A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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this guy asked me if i was prude.. and i dont know how to answer.. please help me! ASAP!
thanks!! (link)
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Read below, a prude is someone who is overly concerned with propriety and being modest.
Usually when a guy asks something like that, he is either asking if you have ever done anything sexual, or is asking you if you are interested in sex.
When a guy asks you if you are a prude, your answer should be "well I dont think you will ever find out"
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What is an open relationship? (link)
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An open relationship is a limited form of polyamory.
Polyamory is the practice of forming emotional bonds equivalent to lovers with more than one person. Dating, sleeping with, possibly living with multiple people at the same time.
An open relationship amounts to swingers. Swingers are people who are free to take sexual partners other than their primary partner. The most common occurence of this is a married couple whom begin to take other sexual partners. This is done with the agreement and acceptance of both spouses and is usually mutual though sometimes one spouse or both will have other partners separately from their spouse.
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My man hood bends to the left when fully erect. It takes the shape of a banana.
I am 24 and never had intercourse before.
I would like to know what kind of disease could that be.
And would it affect me should I engage in intercourse
(link)
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Most men's penis's have a curve in some direction.
There is no known link between this curve and any action you may have partaken (common myth is that masturbation causes your penis to curve depending on which hand you use)
Sex is completely safe. Just be somewhat careful that you dont forcibly bend it into a position not natural to it.
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female-
So, im a BIG flirt. and everyone tells me I am. and most people that have heard about me think ihave had sex. most people do actually untill i tell them its just a rumor. in fact, i've never gone past making out. i really want to though. but i dont have a boyfriend and dont really want one, and i still want to be a flirt. so like where could i like hookup with someone? a party or something like that, without having to have a boyfriend?
and truthfully, im nervous, and i am almost positive i will freak out right before i give/recieve oral.
and so how can i overcome the nerves?
thanks in advance =) (link)
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Children like you make the rhetoric of the religious right-wingers in this country more valid, and that makes me very, very sad.
You should get over your nerves by getting and maintaining a relationship where you develop the intimacy to that level over time. Anything else makes you a stupid, irresponsible slut.
A slut (or a manwhore) is girl (or guy) who has indiscriminate sexual contact with others purely for the sake of their own self gratification.
Dont be stupid. In about 5 years, if you look back and see that all of your sexual experiences as a teenager were with random guys because you just wanted to "hook up" you will feel like an idiot and definitely regret it.
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okay so the other night, i met up with my new boyfriend at this elementary school thats close to our house to just hang out. my younger sis came, and two of his friends and mine that i knew from 7th grade ( we're all in 11th now) were there too. now its been since june that ive seen him because he was in nc with his sister, staying with his dad for a large portion of the summer since his parents are divorced.
so my sis and i were there and my boyfriend is in the middle of giving me a hug when we see my dads car pull up. he gets out and its soo obvious he was mad.
so my sister and i get home, and my dad lectures me telling me that i should call and tell him who i hang out with. and he was also bugged about how my boyfriend "had his paws on me"
My mom gets home from work that night and the first thing she did was come in my room and ask for my cell phone. i give it to her because i knew she would look at it to see if there were any from him.
later that night, she was saying how she doesnt want me hanging out with scum like him. she assumes that since his friend isnt big into education like we are that my boyfriend is the same.
she is finding every possible reason for herself to not like him. since im going into a better private school that costs well over 10 grand, she believes he's going to "distract" me from getting good grades.
yesterday she was mentioning how i should date people who have money and are close with their family. this really made me angry because back when my mom and dad were dating, my dad couldnt afford much and he was not close with his family.
shes basicaly told me she doesnt want me to see him. my boyfriend and i have known each other since 7th grade but we've been talking for about a year and before he left for NC we were quite close and we have strong feelings for each other. we've both decided to fight through all this.
I justt need help with how i can convince my mom to allow me to hang out with him?
has this happened to you before? what did you do?
thanks very much.
(link)
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Lie and get away with it.
Thats probably the last answer I should give, but its the honest truth.
Lie and get away with it. Realize that your parents want to control you, and from what you've said you arent exactly being unreasonable.
Now, doing things without your parents consent means that all the responsibility is on you. So dont be stupid. Protect yourself if you have sex, watch your own back, all that good stuff. But your parents arent going to be nice about it. They arent going to give you the freedom you want, and from what youve said the freedom you seem responsible enough to be trusted with.
