Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
Visitors: 31703
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
|
| |
My parents would go out with their friends at night while I was little. The eldest son of their friends was paid to babysit my sister and I while they were out. I never liked him. He would usually throw my toys out the window or lock me outside the apartment. I told my parents and they did nothing. Even though it's been over 12 years since I never forgave them for ignoring things like that. But there was more than that. I never told them that the babysitter would kiss me a lot and even tried to cuddle me in my sister's bed. Since this happened over a decade ago I feel that my parents would treat it like an issue that's not important anymore. They've done that before when I told them about the other behaviors of the babysitter. He lives in another country now and my family has no contact with him or his family.
Is what I had to put up with considered abuse? If so, what should I do about it now? (link)
|
Well, theres nothing really you CAN do now. IT was over ten ten years ago.
Its not abuse but it IS negligence on on your parents part to allow someone who did those kinds of things to you after you TOLD them about some of them to continue to allow it.
What you CAN do is maybe sometime when your all sitting around together just talking and you can find the right way to bring it up, you can tell them about it (maybe if they bring up memories of his parents or going out with them places)now coming from someone who is a parent i CAN tell you that it is hard to find a babysitter, let alone worrying about paying them and then also knowing that they can somewhat trust that person. Your parents might have been under the assumption that because they knew his family and his parents that they could then also trust that couples child. This is a WRONG assumption, usually times when parents know each other and they decide to have ones older kid watch anothers younger kid, that older child will feel actually COMFORTABLE, with "being themselves" around you or doing what they do when their by themselves because they feel they can get away with it.
Its also wrong of your parents to not listen to you when you told them another child did something to you no matter HOW young you are.
Are you sure your parents didnt speak with their friends maybe when you were asleep or just not around?? That is also another good way to bring this whole subject up, by asking "hey you know i always kinda wondered about something that really bothered me years back and i wanted to ask you about it...."
if your mom or whoever you feel you can talk to the most about it answers back and lets you know that its an ok time to talk about something then your in! go in for the kill and ask her if she ever spoke with so and so about the allegations to made against that boy that watched you years ago.
Tell them how you feel and that you felt like they didnt take what you said seriously as a kid. See what they have to say when you say this as the reaction to you saying something like that will you a pretty good idea as to how they feel about not only what you said but weather or not they take you seriously(even to this day). I know some parents dont take their kids seriously for whatever reason and that could have been the case here, but you can always tell them HOW those things having happened effected you as a child.
good luck
|
|
What does HW responsible mean? (link)
|
If its a police report or some type of court documentation because of something your going through it could mean "house wife" responsible.
This could mean anything though you need to be more specific with what your asking, because theres no way that without more we could possibly put that together for you.
|
|
When I was walking, a butterfly kept flying around me. It was so beautiful. And I felt a positive presence. So what does it mean? (link)
|
Ive actually also been seeing a ton of butterflies and dragon flies. Two of which followed my husband to work! lol.
I didnt know that dragonflies represented big change is coming that it really interesting right there.
This also answers my question at well! lol.
|
|
Trust me she just calls me because she's bored and for someone who has a job she calls a lot as if she doesn't have work or something. She's far from a lesbian so she doesn't have any interests in me and I'm straight as well and she has other friends too her best friend even told me she calls her all the time too and she gets annoyed. Even when she texts me and screenshots something at the top of the screen shot it always shows that she's talking on the phone with someone, so it's not only me she calls 24/7 it's everyone, it's like once she's done one convo it's on to the next person on her contact list, it's as if her phone doesn't die. Today I personally sent her a photo of where I was to prove to her I wasn't home and busy and guess what? She called me and my mom told me to answer her, since obviously ignoring her calls don't work I answered her call and she tried talking as if I was at home and not at a family outing. Ugh I don't know what to do please help (link)
|
wow, well it sounds like she may have some issues herself that she doesnt want to deal with so she hyper focuses on everyone and everything ELSE to keep her mind off things she should be worrying about.
you shouldnt have to PROVE where you are or what your doing,your a person with your own life and theres no easy way out of this other than ignoring her out right. Your going to have to either just ignore her until she gives up or tell her straight up when your out with your family or doing something where you dont feel comfortable with talking to her that your busy and nows not the best time. Then later IM her and tell her on THERE so that no one has to see or hear you telling her that shes calling you way too much and she needs to chill out with that. You could say that you enjoy her company and you appreciate her friendship but that this is getting out of hand.
Having a person in your life that acts like that isnt going to end pretty at all. Theyll do anything to take over as much of your life as they can if your not willing to set down some boundaries. This is true of every relationship though not just this type. Theres going to be things in like that will make you have to step out of your comfort zone and deal with them but thats part of life and its part of growing into an adult and maturing.
Be NICE but firm, start with a compliment and THENNN ask why shes calls you so much and if something is wrong? if she says nothing is wrong then say something like "well with the rate you call me at all the time, you make me think something might be wrong" ((you could always come off as concerned)) maybe she might rethink her calling you so much.
