I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26988
Main Categories:
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Me and this girl, said some things to this kid, that we probably shouldn't have. it was really mean, and i regret it a lottt. however, i'm now worried about our safety. i don't know what to do. im really scared hes gonna like freak out, and come and like bring a gun to school or something. i seriously dont even wanna go monday. i mean the way he looked at me, freaked me outtttt. i dont know? am i over exaggerating? i dont wanna die? helpppp. (link)
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Face the music and ask him to forgive you. Take something of your own that you treasure and lead with that. Give it to him and tell him you are sorry and you had no right to say those things. Tell him that to atone for what you have done, as a means to remind you to be kinder to people, you would like to give him this item. Make sure it is something that you value, not just a token. He suffered a loss of dignity, you must suffer loss as well.
All good things start with a gesture of kindness.
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When I start to like a guy, I fall really fast and becoming to obsessive in my own mind. I constantly think about whoever it is at the time and I'll start to want to talk to him 24/7. Of course then I get bored quickly and move on to being obsessed with another guy.
How do I stop this annoying cycle so I can just be more chill with guys? (link)
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I'm going to regret this I just know it, but who cares about ratings? Stop dating, you are mentally not ready to date. Nothing personal. Obsess over guys you can't have, you know, famous guys, get it out of your system.
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ok so im a guy and i like watching porn.
im actually not a pervert or anything and i dont do it too often, so dont be mean ^_^. anyway my parents have this parental control thingy, so almost every site is blocked. so i found one or 2 sites that arent, but the videos played on windows media player and im scared theyre somehow still on there. my parents would kill me :(
so are they still on there or not? (link)
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Thanks buddha for a great laugh, don't let him kid ya young man. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasures of the skin and the skin flicks, but you should heed your parents wishes and not do it in their home. You'll have plenty of time when you get older, why reeve up your already over stimulated libido, at your age you don't need the help. Stick to the random dirty magazine hidden in the right place, the web sights and porn flicks will still be there when your 18. Trust me, it's not worth the risk of being caught.
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I bought the game today.
When I install the game,everything goes fine, and in the end it says ''Sims 2 University Installed Successfully'' and when I launch the game the screen comes up which says the name, but then nothing happens. It seems like my computer can't read the disk. :\ My original sims 2 disc and sims 2 seasons discs still work fine...
Is there something I did wrong, anyway to fix it?
If it seems like a bad disc, I can go change it without any problems.
Thanks! (link)
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Perhaps your video card, or processor can't handle it, also, check for patches online. Look at the requirements on the box, see if your computer can handle it.
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what causes a miscarriage?(different ways) (link)
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My wife had 2 in our early years, though the doctor would never admit it, she had a very rough exam by the doctor the day before she first miscarried. She told me this before she started to miscarriage, it wasn't after the fact. The second was what they referred to as a false pregnancy. The fetus started to develop, but for some reason stopped. Her body kept going for a time after, but eventually rejected it. The first three months of pregnancy are touch and go, if you are trying to get pregnant and it's not working, take care during that time and no rough sex. No need to stop having sex, just don't get rough.
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You say not to get angry, but how can I prevent that? I mean, when I keep telling him nicely he doesn't need to lie and he promises he won't and then he does again. Should I just put on a facade? (link)
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Don't tell him he doesn't need to lie, show him he doesn't need to lie. When you catch him in one of these stupid lies, he most likely knows he's been caught, don't react negatively, act. (Nagging doesn't help.) That is the problem many of us have, we react to a situation instead of acting upon a situation. If these lies are truly unimportant, then why do you react to them? I know honesty is important, I live by the credo of Honesty, Honor, and Loyalty. "Without Honesty there can be no Honor, without Honor there can be no Loyalty." This is not something I have lived my whole life by, I adopted it when I finally left my childhood behind and became a man. (Mid to late 20's.) Help him to leave his childhood behind and become a man. Do not demand he does, encourage him too, becoming a man is something you can lead a boy too, but HE has to take the steps. I will tell you what I did with my son at Christmas. I made him a lined box that held a mock up of the sword Excelsior. On the inside of the lid I mounted a plaque that had the inscription I told you above. The sword appealed to the child, the plaque reminds him to be honest. You don't have to go that far, copy my credo and hang it somewhere where he will see it often, or make up one of your own. Get fancy if you want and put a family shield on it so it's decorative. Guys are pretty simple really, we don't do hints well, we don't want to be treated like a child after we move away from home and we want to be happy in our family life. Best friends don't control each other, we live and learn together as equals. Save being a mother for your children and screw them up. Don't be a mother to one you want to be your man.