Be careful with your phone. Realize that anything he sends you they might find so delete texts from him as soon as you've read them and if you can make your phone not save sents at all do so, else delete them all frequently. Be careful with any communications your parents could get into from your house. Dont assume your e-mail is completely safe either.
Your parents want to make sure you have someone THEY think is worthy of you. I have not seen a set of parents who chose a decent person to be "worthy" of their kids, pretty much ever. Its something thats pretty well beyond them.
Hide it as much as you can. Keep it off her radar. Lie. Get away with it. If you dont think you can maintain the charade then dont lie just dont tell her the full truth. Like telling her everyone youre going to be with except him, stuff like that.
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I am 24. my fiances condom broke yesterday during our intercourse. i am in the middle of my menstrual cycle. and today ive started bleeding.what should i do? do i take the preventive pill or assume that my menses have just arrived early and not bother (link)
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If you really, really want to be sure, take the pill.
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24/f. I am in love with a man who is married to another woman. He is in love with me (I honestly believe we are soul mates, but it is not meant to be because of our situations), but he also loves his wife and does not want to hurt her. I believe he will never leave her and I would never ask him to.
I am leaving the city we both live in very soon, and we want to have sex, just once, before I go (we have kissed before but nothing else). We want to do it because we each fear the connection between us is one in a million and we will regret not doing something about it forever. I love him so much and I desperately want to be close to him, even just for one night. In the back of my mind, I also think it will help me move on from him - "The time I spend with this man was amazing and I will remember it forever, but it's time to get on with my life".
I know it is totally wrong of me to want to do this, but if his wife doesn't find out, what's the harm? (link)
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Plenty of harm.
To him. He will remember that he was unfaithful. You believe you are soul mates. I doubt he believes the same. From a guys perspective, I can agree and understand that its hard to turn down sex when a woman I am attracted to blatantly offers it in my face. He might get over it, but it will always be something that hangs over his head in his marriage.
To you. You will strive after a man who chose you second. If you were truly "soul mates" he would leave her for you. But you arent. You are a passing attraction that is not worth giving up his life over. You are someone who he is sexually attracted to, probably pretty intensely, and over time you will realize that you and him werent meant to be purely because he chose someone else.
Do not delude yourself. Get over it without the sex. You should NOT be so centered around this guy that its worth it to you to devalue yourself to the point that a night with this guy is worth whatever it costs. Its sex honey. Im sure hes a great guy, but you will fall again and from what Im reading here you will fall just as hard for the next guy.
If he really felt you were a connection that might only happen once in his life, he'd get a divorce. But hes not. Hes not stupid. He at least on some level realizes that with his wife he is in the comfy "companionship" stage of a relationship, while with you he is simply enjoying the passionate first six months where couples are stupid about each other. The "honeymoon phase" of a relationship.
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Okay i am a 16/m And me and my girlfriend have been having sex for quit a while now we have been together for a little over a year. But a few months ago she got pregnant but she had a miscarriage and at that time we was wanting her to be but then we got worried because her parents are kinda mean and would probably start a lot of trouble and her dad has a bad temper. But my question is. We have used a condom but we neather one like them. So we dont use them anymore. I pull it out before i actually "Cum" but is it possible for her to get pregnant from just pre cum?.. Please answer ASAP. (link)
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Most definitely yes. The method you are using is called "pull n pray" birth control. Its called this because you "pull out and pray she doesnt get pregnant"
I prefer to think of it as "pull out and you still havent got a prayer of preventing a pregnancy"
Two things you need to do.
1) Wear a condom. I dont care how much you like it without. Questions like this (no offense) are the exact, perfect example of a reason why parents do not want their kids having sex. Because you do things without knowing whats going to happen and just hope everything will be fine.
You can and WILL get her pregnant this way. It may take a while, but it is 100% guaranteed.
2) In addition to condoms, use Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Its found in the same aisle as condoms at walmart,cvs, walgreens, or whatever local stores you happen to have that sell those things. Its like a thick breath strip, you fold it up and put it inside her. Wait 15 minutes. She now has spermicide in her. This is a good safeguard because it works with a latex condom, if the condom breaks then the spermicide is your second line of defense.
Do not be an idiot. If she is not on birth control she is going to get pregnant again.
Oh one last thing. Ill put it in all caps. And Im going to be blunt.
DO NOT HAVE A BABY! DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!
You should not even take the chance of pregnancy. The reason you should not, is that no baby deserves to be born to a pair of teenaged parents who are dumb enough to use the "pull n pray" method of birth control. If you arent even intelligent enough to have found out if this will work before you started using it, then you definitely arent intelligent enough to raise a kid right now.