What you could also do is not pickup the phone all day then call her later and ask her why she called you so many times in one day and act pissed about it. Maybe someone saying "ummmm why the hell did you call me like ten times today?? (then whatever her response is back) say "yeah but your doing this like EVERYDAY!!" i told you i had a thing going on and id be busy!"
then see what she has to say. you have the right to have feelings about things too. a friendship is a to way street so dont be afraid to speak up.
|
Does he like me?
So.... I have a crush on this guy, and I am not sure if he likes me back. It is a little hard to tell. People tell me it s because of his Aspergers. That doesn t bother me at all, if anything it makes like him more. I have spent hours researching and trying to find ways to talk to him, but I am afraid because I don t want to bother him or anything.
I met him last year, and we were hanging out with someone friends. When he first saw me, he stared at me and wouldn t look away from me. He helped me carry things and even leaned on me ( I am 5 0" and he is 6 3") he was very close to me and didnt mind being like that.
Another time he hung out with our mutual friends, they played around and said we should go into a closet (we were in school) and he grabbed me and kinda play pulled me toward the closet and was laughing.
There were a few moments like that and he had even said he was interested in dating me. But that was a few months ago.
I saw him again in school and kinda developed feelings for him. He doesn t talk to me and seems to purposely avoid me. If this means he doesnt like me, I wish I could take a hint...
My friends told him to hug me, and he did, which was surprising since he HATES being touched...
Any advice??? (link)
|
sounds like he DOES infact like you. I have an older brother and a friend with a young son with the same disorder.
They have their own way of making their feelings known and your friend sounds like he did and because you didnt respond back to those verbal ques from him he might be hurt and thats why he could be avoiding you now.
no one just SAYS they would date you....thats not normal for a guy to say usually.
i would go for it, try to befriend him again and ask him.
|
|
Hi I'm 16 years old and recently I have been on summer vacation, in the beginnings of summer I had this friend who would constantly call me every day or at least every two-three days twice. In July I didn't mind it because I wasn't busy and I was bored so I'd answer her phone calls but now that it's August back to school is next week I've been busy. She calls me 24/7 and I'm not exaggerating in July I went to a party and she called me after I told I was at the party. The next day I went on a walk with my friend she called!!, I went to the mall with my family she called!! The list goes on and on. So finally August I just dodged all her calls because enough was enough because she always talked about the same thing and I was just done with it. Now she's mad at me and I can tell because I texted her saying I went to another country (went to Buffalo, USA) from Canada which where I live is a 3 hour drive and all she said was "lol" then I told her I'd call her on Monday and she never replied since. What do I do to get her to stop calling without getting her mad? School starts next Tuesday (link)
|
Actually its september dear but anyway
ok shes probably calling you alot because she LIKES YOU. So shes checking to see what your doing all the time. Either that or she really doesnt have a life and no friends and feels your the only one she has right now.
You can always HINT to her that she just called you earlier and or you can stop picking up your phone whenever you dont want to talk to her i mean its as simple as that.
Theres no real way to NOT make someone slightly upset with something like this. Just stop picking up the phone every time and when you do tell her while your talking that your about to go do this or that and you dont bring your phone with you because you dont want to drop it or have it get lost. then tell her youll talk to her later online.
If shes mad then tell her you have a life too and you cant always be at her beck and call every single time you turn around.
But i would first try to make sure its not that she likes you in a romantic way or something cause that could turn out really heart braking for her. If thats the case then youll have to put your feelings out there on the table and make shit clear for her or else shes gonna just keep up with this nonsense.
|
There is a girl that I really like, but I think she is taken. I was never good with talking/asking a girl out, I'm to nervous about asking a girl out cause I don't know what to say, or I don't know how to build up the courage to ask a girl out. What do I do?!?!
(link)
|
I would get to know her, befriend her, and see where she is on the relationship stage,just in case shes not trying to play the field right now.
Invite her to go do things with you even if its in a group with other people so that its not awkward.
If theres other males there tell them your trying to get with her and not to try to move in on her. If their real buddies then they wont because they'll understand and want you to be happy with her.
finally, try to be funny, joke with her, try to find things to relate with her on. Get her talking and listen to the things shes saying. Alot of girls LIKE guys that listen and remember shit. Girls usually also will SAY certain things to give you certain hints about how their feeling. Then if your confused about anything shes said you can just come back here and we'll help you decode it! ; )
|
My wife posted a very slanted and highly edited version of the events that have led to the breakdown in our marriage here yesterday. She has shown me it today and has agreed to let me now post the full story without any details omitted, so that all the facts can be taken into account before any advice is given.
We have been together 5 years, married for 3, I have a 7 year old step-child and Emily is currently pregnant with my child. In yesterday's account, she implied the sole reason for me considering leaving was finding out about a threesome she had with two males when she was younger. She painted me as "paranoid" and, for lack of a better word, abusive. The truth is Emily has had a serious issue with compulsive lying for as long as I've known her. When we first got together, she told me that she had been raped at knifepoint when she was a teenager, however every time she told this story the details were a little different and didn't quite add up. She later admitted she made it up. Yesterday she mentioned making up "awful" things about me to other men for attention, what she didn't specify is the awful thing was allegations of domestic abuse. She not only told this story to men she was interested in to make them feel more comfortable with meeting her, but also to a lot of my male friends.
