I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
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Last Update: February 5, 2012
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Recently a friend of mine got my dream job. It bothers me a lot because I spent a lot of time on my application and didn't even get a chance to interview. He threw together the application at the last minute, got an interview, and got the job.
I congratulated him and said I was glad he was able to get the job but the truth is I'm extremely jealous and think I deserved it much more than him. I'm mad he got it cause he really wasn't interested until I told him about it and I researched it about a year before I could even apply. It's a government job, is extremely competitive, and only hires about once every year. It is also a contract job so it's not like he will be able to help me get a job once he's in.
It's been about 3 weeks now and I'm still extremely aggravated and think about it at least several times everyday. My friends and family are annoyed now if I bring it up but I'm not sure anyone realizes how much I wanted that job. I know there are loads of other jobs out there but the more searching I do the more I feel like that one was the best. My application was solid and polished and I take pride knowing that i did my best, but still I feel like a loser cause I didn't get that job.
How do I go about dealing with the jealousy? Does anyone have any advice about how I can move on and stop thinking about this all the time?
Thanks for your help!
(link)
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My close friend is dealing with this exact same situation. She and her best friend went through a highly competitive nursing program. She was the best student in the class and won many awards, but her friend landed a nice hospital job while she still searches. She says she feels so bad, because she wants to be happy for her friend but she can't help feeling so jealous. My advice to her - fake it til you make it! Meaning, pretend to be happy for your friend. Whenever he shares details about the job, whenever someone else talks about his great new job, whenever the subject comes up act as happy as you can (without going overboard in a fakey fake way). Tell others you are so happy for him and he really deserves it. When you are alone and feeling bad, tell yourself you feel so happy for him, he really deserves it, he's going to be great, etc. It will feel fake, because it is fake, but the more you do it, the easier it will become, until one day you'll realize you actually believe it. In the meantime, keep looking and do your best not to compare your situation to his. It is totally normal to be jealous, so give yourself a break. You're not a horrible person. If the tables were turned, I'm sure your friend would feel the same way. Try to keep in mind that you don't know all the details of the situation at that company. Its disappointing right now that you didn't get the job, but maybe the reason is that there is something better for you. Sometimes things that start out as disappointing lead to situations that are better than you could have ever imagined. So don't look at this as a loss. Look at this as a sign that you haven't found the right place yet. And try not to judge your friend. While jealousy is a natural reaction, judgement is not, and just like you have things about you that are unique and exceptional, so does he, so don't begrudge him because he didn't succeed the way you think he should succeed. Concentrate on your own self and what you can do to prepare for the great job that I know is just around the corner for you. And remember- fake it til you make it! Good luck.
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When your stuck between two guys is it better to just stay single? (link)
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If there is too much drama, yes. Like my grandmother used to tell me "I can do bad all by myself"
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Okay well at youth group last Sunday I told my friend I had a boyfriend and showed her a pic. He was eating a paper plate in the pic and she went up to the pastor and said Alisons boyfriend eats paper plates, pastor said Alison I thought u were smarter than that and now I feel awful what should I do, please help me (link)
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It was just a joke sweetie. He was being sarcastic. He was pointing out how silly it was, not like it was a bad thing. Don't worry about it.
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ive been with my boyfriend for half a year and i am completely comfortable w him and i could defiinitely see myself losing it to him. the only problem is that i know hes goin to college and if i do it w him then hes just gona leave forever you kno. he wants to still see me in college but i feel like those things never work out. i know if i lose it, realistically, im not gonna necessarily get married to the person i lose my virginity to (and im ok with that), but i want it to be with someone who truly cares about me and i truly care about. so what do you think.. should i do it even if i know things for our future dont look good for the sake of losing it to someone i have strong feelings for&am comfortable with? (link)
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Negatory. You're right, those things rarely work out. College changes you, a lot! If you give the ONE gift you have to give that you can never get back, you'll end up regretting it. If you really want to do this, wait. Let him get in a few months at college. Then, if it still feels right, plan something special for Christmas break or something. I really think you'll regret doing it right before he goes away to college. Not right away, but someday you will.
