A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Although I really found your advice helpful, I wanted to ask a follow up question, if you don't mind.
Theres sort of a problem with not loading this kiss down with emotional baggage. My friend, whom I'd really like to throttle, decided to take it upon herself to inform him of my not so delightful past. Luckily for me he was extremely sweet and understanding about the whole situation. Told me how he'd never deny me anything and wouldn't force me to do anything either, told me he'd wait for as long as it takes (which sounds cliched but I'm not complaining) and wouldn't mind showing me a thing or two along the way.
Now thats just all fine and dandy in the word since, but now he's less...touchy. I mean we weren't members of the PDA club before or anything. But he doesn't lean in and whisper to me anymore, or put his arm around me etc etc. And when asked he said he didn't want to make me feel pressured that I had to do something. The thing is, I want to do something. I'm totally comfortable with him and I know he wouldn't push me away if I was the worst kisser on earth...which I probably am the only female who didn't inheritate the natural know how. And since I'm not very good at these things I'm too afraid to attempt to make a move on him....
Any advice? And please don't tell me to straight up tell him I want to jump him....that would be horribly embarrassing and I just couldn't.
Sorry to be an annoyance,
and thanks again.
Kayleigh (link)
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Alright, I recind my "talking to him" advice. Arent friends fun?
Two ideas:
1)
Sit him down and talk to him. Hes more than likely under the impression that your friend spoke up because you personally had an issue and thought he should know he was making you uncomfortable. Thus, hes being cautious. You can tell him you want to jump him without being so obvious about it.
Word it more like "I really enjoyed the casual physical contact and I miss it. You dont have to be so careful around me, Im not going to break"
2)
Give him signs other than that. Pull his arm around you. Whisper in his ear the same way he whispered in yours. Do the things you liked him doing to you. Casually, without saying much of anything. If he asks you anything about it, tell him you're comfy with him with that level of physical intimacy. Its a good way to give him what amounts to blatantly obvious signs that you are interested.
The next part I pulled from the movie "Hitch", but it works. Well.
If you want a kiss, and you want it to happen, and you dont want to have to attack him, find an opportunity where you want to go for it.Lean in. Go 90% of the way, and hold, waiting for a kiss. Wait as long as you have to, for him to get the message and come the other 10%.
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14/f
Why is it that everyone tells me "your too young to know what love is?" Just because I'm not old enough to have sex with my boyfriend? I don't understand. (link)
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Alright, ill try to give you a decent answer.
When you are young, you dont understand commitment.
I mean, you can understand the concept. You know that "forever" means (definition wise) for the rest of your life.
There are a lot of other things, but...
As you grow, and develop as a person, most people seek a partner. The concept of partner...
When you are 14 you cannot understand the concept of having someone by your side every day. Waking up next to them, going to sleep next to them, having them be an irrevocable part of your life. For you its "we see each other a few times a week, kiss, and tell each other we love each other"
The other thing... emotion deepens as you get older. When you are young you are not capable of feeling the depth of emotion because you have not developed emotional controls.
Look at how kids grow up. You hit puberty, all of a sudden things are more confusing, you feel attracted to members of the opposite (or same, no discrimination) sex. You see the model of love provided by others and you try to imitate it without understanding the drive behind it.
Teenage years are a time of emotional growth. At 14 you have not experienced the full force of emotions that you are capable of, but you have a taste. Thats why people talk down to you, we were all were you were once. Experiencing these things for the first time, etc.
Ill end with, it would prove you to be a very smart 14 year old if you were concious of the fact that you were still growing and didnt pretend like you knew everything the world had to offer. Most 14 year olds are incapable of it (hell, I wasnt capable of it) but it stands you in good stead for your future if youre able to be that honest with yourself now.
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I'm a magnet for mishaps when it comes to locking lips, tongue hockey just isn't my sport, you see.
I've only been in two prior relationships from the one that is just starting up and neither turned out too well.
