't know but I know her password.
I only did it one day because i noticed she was messaged unusually alot of people. Then today I discovered something bad. A flatmate she lives with sent her a message (looked sarcastic) with a link to really posh make up brushes (£130 each) saying she would want one and the other flat mate wants two.
The message was littered with kisses and before it, it was like 'we've got a present for you sexy'.
Now as far as I know my sister works during the day so doesn't even see much of her housemates (only been living together for a month)
My sister DOES have an issue with make-up, she doesn't tend to blend it very well which is why I thought perhaps these girls are sending her a nasty message in reference to that.
I don't know what to do. I care about her a lot but what if she takes it badly because I've been reading her Facebook messages?
Thanks for any advice
The Answer
STOP LOGGING INTO HER FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.
Seriously. You have no idea what the context of these messages is. Maybe it was nasty. Maybe it was an in-joke that your sister is fine with.
Do you know what your sister will definitely NOT be fine with? Your invading her privacy.
If you are worried about your sister, pick up the phone and have a sisterly chat with her. Ask her about her new roommates and how things are going. Be her sister, not her stalker. Stay out of her online accounts.
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The Question
My girlfriend and I have had an intimate long distance relationship for nearly three months. We constantly drown each other in compliments, and I help her with her depression whenever I can. My problem is that I don't know if I'm bothering her. I'm constantly doubting myself, which I'm not sure if it bothers her cause she never tells me if she's mad at me. And when I'm courageous with her, I don't know if I take things too far. Other little things like messing up my words and saying the wrong things make me wonder if she even loves me anymore, or if she's slowly drifting away which I NEVER want to happen. I just want to know how I can be more "manly" for her, to keep her interested in the man in me. Thank you
The Answer
Your problem is that you don't trust your girlfriend.
You don't believe her when she speaks to you, which shows a lack of respect.
That's your real problem. That is a thing that annoys a woman. Some women like 'manly' men, and some don't, but all women want to be respected and taken seriously when they speak. Looking for constant reassurance from her isn't bad because it's not 'manly' enough, it's bad because it means you don't trust her to tell you the truth.
Forget about being manly. Tell her you are going to work on trusting and respecting her, and that you want her to feel free and comfortable to be honest with you, and promise you wont flip the hell out if she says the wrong words or doubts herself - just like she doesn't flip out at you.
You don't need to be more 'manly' for 'your woman', you need to be more respectful of this other human being, who will feel safer and more cared for if she knows she doesn't have to be constantly reassuring you or terrified she'll drive you insane if she doesn't give you exactly the contact you need exactly when you need it.
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The Question
I'm 22 and never did it before. I just started dating this guy and we really want to have sex, but there's one thing I'm worried about.
What if he literally can't fit inside me? I have a super narrow pussy........ the opening is less than an inch in diameter. His cock is big! 6 inches in circumference. And how bad does it hurt to have your hymen broken?
The Answer
Who told you that your boyfriend's penis is six inches wide? If your boyfriend's penis is actually 6 inches in CIRCUMFERENCE, then he has a very unusual body. The average circumference -that is the average thickness- of an erect penis is less than 2 inches. It's possible for a man to be that large, but it seems unlikely to me that that is the case.
A penis that is six inches long, while erect, is probably going to be around 2 inches wide. That would be just slightly above average for penis size.
The most important thing here is that you are comfortable and safe. Your boyfriend needs to agree to pause, slow down, or stop entirely if you are in pain and don't want to continue. You should make sure you to any contraception you need - like condoms - ready to go, and plenty of safe lube. It's a lack of lubrication that most often causes women pain.
Everyone's body is different, so there is no way to 100% know how much pain or discomfort you'll experience. For most women, the pain manageable and passes quickly. Some women don't really experience any pain at all. If you do experience pain, then you should either slow down, take a break, or stop entirely and try again another time.
It's unlikely that you'll be 'too small'. If the pain persists and you can't have sex comfortably at all, than it's time to speak to a doctor. If that sort of thing happens, it can be addressed and you can find ways to please one another than aren't painful, but more likely than not you'll be just fine.
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The Question
I went online and bought diet pills, I was told it was a trial and would only have to pay postage, after I paid postage I then saw that it was a membership and I would be billed in 30 days for about £70, I got in touch and told them I didn't want to continue this, that was ok, but when pills arrived it was for 60 not 30 as stated in the trial,(I was told they didn't have any bottles of the 30 pills left only the 60) I was told to send 30 to address in Cyprus, I then said this is going to cost a bit and really why should I pay for 60 when I only wanted 30.I have informed my credit card company to stop them taking any more money from my account. Anybody got any solution thank you
The Answer
Anyone who sells diet pills online is pretty damn likely to be a scam artists, or at least willing to be dishonest.
Leave the pills on a shelf someplace. They don't work anyways. Seriously. They don't work. Diet pills don't work.