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Okay, so my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me a few days ago...I was devastated of course...I broke down crying in front of him. He told me I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, all those wonderful things, but he says he went into this blindly, and just isn't ready to have a relationship with me...or anyone, because he has issues he needs to work out and to concentrate on raising his daughter. He also said that he never really felt any "love" for me, but just a strong friendship. He kept telling me how sorry he is and says he still cares about me and wants me in his life...I haven't spoken to him much, but one of the few times I did, he told me to call him whenever I was ready to hang out with him again...I want to, very very much, but I'm still very much in love with him...I also happen to work with him. When I saw him at work the other day, I just broke down crying and couldn't even look at him. I think that has pretty much ruined any chances I have of getting back together with him romantically, since guys seem to like 'strong' women, right? I don't know quite how to go about this. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What came out of it? Is there still a chance for us in your opinion? (link)
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No. He broke up with you. He said he's not in love with you. He couldn't have been clearer. His only mistake is thinking that you could be friends. Clearly you'll need a lot of time before that could happen. Don't torture yourself with thoughts of getting back together. Save your tears for when you are alone, and even if you have to fake it for a while at work, keep your chin up and act like nothing is wrong. You can break down when you're alone. I know it seems impossible now, but you will heal in time. For now,do your best to stay out of his way until your heart isn't so sensitive anymore.
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we have had sex before a few months ago and have been best friends for 5 years. we have kept in touch since i moved to college an hour away a couple months ago and just recently started sexy textng again. he always says he wants to marry me and i would be the perfect wife and girlfriend and we always sexy text and make jokes about being lovers and getting married-but i think to a point we really do think about it. he says he has fallen hard for me in the past and still has feelings for me. then i came to town (because i moved an hour away,) last weekend and when i hung out with him we went to his house, watched a movie, drank vodka and passed out and just slept..he passed out first. no action. we joked about it later in the week that we got too drunk to rape eachother (my head was spinning when i laid down haha) but anyway yes....dissappointed!!
so this weekend i came to town and texted him and didnt hear from him. i texted him again today and he wrote back hey how are you im in georgia visitng family. i was like oh wow okay. i told him i was coming to town and we had talked again about "raping" eachother..i would have rearranged my schedule to come another time when he would have been able to hook up but of course he goes to georgia and doesnt tell me until he is there.
i think i should mention he seriosuly sucks at calling and texting back not only this weekend but thats kind of his "thing" he is terrible at it, but when is good we have amazing conversations! ugh of course thats how it is!
so basically what is wrong with him! he leads me on in a very lovey way but then does this. he always talks about visiting me but doesnt make an effort. im getting sexually frustraqted if anyone can tell haha. anyway any thoughts on him? (link)
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"he always talks about visiting me but doesnt make an effort."
He doesn't need to make the effort. You are always available to him whenever he wants you, and then he can go back to his life without making any kind of plans or commitments with you because he doesn't have to. You say its his "thing" to suck at calling and texting, but he'll sure do it when he's horny, right? This guy may be decent, but he's still using you. If you have no standards, there's nothing for him to rise to meet. I don't think there's anything wrong with him, in the respect that a guy's going to do what a girl will let him do. Its you that has the problem. you need to ask yourself why you're so willing be involved in a sexual relationship with a guy who clearly doesn't want anything deeper, and clearly you do. What is it you're looking for? If you want to know if this guy can be serious with you, walk away from it for a while. Don't call and don't text first and don't be available for him whenever he wants. If he has a problem with it and he feels hurt, there's your opportunity to tell him how you really feel and what you really expect from him, as a man. If he doesn't bother making the effort to contact you anymore, then walk away for good and be grateful you found out his true colors before you got in any deeper.
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To start off, I am a 21 year old male.
So I started talking to this guy about a week ago and we went out on our first date a few days back and had a great time. We really clicked and expressed to each other that we really liked each other. I stayed with him that night since he does live about an hour to an hour and 30 minutes away from me. We didn't have sex or anything but we did cuddle and kiss. On the second date, which was 2 days ago, he wanted to introduce me to all his friends so we hung out with them for a while then we went back to his house and watched some movies while laying in bed. Once again, we didn't have sex but we did have more aggressive kissing and we were touching each other below the waist, but nothing close to sex and neither one of us tried to push farther than that. I stayed with him that night again and we fell asleep in each others arms.
