To be able to understand this question completely, I must inform you on a little background information: For starters, I have known this guy since kindergarden and have been good friends since about 5 years ago. We use to be in the same grade but then he left for a year causing us to be in different ones and not comtinuing to be friends (it was uncool to be friends with little kids back then). We were friends for about a year before I developped feelings for him, it was the year we joined an extra-curricular activity together. About a year after that we sortof dated. I say sortof because we never actually did anything physical because he lived 30 minutes away and in grade 10, that's far with no car or buses. We basicaly just hung out at school. This lasted 4 months. He got distant (or scared) and backed out, he just wanted to be friends again. Normally I would have just gotten over it and moved on, but I grew to love him over the years, as a friend and more. I left for university while he finished his grade 12. In the past few months we've still been talking alot and have come to realise the problem we had was distance and the fact that he is afraid and refuses to open up. As it turns out, he's comming to the same university as I in September, so the distance is no longer a problem.
Here is where my question begins.. We've been friends for years, and there is deffinately something between us, and the problem of long-distance is solved. Now I am left with his closed off self. I need to get him to open up so we can finally start the relationship that was put off years ago. Basically I am in need of advice on how to do that. I don't necessarily want to "break him" but I need to get beneath his shell, or rather, have him let me into it. Thanks in advance.
You need to learn the reason why he has so much trouble opening up. You've both recognized that him being closed of was one of your major problems. When you talked about this, did you ask him why he thinks it is that he's so closed off? He might be able to reveal some information that would help you to understand more. Plus, if you get him talking about it, it will show that you care to get to know what's going on in his head. This alone will make you guys closer.
Once you figure out why he's so closed off, you can work on opening him up. Make sure you don't push him. Don't point out every time he's being too closed off. Give him some time to prove that he can open up to you. One of the reasons he might have been closed off then is that he wasn't getting to hang out with you alone in person. Now that distance isn't a problem, you'll be able to talk about things face to face and he might feel more comfortable with that.
All you can do is let him know that you're there for him. When he tells you something personal, ask some questions about it to show that you're interested in what he's feeling and what he has to say. Of course, don't bombard him with questions. Just let him know that you're there to listen.
This is especially important in situations where he's upset about something. You have to be patient with him and listen very carefully. If he starts to see you as someone to come to when he's upset, he'll start to open up even more.
Let yourself open up to him also. Once he sees you open yourself up, he'll see that it's okay for him to open up too. It will take time and effort, but eventually he will feel comfortable enough to be open with you.
Darby(:
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I think that we as a nation should pass legislation requiring people to love their country. My problem is that few other people think this way. Can you help?
The reason few people think the way that you do is that most people know and understand that you can't force someone to love something. If people don't like America, that's part of their free will. How would the nation pass legislation require people to love their country? Would that be a law or something? People can't express their feelings about America unless they're positive feelings of love? That just doesn't make any sense and goes against the whole free speech thing.
Sure, people should be more appreciative for what they have. Other countries are much worse than America, of course. It's great that you have pride in your nation, but no one else has to. The government can't require people to love America either.
Darby
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What do you do when your girlfriend of 5 years of relationship cheats on you, on the basis that you have told her that she won't find a guy like me and that she can even go and give it a try and she goes ahead?
You move on. She's clearly not the girl you thought she was and you can find plenty better than that. Dump her and don't take her in when she comes crawling back a few months from now.
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my boyfriend admitted tonight that hes upset because he cant make me orgasm. it hurts me to be fingered, and we never have sex long enough to climax (he still lives at home and his parents sometimes interrupt).
i give him handjobs all the time, and it pleasures him, but he still doesnt know how to fully pleasure me. i keep reassuring him that i dont need him to pleasure me, but he really gets upset. maybe he feels like hes not doing his job or something? i dont know, im not in his head.
his friend mentioned that he should go down on me, and then i go down on him. he said it'll "drive me wild". i'm waaaaay iffy on oral sex. it took me forever just to get used to the idea of giving my boyfriend a handjob! and hes never seen my body before. im very modest and i guess a little old fashioned? i dont know how to prepare for that. i dont even know if i really want him down there...but i cant decide if i should give it a try or not.
can i get girls and boys opinions on this certain subject? if you're afraid you might get banned for answering a sex question, then just send me a private message.
I think it's great as long as you're comfortable doing it. There are girls that only orgasm from oral. Maybe you're just one of them? I understand that you're modest about it though. If you're not comfortable, don't do it. But if you are comfortable with your boyfriend, you can at least try it. If he starts to do it and you're really not feeling comfortable with it, just tell him to stop. Make sure he knows that you're not fully comfortable with it if he doesn't know already. It sounds like you guys have good communication since he was willing to admit that it upsets him that he can't make you orgasm. Just let him know how you feel about it and tell him that if you're not feeling good about it, you'll just tell him to stop and you'll try something else.
