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I just need advice and a comforting word.
I'm a magnet for mishaps when it comes to locking lips, tongue hockey just isn't my sport, you see.
I've only been in two prior relationships from the one that is just starting up and neither turned out too well.
Boy one, we'll call him Chad. Yes Chad. Well, Chad, seemed like a nice enough guy. He was a jock and he seemed really into me from the first time we met. I guess that’s why I found him attractive enough to give a chance. I mean, I wasn't really all that into him. He was immature and not very bright, but up till that point no one had shown interest in me and I wasn't going to throw this opportunity away. Beggars can't be choosers right? And I know that sounds absurd but its high school and I felt obligated to give in to the egotistical need to be titled "someone’s girlfriend." So I decided to date the kid. And at first he was really nice, sweet even, and I found myself growing founder of him. Then he asked for just the two of us to go see a movie. Of course I accepted. What I didn't realize was he was going to attack me at the cinema. It was horrible. He kissed me, and it was nice, I suppose. He wasn't well practiced so it was kinda sloppy and I wasn't really feeling it...so I spoke up. Told him I'd rather he not. That we'd only seen each other twice before and this was my first relationship. But instead of stopping he went back in and this time thrust his tongue into my mouth. I tried to pull away but he climbed on top of me pinning me down and ravishing my mouth. He was larger than I so I wrestled beneath him for a bit before I got the idea that saved me from further violation...I wiggled till I had pulled my legs up and some how managed to kick him in the chest and off of me. After that I never thought I’d want to kiss a boy ever ever ever again. He took my first kiss, and then ruined the entire experience. He stole it. One of those memories that are suppose to be awkward but happy.
About nine months later I found myself being pursued by an older boy. Not much older just a little over one year, but still. He had a car, and he played guitar. How was I supposed to resist. So I gave in, forgot my fear, and decided to give him the opportunity to change the fact that I was scared out of my mind of kissing someone. Well. He didn’t make a move. And he didn’t make a move. And yet again, and again, he didn’t make a move so I finally got up the courage one night when he was saying goodbye to me on my doorstep to just do it. I leaned in, making my intentions completely known, and right before our lips touched he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away. Saying “I just can’t.” And leaving me standing there tears already streaming down my face. Yes, against all belief that a girl can’t “be shoved” it happened. I’m the one girl in history to be shoved. Lets just say soon after this experience I broke it off. He had hurt me just too badly. Wounded my ego, and my heart.
Now I’m entering a relationship with the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I’ve never felt this way about someone. Its more than an intense liking, I’m not “in love” with him. I’m not even sure if I know what “in love” means exactly…I just know what it looks like to an outsider, and I have faith that when it happens to me I’ll know in my gut…I may not be “in love” with him, but I sure as hell love him. I love him so much. And I’m just afraid of messing this up when it comes to this kiss. What if I blow it? What if I freak out? I need advice. A comforting word. Anything that could possibly help. I just…need help. Please. Please. Please.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, I like you.
Sorry, but compared to the average poster here you're a breath of fresh air. Intelligent. Insightful. Self aware. And still in high school.
K. Down to the problem.
My suggestion is to hit him over the head with it.
At some point, take the opportunity for a hug.
A nice, standing, full body hug.
While hugging, lean in, and whisper "kiss me" in his ear.
Its sweet, sexy, and the blatant invitation will be appreciated (no ambiguity)
From there, its a kiss. Youre going to be nervous. You might screw it up.
The solution, is to kiss him again. If that gets messed up, kiss him again. You'll get it right eventually and Im sure he wont mind in the least.
::Edit::
Im going to disagree with the poster below. You dont need to explain how you've been traumatized with kissing. I mean, even considering how bad your first kiss related misadventers were, things arent THAT bad.
The first guy was an idiot, a jerk, and immature.
The second guy... I dont know what kind of a complex he has but emo kids bother me. Thats not your fault or your problem. I can understand the ego blow, but in all seriousness he sounds a bit nutty and thats not something you should feel personally responsible for.
Dont load your first kiss with your new guy up with emotional drama and baggage. Its the wrong tone. Instead, work your way up to the moment you want, and then when you feel ready give him an open invitation he cant resist.
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Just take it slow. Kissing isn't important if you really like him. You may even consider talking to him about it.
If he knows how hard it is for you, he'll probably go easy on you.
Find out if he wants to kiss you and if you want to kiss him, create the mood and he should be able to lean in.
I'm guessing he's more mature than the other guys if you like him this much.
Just take your time, he should think you're worth the wait.
Good luck, hope this helped!
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