Boy one, we'll call him Chad. Yes Chad. Well, Chad, seemed like a nice enough guy. He was a jock and he seemed really into me from the first time we met. I guess that’s why I found him attractive enough to give a chance. I mean, I wasn't really all that into him. He was immature and not very bright, but up till that point no one had shown interest in me and I wasn't going to throw this opportunity away. Beggars can't be choosers right? And I know that sounds absurd but its high school and I felt obligated to give in to the egotistical need to be titled "someone’s girlfriend." So I decided to date the kid. And at first he was really nice, sweet even, and I found myself growing founder of him. Then he asked for just the two of us to go see a movie. Of course I accepted. What I didn't realize was he was going to attack me at the cinema. It was horrible. He kissed me, and it was nice, I suppose. He wasn't well practiced so it was kinda sloppy and I wasn't really feeling it...so I spoke up. Told him I'd rather he not. That we'd only seen each other twice before and this was my first relationship. But instead of stopping he went back in and this time thrust his tongue into my mouth. I tried to pull away but he climbed on top of me pinning me down and ravishing my mouth. He was larger than I so I wrestled beneath him for a bit before I got the idea that saved me from further violation...I wiggled till I had pulled my legs up and some how managed to kick him in the chest and off of me. After that I never thought I’d want to kiss a boy ever ever ever again. He took my first kiss, and then ruined the entire experience. He stole it. One of those memories that are suppose to be awkward but happy.
About nine months later I found myself being pursued by an older boy. Not much older just a little over one year, but still. He had a car, and he played guitar. How was I supposed to resist. So I gave in, forgot my fear, and decided to give him the opportunity to change the fact that I was scared out of my mind of kissing someone. Well. He didn’t make a move. And he didn’t make a move. And yet again, and again, he didn’t make a move so I finally got up the courage one night when he was saying goodbye to me on my doorstep to just do it. I leaned in, making my intentions completely known, and right before our lips touched he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away. Saying “I just can’t.” And leaving me standing there tears already streaming down my face. Yes, against all belief that a girl can’t “be shoved” it happened. I’m the one girl in history to be shoved. Lets just say soon after this experience I broke it off. He had hurt me just too badly. Wounded my ego, and my heart.
Now I’m entering a relationship with the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I’ve never felt this way about someone. Its more than an intense liking, I’m not “in love” with him. I’m not even sure if I know what “in love” means exactly…I just know what it looks like to an outsider, and I have faith that when it happens to me I’ll know in my gut…I may not be “in love” with him, but I sure as hell love him. I love him so much. And I’m just afraid of messing this up when it comes to this kiss. What if I blow it? What if I freak out? I need advice. A comforting word. Anything that could possibly help. I just…need help. Please. Please. Please.
(link)
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First, I like you.
Sorry, but compared to the average poster here you're a breath of fresh air. Intelligent. Insightful. Self aware. And still in high school.
K. Down to the problem.
My suggestion is to hit him over the head with it.
At some point, take the opportunity for a hug.
A nice, standing, full body hug.
While hugging, lean in, and whisper "kiss me" in his ear.
Its sweet, sexy, and the blatant invitation will be appreciated (no ambiguity)
From there, its a kiss. Youre going to be nervous. You might screw it up.
The solution, is to kiss him again. If that gets messed up, kiss him again. You'll get it right eventually and Im sure he wont mind in the least.
::Edit::
Im going to disagree with the poster below. You dont need to explain how you've been traumatized with kissing. I mean, even considering how bad your first kiss related misadventers were, things arent THAT bad.
The first guy was an idiot, a jerk, and immature.
The second guy... I dont know what kind of a complex he has but emo kids bother me. Thats not your fault or your problem. I can understand the ego blow, but in all seriousness he sounds a bit nutty and thats not something you should feel personally responsible for.
Dont load your first kiss with your new guy up with emotional drama and baggage. Its the wrong tone. Instead, work your way up to the moment you want, and then when you feel ready give him an open invitation he cant resist.
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the common love question...
15/f.
i am really confused with the actions of my newest "hook up." sometimes he acts like a dick to me, [jokingly] and we always make fun of each other and then other times he acts like he wants to be my bf or he IS my bf. he always holds my hand, or puts his hand on my thigh when we're together and he'll kiss me in sensual places...like my shoulder, forehead, legs [lol] and random places like my hands too. he cuddles me after a sack session and hold me close and when we're in bed together, i feel this connection like "wow". we are so in rhythym with each other its unbelievable [during sex lol].
ive known him for like 10 years and even my mom says that we're gonna get married since we flirt and playfully fight all the time...but idk how he feels. he says that he cares about me whether or not we hook up but thats pretty much what we are: hookups. he also said "well im glad that you dont like me that way cause it wouldnt work out." im guessing he said that because of our parents...they are best friends and plus, hes like 19 which makes it worse. my mom caught uskissing so we have to really sneak around, but yeah.