The next morning when we got up he wanted me to go run some errands with him, then we hung out at his friend's house, and then I had to leave to go to work. He gave me a huge and kiss and held on to me for what seemed like forever, gave me a big smile and told me to drive safe. Once I got home I sent him a text telling him I had a great time and we should go out again soon. About an hour later he replied to my text saying he had a good time too but that he didn't think he was ready for a relationship. I asked him if I had done anything to rub him the wrong way or anything and he said it wasn't me, he just didn't think he was ready. I asked if he still wanted to hang out and he said he liked me and I was really cool but he didn't think hanging out was a good idea. I sent him a text back the next day telling him I really liked him and that whatever he decides I respect, but that I just needed to tell him how I feel. He told me it wasn't me, he just isn't ready for a relationship. It really struck me as strange because I thought we really hit it off and even his friend told me that he really liked me.
So I guess my question is what should I do? I really like this guy a lot and according to him and his friends he really likes me. I know he got out of a relationship about 3 months ago so it very well may be he isn't ready, or maybe we were moving too fast. He told me he didn't want to move too fast and I told him if at any point he was uncomfortable or felt nervous just to let me know, but he always said he was fine and enjoyed everything. I really want to pursue something with him because I felt a great connection with him. So what should I do? And should I take what he told me for face value? I'm honestly willing to wait for him because I haven't met a guy like him in a really long time. (link)
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Then wait. He's not ready for a relationship. He told you several times. In this post alone you mentioned it 4 times. I think he's been pretty clear. If you press him or contact him too much, you'll turn him off and push him away by seeming desperate. If you're willing to wait, back off, live your life, and give him some time. If you two truly hit it off, he'll contact you when he's ready. Good luck.
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i went to a shrink once just to see what he thought of me. He told me i stimulated myself through illegal activities which i think is true. I do illegal things to keep me from being depressed or lonely because they make me not care anymore or be sad. Anyways, he told me that adderall was for people that needed stimulation and was also good for depression. My mom won't let me be prescribed anything so i started taking adderall myself and got it from my friends. When i take it i feel great and dont need to do illegal things to feel good about myself or keep me from being bored. But days that i don't take it, i feel even worse than i did before and now i dont want to stop taking it but i have none left because i'm not prescribed it. what should i do? am i addicted to it or something? i feel even worse than before i started taking it (link)
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Go back to the shrink and tell him what you told us here. Ask for a prescription for something to help (it may not be Adderall).
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Hi, guys and gals!
Bottom line: I have a new neighbor. He goes to the same church as me as well, and though I have not met him -- my aunt/uncle, and neighbor (she owns the house he moved into, which is right behind her house) know him very well and he is very sweet, good looking, etc. I could tell that from a far at church, however, I haven't gotten to introduce myself yet.
I am wondering, considering he is 33 and I am turning 19, is that a big deal? He is the marrying type, very clean cut and so on. I am not for partying and all of that, so that wouldn't be a problem. But still, do you think this age difference will make a difference?
Thanks!
Ashley- P.S. ANY help is appreciated. (link)
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Its always going to be an issue. The key is, will it be a big issue or a small issue.There is a lot of life experience in between 19 and 33 that can shape a person, so that puts you two further apart mentally. But that doesn't mean its out of the question. I guess you'll never really know unless you find out for yourself, so find a way to introduce yourself and see what happens from there. But don't be hurt if it turns out he can't see past your age. That's normal too. Good luck.
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Please do not judge me if you are dont bother leaving a comment. Im stressed out enough please. I just recently found out i am pregnant and im so unsure of who the father is. My last period was Dec 16-20th I had sex Dec 25th, And then again Jan 1st. My due date is Sept 26th, Im confused i dont understand at all and i have no idea what to do. Alot of people say sperm stays in your body for 5 days, i dont know how true that is. Id like to get a dna test while im pregnant if anyone knows anything about them id really appreciate it. (link)
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There are tests for that, but I think you have to be at least a few months along, and they are expensive. Ask you doctor about it on your next visit.
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I have a couple baseball cards I was wondering if they are worth anything.
1997 Topps Holochrome Card #461 Baseball Thrills - Mantle Hits 42nd Homer For Crown
1997 Topps Holochrome Card #250 - Willie Mays
1997 Topps Holochrome Card #331 - A.L. Bombers (maris, cash, mantle, kaline)
1997 Topps Holochrome Card # 305 in 1951 series (reprint) Willie Mays
All four are still in the protective coating.
