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crazy girl! help!
18/f
ok, so at the beginning of this year, I met this girl. she seemed really nice, and started hanging out with my group of friends and her and i got really close. but she's a little wacky. at first, i just thought that she was a nice person, and that we could be good friends. we went to concerts together shopping, and stuff like that. then, we got even closer, and i guess you can say we became best friends. but, i still live at home, and my mom won't let me sleep over at her house... and anyway, that's childish. it's not really that my mom won't let me, because i'm an adult, and that would be silly. but, it's just that my mom doesn't think it's a good idea, and i'm not going to go against my mom just for the hell of it. and anyway,i don't want to anyway. but, she gets like super insulted when i don't sleep at her house. she gets super insulted when i don't go to her house and stuff like that. but, it's gotten to the point where i think she's become kind of obsessed. well, i don't know how to get her off my case, because she has me really nervous, and i don't know what to do about her. i'm kind of scared of her, and i don't wanna tell her off or anything. but, she gets insulted over every little thing. and tommorrow, she wants to sleep over at my house, and my mom doesn't want her sleeping here. what can i tell her? please help me... and remember... she's kind of crazy, so please tell me the best way to brush off this idea without hurting her feelings.
thanks
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Okay well, this may sound a bit silly but, I sort of have been in your shoes before.
When people scare you, even if there isn't a real reason to an outsider, to you it's very valid, just like it was reasonable for me to be scared of the person I delt with.
Sometimes, people are just like that, I don't know why, but they are. One thing you could maybe do is just explain to her that you have a hard time sleeping at someone elses house and for someone to sleep at yours.
IF you have been staying over another persons house, this won't work as well if she knows that. BUT if she isn't aware of whos house you've been at or not, just tell her that the reason you haven't stayed the night at her house and the reason she hasn't stayed at yours, is because you have a little phobia.
I know it's not nice to lie, but SOMETIMES when people scare you and you feel threatened, telling the truth doens't work, it makes them even more upset, and the feeling of being in danger in anyway, even if it's just verbal, or emotional never feels good.
Just sit her down and say "look I've realized you've been getting a little offended lately that we don't stay the night at each others house, but the reason why, is because for some reason it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I like sleeping in my own bed alone and I don't feel comfortable being at someone elses house" and IF you have been at someone elses house just say "well, I went there so I didn't hurt their feelings but, we're supposed to be best friends and I thought if I told you that you would understand."
That's what I had to do, but I really didn't feel comfortable going to this girls house, so I wasn't lying, and if she scares you then, this wouldn't be a lie either...
I don't know that's just what worked for me and what I got from what you wrote, if I have it all wrong I apologize and either way I hope everything works out for you, and good luck.
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Have you tried just telling her the truth. If you say, "My mother won't let me and this is her house" there's not really much she can say. It's not offensive at all, it's just straightforward and there is no argument. It sucks when you get stuck in a situation like that with someone and you don't want to hurt their feelings; especially if you're scared of them. If I were you, I would start distancing myself as much as possible. Just brush everything off. If she asks why you haven't been calling her, just say you've been busy.
You don't have to hang out or be friends with her if you don't want to. If worse comes to worse, just tell her straight up and that you need your space. If she was a true friend she would understand that she can't get mad about every single thing. Hopefully if you start distancing yourself from her, she will catch a hint and just separate ways.
If she does get violent with you, tell your mother and have her file a restraining order. You seem legitimately fearful of this girl, and I'm sure you're not afraid for no reason. If she really is obsessed with you, and she gets weirder or violent on you, you'll have to get some authority involved.
I'm sure you would hate for it to come to that. But sometimes, that's the only logical option.
Darby(:
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