Darby(:
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my ex boyfriend and i of two years broke up about three months ago.. we hadnt talked to each other once, but this weekend we ran into each other and ever since hes been begging for me back..at the begining, and places throughout, he treated me amazing. But then he started treating me bad, never talked to me too much, his friends were a horrible influence, idk if his best friend wanted us to break up or not, but i would always hear shit from him about my boyfreind doing shit. His best friend fucks every girl he sees, is a liar, and has gone to jail. anyways, he wants me back now. wont lie, im kinda basically over it... but theres still something making me wonder. hes sat home the past three nights on the computer talkin to me, ive just told him how it could never work and every lil thing hes done wrong.. i do miss how he was, but i do kno he is a guy, they say theyll change but they wont. im not going back to him, but... i do have some want, to know or see if he really can change, and have a few months go by and if it does and i know its like right, like whatever, we can possibly work again. i just want a guy to realize and treat me right, he did very good at it, just shit happened and in the end we fought a ton... and we just ended it. and that night he got with another girl. and has gotten with many since..
anyways, how should i right now, treat him, talk to him, whatever. i highly dont plan on hanging out... im not ever plannin on sweet talking him, like sayin i miss you i love you, non of that shit. i just dont kno what i should do realy, at all with this situatoin. cause what im doin, is going on like i did before, but just gonna gonna see if hes gonna actually do absolutely everything for me, and have it last for a very long time, before anything happens.. i just dont know how i should handle anything rightnow.
I think you should stick with your gut instincts. I'm a girl and have been in similar situations. You want to see if he's actually willing to change, but I wouldn't even fool with it. You've said that you're pretty much over it and you should let it stay like that. You don't want to open yourself up and allow him to hurt you again. I think you're just curious and thinking of good times that you shared together. He got with another girl the very night you guys broke up and has been with many since then. That's a huge, huge red flag. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't be with a girl the same day you break up.
He's acting like it right now because he's probably thinking of good times you had together too. But if he's still best friends with the same guy, I'd say it's a no go. Especially since he's been single and hooking up with other girls for a while. You're going to have to deal with getting all of those girls away from him, unless you want other girls involved in your relationship. If he's just been randomly 'getting with girls' you can guarantee most of those girls have little to no self-respect. There's no way they're going to respect you or the boundaries a guy has while in a relationship if they don't even respect themselves.
Sure, it sounds great for the guy to go back and be as sweet as he was when you were in a relationship and just completely turn things around. But you've been down that road once. You've give him opportunities to prove himself and start treating you better. I'm sure you didn't just dump him the second he wasn't talking to you enough. You probably tried to make things work for a while.
If I were you, I would just steer clear. Let him know that you do miss the way he was at certain times during your relationship. But let him know that you're not willing to try another relationship since he's been hooking up with girls and is still best friends with a guy that's a bad influence. If you tell him all of this and he stops hooking up with girls and stops modeling his best friends behavior for a prolonged period of time, you could try a relationship again. But he would have to start a completely different lifestyle. If he does that for a long time and still wants to be with you, go for it. And by a long time, I mean at least 3-5 months.
Also, if you have any indication that he's still hooking up with girls or he's not treating you amazingly, just let him go. If he can't stop being with girls and can't treat you well 100% of the time, he's obviously not mature enough to have a serious, committed relationship.
Darby(:
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Can i get pregnant being that i am a virgin?
If you don't have sex or have sperm near/in your vagina, you cannot get pregnant.
Darby
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My husband is threatening to leave and my 9-year-old daughter is distraught because I am embarrassed about our home and our cars. We live in an affluent suburb, but we're not one of the rich families. My daughter wants to invite friends from school over, but I'm mortified about their parents seeing our home or cars.
I know these things shouldn't matter. I love my husband, but he says I'm ruining our daughter's self-esteem and disrespecting him by being embarrassed by a life he works hard to provide. What's wrong with me, and how can I get past this? I don't want to lose my family.
You need to be more comfortable with yourself and your life. Just because everyone else in your suburb is rich and you're not, doesn't mean you should deprive your daughter the right to have friends outside of school.
Your husband is surely right that you're hurting your daughter's self-esteem by acting like your material items are bad enough that no one should see them. What are you so afraid of? What are your daughter's friends' parents going to think/say? You think they're going to walk into your house and say, "Hi, I'm- Wait.. What in the world is going on here? Your house isn't extremely expensive and neither are your cars. This is ridiculous. Come on, Susie, we're leaving" ?