Also I have :
Pacific 2000 Ken Griffey Jr. Gold Crown Card Number 30.
From 1984 Topps Cards
Joe Morgan and Graig Nettles
From 1987 Topps Cards
Len Dykstra, Dale Sveum, Joey Reed, Mike Ramsey
Jeff Robinson, Shawn Hillegas, Jack McDowell, Bruce Hurst
From 1987 Leaf Inc.
Greg Cadaret, Wally Backman
From 1993
Topps - Juan Gonzalez
Pacific - Nolan Ryan Slow Start in 1992 card #222
Ron Darling 1987 New York Mets # 6 of 7 cards The Press Box card.
Thats all I have that seem old or worth anything. Also I have most of the complete collection from topps 1997 cards if anyone knows of any of those worth anything.
Sorry its so long!
Thanks
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I'm a collector too and I recently took out some of my cards to see what they're worth. Anything after 1992 isn't really worth much these days. That's when the baseball card industry went into overdrive and started mass producing collections. There are just too many cards in circulation to make them worth anything, at this point. The holochrome cards are probably 5-10 dollars, if that. But don't throw them away. Hang on to them, keep them protected. Baseball card production has slowed over the last few years (just a bit), so if that trend continues, eventually the market might go back up. So keep them close and check the prices again in 10 years or so.
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There is this guy I really like. We will call him Dan. Well Dan and I were talking for a while last October and we hung out and watched a movie at a friends house, then went back to his house and proceeded to almost hook up. I got uncomfortable and stopped him. We texted for about a week after that then stopped talking. He told me he was sorry to push things and he really liked me and maybe we needed time to cool off. Just this December he texted me the sweetest thing that cheered me up in one of the darkest moments of my life. We started talking again, staying up till 2:00 AM sometimes! Then one day he stopped texting me and when I got him to talk to me he said, word for word "ya I confuse myself too. I gave you the wrong idea and made some mistakes. I thought the best thing would be to sever all communications. I thought you would just forget me and I was wrong. All I am going to wind up doing is hurting you. And we need to stop speaking for both our sakes. I dot trust myself at all. I've made enough mistakes and it's not a risk I am willing to take. I'm sorry." then "again my intentions were off and I don't think I have enough self control to avoid making the same mistake." and then "I'm sorry but why don't you examine your feelings a little more. Why would you like me in the first place? I think you are very upset and I am not worth getting upset over." I can't get this boy out of my head. I like him way too much but can't tell if he likes me or was trying to let me down easy and what I should do now. Help? Thanks everyone! (: (link)
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I think he likes you AND he's trying to let you down easy. Take him at his word. He's telling you he is not a good guy. He's not good for you. He couldn't be any plainer. Its his way of doing something nice for you, by not letting you get involved in something he knows for sure will end in heartache for you. You say you can't forget about this guy, and that's normal, but you at least need to put him in your rear view mirror. If you do push forward with this, consider yourself warned. But the best thing to do is walk away from this one with your dignity and heart in tact, and be grateful this guy cared enough to tell you the truth about himself.
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My wife is constatnly fighting with me calling me an alcoholic on a daily basis and throwing huge fits all the time about drinking. I am a well educated profession who drinks only about once a month, weekend only. When I do drink I will have several drinks, get a nice buzz, eat and go to sleep.
She comes from an alcoholic family (father, brothers) and says my drinking is a MAJOR issue, but I don't get into trouble, I do it only at home, I never go to bars, I dont drive or hurt anyone or anything, and I have a great job and treat her very well, and I only do it every so often, as I said about once a month. I see no problem except that she dislikes it so much.
