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Manly for my girlfriend
My girlfriend and I have had an intimate long distance relationship for nearly three months. We constantly drown each other in compliments, and I help her with her depression whenever I can. My problem is that I don't know if I'm bothering her. I'm constantly doubting myself, which I'm not sure if it bothers her cause she never tells me if she's mad at me. And when I'm courageous with her, I don't know if I take things too far. Other little things like messing up my words and saying the wrong things make me wonder if she even loves me anymore, or if she's slowly drifting away which I NEVER want to happen. I just want to know how I can be more "manly" for her, to keep her interested in the man in me. Thank you
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The problem is, you're trying to change for her, you don't want to do that. If this girl is your 'soul mate', the person you're supposed to end up with, then she will love you for you, and she won't want you to change. You're assuming all this without even asking her first. She obviously fell in love with you, the you that she knows, so if you change she may have to fall in love with you all over again. Just talk to her, and ask her to be honest with you. It sounds like you're not very secure in this relationship, and it's a shame because it sounds like you have a good, healthy relationship. You said you drown eachother in compliments, would she do that if she wasn't in love with you anymore? No! You're overthinking, by the sound of it, you're trying to be better for her and what you need to know is that you're already good enough for her, you don't need to be better. Sometimes you'll say the wrong thing, who doesn't? She will have at least done that once before, too. Don't sit and assume things because that will mess you up, if you don't hear it from her that she's not in love with you anymore, then just assume everything is going smoothly - because until she says it, it's not true.
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Razhie has a point but I have a different life experience so I see another issue here.
But first, it is harder to build trust in a LDR than in a face to face relationship and no, Skype doesn't count. That is not the kind of interacting in life I am talking about. We can all be at our perfect best when sitting at a keyboard on Skype.
Unless these self doubting thoughts have never ventured out beyond your mind and actually been spoken out loud or typed to her, then she has no reason to think you don't trust her. Even if you did say these things, there is a way to repair it still. However, you need to realized what the original problem is that is causing a chain reaction of other problems to occur in your life as I will venture a guess that self doubting in a relationship isn't the only area where you do not have enough self confidence and self esteem. I should know as I've been there and I can tell you that unless a person wanted to become a loner living in the back woods, to live in society, we need to get over our fear of people, what they think of us, and gain what would look like a "tough hide" to some but is what I call a strong sense of confidence in oneself, where we no longer listen to the negative self generated thoughts of ourselves, no longer take personally anyone's less than supportive compliments personally, and learn great communicating skills to that from the shyiest person to the most aggressive personalities, you can handle them all without breaking a sweat. The real question is, have you reached the point where you are so tired of being this way that you are desperate to do anything that will change you so life improves for you along with any relationships in life, not just bf/gf ones, but with school mates, friends, family and coworkers. I had to reach that point of feeling desperate before being willing to do the things and stick with those things that would help change me forever into a more confident person. If you agree with me that it is your views and thoughts of yourself at the bottom of this issue, then let me know if you want to know what to do to start improving things. Please refer to your previous question so I know who I am talking to. Good luck.
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Your problem is that you don't trust your girlfriend.
You don't believe her when she speaks to you, which shows a lack of respect.
That's your real problem. That is a thing that annoys a woman. Some women like 'manly' men, and some don't, but all women want to be respected and taken seriously when they speak. Looking for constant reassurance from her isn't bad because it's not 'manly' enough, it's bad because it means you don't trust her to tell you the truth.
Forget about being manly. Tell her you are going to work on trusting and respecting her, and that you want her to feel free and comfortable to be honest with you, and promise you wont flip the hell out if she says the wrong words or doubts herself - just like she doesn't flip out at you.
You don't need to be more 'manly' for 'your woman', you need to be more respectful of this other human being, who will feel safer and more cared for if she knows she doesn't have to be constantly reassuring you or terrified she'll drive you insane if she doesn't give you exactly the contact you need exactly when you need it.
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