sometimes i feel like he wnats to date me and other times i feel like he doesnt. he always compliments on how "pretty" i am but some guys would say anything to get a girl in bed. ive held myself off for months...i didnt just give in to him.
whenever we're alone together i feel like we look so hot together...he's amazingly good looking. and thats another thing...hes really really cocky and its frustrating which makes me dig him more kinda. i just wanna know how he feels without looking like im in love with him...because i really dont think i am. everyone thinks we're dating when they see us together because of the way we act...but im really confused.
i mean he really acts different sometimes. almost like hes serious about being mean. but i think thats just the pretending factor like when you pretend to hate someone when actually you really like them.
should i tell him how i really feel and what i really think? (link)
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Response to your comment.
Are you familiar with the term "semantics"?
Basically, that means we can argue all day over the meaning of a word, but in the end it doesnt change who is right and who is wrong.
And, in my opinion, you dont have to have 3 new partners a week to be "sleeping around"
My definition of "sleeping around" is that you have sex with little meaning attached to it and you sleep with whomever tells you what you want to hear to get sex.
At 15 you are measuring your relationships as "this is the only guy Ive slept with in two weeks" and refer to him as "your latest hook up"
Ill say this in simple terms.
You are too sexually active for your age. You have devalued sex into something less than what it should be and you are having way too much sex and sleeping around way to much for a 15 year old. You are not a player sweetie, youre a 15 year old who is easy and guys definitely like that about a 15 year old.
The fact is, that you are too young and naive to even begin to understand that you are being taken advantage of.
By the way, Im reporting you for your question's response. I gave you an honest and truthful reply, and your response was vicious because I did not tell you what you wanted to hear. I think that a little vacation from this website will do you some good.
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my friend is in real trouble she is 14 doing drugs, drinking, smoking and sleeping around and i have just found out that she wants to overdose. But she won't tell me why, I've asked her and i keep trying to help her. I told her to let her mum no why she wants to overdose or see the school counciler because she won't tell me why.Everytime I try to help her she tells me to f up and that she hates me. and all of my other friends keep telling me to leave her alone, so they have all turned on me. All im trying to do is help her before she does something stupid what do i do? (link)
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You go to her parents.
Do not go to school counselors. The last thing you want is someone who might call social services getting involved, because that can remove a families ability to solve it themselves. Only go to a counselor if the parents dont care or seem unwilling to do anything/take you seriously.
As much as it is hardwired into you to not go to parents, thats what you should do. Her parents are the only ones who can control her behavior enough to get her the help she needs. She is going to hate you for it if she finds out it was you, and your friends probably would too.
But it is the crystal clear right thing to do. They are her parents. They deserve to know that their child is contemplating overdose.
Be truthful with them. Let them know whats going on, and how serious it is. They are going to need all the information you can give them.
Actually, first, talk to your parents. Because having them involved helps in a number of ways. Let them know whats going on and which friend and that you are going to talk to her parents about it. Let them know you want advice and help.
Once again, I know talking to your parents goes against the grain of being a teenager, but they really ARE on your side.
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Heyy
Im a girl, 15
I keep tryin to shave my pubic hair BUt I always get red bumps or stubble or it hasnt shaved or i get little scars
Grrr i cant get it right
Ive tried waxing, but thats too painful and all the wax got stuck there o"o and wouldnt wash off for a day =/
Ive tried new razors, bluntish ones , shaving along the hair [downwards] , shaving against hair growth [upwards towards my stomach]
And I cant afford an electirc razor, if tha would work.. I am willing to pay anything up to £10, but not over thanx
Im sick of not getting it right....../=[
And when i think I do get it almost right, its still really prickly and rough ..
any suggestions ?
tyyy xxx
(link)
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DO NOT TRY NAIR
The person below me suggested it, IT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA AND WILL BURN THE EVER LOVING HELL OUT OF YOUR NETHER REGIONS.
Sorry for the caps but I cant emphasis enough not to use nair.
Honestly, shaving doesnt really work that well. You will be stubbly very quickly and you cant shave an area that sensitive often without constant irritation.
My suggestion, is get a beard trimmer. They are relatively cheap. Its not an electric shaver like youd normally think, its more like a barber's electric razor.
They have little guards that let you put a limit. Put one for like a quarter of an inch, and shave with that.
The result, will be shorter hairs. Very short, soft hairs that dont get in the way and dont leave you irritated.