You dont need to fuck both your lives up by having a baby. But I see by your "we were wanting her to be" comment that you think it might not be a bad thing for you two for her to get pregnant. So Ill put it a different way.
If you get her pregnant you are harming the child.
If you get her pregnant, you cannot provide the baby with the life it deserves. If you knock her up, the baby is going to be cursed with a pair of immature parents who havent had the time to prepare for the effort and expense a baby requires. If you get a bun in her oven THAT BABY WILL SUFFER EVERY DAY OF ITS LIFE BECAUSE YOU TWO BONE HEADS WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO HAVE IT.
You are not yet fit to raise a child. You arent mature enough. Neither is your girlfriend. And the baby doesnt deserve to have two selfish kids as parents who thought "oh, but our parents would probably help us"
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I'm one of those people whose against drugs. I really don't see why people do them, and I really can't stand the fact that a lot of my peers are starting to get into it.
That doesn't bug me, they can ruin their lives if they want. The only person who I've found out has done weed is this boy whose a great friend of mine, really sweet, and I kind of have a teeny crush on. I really want to be with him, but not if he does drugs. He knows I know hes done drugs (he came online one time totally "canned")
I didn't think much of it until a couple days ago, where this girl I know brought it up to me.
I want to talk to him about it, but not be such a mom, like "Drugs ruin your life! Do you want a future?" just like friend to friend...but I really don't know what to say or do.
I'd really like it if I could get the message across that I dissaprove without actually telling him directly.
Please help me.
(link)
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Hmm.
Be direct. But also be understanding. Remember that you arent his mom, and you could poison a friendship if you harp on him too hard or too much.
First. You said "Canned"
When I was that age that was how we referred to anyone who got high by turning a soda can into a pipe and smoking out of it.
That, is very very very very bad for you. Soda cans are not a metal made to be smoked like that. The flame on a butane lighter is hot enough to melt small specs of the metal, as well as burning the paint. So, when you take a hit from a pipe made that way, you are inhaling burning paint and small flecks of melted metal in addition to the pot smoke. This is EXTREMELY unhealthy, far more so than if he were just smoking pot out of a glass pipe or rolled up in some form of paper or something.
Another thing that you can say.
Right now, he is still growing. All negative effects from pot are determined based on a health adult smoking it. When someone who is younger is smoking it, it can inhibit growth and development. Unfortunately, I dont have a website I can throw out with a list of medically proven effects on a body thats not yet fully developed, but you can tell him he stands a good chance of damaging his lungs and his memory permanently if he is smoking and isnt at least 19 or 20.
Yeah, I know not a great argument, but Im guessing we arent dealing with a college student here. And he also might be more willing to accept an argument that doesnt say "you cant smoke pot anymore" but rather "wait till you're grown up"
Then again, that doesnt stop people drinking, and alcohol definitely hurts if you are getting drunk before you are a certain age.
Other than that, just show concern.
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ok so basically i am arab female. some of the stereotypes of not being as "liberated" as the women of the west do apply to this question and my circumstances:
well i am not supposed to have a boyfriend ...etc. its in my culture. and i never did! and i am totally fine with that.....but i lied...... i told my new "friends" when i moved towns that i did just to fit in and not seem like a weirdo (since i moved countries) .... it made me look wiser and more experienced... and well... liked.....thing is i regret lying about that and i don't know what to do.
if i tell my friends they'll be in shock coz they trusted me. i'll look like a stupid fraud (i know i know... who cares what people say).... and if i didn't somehow i know it'll get to my mother and father. if i tell them first no education -period- for me.
aside from those lies i hung out with a crowd that in my home country would be considered bad and unacceptable... oh and it included guys....now if i dealt with them in a different way i could have still saved the friendship... but since i kind of ignored the "rules" and bent them a bit ... well i sorta regret the image i created for myself... if my mom and dad find out i am gunna look like (in their eyes) a slut who accepts anything, a lier, irresponsible, careless, stupid, and not raised well..... a disappointment....
before anything though, i must say that really i feel guilty SOOO much that i am planning on leaving my life long dream in a philosophy major (since that is where that bad influence according to mom and dad is coming from) and am willing to reconstruct my image.... it hurts so much to leave the major but i guess i deserve this.... i should have seen it coming....
the problem is my brother and sisters know about this (i don't know how much they know or how...) and they don't believe a word i say anymore because of all the lies (i brought this onto my self i deserve this ) so my brother is sacrificing a great chance in building his career to come and live with me and sister so that to ensure i don't cause myself a destruction of my future and get us all sent back without a n edu (i feel like crap)....