Is this truly an alcohol issue or is this something that is about her and her past? What should I do besides stopping entirely which I dont think is fair. If i want to drink once a month on a Saturday after a long week, why can't I? (link)
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Your wife is definitely going overboard, but it comes from an honest place. Witnessing the devastation alcoholism brings on a family can make a person very sensitive. My own family had the same problems, and for a long time, I thought that even if I had one drink it would turn me into an alcoholic. It took me many years to realize that alcoholism is about more than just taking a drink. It has to do with filling a void and numbing pain. Your wife has been terribly hurt by alcohol in the past. Its understandable that she is a bit oversensitive to your use. This is something she really needs help with. Sit down and talk with her. make sure you do it in a time of peace, when you're not already arguing. Calmly explain your position. Tell her you understand her point of view, but that you also understand there is a lot more to alcoholism than just taking a drink. Do a google search and find a support group for families of alcoholics. Offer to attend a meeting with her, or research the issue more with her. The point is, your wife has some issues to work through that have nothing to do with you or your drinking. If you can afford it, therapy would be a great help too. She needs to be able to confront the issue of alcoholism in her family, and what it means for her and the family she is trying to create. It will take work, and continued patience on your part, but you can work through this together if you try. In the meantime, your wife needs to be reminded that compromise is a two way street. Maybe you two can agree on a schedule or acceptable time for you to drink while at home, or maybe you can make arrangements to drink outside of the home (responsibly of course), either meeting up with a friend once or twice a month for dinner or hanging out a neighbor's house for drinks. Set up some ground rules, and then assure her you will stick to those rules. If you hold up your end of your agreement and continue to seek support for her, she'll come around. good luck.
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So i'm pretty unhappy right now. I'm in college and I'm not necessarily finding it hard to make friends but I'm not happy with my situation now. In high school, I despised my social situation. All I've ever wanted was to fit in like a puzzle piece in a group of friends that I love to death. I had a few good friends and a best friend (another bad situation, story for another time) and that was pretty much it. I know, you're thinking quality, not quantity but there was not much quality either and neither is there at this point. There's this girl, Julie who is one of my best friends. At first I thought she didn't have much interest in me but then we all of the sudden became really close. I was ecstatic. She's way cooler and more fun than any of the friends I had in high school put together and it made my confidence go way up that she liked me so much and I could make a friend I actually liked and respected (I would never tell her that though, I try my best to act confidently). We're in the same circle of friends and we're all in the same residence building and they're all really cool, fun, and pretty as well. I was a dork in high school and before winter break and during I felt so proud that these people showed a strong interest in me. Well, my confidence has gone down exponentially over the past week. Julie has been paying a lot less attention to me and more to our gay friend Dan and a couple other people, which she has every right to do but it's crushing me. I can tell she's not as excited to be around me anymore. And this isn't just a paranoid vibe. I'm painfully jealous of the awesome relationship they are forming while I'm not really a part of it. It just makes me think that it was too good to be true. I'm not cool enough and I never will be. For a while I actually thought I was becoming this cool, fun person that people admired but now, I think that was too good to be true. I'm friends with all of them but now I feel like I don't totally fit in. The main thing is Julie. I'm trying to tell myself not to let one person bring me down but I'm disappointed. I think back to how happy I was when she started becoming really close with me and how jealous I am of the same thing that's happening with another person. I'm back to feeling like an unintelligent dork again when for a couple of months, I actually felt funny, fun, and likeable. I've always, always, always just wanted a group of friends. Not two or three here and there, a GROUP, who loved me as much as I loved them. My social life has been my number one priority since college and I try so, so hard for it not to be that way but I can't change it. I need acceptance. I need to be loved, and not but awkward people I don't like but the ones I do like. And trust me, I don't act clingy and needy to any of my friends. I'm good at concealing my emotions and needy is the least way I'd ever want to come off as. The whole Julie thing is the main thing that's absolutely crushing me. Talking to her about it is a bad idea. She's not doing anything wrong and if she's truly not interested in me, I can't force her really like me. I'm just extremely disappointed and insecure and I feel like everything has been reset to the way it was in high school. I just want a solution to this disappointment. I know, I can make new friends but it's not the easiest thing in the world and it doesn't resolve my disappointment about Julie. I want the happiness I had two months ago back. SORRY SO LONG
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I think part of your problem is that your desperation to form lasting friendships is showing through, and desperate people are not attractive people. You may think you hide it well, but people can pick up on signals in ways you don't expect. My feeling is that Julie really does like you, but maybe is annoyed at your vibe that you're putting out, so she avoids you sometimes. But the fact that she is still around tells me she really does think of you as a friend, and likes a lot of things about you. Your main issue is insecurity, which you are already aware of. The best cure for this is to become involved in things around you. An interesting person always has something to talk about, and always attracts other interesting people. the way you become an interesting person is to have experiences. So start by getting involved in some extracirricular activities at school. Join a club, group, etc. Doesn't matter, as long as its something you LIKE to do, something you enjoy. Right there you've won half the battle, because you'll be around others you already automatically have things in common with. The key is to get to know lots of different types of people. When you're self-worth isn't totally invested in just one or two people, you'll be less likely to feel disappointed when friends like Julie start to pull away from time to time. Better yet, friends like Julie will enjoy being with you more because they see you enjoy life, enjoy activities, and you have interesting things and experiences to share, and you're not just depending on her for validation and fun. Expand your horizons a little. Remember, the key to being well liked is to like yourself first. No one likes to be around someone who is unsure and always down on themselves. But everyone likes a person who is confident and assured. You don't have to be that person overnight, but you can start now by figuring out who you are, what you like about yourself, and what you have to offer the world around you. good luck.