After some experimenting with different methods, thats what my GF and I chose. Because shaving just wasnt practical, but this option takes off enough hair that its almost like she was able to shave.
Its our practical approach until we can afford laser hair removal.
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my boyfriend cheated on me 4 months ago. he had sex with another woman. i am still with him. but every time i think about him and her together, i let a few tears out, still. it hurts more than anything. i can see them holding hands on the way up his stairs to have sex. and i cant get it out of my mind. i hate him for all the awkward situations we are put in when someone mentions her name. and his best female friend is best friends with her. i hate him for it. i cant help but think, why wasnt i good enough? what do i keep doing wrong? why do boys cheat on me? what is wrong with me? and i feel like he doesnt even care. i never let him see me cry, i dont want him to know how much he really means to me, because what if he doesnt feel the same...
why can i not be good enough for anyone?
so my question is, how can i get past this?
right now i feel like the only way to forget about the whole thing is to forget about him..
and i dont want to. (link)
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First, I want you to stop and think. Im going to quote something back to you.
"I never let him see me cry, I dont want him to know how much he really means to me, because what if he doesnt feel the same..."
Thats a problem, hun. You are in denial. And letting yourself fall for guys you probably shouldnt be falling for. At least not this hard or this far.
A word on cheating now. Cheating in men is mostly caused by a simple lack of self control. Men on the average dont work the same way women do. Im in a committed relationship. Been togther more than two years.
That being said, there are at least 2 other women in my life right now that I want to have sex with.
Its how I'm wired. Desire is part of being human, and there are a few girls who I know and am friends with whom I would absolutely love to have a prologned affair with. Because I know how hot the sex would be, and I know how much fun it would be to have that intimacy with them.
Even so, choosing to actually go through with something like that would be retarded. It would show that Im lusting for that beginning part of a relationship, that spark, the passion, and well, just something different. It would be immature.
I dont cheat because I hold myself to a higher standard of behavior. But any guy with a halfway decent sex drive wants to have sex with more than one person at any given time. Unless you are the only girl in his regular life, with pretty much any guy there WILL be desire for others than you.
That doesnt make the man. The ability and willingness to controll himself is what makes him the man.
Now. Its possible, that there is no getting past this. Its a serious breach of trust, and only you can tell if this is something that you CAN get past. Think about it. At length. But be prepared to let him go, even if you dont want to. Thats your part of the self control.
Also, you asked why it keeps happening. I take it this is not the first guy whos cheated on you.
I dont know you, or him. So I couldnt really tell you why its happened more than once. But if you have a habit of attaching yourself to guys, caring about them alot when you arent sure they return those feelings, and getting cheated, on, Id guess trying to date a different kind of guy would be a good place to start.
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okay so this guy got a gf and then tried to mess around with me, but i didn't let him. i mean i was sitting on his lap and holding hands, and that was my fault and i feel terrible but then he just got way too touchy, trying to pull down my pants and stuff and whatever. i wouldn't let him. and i do not like this guy at all. i mean he's cute and i could see us having "fun" together but not a relationship and now whenever i talk to him [through texts] he seems like he doesn't want to talk to me. which i don't understand because the other day he was so turned on by me and now he doesn't even want to talk. I feel like he thinks i like him, and it's freaking him out, but i DON'T at all. either that or he just thinks of me as a fling, and nothing more. Should i just leave him alone for a few weeks? eee help please :] (link)
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Leave him alone.
A tip for the future, because I was young and stupid once and most guys will do this.
Guys are hopeful, when it comes to women. Deep, deep down we like to think we have the ability to attract anyone, if only given the chance.
So, when we like a girl, and we show a girl we like her in some round-about, probably really immature way, we think it actually has a chance in hell.
If we give a girl attention, and she is nice to us, she must like us. If we give a girl attention, and shes not nice to us, shes playing hard to get, so she must really like us. Only if a girl tells us to go away and refuses to have anything to do with us do we actually interpret the signals correctly as "shes not interested"
If he likes you, or even just hopes to sleep with you, youre helping that hope along. Leave him alone for a while, send clear signals, its all you can do.
Because if he wants you badly enough, hes never going to stop hoping. And chasing. And being generally annoying.
Im in my 20s and I _still_ catch myself doing it now and again.
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Does anyone have any good films that i can watch ?
I like Comedy/Romance.