my question: how can i keep my friends but restore all the limits and values i had eliminated, one? and prevent them from saying anything (they won't intentionally... but thinking as it is normal to them its normal to mention me and stuff and i am afraid within the community it;ll get to my family...) and two how can i prove myself to my family and fix what i can from the damage.... i really screwed up. and pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee don't tell me talk to my mum and dad it will not work,wher i come from talking to higher figures of authority is not conceivable..... and with my sibs they totally understand what i have to say but again its not enough to show them that i understand what i did..... i really want things to go back to normal... how do i get things back!!
i am doomed right??? :S :S :S :S :S :S (link)
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I understand the system in which you work.
It is natural to human nature to lie in situations of extreme discomfort to make ourselves fit in more. Especially when ending up in a new place. At least, thats how it kinda works here.
Ill compartmentalize my advice.
:::Friends:::
Tell them. Explain that you were severely uncomfortable, you come from a culture where you arent even allowed to hang out and be "friends" with guys.
I can understand this. I have a friend named Uzi. Uzi is Pakistani (I think I spelled that right). He was raised in relative affluence, but still within the limits of his culture. He never drank, had not ever been on a date, was a virgin, was basically a decently behaved little boy.
Now, he has a girlfriend here and is trying to figure out how to tell his parents who send him bi-weekly e-mails asking if he thinks hes ready for them to arrange him a marriage. Hes decided not to be arranged, but something like that will be very unacceptable back home.
He has told us alot of tall tales himself. We were understanding when it came out that he hadnt done half the things he claimed. He was 18, in a new culture, and wanted desperately to fit in.
Just tell them that you are sorry, you didnt want to stand out, and ask for forgiveness. They will respect you for having the courage to tell them. Anyone who would not forgive something like that (in American culture) would be considered to have poor character.
:::More questions:::
- Your brother is moving to come live with you and giving up a career because he found out and wants to keep an eye on you? Whats going on with that? Is he going on your parents instructions or is he trying to protect you from them?
-Do not tell your parents. Ask your friends to not mention it to anyone and pretend like you had never done so. Your friends once again should be fully understanding.
Another question is your living situation. Describe it to me. Are you living on a college campus in a different country than your parents? Did your parents move too? Who do you live with? Where is your brother moving from?
Im asking these specifically because it seems to me that you are probably in a completely different country than your parents, and so if you dont tell anyone they shouldnt find out.
Then again, it seems you are with a group who knows siblings who are also living near you, and you and your siblings all interact with a group of people together.
If you want to, send me a private question with some answers and more details, and we can continue this. More detail will mean better advice.
For now, think about telling your friends the truth, and explaining why. Most people will empathize with your situation and be very understanding. Along with that understanding would be a willingness to not tell anyone. Dont tell or admit to anyone else.
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ok. when i first started my period it use to last on average 5 days. and recently it has only been 2-3 days. is this bad? how long does yours usually last?
i havent had sex or anything like that so that wont be the cause. and im not on birth control. i havent changed anything either and this has been happening for about the last 5 periods.
(link)
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If you arent having sex, no birth control, etc, then its one of two things.
1) Lifestyle change. More stress or less can cause this, eating or sleeping changes, etc. Different people react differently to stress and such, so a shorter period could be a result of more or less stress depending on you.
2) Age. Your body changes over time. Its possible that your body shortened its period just as part of your natural developmental process.
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Is there like any connection between masturbating and sports? Like if you orgasm, would it help one's performance? (I don't know haha, by like releasing a hormone or anything like that!?) (link)
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Actually quite the opposite.
Orgasms relax you and release built up tension in the muscles, and expend alot of energy in the process.
Most professional athletes abstain from sex the night before an event so that they do not suffer decreased performance. Its not that its unhealthy, its just that it expends energy you might prefer to focus on your sport.
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Okay, so there is a movie coming out the 22nd and there's a poster on their window about it. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the actor in it!
So if I asked do you think they would give it to me? Like, when they are done with it or something? What do they do with them? (link)
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Worked at a number of stores.
They throw it away.
The good news is, if you walk in and see a poster you want, you could eventually have it.
The bad news is, they arent exactly going to tell you when they are going to take it down. When they take it down it goes in the trash.
Go to the store, ask to speak with a manager, and ask them about the poster. Its possible they might even let you have it then.