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My fiance lies to me about stupid things. My beliefs are that there's nothing more important in a relationship (whether it's mother&child/husband&wife etc) than honesty. I don't mean NEVER lying because sometimes people need to be told they look great on a crappy day haha but never lying about big things. On the whole, my fiance is an amazing man but like I said, he lies about these stupid things. I get angry about him lying, not about what he has lied about. How can I get it through his head that if he tells me the truth, no matter what it is, I love him and we will work through whatever? His lies cause me to snoop and I absolutely hate being like that! (link)
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There is a reason he lies about stupid things, most likely the way he was raised, find out. Trouble is, it may take time to get it out of him. Children who are yelled at by a parent for spilling, breaking a glass, or eating too many cookies, often display this behavior as adults and hide these things when they happen. Anger is not a good thing, it is what he tries to avoid, so stop the anger, you are inadvertently reinforcing his lying. When he sees by your actions that there is no need for his lies, he will stop. So many of us say one thing, but our actions are contrary to what we say. You tell him he doesn't need to lie, but your first reaction when you catch him in one is anger. Mixed signals dear one.
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I have a friend who recently experienced this problem and I don't know what kind of advice to give her. Her and her bf (of a few years) got into a fight. He called her a bad name (c___), she smacked him and he smacked her back (she said it was pretty hard but that he told her he did it by accident kind of a reaction or something).. He's never hit her before nor does he seem like that kind of guy to me. She's not sure if this should be a big deal to her and while I normally say you should never stay with a man who hits you she did hit him first. What should I tell her? =/ (link)
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She needs to realize that striking him for calling her a name is inexcusable, as is his striking her back. The behavior doesn't surprise me, (How often have you seen this on TV, or in the movies). Why we imitate staged behavior, I will never know, Monkey see, monkey do maybe. Their staying together approves this behavior and validates it, improper behavior must come at a price or they learn nothing. They both need to seek help separately and if nothing else exact their own punishment by staying apart until they know for sure that it will never happen again.
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what religion is Obama, Clinton, and McCain?? thank you very much :) (link)
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Wow, as Christians, you last two really miss the boat. Jesus was Jewish and never condemned a soul, he only tried to invoke change in the way they thought. You would force them to believe as you and take away the biggest gift given us, free will. With out free will we are no different from any other animal and can not choose to serve god. Following blindly is proven to be the deadliest thing a people can do. You want to change the way people think, take your case to the people and let it stand or fall on it's own. You act like Christianity appeared over night and took hold in Jesus's life time, it did not and is still a fledgling religion, but you will not bring more people to it by force. It took his death and many hundreds of years to get Christianity recognized, you take it back hundreds with your lack of compassion, name calling and your hard line thinking.
Jesus stood up against the status quo of his day and what he thought was wrong and died for it. Now, it is some of his own supposed followers that need to be stood up to, are you going to be trading places in history with those who killed Jesus in order to maintain the status quo?
Be well and don't mistake my love for anger.
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i have been going to the same church for about 8 years, and my paretns work there. i am a core kid, but i have gotten "replaced" but some other girl. she has taken the spot of all the original core kids. so to speak. so the original core kids are getting burnt out of our current church and we havent been getting anything out of it, so we are going to a different church for the next few weeks, and my youth pastor isnt happy with that. he says im not being faithful. what should i do? (link)
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Spirituality is not about serving a church, it is about serving a purpose. If you think that a church no longer serves a purpose, or no longer helps you to serve a purpose, you may need to move on. Be Faithful to your god and yourself, not to the building that claims to house him. I know many of you will say, "Gilbert, what are you doing putting yourself next to god like that?" I would ask you, if you are not faithful to yourself, are you truthfully faithful to your god? All religion is a mater of level, that is why there is so much choice. Never allow someone to guilt you, bully you, or convince you to stop your spiritual growth. You serve god in many ways, others can not decide for you your best path to serving.