The reason I found out about the threesome in her past, was because she was having an ongoing custody battle with her ex-boyfriend. Emily had always told me this man had no intention of seeing his daughter, so I had adopted her and raised her as my own. Even though me and Emily agreed if he ever came back we would let him see his daughter, when he called to try and arrange this, Emily screened his call and blamed me. This man also heard Emily's allegations of domestic abuse towards me and rang the social services, who investigated us. Obviously, as I'd done nothing wrong, this case was dismissed. In her ex partner's witness statement against Emily, he cited the threesome as the reason their relationship broke down. When I asked Emily about it, because it didn't seem like something I'd ever imagine she would do, at first she denied it. Then she admitted it, but said they raped her. Then when I said I would contact the people involved, she admitted it was consensual.
Emily's compulsive lying has perforated every aspect of our lives, even on a day-to-day basis. The lies and fabricated stories are frequent and taken to extremes. She once had a "pretend" phone call with a company simply because she had forgot to make an order I'd asked if she could do, implying the company were to blame, despite my reassurances it didn't matter and she could put a stop to it at any time. Afterwards, when I asked if I could see her phone to see if she'd actually dialed a number, only then did she admit it. She is seeing a psychologist tomorrow and we suspect she may have borderline personality disorder or something similar. She has always been very flirty with other men and I strongly suspect she may have cheated, although I cannot confirm that. On one occasion she got very drunk and angered one of her friends by trying it on with her ex, they stormed out as a couple and Emily followed them in her car, was arrested and lost her driving license for a year. I considered leaving at that point, but Emily promised she would change so I stayed, but things haven't got any better since then. I do not love her anymore and can't trust anything she says to me, but with a son on the way I feel trapped. Whilst Emily promises she can change and that she loves me, her pathological lying makes it utterly impossible for me to know what's real about her and what isn't. I do not want to be a weekend dad, but I also don't want to raise my children in a loveless, unhealthy environment. Emily says that the love and trust will come back in time if I persevere through this "rough patch", but I don't believe I will ever be able to forgive or forget everything that has happened. (link)
|
wow. Ok i want to first say to you mister husband, thank you for coming on here and airing your side of things because when people come here all we know is what that person is telling us. Its a good thing and its ok that you saw yesterdays exchange of words and wanted to come here to clear your name, i understand that and it is ok.
Secondly there ARE two sides to every story, i believe that two people can see the exact same thing and then have "seen" two different things.
My question to you first off is, how did you NOT pick up on the lying BEFORE all this and decide that this wasnt a healthy relationship and get out?? I honestly have to wonder and im sorry if that comes off as rude but lying constantly like that is a huge red flag in a relationship that people usually try to look out for a question, especially if their considering this person as a potential life mate.
Now im going to give you BOTH the advise ive given pretty much every single close friend of mine (male or female) over the years who were in a serious.long term relationship and where even kids were involved and its up to you to really take some time to look inward, reflect, and decide how you want to move forward from here with consideration for the other persons feelings after which you will sit down and putting aside your own feelings, tell each other in an honest and kind way if you think this is REALLY going to work out.
I'm also would suggest marriage counseling for the both of you. Her consistently lying, even about dumb things is not healthy or ok and that needs to be at the forefront of the reason why your there asking for help.
I want to repeat what i said in the last post your wife made because you sound like a kind man and i you need to know this as well..... JUST because you both love each other DOESNT MEAN that your GOOD for one another. (think about this statement as time goes on ok)
Sometimes people can confuse CARING for someone alot as love and then rush into things because they think theyve found "the one" when in reality, theyve just become very comfortable with each other so they "settle" and thats not how it should be at all.
Now i dont know for sure if thats the case for YOU GUYS but this is a piece of advice that ive given to MANY of my friends who were in long term relationships with someone and were having serious problems with that person.
Its OK to care deeply for someone but dont confuse that caring for love. You can ALSO still love someone "from a distance" as well. This means that you get each other and both care for them and want them to be happy even if its not with you, but are aware that you may not be a good match, and there should never be anything there to feel bad about or be ashamed of.
People have needs, they need (in spouse) someone that will nurture their soul, support them, be honest, WANT them to be happy even if its with someone else and could never keep secrets because it would eat at them to do so. You need to be able to speak each others love language in order to be the happiest you can be with each other in day to day life if this is to last forever.
I think at this point marriage counseling would be your best shot to put you in the best environment to see if this is REALLY still salvageable so im going to give you that and hope that you really think about what ive said here. Read this post several times over if it helps you both to keep on track so that you can work towards bettering your situation.
good luck.
|
|
I'm 16/f and I was masterbating with a object and it doesn't hurt and I'm not on my period so anyway I'm bleeding blood from there and I don't know what to do and I don't want to tell my parents. And I have been masterbating with a object for a while because I wanted to feel good but I have never bleed from my vagina while masterbating. And I'm a virgin please help me!!!! (link)
| |
ok its probably just because you went too deep or thrusted in yourself too hard. if you didnt use any type of lube, this can happen easily. youll heal just give it some time before you do that again
|
Hi there. I am a 29 year old woman. I have been with my husband for 5 years. Married for 3. He basically adopted my 7 year old daughter and I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with our first child together.