I guarantee you unless you live in the straight ghetto, none of your daughter's friends' parents are going to say anything about your car. It sounds like you live in a nice, safe, ritzy neighborhood. If you lived in the ghetto, I could see people saying, "Well, I don't want my daughter staying here. This just doesn't seem safe." But just because your home and cars aren't as nice or expensive as your neighbors doesn't mean anything. Honestly, no one's going to care or probably even notice.
It sounds like you've just got personal self-esteem issues that you're pushing onto your daughter now. You live in a nice neighborhood, you have a house, you have carS. That's a lot more that some people have. You need to be appreciative for what you've got and show your daughter to do the same.
This has clearly gotten out of hand. You need to relax and let someone else, like your husband, make some decisions. Let your daughter's friends come over. Stop making your daughter think that her house and vehicles are so awful that she should be embarrassed. You're going to end up with a very spoiled, materialistic kid on your hands if you don't watch out.
Just sit back and relax. Let your daughter have a friend over. Meet the friends parents and see what they say. I guarantee you they're not going to say one negative thing about your house or cars. They're not even going to care. It sounds like you're in a good neighborhood and all that is going to matter to them is the safety of their child. No one cares what kind of car you have or how big/nice your house is.
Darby
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Well there's this guy I like at school, but he's a grade above me!It seems like he likes me but I'm way to scared to confront him.My friends think he's a dork but he's gorgeous!!!This other guy in the same grade is always like "You like Landon!"(Landon's his name)I'm always yelling at them that I don't.What should I do since today was the last day of school???
You should try to find his MySpace or Facebook site if he has one. If you're not already his friend, add him to your friend list. Once he accepts, start talking to him. Just say, "Hey, thanks for the add. What's up?" It's casual and gets a line of communication going. Once you talk to him on there for a while, you can ask him if he likes to text. If so, get his number and start texting him. Then you'll be able to talk back and forth whenever you want. You don't have to tell him that you like him right away. Just get to know him better and let him get to know you better.
It's actual a good thing that you're not in school anymore. If you were in school, it could be awkward to talk to him on the internet or over texting all the time, then see him and school and not have anything to say. Hopefully once you guys talk for a while, you'll be able to hint at hanging out. Saying things like, "I really want to see this movie." Then if he says, "Me too" you can casually say, "Oh yeah? We should go see it together?"
Once you guys are talking more, he will hopefully start letting you know whether or not he likes you as something more than a friend. For now, just do first things first. Let the rest come naturally.
Darby(:
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do you give a guy head? i know what it means, but I have always wondered in great detail. Haha.
We can't answer this question in great detail.
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=47
Look at the 8th point from the bottom. We can't give how-to sex advice without possibly being banned. You're much better off using Google and going to a website designed to help with this sort of thing.
Darby(:
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ok brandon rubel, this boy who i am totally in love with, he no's i like him but he says he doesnt like anyone in this skool. now josh, one of my x's, just broke up with his girlfriend today and asked me out. i didnt want to hurt his feelings so i was gonna say yes...but he just called me and said he was sorry but his girlfriend didnt actually brake-up with him, she was joking around! he asked me what my answer was going to be and i said it didnt matter and hung up. what do i do now???!!!
Forget about both of these guys. Brandon knows you like him and still doesn't want to date, so you're going to have to settle with being just friends for now. Josh is clearly not a good option unless you want to be sloppy seconds. He sounds like he's just dependent on having someone to call his girlfriend at all times. He's not looking for anything serious if he jumps to a new girl the second he gets dumped. If I were you, I would just try to ignore him. Don't tell him that you were going to say yes. Just let it go at what it is. You've already hung up on him, don't answer if he calls back. And if you do end up having to tell him what's wrong, just tell him you don't like being played with like that.
Darby
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can you help me my boyfriend was seen flirting with another girl what do i do?
Confront him about it, but not in an overly aggressive way. Just point out that someone told you he was flirting with so-and-so. I don't really know what you mean by flirting. If he was just seen talking to another girl, don't say anything to him. That's way too jealous and controlling. If he was touching/hugging or whatever, that's a case where you might want to ask him what's up. Just tell him that you don't do that with other guys and that you'd appreciate it if he wouldn't do that with other girls. Let him explain his side of the story though. Don't jump all over his case without knowing what was really going on.
Darby(:
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how do you make it fun for a 11yerold boy to clean his room.