Be well, do well,
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Okay I know this is really weird and sick and all but this is a question that I reallllllyy have been searching for an answer for:
Your in love with this guy, head over heals love. and he feels the same way. Your with him ALL the time 24/7. But your not dating because there is a problem. Your both christians, and you also happen to be cousins, (4th to be exact). Should you still like one another or not. WWJD (what would jesus do? Would you got to hell for it, or what? I mean in the end we are all cousins right? (link)
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Legally, as 4th cousins you can marry, but personally, I've always thought that it makes you look somewhat desperate. On the other hand, love is love and only you and the spirits know your path. Search your spirit for your answers, when doubt is no longer present, you will have your answer.
WWJD, Jesus never spoke against love.
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Heyy Everyone!
i keep getting a similar dream. it dosent happen if ive been sleeping soundly, just if i wake up and take a nap. ive gotten in twice in the same week.
the first time i woke up in the morning but i was still in bed. i was thinking about the boy ive beeen hanging out with lately and i realized i think im bored with him. i couldnt think of any fun moments together that we still had sparks. then i fell asleep. but i didnt know i was sleeping, i thought i was still awake. i felt like i couldnt move my body at all, and my heart started racing and it was hard to breathe. it felt like there was a thin wooden board going accross my whole room, starting from the edge of my bed and it was holding me down. i could only open one eye a tiny bit, and i could see my mom standing over me saying "i dont know if she can save herself. we may need to take her to the doctor." i got so scared then, my neck started to burn up. trying to break free i started wiggling my toes and stroking the wooden board until finally i woke up and could move. i jumped out of bed almost shaking i was so scared. this was twords the begining of the week.
yesterday (saturday) i had it again. (after i ended things with the boy.). i had woken up and gone into the other room to watch TV. i was all comfy under the blankets just resting. i didnt think i fell asleep. i felt like i couldnt move again. the back of my neck got hot and it was difficult to breathe. then i saw myself slipping from the bed, from lack of oxygen. then a horn sounded. while the horn was going, there was no air and i could get back in bed but when it stopped i started falling off again. then i hear my mom in the background telling my little brother to stop blowing the horn. finally i woke up.
i told my mom about these, and she said it was anxiety. she asked me what im anxious about. lately ive been thinking it could have been the boy ive been hanging out with. the second time i fell asleep, i was thinking about how sad he looked after i ended things between us.
so my questions are:
1. what does everything in the dream represent (in your opinion).
2. how do i know what im anxious about?
3. how do i fix this and make the dreams go away?
thanks so much!!
and help would be great, thanks! (link)
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This is referred to as Sleep Paralysis, it has been studied by many sleep clinics and doctors. It is a stage right before REM sleep and is quite common. Though disturbing, they have little or nothing to do with what has been suggested by your mother, or the previous poster. Your recollections of it are classic, right down to believing there is someone in the room, a lot of people mistake them for alien visitations. Do a search, Sleep Paralysis and while you are at it, look up Lucid Dreaming.
The Boy friend is another matter, while boredom is not a reason to do anything but go out and have some fun, (if your mother tossed her children out the door once she got bored with them, you would have been gone long ago). But the fact that you, as it seems to me, can speak so nonchalantly about breaking up with him, I'd say that answers that question.