Three weeks ago, he found out about a MFM threesome I had when I was 17. I did not want it to happen and did not enjoy it, I did say no, but they carried on and I let it. I didnt fight it off. I felt ashamed, disgusting, degraded. I still do 12 years down the line.
Thing is, my husband found out about it 3 weeks ago and he now says he hates me and wants to leave. He claims he is only staying until I show him the door (which I would never do). Now, I love this man with all my heart. He is my world and I feel I couldn't live without him by my side.
I have suffered from insecurity pretty much my entire adult life and even when I met my husband, I have never felt good enough for him. Never felt like I reach his standards. I have said awful things about him to other men in a bid to seek attention to make myself feel better. I have NEVER sexually cheated and never would. This man and these two children are my life.
MY husband is claiming I tricked him into marriage and having a baby (he knew I was ovulating and willingly participated in conceiving our son). He is saying that if he had known about my past when we met he would have never even had a relationship with me, let alone married me. I am seeking counseling and CBT to try help my behaviours and I KNOW that it will work.
My husband suffers from long term mental health problems: anxiety, depression and paranoia. He also suffers from long term physical health issues with his spine, liver and lungs. I have always been here and supported him through these. I do everything possible for him. I provide a lovely home and am a good mother.
He now says I'm a whore, that he hates me and that I'm a sociopath. He says he is miserable and will never love or trust me again. He says I have ruined his life and that he would never be able to forgive me for something that happened 12 years ago. He says once a whore always a whore. We have a baby due in 8 weeks. My daughter sees him as her dad (he has raised her from being just 2 years old), we are married and I completely adore him with every fibre of my being.
Has anyone else ever been in a situation somewhat similar and come out of the other side? Does none have any advice to offer because right now I'm on the verge of losing my husband and children's daddy. He has been reading other posts on this forum about similar subjects, but none of them involve marriage or children. What would you do in this situation? Is there a way back for us? I feel broken that an action from my past is destroying my future. There HAS to be something i/we can do?
Thank you. (link)
|
First of all, you need to know that you cant make someone love you so if hes saying the things hes saying now then its over ok.
Someone that loves you and has been with you for so long couldnt bare the thought of saying shit like that to you. Did this happen before you were even together?? cause if it did, it doesnt even count and he has no room to bitch what so ever. Him being upset about it is pointless because its so far in the past what really can his getting upset with you do about it but harm the future?? NOTHING. Getting pissed now isnt going to solve anything so thats just a pure and simple waste of energy and needless stress that NO ONE has to deal with.
Seems like maybe hes dealing with his own issues right now and cant handle much more on top of it and then to add this to the mix when hes already stressed might have just made him blow up.
Just because you love someone and they love you doesnt mean that your GOOD for each other ok. You need to know that now, and also that women tend to go SOOO far out on a limb feelings wise that alot of times they find themselves standing there alone get what im saying here?? it sounds like your more invested here then HE is and that could be why he just letting all these fucked up comments to you just flow right out of his mouth without a second thought.
((idk for sure obviously only YOU know him but thats what it sounds like))
What you need to think about here is how much your willing to put up with. No one deserves to be talked to like that ever, and especially if your carrying their child. He can be upset thats understandable but its so far in the past now that theres nothing anyone can do about it. Are those people still in your lives?? if not then i dont see the big deal.
He needs to except that this happened along time ago, you didnt like it or agree to it, and respect that you feel ashamed as it is already and not be bringing it up and using it against you 12 years laters because most adults arent angels ok. we've all done things we're ashamed of maybe his just wasnt the same thing. He has no right to act like hes a saint and all perfect either.
at this point all hes doing is harping on it, and if he really doesnt want to be there then he has the right to leave. (test him with this and see if he actually does it) cause i bet you he wont. Hes just saying hurtful things for no good reason. Your not keeping him there, your both adults, hes not chained to you so he obviously wants to be there still.
If he does leave youll be better off most likely, you dont need someone acting childish like that and holding things from the past against you in some sort of a play for power or control.
|
Hi guys, I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than three months now. He's very great to me and I love being with him. I know love is different to everyone but this is my first real relationship and I've constantly been thinking about what love is, how it feels, when it's time to say it, etc. I know for a fact that I've never been in love before and I don't think I'm in love now. I was just curious to ask everyone how and when they knew that they were in love with their significant other. Did it kind of just hit you? Was it a gradual progression? Was it love at first sight? Is there even love at first sight? When is too soon to say I love you? I'm not looking for you to tell me how it should be for me, I want experience and how it was for you personally.