Separate everything into categories. First clothes, then toys, then trash, then books, and so on. Make it fun and fast by challenging him to speed through it. Turn on music and say, "Okay, let's get all your dirty clothes in the hamper and the rest in your dresser/closet" It would probably help if you helped him. It doesn't mean you have to do the entire thing, but most things are funner when you have someone to do them with. If you speed around cleaning things up, he probably will too and the entire thing will be done much faster.
Darby(:
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i'm bringing my ex with me on vacation in july. we broke up in april, but we both decided that we were still gonna stay good friends and see where things go from there. i'm still in love with him. he broke it with me because he said his feelings changed, but he said he still wanted me in his life, and i know he means it too. we're going to myrtle beach together and do you think theres a chance of him falling back in love if we're like on the beach at night flirting and hanging out? what do you think of this situation? and what things can i do to make it as romantic as possible. i would do absolutely anything to get back with this guy.
17/f, 17/m
thanks so much for your time.
oh and we were together for about 9 months, if that helps. and we met in the summer and starting dating in the summer.
This is a difficult situation because there is no way to make someone have romantic feelings about you. It's good that you're still friends, but you should only be friends if you can handle it. Of course there is a chance that getting away from your hometown together will re-spark something between the two of you. I wouldn't count on it though.
It would be great if there were some magical formula that you could cook up and make his feelings change. Unfortunately, you just have to roll with it. The chances of something romantic sparking depends on how you are with each other now. If you guys still flirt, hang out often, or act like you're dating; there's a good chance something might happen. However, if he's hanging out/interested in other girls, doesn't flirt, and all around doesn't act nearly the same as when you were dating, the vacation will probably be just like that of any two friends.
If I were you, I would just go on the trip and enjoy yourself as much as possible. Sure, hanging out at the beach at night might up your chances a slight bit, but other than that there really isn't much you can do. Just be yourself and try to remember what attracted him to you in the first place. If you were sweet when you started dating and he liked that, let your sweet side come out. If you were spunky, show your spunk. Things and people change, so don't expect anything huge. Just roll with things and hope for the best.
Darby(:
EDIT:
In response to your comments and questions, it sounds to me like he's waiting for you. Maybe the stress of the end of the school year just took a toll on your relationship. He hasn't moved on and he says that things will be better during the summer. That means that he wants to pick things back up during the summer. It sounds like your vacation might be something to restart a relationship together. I'd say your chances are pretty good. (:
Have fun!
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http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/6162/meandtaylor.jpg
Who is prettier? the girl on the left or the girl on the right?
THANKS!
I think they're both pretty, actually. I'd say the girl on the right has a better facial structure though.
Darby
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How do I get a guy to get me praegnent? I really like this guy and I want his babys but we haven't really done anything like sexual or anything. Is there some way I can get him to have sex with me but make sure I get praegnet?
You can't, nor should you try, to make a guy get you pregnant. You need to think of the reasons why you would want a baby in the first place. It's only fair to your child that you're with a man that loves and supports you. A guy that will stick around be a father to the baby. You should try to trick him into getting you pregnant just so you can have a baby.
Also, just because you like a guy, doesn't mean you need to be 'having his babies'. You're clearly fairly young and probably don't really know what you want at this point. But I can guarantee you an expensive, 24/7 job as mother isn't something that you want right now. You wouldn't be able to go out with friends or guys much anymore unless you pushed your baby off on your parents. Why have a kid that you can't take care of?
You didn't put your age here, but I'm guessing you're somewhere in your teens. I am nearly positive you don't have your own place, a good steady income, or the stability in general to support a baby.
But to answer your original question, no, there is no way to make him have a baby with you.
Darby
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18/f
ok, so at the beginning of this year, I met this girl. she seemed really nice, and started hanging out with my group of friends and her and i got really close. but she's a little wacky. at first, i just thought that she was a nice person, and that we could be good friends. we went to concerts together shopping, and stuff like that. then, we got even closer, and i guess you can say we became best friends. but, i still live at home, and my mom won't let me sleep over at her house... and anyway, that's childish. it's not really that my mom won't let me, because i'm an adult, and that would be silly. but, it's just that my mom doesn't think it's a good idea, and i'm not going to go against my mom just for the hell of it. and anyway,i don't want to anyway. but, she gets like super insulted when i don't sleep at her house. she gets super insulted when i don't go to her house and stuff like that. but, it's gotten to the point where i think she's become kind of obsessed. well, i don't know how to get her off my case, because she has me really nervous, and i don't know what to do about her. i'm kind of scared of her, and i don't wanna tell her off or anything. but, she gets insulted over every little thing. and tommorrow, she wants to sleep over at my house, and my mom doesn't want her sleeping here. what can i tell her? please help me... and remember... she's kind of crazy, so please tell me the best way to brush off this idea without hurting her feelings.
thanks
Have you tried just telling her the truth. If you say, "My mother won't let me and this is her house" there's not really much she can say. It's not offensive at all, it's just straightforward and there is no argument. It sucks when you get stuck in a situation like that with someone and you don't want to hurt their feelings; especially if you're scared of them. If I were you, I would start distancing myself as much as possible. Just brush everything off. If she asks why you haven't been calling her, just say you've been busy.