Stuff like:
Just friends
Just my luck
Knocked up
The break-up
Etc.
Any ideas for films?
x (link)
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Hitch,
Love Actually
Wedding Crashers
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Why when teenage boys are driving, they always have to speed and open their windows and BLAST their music so a car 100 feet away can hear it? I think they are trying to show off, but it's not cool. I was just standing in the McDonald's parking lot yesterday and a car like wizzes by me and blasts their music and I can see that it's a teenage guy and his friends and then they turn around and go by me again and then look at me, make a stupid comment like "sexy thing" and then honk at me 3 times. Do they think it's cool? I mean I'm NOT impressed when they do it. They look like idiots. Another thing guys do is when you're in a car and they're in the lane right next to you and they won't even look at the road as they are driving, they just stare at me the whole time, it's like turn around before you get in a freakin car crash! Ugh, why do guys do that? Is it cause they like me?!?! (link)
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They probably saw the "looking at you while driving" on "The fast and the furious 1"
And yes. They are showing off.
I dont know. When I was younger and actually had a car I did most of the same things. But I didnt do it to impress anyone. Some people you see who ride with the windows down and the music up do it because they love driving, love driving fast, and having the wind in your face as you drive adds to the feeling of speed.
The music thing... some people just like loud music. I used to take alot of trips back and forth in my pickup truck and it was a blast to drop the windows on long trips and blast whatever I was in the mood to listen to (plus, you gotta play things loud to be heard over the wind from the window)
And yeah. If guys are turning around to honk and yell at you then Im going to wager you are quite attractive and you can expect to be on the recieving end of immature displays meant to impress you for the rest of your life.
Though, it will be cute, cause if one day you end up married with your own kids, if you have sons, their friends will do it (even if unconciously) as well.
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is it possible to fall in love online? or maybe, ...perhaps even like a best friend type of love? is it ridiculous if you've known the person for a long time?
15/f (link)
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Online love is not real.
Why?
It is human nature to hide our faults as best we can from others. In no place does this work better than online.
Falling in love online is a shallow love. You arent able to really get to know each other the way you can in person.
Now, a good idea is to get to know someone you already know, online.
Aim is actually quite the useful tool for breaking the ice with people you know in real life. Ive used it more than once to get past those first two conversations that are always alkward, even to ask someone out on a first date.
But anything that remains solely online isnt really a full relationship, because some part of you is holding back, and always will be.
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My boyfriend tells me that he can't go take me places to do stuff because he is strapped on cash... hes "strapped on cash" but i find like 5 new porn videos and a new 15 dollar porn magazine.. and he tells me he can't do take me out to do stuff cuz he doesn't have money. He thinks im overreacting when i get pissed... what do you think? isn't there something wrong here? (link)
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Firstly, you should berate him for spending money on porn. There are SO many free sources of porn on the internet that he really has no business spending his money on that rather than you.
Secondly, if porn is that much more important than you then maybe its time you put a few priorities in front of him.
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how far can you go in a movie theatre?
thanks!
(link)
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You can go all the way to the front row, but generally no further, as theaters generally frown on you sitting on the floor to be closer to the movie screen.
Otherwise, legally, you cant go any distance at all. And if you get caught you could get prosecuted.
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Okay so my state (TN) has decided to mandate that every student K-12 get 90 minutes of excersize a week. Well they are using our homeroom time at my school to do just that. I think it is incredibly stupid because its not the school's responsibility to tell us what to do as far as excersizing goes. It is so damn retarded I can hardly stand it. I HATE coming to school now. OMG as if it wasnt bad enough LETS THROW IN SOME EXCERSIZE!!! Plus my homeroom teacher is strict with the rules, so if we dont do these excersizes every morning, she will write us up. I dont feel like I can talk to her because she wont understand. And I cant sit there and object while everyone else is doing it because that will draw negative attention to me. I get enough attention as it is for being fat. And thats not the reason I dont want to do the excersizes. It's just that 15 minutes is a long time for someone who is as heavy as I am and its embarassing to have my fat jiggle around for the whole freaking class to watch and laugh at. I would much prefer to excersize in PRIVACY where I dont have to worry about what I look like. High school is bad enough as it is. I think this is pure torture and I really want to refuse to do it. But I dont want to bring negative attention to myself. WHAT SHOULD I DO???? and what is your opinion on our new state law?? (link)
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Self conciousness aside, its 15 minutes of exercise. It was implemmented because more than likely you arent going and doing it in privacy.
