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cheating
my boyfriend cheated on me 4 months ago. he had sex with another woman. i am still with him. but every time i think about him and her together, i let a few tears out, still. it hurts more than anything. i can see them holding hands on the way up his stairs to have sex. and i cant get it out of my mind. i hate him for all the awkward situations we are put in when someone mentions her name. and his best female friend is best friends with her. i hate him for it. i cant help but think, why wasnt i good enough? what do i keep doing wrong? why do boys cheat on me? what is wrong with me? and i feel like he doesnt even care. i never let him see me cry, i dont want him to know how much he really means to me, because what if he doesnt feel the same...
why can i not be good enough for anyone?
so my question is, how can i get past this?
right now i feel like the only way to forget about the whole thing is to forget about him..
and i dont want to.
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First, I want you to stop and think. Im going to quote something back to you.
"I never let him see me cry, I dont want him to know how much he really means to me, because what if he doesnt feel the same..."
Thats a problem, hun. You are in denial. And letting yourself fall for guys you probably shouldnt be falling for. At least not this hard or this far.
A word on cheating now. Cheating in men is mostly caused by a simple lack of self control. Men on the average dont work the same way women do. Im in a committed relationship. Been togther more than two years.
That being said, there are at least 2 other women in my life right now that I want to have sex with.
Its how I'm wired. Desire is part of being human, and there are a few girls who I know and am friends with whom I would absolutely love to have a prologned affair with. Because I know how hot the sex would be, and I know how much fun it would be to have that intimacy with them.
Even so, choosing to actually go through with something like that would be retarded. It would show that Im lusting for that beginning part of a relationship, that spark, the passion, and well, just something different. It would be immature.
I dont cheat because I hold myself to a higher standard of behavior. But any guy with a halfway decent sex drive wants to have sex with more than one person at any given time. Unless you are the only girl in his regular life, with pretty much any guy there WILL be desire for others than you.
That doesnt make the man. The ability and willingness to controll himself is what makes him the man.
Now. Its possible, that there is no getting past this. Its a serious breach of trust, and only you can tell if this is something that you CAN get past. Think about it. At length. But be prepared to let him go, even if you dont want to. Thats your part of the self control.
Also, you asked why it keeps happening. I take it this is not the first guy whos cheated on you.
I dont know you, or him. So I couldnt really tell you why its happened more than once. But if you have a habit of attaching yourself to guys, caring about them alot when you arent sure they return those feelings, and getting cheated, on, Id guess trying to date a different kind of guy would be a good place to start.
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I'm sorry to hear what happened.
Sadly, experiences like this take a very long time to heal. Not only has your boyfriend broken your trust, he's made you feel like you aren't good enough and obviously dented your confidence/self esteem.
Firstly, you ARE good enough. Soon, you will realize this - with your current boyfriend or not.
Secondly, of course you will be feeling like this. It's normal. How else would he expect you to feel when he's cheated on you? Which is why you need to open up to him. Communication is what you need here.
Tell him how it's made you feel.
Explain how upset you really are.
Hiding your emotions can only make things worse.
He may think everything's okay and you've forgotten.. This is impossible if you don't take the first step and have a good talk with him.
From here, you can decide what happens.
It doesn't matter if it was 4 months ago.. things like this take time.
We can't tell you which decision to make, because we don't know your boyfriend and how he acts towards/treats you.
If you actually tell him how you feel, you will know what to do after hearing his response.
Within time, things most probably will get better and he will regain your trust. This is only if you let it. and of course, if he understands you totally and takes all of your feelings into consideration.
He could be genuinly sorry and regret it so much.
Or he may not see what all the fuss is about..
If he isn't understandable and is harsh about it, maybe the only way to really get over it is to accept he isn't worth you - not the other way around.
Unfortunately, people make mistakes once. Any more and it's just totally unacceptable. Make him understand this if you do stay together.
It's so unfair on you to be made to feel like this when you haven't done anything wrong.
You'll know what decision to make.
Best of luck...
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First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. People, not just men, cheat for more reasons than being unhappy with a relationship. Often times if a relationship is getting to serious someone will cheat out of fear. They get scared and go crazy.
Also, not telling him how you feel is a mistake. I know that is harsh, but its true. You can't be in a relationship and be dishonest. Maybe he didn't think cheating was such a big deal because he doesn't think you care about him? I'm not trying to blame you for him doing that, for it was immature and horrible, but not expressing your feelings to him might be an underlying cause.
You need to tell him how you feel and find out if he returns those feelings, only then can you decide what to do. Let him know how much cheating on you hurt. Let him see your tears. Hopefully he'll buck up and be the beau you deserve. If not, then you need to get out of the relationship. Because its not fair for you to be so stressed out over it.
I hope I helped.
(:
Kayleigh
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Well first of let me say by staying with him after he cheated on you was stupid. You deserve much better than that and I'm amazed that you stayed with him after that. Why would you? He obviously cheated on you for a reason... what makes you think he wont do it again? What makes you think he isn't cheating on you right now? Personally I think you should dump him right now. Those thoughts are never going to go away. The only way is to move on find someone who will treat you right. As they say " Once a cheater always a cheater."
Good Luck!!
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