Like I said, he's a very great guy. I spent the entire day with him the other day because my family went away and I hate being alone so he made us my favorite dinner, even though I know he doesn't love it very much, he made it and ate it because he knows I love it. He knows I get anxious driving long distances and even though he hates long drives, he always drives us both when we go away with friends and sometimes I just look at him when he's driving us around and he'll look over and we'll just smile at each other. Or even when we're just watching our show on Netflix, I'll notice him not watching the show and he'll just be looking at me and then he'll always smirk when I ask what as he looks away and says "oh, nothing". Last week I turned 21 and I drank way, way, way more than I anticipated-he drove me back to his place and let me stay at his house that night and he even called off work the next day to be with me as I suffered through my hangover. He's not a virgin but I am so he isn't pushing it at all. He said he's leaving it all up to me, he's ready when I'm ready. Now, I know what you're thinking, he seems clingy. But it really isn't that way. I only name the times that we're together but really we can only hang out for a couple hours a night after I finish class and he finishes work at 11pm (four days in a row of 12 hour shifts, just for reference on how busy he usually is). Other times, when he's off from work, we each do our own thing. We have a good system and it works pretty well for us.
From my copious amounts of mentioning how great he is, it's pretty evident that I do really like him a lot and I guess it shows that he returns the feelings. I'm really just pretty curious how I'll know when the flip switches and it's so much more?
Thanks for any input! (link)
|
It DOES sound like your in love my friend.
To ME and my husband, LOVE is a few things.
Its Companionship, someone to turn to in your darkest hours, your best friend, your confidant, someone that will treat you like your the only one that plays number one in their life but you still work well together as a team, making important life decisions and talking them out before they happen. Planning ahead for the future while still having a mutual respect, putting them before yourself and making time to nurture each others souls. This means (in short) speaking each others love language.
Let me break that last part down for you: Some people need someone thats more vocal and has no problem telling their partner how they feel about them and the life they have together while others (once they've professed theirs) dont feel the need to repeat it over again through the years.
Some people DO things to SHOW they care about their partner, like spending time together on the weekend, going for starbucks and driving to the beach while talking and listening to music, or while their at home with you, remembering to take the trash for you see?
This is a common occurrence between couples that are well matched and have been together for long periods of time. They understand each other on these basic levels and over all it lowers day to day stress on each other and in turn can nourish the relationship. so it really IS "all the little things" and this translates into other areas of the relationship as well. you could also label this as "thoughtfulness" ; )
You know your in love when you can just SAY i love you one day without even thinking about it, it doesnt feel off, and it feels like its right and easy to say to that person.
When you WANT to put that person before yourself, and they want to do the same for you without giving it a second thought(and i dont mean literally like opening doors for you) lol. I mean in deeper more meaningful ways.
out of ALL the long term marriages ive ever known, the main theme seems to be "i married my best friend" and it is the same for meas well. True my hubby and me met when i was just 14 and he was 21, but we became FRIENDS FIRST, got to know each other WELL, and by the time we considered dating exclusively we already knew it was RIGHT and no matter what the case we wouldnt regret it even if we ended up parting ways later down the road.
The words i love you just slipped out one day after a dinner and movie, and it didnt feel anymore off then saying it to my mom or a family member on my way out the door.
Dont put love up on so high a pedistole, it will only complicate things. Know what you want, know where the breaking point is with what your willing to deal with, and be realistic about who you want your life partner to be should you choose to have one someday.
Most importantly, check in with each other!! AKA have talks about the bigger picture with them, ask them how their doing with things, how was work today, and hear them out if theres concerns or things theyve been thinking about lately that could be stressing them out. Then ask them if theres anything you can do to help FIX those problems. Be a team player.
At least thats how I see it. ;)
|
|
Well she lied to me about being 18 and she is 16 and she 2month pregnant and im 27 but i dont think her parents would allow me to to see are kid and plus i think i could get in trouble for this cause its my fault for not asking for id i just didnt think girls do that and i just need help to see if i will in up in jail or can i still take care of them once she has the baby please help Me and this in the state of pa (link)
|
Idk what the age of consent is in your state but it sounds like your about to be in some hot water here.
Even at 18 you are way older then her, mentally and maturity wise. Im sure you realize this(even if she is wise beyond her years) your still like ten years older here. If it were less (because my now husband is 7 years older) than ten years i wouldnt have such a problem with it buti have to ask how long you were with this girl and how well did you get to know her before you decided to just have sex with her??
usually one tries to get to know someone on a deeper level before having what i assume was unprotected sex?? even two consenting adults should be using protection until they are ready to risk the chance of pregnancy. no condoms, no sex. its as simple as that. Anything else and your putting BOTH yourselves at risk.
I sorry that you didnt have the foresight to realize the gravity of this situation before it was literally right on top of you but i hope you can turn this into a learning experience.
Now all you can do is talk to her,ask her if she wants to keep the baby, if she does it might be a good idea to stay away but be supportive. If you sign the birth certificate and they realize your older there might be a problem. You also wouldnt be able to be there for the birth, the appointments, and alot of other milestones because of this issue. Ask her if thats really something shes ok with....
You can still support her and the baby but she may not be able to tell certain people who the father is because they might pick up the phone and call CPS. Anyone can do it, even a family friend so she needs to be extremely careful about who she tells. If she cares for you and wants a real future where your NOT in jail and can work and care for the baby then she shouldnt tell anyone.