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ok so I dated this guy for 3 years and it was great in the beginning but it ended terrible and we been seperated for 2 years now and he came to see me from a different state just for my birthday and he asked me to marry him I kinda want to but then agian I wanna no hes changed but i dont want to keep him waiting so long he moves on plus my dads opinion means the world to me and he doesnt really like my ex and telling me i aint aloud to marry him idk what to do i feel trapped in a age with everyone pulling at me please help!! (link)
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the only way to know he's changed is to take the time to observe how he lives his life these days. That will take a while. So no, don't marry him, but start looking at his life and how he conducts himself. I'll tell you one HUGE thing that could win your dad over. If this guy went to your father and, man to man, explained himself and told your father what he is all about and why he cares for you, and ask for your hand in marriage. If he would do that, that says a lot about his character. If not, well, that's a red flag. It says he doesn't care about the things that are most important to you.
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i want to quit my job because my boss is a racist bt my partner is not letting me do it (link)
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Start looking for another job first. When you find one, then quit. I'm sure your partner is thinking about your finances and how you will support yourselves if you quit. In this economy, paying jobs are hard to come by. In the meantime, kill your boss with kindness. Show him/her up by becoming the best employee they have. Do everything and go above and beyond. Then enjoy the show as your boss tries to figure out what to do with such an amazing employee! When you find a better job, feel free to leave, knowing you're a better person for facing up to the challenge, and winning.
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I really don't know how to handle my wife, how to talk to her or deal with her. We're a young married couple, I'm 26 and she's 21, been married for over a year now and been together on and off for seven.
We both want kids. She wants kids now, and I want them some day. I'm not ready to be a father, certainly not ready to be any kind of role model for anyone, and we've both got school to get through. Thing is, she'll be done with school in less than two years and I want to go to med school, which with the late start I got due to not having the money to go is going to be at least another six or seven years.
She wants to have her first kid at 25. We both know this isn't possible, but because she has the baby bug now she sees 25 as a compromise.
That's not going to happen with me. I try to avoid this conversation because that is the flat out truth, I will not be having kids with her when she is 25 and I am 30. I will still be in school, possibly med school, I will not be able to be a father during that period.
She wants a definite date, and I can't give her one. She puts it on me to answer her, and this conversation comes up about every month or two ending in a fight each time because the answer never changes. The truth is that I don't know. I'm an undergrad at a shitty community college. I don't know how long it will take to get back into a decent university via transfer, I don't know that I will get into med school the first year I apply, I don't know how things will be five years from now.
But we always come back to her point of view. "This is my priority, everything I'm doing I'm doing so we can have kids". As condescending as it probably is, I cannot take her seriously. She's 21, I'm 26 and I'm not ready to be a father, and knowing that its literally biological clock issues that keep this on her mind make it difficult for me to have any level of patience with her when she gets all over me demanding answers and timetables and making veiled threats about "maybe if our priorities are this different we need to rethink things". When I get angry at her for making empty relationship threats during irrational periods I'm the asshole. When I tell her the truth I'm the asshole. When I try to avoid the conversations entirely I'm the asshole.
I know that what she feels is real and visceral, but she knows we cannot have kids any time soon, she knows I hate her pressuring me for answers that I do not have, timetables I cannot be sure we will be able to meet.