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SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT IM FREAKED OUT!!
well in all my pictures i have a little white smudge. its usually by my head. and when people come over they are always like "whoa i just saw a flash out of the corner of my eye!" and i se it sometimes too, and i dont tell them about it so they cant know that i also see it. and it hasnt recently started. its been like that for as long as i can remember. and sometimes things move unexplained around me, like things laying on the floor with nothing around it, once my computer chair rolled back while i was sittingin it, that freaked me out alot. windows shut and open. could a spirit be attatched to me? im a skeptic just like many and ive resorted to thinking theres a spririt attatched to me. ive eliminated all other logical explanations, like camera faultiness, or wind blowing or things like that and most of the time it makes no sense.
this is scaring me, tell me what you all know!
thank you! (link)
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I would ask if it is always in the same exact place, or does it move or react to you. If it is in the same place, it is most likely a form of energy either coming from you or gathering to you for some reason.
If it is not in the same place every time and seems to react to you, (other then staying with you in the same place when you move), it could be a ghost, spirit or guardian, neither are normally anything to worry about.
Document this as best you can with pictures and words. Record, time, date, what you were doing, thinking and anything else you think important at the time it appeared. See if there is anything in common between appearances, also, find out what the make up of the ground soil is around the area that these appearances happen, minerals etc...
Also, your age and sex is important, strange things like this will happen to teenagers, girls in particular, (but not exclusively), during this time in their life.
Have fun with it, it will most likely be a fleeting thing and stop on it's own, but don't leave yourself open to being called a lier when you retell the story years from now. Document it.
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Maybe this needs to go into the random weirdos section, but her it goes anyway.
I had an idea that a few people think would make a lot of money. The theme and name are connected and it would be really easy to do. I run into one thing, money. Or lack of it.
Where would I look for investors or people who have money to get this off the ground?
How would I present it to them so that they take it seriously?
Thank you, your advice is appreciated. (link)
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There is a lot to making a good business plan, too much for me to tell you here, but that is what you need to research, Making a Business Plan.
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hi, pls can anyone help me? i am in relatioship with a girl which i dont love. she took it very serous. pls how can i come out of it. (link)
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The truth will set you free. Be nice about it, but stay firm, dating is about finding the right person, not staying with the wrong one.
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I have these scabs on my legs that, I'm embarassed to say, I've picked at. I know that this is a disgusting habit that I need to stop. I usually picked while I was waiting for something, like an internet page to load, even while I was driving. They could've started from a bugbite, a scratch, anything. I've tried to do my nails nicely to keep myself from ruining them, but it never worked. I tried simply resisting my urge, but I can only handle it for a day or so.I need to know how I can break my habit, get my skin to heal, and make the scars fade. It's so embarassing to wear shorts! Any help would be much appreciated. And please don't just tell me my habit is gross, I know that already. Just help me to stop it! (link)
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Keep band aids on them at all times to remind you not to pick at them.
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i love my boyfriend dearly. but somehow i think i got my views on sex mixed up. he cheated on me early on in our relationship and now i feel like if he doesnt want to have sex with me then i must not be pretty enough, or good enough for him. i get really upset when we are laying in bed and he just rolls over and goes to sleep instead of having sex with me. i must be too fat, or too ugly, or he doesnt like my hair, or i just dont turn him on. i dont know how to get past this... i love him so much but i am extremely hurt every night that we do not have sex and i dont know how much longer i can stay in a relationship where i am hurt soo much. (link)
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I don't normally answer these kind of questions, but something in your words is making me, I think it's the word cheating. I don't like this word when paired with boy friend, or girl friend. It always bothers me, (when you don't have the commitment of marriage), the use of the word. How can you say "he cheated on me", when you don't have clear title, so to speak. Either one of you can walk out the door and never return anytime you want, with no legal consequence. But because you love him dearly, you expect him to be true to you, you want a Hollywood romance, he wants a "piece" and a place to sleep. You risk your whole life with a guy who will not risk his enough to say, "will you marry me", yet you will risk having his child. Can you say needy? Sooner or later your going to start thinking, "if I get pregnant, he'll have to marry me", now there's a position of strength.
I have loved several women, but I picked the one that proved she was right for me and it had little to do with her looks, so put your insecurities aside.
Have the guts to test him and I don't think I have to tell you how. Thinking that there is only one person out there that you can love deeply is a weak excuse not to try to find him.
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I got a deep cut from glass on my thigh, its been bleeding for about, 4 hours. It doesn't look like it needs stictches to me, but it also looks pretty deep.