Just do it. Its not the end of the world, and to be honest most people will think worse of you if you refuse than if you participate.
Plus, its good practice for forcing yourself to do things you dont really want to do. Our generation has alot of problems with that kind of self control so its good to start working on it early.
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Okay so ive been dating the same guy for two months and everything is great, we rarely fight and if we do its a stupid little arguement. But anyways hes a sweetheart and he does anything for me. Well, to the point we've done "things" and i feel like he does things for me but i dont really do it in return. I would i just dont know what to do. Im new with this kind of stuff i havent really done it before and hes really experienced(hes 2.5 years older than me.) I dont want him to think that im a little kid and not ready for it. But then again he hasnt said anything to me really or asked for anything.
So advice please..... (link)
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We arent allowed to give out specific advice on techniques. The post below me will probably get deleted and banned, but thats life.
Google for "_________ instructions"
_______ being filled with the sex act of your choice.
There are a ton of resources out there.
My only other advice is to communicate. Ask him.
Tell him you want to do something for him and tell him what you are curious about and might like to try. Be willing to accept suggestions, and just be open to new ideas.
I am in a long term relationship and we discuss sex very matter-of-fact-ly and pretty regularly. It gives us a way to gauge things outside of the heat of the moment and figure out if we should alter what we're doing for the other person (because sex is really more about learning what your partner likes than learning standard techniques)
Also, guys love having their heads scratched and necks rubbbed. Theres something about a good scalp massage, its not sexual but my GF can turn me into a puddle of jello with both hands on my head.
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17/female.
I've been feeling really different for the past few weeks.
- I can't focus. Its like I see everything in front of me but its like I'm in a dream. Sometimes I get this feeling when I'm driving, like I can't focus on the road. Then when I went for my college orientation, they handed us the schedule forms I just stared at it for like fifteen minutes, no joke.
- I've been having this depressed feeling. Its mostly at night when I watch TV or I'm trying to sleep.
- I've been pretty emotional too. Things that wouldn't usually get me all teared up do now.
- Its been hard to sleep some nights. Other nights I'm fine. But I usually feel like I don't get enough sleep & I'm always tired.
- I'm hardly around my friends anymore. When they call and ask me to hang out, I make up some excuse why I can't go. But its usually because I don't want to go. I've been around one person mainly in the past maybe 2-3 weeks.
That's basically it. Other than that I've been happy & energetic. All that just seems to come at random times. But if anyone knows what might be wrong, any input is appreciated. Just as long as its not mean or stupid.. I just want to know what this might be. Thanks. (link)
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Meditate.
Im not talking Buddhist discipline, Im talking take some time out for yourself.
When you feel like that. Sit down. Take some deep breaths. Be alone and just sit/lay there comfortably and think about whats going on in your life.
Its never a bad idea to take some time out to think about your life. If you are upset theres probably a root cause. Work on that.
People throw out clinical depression, some might reccomend meds or something. I say you should just try to work it out yourself by taking some time and reflecting on your life.
Deep breathing is a good centering exercise. Focusing on breath gives you something to occupy your mind just enough to get into a calm state. From there, think about your life. If you find yourself getting emotional, stop, and take more breaths. Then continue thinking.
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19/male
It all started when I was away from home at college. One of my friends in my dorm invited me and some other guys to go with her and her friend bowling. Her friend and i got to talking and I decided I really liked her. I guess I had one of those "she's the ONE" moment. Well that's when I got nervous and scared because I have never felt that deep for anyone before. The next day I awkwardly told my friend that I liked her friend and didn't know what to do so she invited her over to hangout with us. I got nervous and didn't talk to her much that night. My friend even gave me her phone number to ask her on date but I didn't have the guts. That's about when I gave up and that was about 10 months ago and yet I still think about her a lot and still believe "she's the one." I have not seen or talked to her since. I am worried that it has gone on too long and it is too creipy and wrong to still have feelings for her. I have been in a relationship with another girl thinking it would help me rid of these feelings but didn't work and had to break up.
That's why I came here, for serious advise to help me get over this crush or maybe it isn't that creepy or maybe I should confront her with my feelings, I don't know. but what ever the advise is I need it badly, so please HELP ME. (link)
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You need to learn to control your own emotions better. Its not easy, trust me.