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my parents found out i had friends over and that we drank. she threatened me to tell who was here, so i told her, after about a half an hour. now she won't ever let me see those friends again. i am going off to college in a week so it's not the end of the world, but still i feel bad that i told which friends were here. i don't know what to do. should i tell these friends? they are not my friends from school...they are from work. i feel like i betrayed them (my mom won't call their parents, she said she wouldn't) but i still feel bad & don't know how to explain to these girls i can't ever see them again. also how do i earn my parents trust back? (link)
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Youre going off to college in a week. Your parents forbidding you to see them lasts exactly that long.
You are 18. You are old enough to choose who you do things with and what you do.
Remember the following.
1) From this point forward, the way you live your life is none of your parents business.
2) Your parents wont share that opinion, so feel free to not share anything about the way you live your life.
3) You are far too old to obey an order to not see anyone anymore
4) Remember that they have the control. While they dont have a right to tell you how to live, they do have the power to control you somewhat. Either show them what they want to see, or cut yourself off from their support.
In the future, do not give your parents any information outside of yourself. If you end up in a situation like this again, you can simply tell them that your friends lives are their own business and that while they have a say in your life they dont have a say in your friends lives (as your friends are 18, or you can at least claim that).
Under no circumstances should you explain to your friends that you cant see them. Quite the contrary, you should see them whenever you want to and have the chance. Just dont let your parents know and dont bring people to your parents house any more.
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ok. my sister& her boyfriend have been datin for a year& a half. shes sixteen. always been a goodgirl.
i just found out last night that hey had done it 2 times. she says i cant tell anyone!
when she told me i started crying.me& her are really close andshe wont tell mom.
i told her to never do it again but i think she will. i'm 13 so she says that its not so terrible when you're older.
im really upset about her doing that though.
what do i do? (link)
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If shes only had sex twice and is 16 shes doing better than probably a majority of kids her age.
I would recommend keeping it to yourself. Why?
1) If you tell your parents, nothing will change. Your sister isnt going to stop doing what she wants to do. Trust me when I say people will go to ridiculous lengths to get sex when they want it. All that will happen is that alot of people will be miserable.
2) If you tell your parents, it will ruin trust between you and her. If you were 16 and she were 13 the situation would be different, but you have offered nothing to tell us that she is being irresponsible.
I would also recommend talking to her. Ask her if shes willing. Ask her why she is having sex. Why didnt she decide to wait. Get her perspective on it. You dont have to share her perspective, you dont have to agree, but its more important for you to understand what she is thinking.
Also. If you do decide to tell a parent, tell your father first, alone.
Guys are easier to manipulate, and while mom is more likely to be angry dad is more likely to be freaked out. Once he gets used to the idea dad will generally help calm angry mom down.
And if you tell her, tell her that you are going to tell your parents. Tell her why. Discuss it.
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17/f
I was dating my boyfriend for about a year and half when he cheated on me. He didn't just kiss another girl or hang out with her but he had sex with her at a party after we had had a fight. He didn't even tell me and i had to find out from the girl herself. She didn't even know i was hius girlfriend and she asked me to give him his ring back.( the ring was a promise ring we gave to eachother awhile ago) up until this happened i thought i could spend the rest of my life with him. I haven't talked to him since but he is always with my brothers. I just don't know if he went so far that i should throw away everything we had. Where is the line of going to far to be forgiven? Do i just give up and say let's be friends? (link)
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Edit
I just wanted to move the conversation outside the realm of the public.
Ill say this. He obviously cares about you, and he fucked up. He wants you back badly. From all the information I have, he was upset and drunk and made a mistake. From some perspectives that would make this more forgivable, as its not like he fell in love with someone else or even really neccesarily cared about her.
I have no idea if that makes a difference to you or not.
As to where the line is, only you can know that. Its something for you to think about.
If you want to talk any further about it, send me a private question. I give better advice with more feedback from you.
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I have been dating my girlfriend Caitlyn for two years in October. She is the most amazing girl i have ever met and about 7 months ago i gave her a promise ring and i know Cait is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes we get into little fights and blow them way out of proportion. About a month ago we had one of these fights and she wouldn't come to a party with me that night. At that party, i got pretty drunk and slept with a girl from another school. I didn't tell her about it and everything seemed like it was fine until this girl i slept with showed up at my baseball game and just so happens to sit down next to Cait and her best friend without knowing it was them. They start talking and pretty soon Becca, the girl from the party, has to go so she asks my girl friend if she could give me a ring back that i had left at her house (the promise rings we gave each other. i guess i left it there that night) of course my girlfriend gets curious why this girl has my ring and so she asks becca about it and she told her the whole thing. After the game Cait brought the ring up to me and said that my "little friend Becca" thought i would want it back and asked her to give it to me. I was totallly shocked and had no idea even what to say. Cait broke it off right then and there. I need to find some way to make it up to her. She is the love of my life and i totally regret what i did but she won't even talk to me which is really awkward since i am at her house all the time since her brothers are my best friends and her dad is my football coach. How can i get her back?