Do I have to get stitches? What will happen if I don't? (link)
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Anything that does not stop bleeding in five minutes of pressure needs stitches. Best case if you don't get stitches, it stops bleeding it scabs over but doesn't heal right and you have a nasty looking scar. Worst case, you bleed to death in your sleep. Please, be smart, go to the hospital, let them stich you up.
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hi... i've been suffering for a long long time and i am still not sure what's wrong with me... i am 22 now and this has started when i was 9.... i've had severe depressive moods and then i'd go back to just being "normal" or not depressed... i usually try to hide this from everyone but the things happening inside me are too painful for me to bear anymore... but i've noticed a pattern ... and so researched it and what i found was that it could be bipolar disorder... everything seems to fit... when i am depressed i feel unworthy of anything and that i am stupid (mental iq is below average), a failure, have no skills, and i endure horrible memories of times when i was so sure of myself and ended up embarrassing myself ... other times i'd feel so "high" that i could do anything and that my family is the reason i am not successful and they are in my way and i need to escape them and so on and so forth.... but nothing seems too far fetched... but if it weren't for my parents unusual extreme rules i would be partying like an animal with people i don't know and probably risking my life somewhere...
simple incidents really kill me inside when they're over: once i took one cooking lesson and then i bragged that i did it and so i got hired for a job to cater for an elementary school party because i convinced them of my "skills" and i ended up ruining everything and presenting horrible horrible food... no one said anything but i feel so bad... the principle even sent me a thank you present and card..... when i am depressed this comes to haunt me and i can't show my face to my family or anyone in the city... literally i stay in for days.... and at one point i was at the verge of suicide... this is really troubling me and i don't know what to do... i am so self conscious, i don't know what my skills are, who am i, and i don't know what's wrong with me... my parents follow an extremely religious school of thought and they do not believe in psychiatry or psychology (and barely medicine (!) if it weren't for extremely fatal issues) i don't know what to do because nothing i say can convince them... i am not sure what is wrong with me but it is really getting in the way i live my life... how do i get diagnosed and what do i tell the doctor about this? i mean i can't just say i have bipolar! i went to a counselor and he told me that i have severe anxiety and so i got medicated (secretly behind my parents backs!) the medications only made me sleep heavily and get more depressed... the reason i think i was prescribe those was because i usually go to him when i am in a state of depression and hallucination (i sometimes hear voices) and extreme paranoia that would show both on my mental state and physical! i would talk about threats realistic and unrealistic and i think that is what scares him most....i really don't know what to do and i really want to stop these daemons in my head! sometimes because they take over me completely i just become aware of where i am and what i am doing after periods of just not being there... like my mind was somewhere else while my body was left behind for a while.... people tell me that i talk to them or answer back but i can't really remember except sometimes it's like i am looking at myself from the outside....
I am so sorry this is long but i am really confused and scared....
help
Jemma/22 (link)
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Everything you have said here wreaks of the animal, the Human animal. You have lived so long under it's control that your spirit is losing any grip that it may have had. Let me introduce you to someone who can help, your own spiritual Being. It dwells with in us all and wants to help, but when you don't know it's there the animal has such ease in taking over.
The spirit is what is suppose to be your control and keep you in balance. The animal is a scared little creature, working totally on instinctive behavior. Your spirit has been charged to over come these things and grow strong. The spirit knows things, things it will teach you if you let it, if you acknowledge it and work with it to improve your life.
You are not meant to be happy all the time, you are not meant to be sad all the time. In sadness we often find our most profound thoughts, in happiness we find our most strength. Control the extreem highs and lows with your spirit and your spirit will help you to know yourself and except what you are.
It is a life long process and won't be the quick fix that everyone wants these days, but it is the most rewarding. I know to you this will not seem to be an answer, but live a while with my words, see what you find.
Please keep in touch with me on the voices, that can be several things, but that will wait, one step at a time good spirit.