I dont encourage this usually but maybe once youve spoken with her and made her understand the gravity of all of this, then ask her if she wants to go through with the pregnancy, if she doesnt you can offer to pay for the procedure at a clinic. (its just an option though, and i think you have the right to say something to her she may not want to hear because of the fact that she lied to you over something so major that it could put you behind bars) and maybe you should mention that.
good luck and i hope that things turn out ok for you and her both.
|
|
sorry if this is long i got some really messed up news recently one of my best mates called me and told me he needed to talk he seemed really urgent so we met at my place and we started talking and he was almost crying and he never cries and just so you know he's a 25 year old 6 foot 6 bodybuilder so seeing him cry was also definitely a sign that something was not right but he told me that about a week ago after a BBQ at my place we both got kind of drunk so i let him sleep on the couch i have a daughter she's 11 and she has a crush on him i thought it was an innocent little girl thing anyway he told me that that he doesn't remember anything but he woke up in her bed with her and they were both naked and that he had taken her virginity then he said that doesn't remember anything but that she said she consented it really didn't seem real it seemed like a really fucked up joke he told that whatever i want him to do he'll do whether that be leave town or turn himself in to the police i really didn't know what to feel whether it be anger or sadness i don't really know i told him to stay right where he was and i went to talk to my daughter and she said that she consented and that she loves him and that she can't imagine being with someone else. so that's what happened i don't know what to do i don't want to send him to prison and be killed or raped because she said that she wanted to have sex with him i can't even describe to you in words typed or in person how conflicted i am. i mean on one had i want to respect her and her decisions but on the other hand I'm her father and have to make sure she is safe and nothing will happen to her but at the same time he's one my best mates and i know she's safe around him so that's why I've put it on here so some may be able to help me. PS i don't know if this helps but I'm from Melbourne Australia (link)
|
Ok i could swear you asked this question before.
But anyway, If you know your best friend and you KNOW 100 percent without a doubt that in his normal everyday sober life he would NEVER EVER do something like this, then thats something to take into consideration here.
ITs hard to say how to handle things from this day forward but i will lay down some basic shit here what i know I WOULD DO.
Firstly, if your friend got drunk enough (even if he were at his drunkest) he should never have considered this ok, so unless your 11 year old removed his clothes while he was passed out then he still played an equal part in this.
Even in someones most fucked up drunkest moment this should STILL never be ok with them. He clearly has a problem, and i think firstly you need to tell him to get help and keep him away from your daughter. It is ok to want to respect and consider your child when they feel strongly about something but she is still wayy too young to really know what she wants period. with anything. An 11 year old is liable to change their mind over shit from one day to the next and this is from their inability to make sound choices because they dont even know who THEY ARE yet, let alone know what they want for dinner tonight. see where im going with this??
He needs to get help and stay away from your daughter and your house. You can still be friends on some level but he still stole something from her weather he or she knows that or believes it right now or not. She'll never get that back even if she thought at the time it was the right decision to make for herself. This is the reason YOU come into play here. you are her guardian and if you knew she had a crush on him it would have been best to make SURE he got home safely.
True, you couldnt have known the lengths she would go to but its usually not a good idea to have a guy sleep over at your house with a young female there anyway.
good luck and this is your sole choice to make.
|
|
In 2012 I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 38... I never had children before the surgery so I will never get that chance... My roommate and best friend feels like I should be over this already and that I should feel grateful because... even though she has had 5 children and had to have her tubes tied that she has it worse off... She put it that she was able to have children then just had it snatched away from her due to medical problems and that that is worse than never having had children and having it taken away... I really don't know how to respond to this... She is usually a supportive person so not sure what to make of this. (link)
|
I agree with Razhie on this one. Your friend is probably in pain and she isnt the one to turn to right now with a subject of this nature. It sounds like this is probably a sore spot for HER as well and you talking to her about it just reminds her of her problem that shes probably having a hard time getting through right now on her own as it is.
Also NO your friend is wrong for telling you that HER problem is "worse than yours" thats very rude, uncalled for, and if shes not normally like this then shes clearly not speaking with a clear head so just try to brush it off because right now she may not be herself and in a bad state of mind over things. Just because she got it snatched away from her doesnt mean anything cause she still has what most people would consider MORE THAN ENOUGH KIDS lol. so she doesnt have much room to complain here in my mind at least. 5 kids is alot ok. your over here with NONE so maybe if you put it to her in those terms she will snap out of it and remember that she should be grateful for the ones she already has.
Im also thinking if her attitude keeps up like this that it might be best for you to move out. Being around her children might not be good for you right now, and even if you feel like its not its possible that you just dont know it.
Maybe next time she says something so brash you could remind her of these things and that its depressing still and that people dont just get over things like this. Things take time and your feelings arent going to move any faster for someone just because they "told you to" Everyone has to be given the respect of grieving in their own way, and in their own time.
good luck and try to remember that life happens while we're busy making plans! and its not always going to go the way you thought it would but its ok and your life isnt over. Theres plenty of things you can still do to feel fulfilled.
|
|
I have a box of contact lenses left (from my old prescription) that are -0.25 lower than my current prescription (Older: -1.75; Newer: -2.0)-- I use Acuvue Oasys 2-week lenses. Is it okay to use the older lenses and then switch to the current prescription once those have run out? Will this have any effect on my current prescription? (link)
|
MMmmm well my guess is their corrective for a reason, so no i wouldnt go back to your old ones unless you absolutely have to.
