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suffering
hi... i've been suffering for a long long time and i am still not sure what's wrong with me... i am 22 now and this has started when i was 9.... i've had severe depressive moods and then i'd go back to just being "normal" or not depressed... i usually try to hide this from everyone but the things happening inside me are too painful for me to bear anymore... but i've noticed a pattern ... and so researched it and what i found was that it could be bipolar disorder... everything seems to fit... when i am depressed i feel unworthy of anything and that i am stupid (mental iq is below average), a failure, have no skills, and i endure horrible memories of times when i was so sure of myself and ended up embarrassing myself ... other times i'd feel so "high" that i could do anything and that my family is the reason i am not successful and they are in my way and i need to escape them and so on and so forth.... but nothing seems too far fetched... but if it weren't for my parents unusual extreme rules i would be partying like an animal with people i don't know and probably risking my life somewhere...
simple incidents really kill me inside when they're over: once i took one cooking lesson and then i bragged that i did it and so i got hired for a job to cater for an elementary school party because i convinced them of my "skills" and i ended up ruining everything and presenting horrible horrible food... no one said anything but i feel so bad... the principle even sent me a thank you present and card..... when i am depressed this comes to haunt me and i can't show my face to my family or anyone in the city... literally i stay in for days.... and at one point i was at the verge of suicide... this is really troubling me and i don't know what to do... i am so self conscious, i don't know what my skills are, who am i, and i don't know what's wrong with me... my parents follow an extremely religious school of thought and they do not believe in psychiatry or psychology (and barely medicine (!) if it weren't for extremely fatal issues) i don't know what to do because nothing i say can convince them... i am not sure what is wrong with me but it is really getting in the way i live my life... how do i get diagnosed and what do i tell the doctor about this? i mean i can't just say i have bipolar! i went to a counselor and he told me that i have severe anxiety and so i got medicated (secretly behind my parents backs!) the medications only made me sleep heavily and get more depressed... the reason i think i was prescribe those was because i usually go to him when i am in a state of depression and hallucination (i sometimes hear voices) and extreme paranoia that would show both on my mental state and physical! i would talk about threats realistic and unrealistic and i think that is what scares him most....i really don't know what to do and i really want to stop these daemons in my head! sometimes because they take over me completely i just become aware of where i am and what i am doing after periods of just not being there... like my mind was somewhere else while my body was left behind for a while.... people tell me that i talk to them or answer back but i can't really remember except sometimes it's like i am looking at myself from the outside....
I am so sorry this is long but i am really confused and scared....
help
Jemma/22
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The kind of help you need right now is something that is stigmatized against, and possibly a little harder than another kind of physical health issue, but that doesn't mean that that kind of help doesn't exist - not by a long shot.
Don't worry about "defying" your parents on this one. You're legally an adult and responsible for yourself; furthermore, your well-being is wayy more important than you being the girl that always makes decisions based on your parents' thought-schools.
Go to a counselor or therapist if you are looking for counseling and/or your regular doctor or psychiatrist if you also want to seek out medication. And while you are there, a few things to remember:
-- You actually can go right up to your regular doctor and say "hey, I think I'm bipolar". They have a legal and professional responsibility to cover your health, and with this comes your mental well-being. It isn't uncommon for people to receive treatment for a mental illness from a family doctor.
-- Each individual medication you will try has around a 60% effectiveness rate. While it is very unlikely that the first meds you tried were terrible and didn't work at all, you shouldn't be discouraged. Treatment for mental illness is sometimes frustrating as it can take a while to find the right meds, and therapy is always a gradual treatment method. This doesn't mean you should ever give up; this means you have to be patient with the process. As well, some medicines, in the way they react with your body, will have more side affects than others. It is possible to find meds that will leave you bed ridden and exhausted, but there are likely many medications with little or no side affects. You need to be persistent in finding a drug that will work for you. With luck, it will be the next one you try.
--There are also many types of psychiatrists/therapists/doctors. Some are terrible. Some are wonderful. Some you will like and get along with and some you won't. Whenever you can, you should shop around to find someone you feel you can talk to and trust (especially for therapy, when it's success in part depends on this).
--Cost - depending on where you work and where you live, certain things are covered for you financially (yay!). You should do a little research to see what they are.
-- Other methods of treatment are also available. It's always worth a try to do a google search to see what's out there. On the list is definitely diet, and exercise. Running around makes endorphins, which makes you happy. As well, little things like getting enough sleep, surrounding yourself with as many loving people as possible, and taking time to yourself each day can help loads.
-- finally, stigma. Like your parents have already shown you, mental illness is kinda shown in a bad light. Always remember that you are not alone. A giant chunk of the population has suffered through something similar at some point, though they may or may not admit it. for more info visit this link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) and this link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Whatever you do, though, don't give up. Remember that whatever you feel scared and and confused about now will be something you can look back on in the future and feel so much tougher for having gone through it.
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Well.
Our stories are much the same.
Check if its in your food. Just what are you eating or have ate`n which caused this so called mental illensses.
And if you want a cure, Look up the four noble truths. If you can fully understand these simple truths to heart. You`ll have way less depression and stress. And will take vaule for the littest things out there.
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Still need help form the buddhaman. Contect at imnotsomeoldguy@aim.com at random times, thank you
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(theres never a beggining or a ending, but you can always change present if you try and try, And still try even if it seems pointless)
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Everything you have said here wreaks of the animal, the Human animal. You have lived so long under it's control that your spirit is losing any grip that it may have had. Let me introduce you to someone who can help, your own spiritual Being. It dwells with in us all and wants to help, but when you don't know it's there the animal has such ease in taking over.
The spirit is what is suppose to be your control and keep you in balance. The animal is a scared little creature, working totally on instinctive behavior. Your spirit has been charged to over come these things and grow strong. The spirit knows things, things it will teach you if you let it, if you acknowledge it and work with it to improve your life.
You are not meant to be happy all the time, you are not meant to be sad all the time. In sadness we often find our most profound thoughts, in happiness we find our most strength. Control the extreem highs and lows with your spirit and your spirit will help you to know yourself and except what you are.
It is a life long process and won't be the quick fix that everyone wants these days, but it is the most rewarding. I know to you this will not seem to be an answer, but live a while with my words, see what you find.
Please keep in touch with me on the voices, that can be several things, but that will wait, one step at a time good spirit.
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