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Sex with someone I shouldn't have sex with
24/f. I am in love with a man who is married to another woman. He is in love with me (I honestly believe we are soul mates, but it is not meant to be because of our situations), but he also loves his wife and does not want to hurt her. I believe he will never leave her and I would never ask him to.
I am leaving the city we both live in very soon, and we want to have sex, just once, before I go (we have kissed before but nothing else). We want to do it because we each fear the connection between us is one in a million and we will regret not doing something about it forever. I love him so much and I desperately want to be close to him, even just for one night. In the back of my mind, I also think it will help me move on from him - "The time I spend with this man was amazing and I will remember it forever, but it's time to get on with my life".
I know it is totally wrong of me to want to do this, but if his wife doesn't find out, what's the harm?
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The situation is brutal.Most likely if he is a true man he won't sleep with you. He might tell his wife or she might find you with him. It could hurt their marriage and possibly you alls friendship. If you do decide to do it before you leave then you might leave him with a lot of guilt on his heart.
Good luck
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Besides the fact that the truth usually finds a way of leaking out sooner or later? Okay, the harm is considerable for all involved by choice or because they are victims of your selfishness. Sex will not make your "love" for one another more powerful, it will cheapen it. He wants to use you and you have been stupid enough to buy his crap. You are young, but old enough to avoid making this mistake if you can get a grip. Women attach emotion with sex and you think you will be closer to him through sex. It will not mean the same thing to him...not even close. A wife is not a thing. This woman who you have been already hurting by fooling around physically as well as manipulating by stealing time and attention from the relationship is going to know and probably already knows that something is very wrong. You are not to blame for their troubles...every relationship has them. You are not to blame for this guy's selfishness and cowardice. You are to blame for allowing yourself to be someone's sloppy seconds and pretend it is glamorous or romantic. You start down this path of settling for trash and the smell will follow you around.
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Yeah, you may think your in love with him but the fact is he's married to another woman.. If he really loved his wife, he wouldn't have sex with you.. He's supposed to be commited to his wife, I mean, you may think you love him and he's really into you, but honestly he should be more into his wife because he's married to her, not you.. I mean, you may think having sex with him will help you get over him and get on with your own life, but honestly it really won't. If ya really did it, yeah, there is a chance his wife won't find out, but why would you want to do it, when you may later regret it because you slept with a man whose married to a woman he supposibly "really" loves but slept with you while still being married to his wife. Later, he could feel bad because he wasn't loyal to his wife, but you may never know this because you aren't gonna be around him because your leaving the city very soon and you may not see him again, there's always that chance... just don't have sex with him, trust me, you'll be glad you didn't have sex with him in the long run....look at it like this.. "say you are his wife, your husband goes off and cheats on you and you've devoted a whole lot of your life to him and to see him have sex with another woman while suspposbily loving you at the same time, wouldnt' that hurt you..well it should, so just imagine how his wife might feel if ya really did have sex while him still being married.... hope I helped * Skyla *
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Plenty of harm.
To him. He will remember that he was unfaithful. You believe you are soul mates. I doubt he believes the same. From a guys perspective, I can agree and understand that its hard to turn down sex when a woman I am attracted to blatantly offers it in my face. He might get over it, but it will always be something that hangs over his head in his marriage.
To you. You will strive after a man who chose you second. If you were truly "soul mates" he would leave her for you. But you arent. You are a passing attraction that is not worth giving up his life over. You are someone who he is sexually attracted to, probably pretty intensely, and over time you will realize that you and him werent meant to be purely because he chose someone else.
Do not delude yourself. Get over it without the sex. You should NOT be so centered around this guy that its worth it to you to devalue yourself to the point that a night with this guy is worth whatever it costs. Its sex honey. Im sure hes a great guy, but you will fall again and from what Im reading here you will fall just as hard for the next guy.
If he really felt you were a connection that might only happen once in his life, he'd get a divorce. But hes not. Hes not stupid. He at least on some level realizes that with his wife he is in the comfy "companionship" stage of a relationship, while with you he is simply enjoying the passionate first six months where couples are stupid about each other. The "honeymoon phase" of a relationship.
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The harm is to you.
Go ahead and forget the betrayal you’d be helping him with. Forget the lie he would be telling his wife everyday of his life. Forget how the other people in his life might have their heart’s broken, even if they never really find out.
Just think about you:
Having sex will NOT make it easier to say goodbye. Seriously think about that statement for a second and I'm certain if you can look past your desire for just a moment you'll see how silly that idea is.
That is the kind of ludicrous thought people get when they want something they know that they shouldn't and can't really ever have. It’s a lie you are telling yourself. It’s nice that this guy is going along with the same lie but just because he agrees with your silly idea, can’t make it true.
Please remember this, if nothing else, for the rest of your life. I promise you it is true:
Sex never simplifies anything.
Sex always complicates things.
If you aren't in a position in your relationship with another person to confidently and maturely deal with those complications then you shouldn’t sex with that person. And you aren't able to that with this guy because you don't have a relationship with him.
You have a connection. Computers have connections hun, human beings have relationships.
You have no relationship with this man. He has already told you he walking away from you. You’ve agreed.
If you do have sex, the next day, he’ll be gone. You’ll be left to deal with all the emotional complications all by yourself.
Unless you think, deep down, that sleeping with him will somehow keep him close to you even after you leave. If that is what you are secretly hoping, then don’t kid yourself. You are trying to create an long term affair with a married man. Do it if you really want to, but at least call a duck a duck.
If you do really believe, deep down, that he isn’t going leave his wife then you need to realize that he isn’t yours to be close to. Never has been. Not even when he was whispering the sweetest things to you. Not even when you felt like you were sharing the same mind and heart. He made a promise, and he held himself back to it. He has decided, in whatever way, to stick to it.
So having sex with this guy will only continue the lie in your own mind that you ever actually had anything more then a ‘connection’ with this guy. That closeness is possible with him.
Drop the connection. If you can keep your mind and heart open, you feel it again. Hopefully with someone use is capable of moving beyond the connection phase, into the relationship phase. Only then will you truly be able to be close to someone else.
Having sex will prolong your pain at separation, and that false feeling of closeness you are chasing with him right now, will only leave you feeling even more alone in the future.
Respect your own emotions and cherish yourself. Respect his decision. Despite his weakness, keep to your strength of spirit. Don’t sleep with him.
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Think about this, you two have; sex he gets caught, you COULD loose him. Besides it's wrong of him to even be with you.
"Thou shall not commit adultry"
Meaning DO NOT CHEAT, it's a commandment.
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Ok, first off, there really isnt any harm in WANTING to have sex with this guy. It sounds like you have an amazing connection with him and thats something special that you should hold on to.
Also, we are not here to be the moral police about things. I am not going to tell you this is wrong or right in my eyes, because.... we all have out own moral and ethics. The only thing you can do is what is right for you.
I know that you will make the right choice and your prolly right, it will help you either move on from this guy or let you see if this connection is something you should do something about and take action. All I can say is just use your best judgement. I know you will be fine, hun. Best of luck! And... congratz on finding such an amazing guy. That dosen't happen often! Ya know?
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