The goal is to FIX your eyes here. lol.
|
|
So I'm wondering, since I'm 12 if i could fit into hot topic's clothes? I'm 4'11 or something like that, so I'm wondering if i could fit in the small sizes? Also what types of clothes are considered emo? Thanks. (link)
|
I think HT clothes would still be too big on you, but if you just go to the store and check out a few of their items first you might be able to get a better idea.
Their main stores dont carry too much clothes these days (they used to be ALL about the scene kid clothes and that was their main source of sales) but i think now you mostly have to buy their clothes online. so what little clothes you might be able to find at your local HT location, youll have to just guess. Your height IS an issue but its nothing you cant get around.
you dont HAVE to have clothes from HT to be able to make them look like they are or COULD be from there.
most emo kids wear dark washed skinny jeans. (AKA faded black dark wash jeans)
Lots of T-shirts from shows like adventure time, the smurfs, back to the future, and 80's tv shows were the ORIGINAL emo style back when i was still wearing the clothes. ((i still love the style i just grew up a bit and wanted a different look, but if i had to go back to a fav style this would be it))) ; )
you already have converse shoes, but slip on vans that are checkered work too, but they sell those now almost everywhere so those shouldnt be too hard to find.
ill show you a few pics of me when i was still wearing the style and you can decide for yourself ; )
this shirt im wearing here is a plaid design which is also a popular look but its got to be the right type of plaid. ((and yes that is my car behind me it is a hearse)) lol
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=178962761489&set=a.488116606489.276881.625091489&type=3&theater
https://www.facebook.com/148034232068622/photos/pb.148034232068622.-2207520000.1441056564./150655671806478/?type=3&theater
heres my modeling page where you can see some of the pictures i did for the HT website and im wearing emo style clothes.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dara-Lushine-Modeling-Page/148034232068622?fref=photo
|
22 years old, female, in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of about 2 years. Our relationship is serious enough that we are thinking about getting engaging and/or married in the near future but I often have doubts now.
I love him, and I'm sure he loves me as he tells me all the time. My issue? I feel extremely insecure and I have low self-esteem, especially since he is always telling me how hot other girls are, about their bodies, and how much he wants to bang them and drawing comparisons on my body. I don't know if he is oblivious to how it hurts me or if he's even doing anything wrong but I feel like I will show him that I am weak and insecure by bringing up the topic and talking to him about it.
He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc.
I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)
Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her.
I don't know, all of this hurts me and confuses me especially when he does he tell me that I'm beautiful or that he loves me because I feel like I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not a 10/10 or sexy enough or enough to keep him interested long term if he'll always be eyeing other girls like that and see something that he can have that is better than me.
(link)
|
Ok, im gonna start here with a WOW! that is completely unbelievable. secondly im gonna try to break this down for you in the nicest way i can but i feel you need to be told the truth here and i hope to god this will be a learning experience for you, or that you can turn it into one for YOU and better yourself in the end.
It sounds to me like your not ready to be in a committed relationship, and i say this because a more experienced woman would have seen ALLLLL the red flags waving to you here that you need to whip your man into shape or you need to get out. like this stuff i will copy and answer below.
It doesnt matter how low your self esteem is, your man should NEVER be eyeing and then talking about and or comparing you or your body to them. They are complete strangers and he doesnt know them AT ALL, so thats completely out of line here and there is no place in a relationship for attitude like that. He knows what hes doing ok, this is game guys will play if they know you are head over heels for them. They will play your own emotions and feelings against you in order to mess with your head, control you, and keep you under their thumb because theyve got you convinced that you dont deserve better. This could not be further from the truth.
"He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc."
Ok WHY on earth would someone that loves you say things like this to you if not to be hurtful and shallow??? He could be trying to YOU to break up with him as well so he doesnt have to. As well as make the break up process harder.
"I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)"
Ok and your considering MARRYING THIS worthless piece of crap?? i dont think so hunny. Hes clearly telling you hes interested in other people and you are not the apple of his eye anymore. He basically just broke up with you right then and there, just because he was "joking" when he said it doesnt make it any less WRONG to say shit like that to you period.
"Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her."
ALSO, another example (and a disgusting one) of him telling you hes not interested anymore and wishes to see and be with other people on a permanent level. Those are break up "relationship ending" words right there.
There are red flags waving all over the place here left and right and you need to acknowledge them, figure out what your NOT worthless, you deserve better, and kick him to the curb. Try to remember that just because you brake up with someone doesnt mean your feelings have to die too. We're all human and we all will still have remaining feeling for someone, even someone that did the worst things to us. At the same time just because you love each other doesnt mean your GOOD for each other and thats what it sounds like here. Its nothing to be all that sad over your just not a good match and something that looked like it was starting out good could have run its course.
