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Is this stupid?
My fiance lies to me about stupid things. My beliefs are that there's nothing more important in a relationship (whether it's mother&child/husband&wife etc) than honesty. I don't mean NEVER lying because sometimes people need to be told they look great on a crappy day haha but never lying about big things. On the whole, my fiance is an amazing man but like I said, he lies about these stupid things. I get angry about him lying, not about what he has lied about. How can I get it through his head that if he tells me the truth, no matter what it is, I love him and we will work through whatever? His lies cause me to snoop and I absolutely hate being like that!
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He lies to control the situation because he isnt confrontational enough to simply state what he wants and risk any adverse reactions from you.
For better or worse this is probably somewhat a part of his personality. People who lie alot do so usually because they feel the need to. They feel as if everything won't be ok if they don't lie. Even when he gets caught, he already knows how you react to that so he can prepare himself for it, whereas if he tells you hes always worried the reaction will be different.
Talk to him. Alot. Its going to take alot of work, and alot of effort, and alot of understanding on both of your sides to overcome this. Its simply a case of the two of you are literally wired differently and its causing snags in interpersonal communication.
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You said that you love him and you will work through whatever- so don't tell US that- tell HIM.
Like the person below said, there can be many reasons why he lies about stupid things- which I'm really not an expert on, so I won't go further in to it.
Really all I can say is let him know that you want him to be honest with you and that yes, you may be mad when he lies, but that will go away.
Maybe the problem isn't all him, though. Maybe he's afraid to tell you the truth with things because he's scared of how you'll react to it. Try to just listen to him sometimes and don't yell at him right away. Let him explain himself and whatnot.
--Jack
(16/m)
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There is a reason he lies about stupid things, most likely the way he was raised, find out. Trouble is, it may take time to get it out of him. Children who are yelled at by a parent for spilling, breaking a glass, or eating too many cookies, often display this behavior as adults and hide these things when they happen. Anger is not a good thing, it is what he tries to avoid, so stop the anger, you are inadvertently reinforcing his lying. When he sees by your actions that there is no need for his lies, he will stop. So many of us say one thing, but our actions are contrary to what we say. You tell him he doesn't need to lie, but your first reaction when you catch him in one is anger. Mixed signals dear one.
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