You did the right thing stopping your credit card, and that is the only thing you can do. Chances are this company wont pursue it any further than that, since they know perfectly well they are scam artists and chances are the credit card companies are already wise to what they are doing.
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The Question
because I don't want to hear how you think I'm dumb and that this is a load of bullshit.
But along with many people, I believe that affirmations can collect like energy in the Universe and can create/bring your desire. I constantly say my affirmations everyday. Are you able to feel your desire spiritually with you, or is it just me?
Again, don't answer if you think this is bullshit. Thanks.......
The Answer
If you only want to speak to people who agree with you, you'd be better off trying to find forums or chat rooms full of people who already think as you do.
It's not polite or respectful to ask a question of everyone in an open forum like Advicenators, while immediately rejecting anyone who doesn't already agree with you. It is very rude to DEMAND people only respond to you in an open forum if their personal beliefs and experiences conform to your expectations and beliefs. Of course no one should call you names, but there is a big difference between people being cruel, and people just not believing the same thing as you.
You aren't going to get honest answers from people when you ask a question in this way. You'll scare away people who want to be honest or share their understanding of the world with you, because they will be afraid you'll get angry with them for not agreeing with you enough.
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The Question
I'm an 18 year old female and I recently started college. I have found someone that I'm strongly attracted to, but I just want to sleep with him. How do I get him into bed without sounding too forward and without encouraging a relationship?
I've never done this kind of thing before, and I'm really bad at seduction, any advice would be appreciated!
The Answer
You just ask.
"Being seductive" isn't about being dishonest or tricksy. It's about being encouraging and positive. "Being too forward" is a meaningless insult that people might toss at you no matter what you do - some people will look at a girl in a short skirt and call that too forward. There is no way to escape that kind of insult, you just have to ignore it and treat people well anyways. Finally, the only way for him to know you don't want a relationship is to say "I do not want a relationship."
So you just talk to him.
I know it's hard to wrap your brain around, but everything you know about playing hard to get is bullshit. Want to have sex? Ask nicely. Be friendly and honest.
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The Question
I'm in my last year in high school and there's this teacher I've had for 3 years who I've had the craziest crush on since the beginning. We get along great, we always talk and laugh together and we've had a few deeper conversations. Unless if he's stupid, I'm sure he knows I like him, I always talk flirty, and visit him all the time, but I don't think he minds because I know he likes me (as a person). But I'm graduating and will probably never see him again, and even though I know nothing will happen (he's married), I really want to tell him I like him! I just know I'll regret it forever if I don't and really whats the harm? I tell him, embarrass myself a little, and never see him again. But how should I tell him? I just want the perfect thing to say. Anyone have any advice or opinions?
And no, I'm not trying to break up a marriage or do anything illegal, it's totally innocent.
The Answer
Even if you really don't mean anything by it, I'm still going to advise against doing this.
You see, it's a bit mean. You put him in a difficult, uncomfortable position, where he may question his abilities as a teacher, or feel ashamed of his behaviour when he has no need too. Depending on what you say, he may even feel frightened for his job.
No matter how nice and reasonable you are, you are likely to cause him anxiety and fear - for no reason. There is no reason to worry him like that, or give him those doubts and fears. All the good you both can have from this friendship you've already had! To admit your romantic feelings for him will put a sour note on that, not a positive one.
If you want to reach out to him, just thank him for his friendship and offer your admiration for him a person. Don't bring flirting or crushes or romantic feelings into it. The right thing to say at this moment is to thank him for being a great teacher and great friend, and to let him know he's been a positive factor in your life. That is what you've actually shared. The crush is something in your head that'll pass and you can think of warmly in years to come. It's not a thing he can address or fix or even benefits from knowing about.
Thank him for who he is and what he's done - don't thank him because of your feelings for him.
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The Question
So I'm a white European (family is from Italy) and I heard that dressing up as a culture or religion is racist. Mainly minority groups but I've heard some about certain countries. Basically I want to dress up like I'm from the rennisaunse or medieval times at Halloween and I'm wondering since it's apart of my culture would it be bad?
The Answer
It's not being part of the culture that makes that okay.
It's okay because it's no living culture, and no ethnic group, places any importance on that dress or time period, so you will not be appropriating the practices of or reflecting stereotypes of any group.
The religious and cultural realities of the renaissance are gone. By dressing up like a generic 'renaissance' person you aren't punching down at someone who is trying to claim their culture or hold on to their religion or language. Most of the major religions and cultures are still going strong today, and they have no connection and place no importance on the clothes of the 15th century. That way of dressing is no longer anyones religious or cultural practice.
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The Question
Ok so I'm American, and my Scottish friends always use the word "aye". And I actually have no idea what it means, nor how to use it in a sentence. Can someone out there help me?
The Answer
At it's simplest Aye just means Yes. You can use it anywhere you'd say yes.