Sometimes a couple thats been together for along time will learn to adjust and grow WITH each other because they refuse to let things separate them and they BOTH want to make each other happy, and sometimes even though a couple might love each other they just arent capable of growing with their partner. Meaning at the same pace, and fully excepting the changes the other person is making even though they've been talked about, consulted with over it and told ahead of time that a new phase in life is coming and "i need you to except that this is what i need for ME to happy, but i still want you by my side AS these changes come"
Some people arent capable of change at the same rate you might be and because of that, they will belittle, reject, shun, and make you feel bad about yourself because they see that you are growing and changing and they arent and its scares them because they dont feel they are and that youll leave and they'll loose you forever.
Sometimes leaving someone likes this is for the better because you want something thats going to encourage you, support you, and WANT you to be happier, even if its not with them.
We can only guess as to what hes doing online, but YES him being closed off about it when he wasnt before IS odd but it isnt a MAIN cause for breaking up with someone, but clearly you have all the reasons you listed BEFORE that behind you to break up with him.
Breaking up can be hard but how much harder on you will it be to continue putting up with the things hes saying?? how much longer can you put up with it?? a week? a month?? forever??
you KNOW deep down you want better or else you wouldnt have come here.....You can do it...make the next move....when your ready you'll make it happen..
good luck ; )
|
|
So I'm a 12 year old female. I've gotten the emo hair cut (after fighting and FIGHTING the lady, like bitch your job is to cut my hair the way i tell you to! Now i see why other emos & scenes do it themselves lol). And I can tighten all my jeans, and add those belts from Hot Topic, and i have converse, I found some jewelry that seemed emo to me, and i can always paint my nails black. The only problem is i can't fit into Hot Topic (and probably won't until I'm 14, also I'd probably need to babysit to afford that place so 14 would be good anyways, lol), or any "emo" type stores in my area. And I can't go to concerts and buy a t-shirt there considering my family isn't doing so well financially (don't ask how i got the fucking phone that was before) and since I'm sort of short for my age, I still need to shop at the kids section, so they are bright and look scene. I want to look emo, not a scene poseur! I do have some black stuff, so now people all think I'm goth or scene. But i want emo! I like emo music too and know a lot about it. How do I make all my shirts seem emo? (link)
|
I was emo for along time as a teenager, listened to the music, worked for a concert venue while still underage to learn about all the bands, and actually applied to be a hot topic model and it worked! ; )
Although i dont wear the clothes anymore, i still listen to the same music(or most of it). Its largely on tight jeans, converse, spiked belts, and colorful hair (which you can buy and have either installed into your hair, buy clip in's, or dye your hair. I hope you have a choppy cut style hair cause thats a major key part of 'the look" hair wise.
the rest of it is t-shirts that are fun and whimsy like "sprite" or "wonderbread" shirts ALONG with band shirts. (you cant always wear the band shirts thats just way too hard and expensive) Large stripes, shirts, stars, things like that are good.
There would be alot to explain hereso if you want to pm me feel free, i was a paid model for the HT website for a while so i may be able to help you with any other questions you might have. ; )
|
can someone help me find other pictures of this girl? PLEASE? I really want to do her hairstyle, but i need at least a front view. please help me find her... another picture? her name? PLEASE AND THANK YOU
http://fortheloveofemo.tumblr.com/post/127938099513 (link)
|
ok idk who that girl is, but that basically looks like a male "comb over" with three shaved lines in it.....that should be too hard to get done by any experienced stylist
|
|
I was raised to be Catholic. But the bible revolts me. It's sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic and it even supports slavery and rape. And i don't believe. I don't. This wasn't my choice. I didn't choose to do this religion of hatred. But I'm scared of burning in hell. That's another thing, people join religions out of fear. But none of them are correct except maybe the Buddhist religion because it's more of a philosophy in my eyes. I've even thought about joining buddhism. Or even paganism/wiccanism just to spite everybody. And i like the idea of worshipping a visible nature and not an invisible God. Why is this religion so hateful? And what religion do you think o should be? (link)
|
Heres the problem ok, Catholicism is a religion thats VERY old, it has refused to change with the times and accept change and adapt to it.
What happens when the times change, and something refuses to? it gets left behind, deemed obsolete and tossed aside.
This religion is obsolete, no longer necessary because it was started basically as a way to guilt people into NOT acting like animals and it was a way to get people to think about the choices their making and made up alot of shit in loo of the laws we have NOW. We HAVE a system, an order, and a way of doing things in todays age that no longer needs a religion like that.
Look the basic human theme here is just TRY to be a good person, live a decent life, help people when you can and everything should work out in the end ok. You dont need all the answers to everything at every turn in life. Its a journey and you have control over the choices you make. We're all sort of a "work in progress"
I was raised (loosely) christian and thats what we were told the first week of sunday school and although i havent been to church in years i still hold that to be true. Only YOU know you, and if YOU know that you believe that we all go to a better place after we die then thats all that should matter.
It doesnt matter why some out of date religion is the way that it is. Its the VCR or ATRACK tape of our world today the world is a different place now.
|
|