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ok so im 15 i have three more years until im leagal to move out of my dads house heres the deal. my step mom and my dad has always told me that my mom left me because she didn't want me but i still see her twice a week and every other weekend. then my mom tells me that she couldn't have taken me because she had to work 12 hour shifts at night when i was little. which is true. and she wanted full custadey of me once and my dad told me that she dropped it when she really never did. and this time in my life i really want to live with my mom. but she lives out of the school district to bring me to school and its not possible what ever and i would feel bad for her to move in something she cant afford so i can be happy for three years. the thing is i love my dad hes great sometimes. some things he says i don't beleive in but who does. but when hes around my step mom who's being a total bitch to me for some reason hes always taking her side. never sticking up for me and she refers me and my siblings as "them" or "the kids" thats so annoying its like we have names. she will make you feel guilty everyday i hear this i clean i cook for you and sometimes buy stuff for you. i don't care. ya i respect her but now shes being to much. the other day i left a wet towel on the WOODEN FLOOR! OMG! i was in a hurry i was going to pick it up when i got home but she took it away so ya i don't have a towel to dry in now. because thats gonna teach me a lesson or something. she talked to me about it i said sorry not in an attitude way and she said well you better shape up!! grrr! and shes been ignoring me and what not and all i said last night if i can go to this dumb talent show and maybe have a friend over so i can bring her she started snapping at me like is she gonna eat here i said i would think so if shes coming rite after school. and then i walk away she talks to my dad probally saying how ungrateful i am and says that its to hectic here with five other kids blah blah i don't want to pretend who i am rite now basically is what she said. ok fine i don't care. say that then being snappy about it. then i come home today in my room and my sisters (we share) and all my hair products are gone she took them off the shelf and put it in the bathroom theres no room in the bathroom for all of it. my thing is why does she go through only MY stuff not my sisters. what the fuck!!!! and shes not home yet but i bet for some reason i wont be able to do something tonight because that pissed her off. its been like that for 2 years now how is it any different from the pervious years. im so close to saying see ya to my dad because im not taking this any more and ya my dad will disown me he wont want to talk to me ever agian because his wife will be to uspet and say how can she do that for all i given her shes an ungrateful child.! she always makes me feel guilty and always critisizes my friends and thats why none of them want to come over. and of course the normal step mom thing she cares more over her kids then she does us in any day and shell stick up for them but my dad will never stick up for us or hell try sometimes but he never wins becuase he gives up. i bet. I HATE IT HERE I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY MOM!!! please tell me if theres any way in the state of NEW YORK that i could have my way with my mom live with her and still go to the same school i am now with out her having to move. or tell me if im being the bitch here and need to grow up? tell me like it is i dont care how harsh i lived through that for years and i can take any thing that needs to be said. (link)
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Wow! Where does one start? I have seen this many times, lived a version of it myself. Let's start with your sister, the reason she doesn't get any of this is, you are in the way. Now tell me, would it be better if she got it all, because that is what will happen if you leave.
I will tell you what is going on, but I expect you to understand and not use this information as a weapon against your stepmother. Believe it or not, she sees you as a competitor for her man, (your father), I know, it's warped, but you are the other women. You want to fix this, try to keep from pitting him against her, it may or may not work. See she sees that you trying to take him away from her.
Now, as to your dad and I'm going to be blunt here, please excuse me for doing so. He is more concerned about having a regular sexual partner and losing her then he is about defending his daughter. You don't understand how important that is to some men. It is a poor excuse, but non-the-less.
In divorce, generally speaking, each parent will try to make themselves look the angel and the other look the devil. Like in real life you must take what is said as a grain of salt and find out the truths for yourself, for so many people have their own truths and often they are not based in fact.
I wonder how much you look like your mother, because that can be a big factor here.
I can not tell you the law in your state, but you have the tool in front of you to find out what rights you have at 15, but you must remember the roll you play in this. Is your sister strong enough to take the kind of crap you do? Do you really want to abandon her to take your fate?
Find a way to fix this, stop thinking so narrow, living with your mother is not your only option, use the brains you were given, you are not too young that you can't figure out how to change this.
Hope it all works out,
A kindred spirit
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