When I was a freshman, I started hanging out with this girl. We became best friends. I fell for her. I tried to date her. We dont speak anymore. She just wasnt interested in me (except, apparently for a brief period of time when I was giving her space because I thought she was getting over a guy she dated)
It screwed me up inside. Im sure shes nice, but she isnt worth this.
And... well Ill put it to you like this.
You are a guy. Guys are not like girls. Women's emotions are stronger, harder to control, and often times more irrational. Guys are hard wired to be a bit more emotionally in control. Its a big part of why we kind of still rule the world.
Take a deep breath. Push it to the back of your mind. Sure, you'll still think about her from time to time. But eventually, thats all it will be. She crops up into your head once every 3 months and you have to just push it back and move on.
Guy to guy, you can get over her. And you need to. Because a relationship with her at this point wont work. You've spent the last 10 months building her up into a person she probably isnt, she isnt "the one" for you. Shes just someone you felt a strongly intense attraction to. Dealing with intense attraction becomes easier.
Hell, Im in a long term committed relationship. I still occasionally get those flashes of intense attraction. In point of fact, there is a friend of mine to whom I am intensely attracted. She is everything I would want in a woman if I werent already in a relationship with someone who is everything I want in a woman.
I deal with it. I dont show it. I push it down and I am her friend. There is not and will never be anything beyond that. I love her as a friend and that is absolutely as far as it will ever get. And to be honest, its pretty easy to deal with. Every once in a while I have to sit down alone and tell myself not to be a child about it.
Only time and experience can make it easier, but once you've learned how to control and handle yourself a little better, to take a deep breath and distnace yourself, it becomes second nature.
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ok so basically umm i started smoking and well i just wanted to know cause i wanna be healthy and live for quite a long time and be able to play with my kids when i have kids and grand kids and possibly even great grand kids so if i smoke not even that often just every once in a while will that be able to happen at least be able to run around and play with my grand kids and i know smoking is addictive but i mean yeah (link)
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I smoke. Its not a good thing. The main reason I do is because honestly, smoking is a crutch (something that I depend on because at times I'm lazy and undiscliplined) to handle stress.
Smoking, if done for long enough, _will_ kill you.
Smoking _will_ shorten your life.
Smoking _will_ negatively impact your health now and in the future.
Will smoking for sure guarantee that you cant do the things you talked about?
Its entirely possible.
I reccomend most people at least wait until college to start a smoking habit.
Why?
For the simple reason, that your body isnt done growing until anywhere from 17-20. Its still developing.
And its not a good idea to do things that harm your body when its still growing, you can stunt development.
If you choose to smoke, your goal should be to smoke as little as you can possibly get by with. To quit as soon as you can. It is a personal choice, but you should know the risks.
Hopefully you're 18, but Im guessing probably not. If you can hold off, do so.
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i was at a camp last week, and i had forgotten about the pic of a penis that a guy sent me in december but then i remembered it was on there and some other girls were looking at my pics and they saw that, then they told like the director of the camp and this whole ordeal happened.
but the girl who saw it had a pic with all these different pics of ppl giving blow jobs and stuff.
and i got in so much f-ing trouble it wasn't even funny.
i'm back from the camp now but i just still feel like crap about it, i just feel so worthless.
it's not like i was the only 1 with porn on my phone. god. (link)
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One of the biggest mistakes people make these days is thinking that privacy is impenetrable. Online, offline, dont keep evidence and watch what you get involved with.
Delete stuff like that before you forget its there and get into trouble. And before you get some stupid boy who doesnt have any more sense than to send you pics like that in trouble.
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whats the most important thing when having sex (link)
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1) Protect yourself. Condoms are good. Birth control is better. Both is awesome.
2) Protect yourself. I cant say it enough.
3) Protect yourself.
4) Do not do anything you arent comfy with unless its a mutual decision and you are working to overcome the fact that you are not comfy with it. Never say yes when you want to say no. If you say no, you can always change your mind later. The same cannot be said for yes.
5) Keep in mind, that even though it feels like you may have been waiting for this forever, you're young. It doesnt feel like it, and you may think I dont know what I'm talking about, but waiting weeks, months, even a year or two _is_not_going_to_kill_you_
I dont know a single person who said no as a teenager and regretted it later in life.
I know quite a few single moms in their 20s with kids who are at least 4-5 years old who regret the decisions they made. Both for their, and thier children's sakes.
And I know a few people who will have to deal with STDs for the rest of their lives who are in an even worse situation.
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