You don't have to hang out or be friends with her if you don't want to. If worse comes to worse, just tell her straight up and that you need your space. If she was a true friend she would understand that she can't get mad about every single thing. Hopefully if you start distancing yourself from her, she will catch a hint and just separate ways.
If she does get violent with you, tell your mother and have her file a restraining order. You seem legitimately fearful of this girl, and I'm sure you're not afraid for no reason. If she really is obsessed with you, and she gets weirder or violent on you, you'll have to get some authority involved.
I'm sure you would hate for it to come to that. But sometimes, that's the only logical option.
Darby(:
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Okay, i'm going to be having sex with my boyfriend for the first time on his graduation nighy, June 3rd. We have protection and everything i was just wondering how long did it last on your first time? its both of our first times.
16/F
My first time lasted probably about ten to fifteen minutes. It was painful, so I had to stop, haha. But even if it doesn't last a long time the first time, you can always do it again in the same night.
Good luck,
Darby(:
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out of all my friends, i'm the one they go to when they are having a hard time with something or need someone to be there for them. I love doing this.....its one of the things I'm good at.One of my closest friends...we have been friends since sixth grade, and now we are in 10th...she is starting to irritate me...the only time she ever wants to talk is when she has problems....never asking how i'm doing or wanting to hear about my love stories too....my other friends come for help and stuff, but at least they ask how i'm doing and how everything is going you know....am i weird? I don't know..what do you guys think about this? a part of me wants to confront her about it....but you know....i want to make sure that its the right decision...
It's not weird at all that this bothers you. You're feeling used because the only time she talks to you is when you need something. Before you confront her, ask yourself a couple questions:
Do you try to tell her when you're having a problem without her asking?
Does she just ask you what she should do, get an answer, then go back to not talking to you?
If you answer yes to these, then you should probably confront her. If you're making an attempt to let her in your life and she's just not putting forth any effort, it's a major problem.
When you confront her, try not to put blame on her 100%. Don't say things like, 'The only time you talk to me is when you need something and you never even ask how I'm feeling.' She won't like being approached like that. She would just immediately be offended.
The next time she comes to you and asks you for help or vents to you, just bring it up in a roundabout way. Say something like, 'Ya know, this is the first time you've talked to me in a while. Why don't we talk more often?' That will open up the conversation and let her know that it's something that's been bothering you without throwing blame at her.
Darby(:
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There was this game I used to play and I THINK it was called something like 'graffiti.' It was like there were a bunch of different rooms, but there were only fiveish people in each room. You were given a word and you had to draw that word and the other five people would guess what you were drawing, and they got it right they'd win, and etc. Can anyone tell me where I can find this?
I've never played it, sounds fun though.
Here it is on Yahoo Games:
http://games.yahoo.com/games/rules/graffiti/rules.html?page=gr
Darby(:
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14/f.
One of my closest friends, Cody, is like my younger brother. We're very close, and I'm worried about him.
He's my age and he's a stoner, which I have no problem with since I am, too.
But, he's already having sex. He's already had sex with two girls! One was Arlena, who we all now hate, and the other is his current girlfriend, Alicia. I know it's his life and everything, but he does it SO OFTEN. Like, every Wednesday. One time, she was actually freaking out because she thought she was pregnant. He's a good person, though. He loves her, and he talks about marrying her and all that crap.
But should I tell him to slow down or what?
Thanks in advance
Quick question: Why is he like your younger brother if you guys are the same age?
Sorry that was the first thing that popped into my head, haha. Okay, anyway, you might want to have a talk with him. It's not good to be a stoner or have multiple partners at that age. It's not good to be a stoner at any age. Just let him know that you're concerned about him and that you don't want him to hurt himself by moving too quickly.
You can't really lecture him about being a stoner because you are too. Just let him know that he shouldn't sleep around or have unprotected sex. I'm guessing it's not protected if his girlfriend thought he was pregnant.
Don't try to lecture or tell him what to do or not to do. Just let him know that you're there for him and that he needs to be careful and to protect himself.
Darby(:
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