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What is love?
Hi guys, I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than three months now. He's very great to me and I love being with him. I know love is different to everyone but this is my first real relationship and I've constantly been thinking about what love is, how it feels, when it's time to say it, etc. I know for a fact that I've never been in love before and I don't think I'm in love now. I was just curious to ask everyone how and when they knew that they were in love with their significant other. Did it kind of just hit you? Was it a gradual progression? Was it love at first sight? Is there even love at first sight? When is too soon to say I love you? I'm not looking for you to tell me how it should be for me, I want experience and how it was for you personally.
Like I said, he's a very great guy. I spent the entire day with him the other day because my family went away and I hate being alone so he made us my favorite dinner, even though I know he doesn't love it very much, he made it and ate it because he knows I love it. He knows I get anxious driving long distances and even though he hates long drives, he always drives us both when we go away with friends and sometimes I just look at him when he's driving us around and he'll look over and we'll just smile at each other. Or even when we're just watching our show on Netflix, I'll notice him not watching the show and he'll just be looking at me and then he'll always smirk when I ask what as he looks away and says "oh, nothing". Last week I turned 21 and I drank way, way, way more than I anticipated-he drove me back to his place and let me stay at his house that night and he even called off work the next day to be with me as I suffered through my hangover. He's not a virgin but I am so he isn't pushing it at all. He said he's leaving it all up to me, he's ready when I'm ready. Now, I know what you're thinking, he seems clingy. But it really isn't that way. I only name the times that we're together but really we can only hang out for a couple hours a night after I finish class and he finishes work at 11pm (four days in a row of 12 hour shifts, just for reference on how busy he usually is). Other times, when he's off from work, we each do our own thing. We have a good system and it works pretty well for us.
From my copious amounts of mentioning how great he is, it's pretty evident that I do really like him a lot and I guess it shows that he returns the feelings. I'm really just pretty curious how I'll know when the flip switches and it's so much more?
Thanks for any input!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It DOES sound like your in love my friend.
To ME and my husband, LOVE is a few things.
Its Companionship, someone to turn to in your darkest hours, your best friend, your confidant, someone that will treat you like your the only one that plays number one in their life but you still work well together as a team, making important life decisions and talking them out before they happen. Planning ahead for the future while still having a mutual respect, putting them before yourself and making time to nurture each others souls. This means (in short) speaking each others love language.
Let me break that last part down for you: Some people need someone thats more vocal and has no problem telling their partner how they feel about them and the life they have together while others (once they've professed theirs) dont feel the need to repeat it over again through the years.
Some people DO things to SHOW they care about their partner, like spending time together on the weekend, going for starbucks and driving to the beach while talking and listening to music, or while their at home with you, remembering to take the trash for you see?
This is a common occurrence between couples that are well matched and have been together for long periods of time. They understand each other on these basic levels and over all it lowers day to day stress on each other and in turn can nourish the relationship. so it really IS "all the little things" and this translates into other areas of the relationship as well. you could also label this as "thoughtfulness" ; )
You know your in love when you can just SAY i love you one day without even thinking about it, it doesnt feel off, and it feels like its right and easy to say to that person.
When you WANT to put that person before yourself, and they want to do the same for you without giving it a second thought(and i dont mean literally like opening doors for you) lol. I mean in deeper more meaningful ways.
out of ALL the long term marriages ive ever known, the main theme seems to be "i married my best friend" and it is the same for meas well. True my hubby and me met when i was just 14 and he was 21, but we became FRIENDS FIRST, got to know each other WELL, and by the time we considered dating exclusively we already knew it was RIGHT and no matter what the case we wouldnt regret it even if we ended up parting ways later down the road.
The words i love you just slipped out one day after a dinner and movie, and it didnt feel anymore off then saying it to my mom or a family member on my way out the door.
Dont put love up on so high a pedistole, it will only complicate things. Know what you want, know where the breaking point is with what your willing to deal with, and be realistic about who you want your life partner to be should you choose to have one someday.
Most importantly, check in with each other!! AKA have talks about the bigger picture with them, ask them how their doing with things, how was work today, and hear them out if theres concerns or things theyve been thinking about lately that could be stressing them out. Then ask them if theres anything you can do to help FIX those problems. Be a team player.
At least thats how I see it. ;)
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It is all three. It is love at first sight, a gradual progression and it hits you like lightning. Let me explain. I have fallen in love twice, and both times I experienced these three phases. The first frog I fell in love with wasn't Kermit. It was a frog named George. George my best friend. The love at first sight part happened at the beginning of our friendship. But, I didn't think of it as love at first sight, even though looking back, it was. I just thought "Wow, this guy is special, I want him in my life". Then I made that happen. I spent time with him and we became best friends. That was the gradual progression part. Then came the lightning. And let me tell you, the lightning part is actually painful. It is the part where you realize that you are no longer in control of your life. The other person owns a part of your heart. And if that other person isn't perfect, the feeling is scary and can move you to tears. With George, I realized my feelings for him went beyond friendship one day when he lied to me. He told me he would take me to a movie, but it turned out I was busy that day and he took a different pig behind my back. I cried and cried when I found out. I then wondered, why am I crying over a movie? Then it hit me, like lightning. We were not just friends. I was in love. The second time I fell in love, it was with Kermit,who became my life partner and husband. I met him at a watering hole where I stepped on his foot. I looked up and saw a charming frog. I thought "I have to get to know him better" (love at first sight). We then dated for a year (gradual progression). Then came the painful lightning. A year into our relationship, Kermit had a horrible habit of cancelling our dates last minute if he had something else he wanted to do, like hang with the frogs. I became very angry at him for doing this one day it was the first time I yelled at him at the top of my lungs. This anger made me realize that I was feeling very attached. I burst into tears, realizing that I was in love with him, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I then began swearing at him, calling him every name in the book because I was scared of the intensity of my own feelings.
It sounds like you have had the love at first sight part (wow, he's special) and that you are in the middle of the gradual progression. The lightning will come. There will be a moment when you realize that you don't just like to be with him, you need to be with him and your life will never be the same again. I recommend you don't say you love him until this moment happens, until you can literally feel that your hearts are connected. If you say it without feeling it to the core of your being, it is meaningless.
Love is a human feeling (as well as a pig and frog feeling), which means it isn't a happy feeling. It is a painful, exciting, terrifying, powerful and angry feeling that leaves you weak and yet oddly comfortable at the same time.
It changes who you are and your life is never the same again.
Believe moi. Moi has a charm that is lethal to men,
Miss Piggy
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Love is relative, it's not exactly an emotion, but a kind of perspective.
To prove that idea, have you ever noticed how mothers tell their kids that a stick figure crayon drawing of a guy wearing is like a Da Vinci masterpiece? That's because of Love, you love a person so you don't want him/her to get hurt physically or emotionally.
My experience with love is pretty complex. I am not secluded inside a relationship because I'm trying to avoid scholastic hindrances. I do have my bestfriend, she's basically perfect. Whatever your boyfriend does, my bestfriend's almost as caring. Now I love her, and there's nothing wrong with that, obviously, and she loves me back.
For us, love is a mutual feeling of care. It can neither be gained or decreased, it can only be either there, or not. What you're feeling right now IS love, because you care, what he feels is also love, since he also cares. That's the only thing that matters.
Thanks for reading!
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