Occasionally aye will also be used to mean 'always' or 'forever'. That much less common though. A phrase like "He's always whining' could be said "He's ay whining." or "Love that will always endure" is "Love that will aye endure."
Like I said tho, that use is uncommon. Your friends probably simply use it in place of Yes, Yup and Uh huh.
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The Question
I looked in here to see how people answered the question on how to kill yourself painlessly. I was absolutely amazed at the callous answers. Instead of offering advice for the question asked everyone just jumped on the person for wanting to commit suicide when "their" lives were sooooo much worse. The person that asked for advice didn't even tell you how bad their life was so how do you know if yours was worse. If you can't help a person by answering the question they asked then just don't answer, don't trash the person who is obviously very sad already and doesn't need to be told how selfish and horrible they are.
The Answer
No on is required to help another person commit suicide.
People are free to answer questions here to the best of their ability, and everyone should answer questions in accordance with their own conscience.
You are right: If you want help committing suicide, this is the wrong place to be. Strangers online are unlikely to assist you in ending your own life. With just the small snippet of information they get here on this anonymous website, it would be irresponsible for them to do so.
I agree that telling someone they are being selfish or horrible is not an effective way to handle a suicide question, but just because someone doesn't agree with the person who asked the question, or tell them exactly what they want to hear, doesn't mean they are being mean. There are people here who give lousy advice. There are also people here who answer questions with great sympathy and respect - while at the same time advising people not to kill themselves.
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The Question
This may sound strange, but this usually did not happen in this school. Years ago, I went to an elementary school, and this school was ran by an amazing principal and some of the greatest memories I've had was when he was principal.
Unfortunately, he retired and the new principal came in the beginning of my last year of elementary school. She changed everything (the appearance inside, the playground sets, etc.) But the strange thing about the one rule she enforced was that the older kids had to walk around the basketball court during recess. Not part of recess, but the whole recess. Every day for the whole year. And it wasn't all kids, it was just the older ones. Sixth graders and possibly fifth graders. I'm not sure what grades had to do it, but I know the younger ones did not.
I witnessed younger kids, kindergartners and second graders come out from lunch and they played on the new playground set or on the soccer field. The older kids got in trouble for even stepping out of the basketball court. Obviously the basketball court was not being used because there were 30-40 kids walking around it.
I have always been curious about why that happened. I asked a few of my friends if the same rule was enforced for them, and they have never heard of such thing. My question is, was there a law that was passed and said that 11-12 year-olds are no longer allowed to have recess? Or do you have any idea/opinion why this rule was enforced?
The Answer
There is no law. That would be ridiculous.
There may be physical health guidelines to keep the older kids moving, but not laws.
Whatever the reason the principal probably had the authority to make this rule about recess. It may have been to keep the older kids moving, and not just sitting down chatting. It could be to keep them from getting into trouble or interfering with the play of other younger kids.
Whatever the reason, I'd agree it's a pretty messed up way to try and solve whatever problem the principal thought there was. I would hope the parents would complain about this prison-like tactic and get it to change.
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The Question
I'm 23 I don't know what to do next.
Just over a year ago I had the copper coil fitted. About 3monrhs after every time I have a period I have the runs and can be rather bad, my periods have also become irregular again so buying Diarrhoea tablets is getting rather expensive. I never get period pains never have.
I'm not sure if this is something my coil is doing to me or it's a natural thing that's happening to me. Do I go back to the family planning clinic? I'm starting to get so frustrated with it all
The Answer
You should go back to the clinic.
Diarrhoea or upset stomach is actually a normal thing for women to experience during their periods. My stomach is never 100% okay for the first few days of my cycle. Pain or no pain, with or without contraception, that can just be a normal thing your body does. It's possible that getting the runs during your period doesn't have anything to do with the IUD and is just a thing your body does.
However, if this started or got worse when you started using the IUD, then you should go back and talk to a doctor about that.
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The Question
Hey,so everytime im with my expanded family I feel like I'm not a part of them like most of them are loud and I find it weird I'm not a snob or something like when I'm with my friends I'm the loudest person ever but I just don't feel comfortable with them I don't even talk to some of my cousins I don't know if it's just weird for me to see them because I only see them twice a year but everytime we have a Family event I feel Anxiety and uncomfortable.most of time I don't even come to these family events but I don't want them to think that I don't like them. is it normal or I'm just being weird and should I try to go the my expanded family bbq ?
The Answer
You should go.
it's not weird to not like people you are related too.
However, your cousins are changing and growing, just like you are, and they are your family. You should make a bit of time each year at least to see them and get to know the people they are now.
Frankly, it's also important life practice to get through social occasions you find stressful. I get really stressed out at larger gatherings as well, but as you get older, it becomes a very important skill to be able to get through those sorts of events even if they aren't the type of things you like the most.
Suck it up. They are your family, and there are many good reasons to stay connected with them. No one says you have to like them all the time, but don't cut them out of our life.
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