(link)
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Hmm.
I actually skipped this question earlier, but since you asked just me Ill go ahead. I just didnt really have much of a positive answer.
Honest answer, you may not be able to get her back. Some people, this kind of a violation is just too far for them to forgive.
Its compounded by the fact that the girl you slept with didnt know you had a girlfriend, and your girlfriend got told that you cheated by the girl you slept with. So she didnt even find out from you, and Im sure neither of them had glowing things to say to each other when they discussed it.
How you start. First, dont deny responsibility. The proven most effective way to get a girl to respond is throwing yourself on the mercy of the court. If she knows you feel horrible about it and she still cares about you she will empathize.
Second, be persistent without smothering her. If she asks you to go away, do so, give her space, and come back. Forcing her to deal with you immediately all the time will just make her push you away further.
Third, talk to her father. Ive rarely met a girl whos dad didnt have a pretty big part of her life and who didnt have her ear. If he can forgive you, it will be easier for her to. Im assuming that he knows and so do her brothers.
Fourth, think about what you do from now on. Do things to reassure her and be present of the fact that if she stays with you, shes still not going to trust you. If she calls, answer your phone or call her back promptly. Tell her where youre going to be. Show her that you can be trusted by going the extra five miles to make sure everything you do is transparent.
Fifth, never go anywhere near the girl you cheated with again.
Those five things might give you a chance. There is no guarantee, I dont know her or you or what your relationship was like, so all I can do is give you advice on what to try.
Good luck, and dont fuck up like this again.
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I just got married a month ago and I'm a virgin. My husband and I have been trying to have sex, but we can't. I think I might have vaginismus, maybe.
What I do know for sure is that I want to have sex, I want to consummate my marriage..I just can't.
we'll be lying together, hugging, kissing, and cuddling and then when it comes to him trying to go in, i tense up. i get really nervous and i can feel my muscles tensing up...but no matter how much i try to relax them i can't. and the idea of it hurting the first time is not helping. and i just need help and suggestions on what i should do.
has anyone else had this problem?? (link)
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The primary problem arising from waiting until marriage is simply that most people have a gradual progression of comfort towards being comfy enough to have sex with each others. This timetable can be sped up or in some cases eliminated by intoxicants (hence all the drunken 1 night stands so common in college) but Im guessing thats not what you want to go for. You guys stopped at some point before that level of comfort, and now youre proceeding again.
Two suggestions.
1) Keep trying
2) Dont stop, keep trying.
Seriously. Sex is a skill. Its learned behavior. You arent going to be perfect at it but if you stick with it you get past those alkward moments and start really enjoying it.
Other suggestions can be something along the lines of get him to work you up. Google has a wealth of information about things beyond cuddling and kissing. Oral, mutual masturbation, sexual conversation, sensual massage, external stimulation (vibrators, warming gels, clothing, and the like) there are many ways to approach it.
He needs to spend a little time getting you comfy. Reccomend you start with him giving you a back massage, turn over and let him massage your front and play with you a bit, maybe try a bit of oral, and then you should be wet and relaxed enough.
All women warm up, but some require more coaxing than others. You are probably of this type so just have him spend a little more time and dont give up yourself. Yes, its going to hurt a little bit. But its not that bad, you will fit him just fine, and you HAVE to get past that part to really be able to enjoy sexuality.
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Hey. What are some websites where I can get pants with really cute stuff written on the butt?
Do people still wear stuff like that? (link)
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Those are fugly.
I saw enough girls looking like they just rolled out of bed and threw on a pair of "UT" bootie shorts to last a lifetime. Its not cute, it just makes you look lazy.
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so i got fingered by this guy at the beach. it wont hurt me in any way will it? like, what actually happened? (link)
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You need to close your legs.
Sorry, but if you got fingered and now you're coming on this website to ask _us_ what happened to you, you arent ready for anything remotely sexual.
No, it wont get you pregnant and 99.9% chance wont give you any STDs of any type. (the .1% chance allows for him having an STD and his own blood on his fingers or something bizzare like that)
Stop letting people touch you when you dont know what theyre doing.
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