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Was I played?
I'm a 19 year old female. So I was talking to this guy for about a month and I was honestly falling head over heels for him. He made me open up about things I never talk to anyone about. I hadn't felt this comfortable with a guy since forever ago. We got really close and one thing lead to another and we hooked up. Days later things were normal he'd still talk to me everyday but I would get kind of impatient about hanging out again because when you like someone that much and hit it off like that you just want to be with that person as often as possible. I think it kind of scared him off cause out of no where he just stopped talking to me and replying to me. So then I finally asked him once and for all what was going on with us and he told me we rushed things and he wasn't ready for all the expectations I had. My only expectations were that I wouldnt be just a booty call and maybe after dating for a while and getting to know each other we could put a label on it. Now a couple weeks later he pretty much told me he's willing to try things out only as friends with benefits, did I get played?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I must say there is truth in what both people said.
Truth be told, men who finally in their 30s or at 40 look back, they regret how many young women they hurt and how many great relationships they passed over because they did the dumb thing while young. At the same time, young women do not totally understand men very well. Heres a main reason why.
SEX: Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
Sooo, because men and women are naturally made to be this way regarding sex, it is best to have a talk with someone you are finding yourselves mutually attracted to, right at the beginning. And the talk is regarding sex and your personal ideals. It might start like, "Even though sex may happen some time in the future, or not...now is the best time to let you know what my expectations are, and/or boundaries. Then tell him. This means you have to figure out way ahead of finding a guy, what it is you are looking for and not be afraid to state what it is and ask for it. Let him know that if he doesnt feel he can measure up or that he is not ready, or is not willing to abide by your wishes and rules, then it is okay with you if he walks away and looks for someone else. And you have to be willing to let someone walk away. This is best done before sex because of women creating an emotional bond after sex.
Some women are tired of the commitment to a long term partner but still want sex and are plenty happy to be a friends with benefits or find a guy to be just her booty call. I was in that position after a divorce and before finding the right guy to marry. I held off on sex long enough to get to know if I could at least be friends with, trust the person enough to go a step further and have sex. I had that twice, a guy younger than me and a guy my age. There are ways to tell if a guy is turned on by you without him making the moves on you. I saw it in both. They knew my position, that I would let them know if and when I was ready and if they weren't, then we didn't as was the case with some guys...yes, I had adult men who did not want to become sexual, just wanted a ladys companionship/friendship. And both must respect the others wishes. If you at 19 want the kind of man ready to commit to only you, settle down and marry and have kids, honey, there just aren't many mature enough or ready to make that kind of commitment and take on that kind of responsiblity. Heck, most guys aren't usually ready for that until their late 20s if not later. There are always exceptions to the rule but those guys are not many and hard to find.
The biggest problem you have is that both of you are inexperienced in how to relate to the opposite sex and not knowing the how tos of communicating what you need and want and expect and dont want. Guys need to be able to share these things with girls too.
I will also state that it is common for males of any age to be overwhelmed by fear when things progress too quickly and are going so well and perfect. MOst of us expect difficulty and time to get close. I had this happen with a guy in his early fifties. He freaked out after two weeks of seeing each other every other day and the upcoming weekend, he asked me if we could not meet then and not the following week either. He needed some time to himself. I gave him the time without any worry to have time to think things over...men do this best in alone time and it varies how much time they need. After only 3 days, he'd come to the conclusion that since I was making no expectations of him, that I was just willing to date as long as we were still interested, that he wanted to get back togehter sooner. I got the text at work to call him. So at break, I called and he admitted he didnt think I'd call him cus I'd be angry at him. I said I wasn't. He asked me to come by after work which I did. Once face to face, he explained how he had weirded out and got scared but not that he'd thought about it, he was ready to continue to date me. He was not making a life time commitment to be my mate or husband and we both knew that.
Perhaps that is where your guy is at. ASsk him, dont assume.
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I am simply shocked and surprised by reading the answer given to you by Razhie. I am thinking if he would give same advice to his daughter. My dear, think about it yourself, you hooked up with a guy and when you wanted to get close to him (quite normal) he stops talking to you suddenly and then after some time come up with a solution of becoming friends with benifits........
Actually, he had sex with you and he certainly enjoyed it but when he felt that you have started to build up hopes for a future together he escaped by giving you the most pathetic reason possible (I was not ready for it) . Later on when he felt the urge of having sex again he came up with this brilliant plan of becoming 'friend with benefits'. So my dear with this status you are going to give him a lisence to leave you whenever he feels like. You will be in no position to ask him the reason for escaping this time as you will be only a friend with benefits and nothing else.
So my dear kick him out of your life and walk away with dignity thats what I would have done if I was you and definitly the final decision is yours.
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It's worth learning and it's worth learning young: Almost no one 'plays' another person. They get scared, they get confused, they are mean or stupid or selfish. It's almost never a evil plan to get in your pants, it's almost always dumb humans being dumb humans.
This guy almost certainly didn't set out to 'play' you. He honestly meant what he said. As crazy as you might have found it.
If you don't want to be friends with benefits, then don't. Don't obsess over what he might have thought when, or how wrong he was. Just look at what he is actually offering and decide if you want it. If you don't want it, say no and walk away.
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