She flat out told me it's my job to comfort her, to give her what she needs here. To me, that's unreasonable. This is a partnership, and she uses that very word against me because she has an emotional desire to have kids which in many ways outweighs the logical rational knowledge that it cannot and will not happen right now.
I'm reaching the end of my rope. She's got a billion reasons why it needs to happen as soon as possible. Every one of them is, to her, entirely valid. If I disagree with her I'm not being sensitive to her needs and feelings. If she disagrees with me her thoughts are right and mine are wrong because she's the woman and she will have to carry the thing. I mean, she's repeatedly used the "my body won't recover from the pregnancy as well if I'm older" line to justify wanting to have it sooner. She's quoting autism statistics and studies and yelling at me that the five percent increased chance of complications from 30 to 35 is something that needs to motivate me to move my ass.
She wants to see me freaking out as much as she is. Her biggest problem is that, at this point, I don't think about kids. I have too many other goals to accomplish before they are a realistic possibility, I'm fighting for us to have a cohesive life that isn't living paycheck to paycheck before kids are a desire or consideration for me. She is angry at me, I feel like, because she is a woman with hormonal urges to have kids that make her think about this daily, and I am a dude who has nothing of the sort so I am focused on our goals, the things we need to and can accomplish. She wants me to obsess about children as much as she does. She knows it isn't and won't happen, because whatever biological clock I might have is entirely overridden by logic, and it makes her mad that I don't get it and don't feel like being harassed by her because of it. I can empathize with her when she is prepared to be reasonable, but right now she is not, and I'm getting really goddamn sick of it.
Therapy is not an option (uninsured and broke) so keep that in mind and if you're under 25 you do not have the life experience to give me an opinion I will respect (no offense intended) but if you're over 25 give me a perspective, ideas, anything.
Paging Rahzie to the front. (link)
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21 is still so very young to be having anxieties like this. I don't find it unreasonable at all to wait. However, this is obviously a big issue for her (and now she is making it a big issue for you too). This is something that needs to be taken to a third party. You are at an impasse and it doesn't sound like you are making much more progress on this issue. Worse, it is affecting your relationship. If you have the means, take this to a therapist. There are deeper issues that need to be worked out here, such as why she is so adamant about children right now, why does she feel she needs that to be happy, and why you think you're not ready to be a dad. If you can't afford a therapist (which I highly recommend, think of it as an investment), check with your church or religious institution to see if anyone there does couples counseling. Sometimes having a neutral third party can do wonders for communicating your issues in a more effective manner. Right now, you guys can't hear each other anymore (understandably). You need help to get through to each other. This is something that can most definitely be worked out. And both of you will have to bend on this issue, in some way. I wouldn't worry so much about being ready for parenthood. You'd be amazed at how having a child to care for changes you, instantly. But you are also right to think about being prepared, financially and time-wise, to care for a child. That is a smart thing. So definitely go get help together. Because no matter what you guys decide to do, bringing a child into a strained marriage can only make things worse. This, I know! Good luck.
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Are there any good ways to get a guy to like you? last year my best friend was flirty and out going so she brought out that side in me which all the guys loved and this year we aren't friends and I have became more shy so are there any good ways to make a guy like you other than being yourself that is easy to do for a shy person?? (link)
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The best way to be noticed (and be more confident) is to enjoy life! I know, that sounds cheesy, but seriously, everybody is attracted to people who look and sound like they are happy and enjoy being who they are and doing the things they love. So start by becoming involved in things at school. Join some clubs (chess/theatre/physics, it doesn't matter, as long as its something you enjoy) and start participating in activities at school, like decorating committees or things like that. Its a great way to meet people that you already have things in common with. It will help you to learn how to talk to people, get along with people, and have fun with different types of people. Then, when you do come across a guy you like, it will be easy to talk to him, because you'll have a lot of experiences to share that make you interesting. Remember, happy people are attractive people. Don't fake happy. Find things that make you happy and do them. Trust me, the guys will come to YOU if you seem like you are a confident girl. Good luck!.
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Okay, lol I feel like I'm being so unfair to my boyfriend. I know its a ONCE a year thing. But I don't like football. So he is having his big superbowl party and everything and I feel left out.. is this wrong. I won't say anything, just need to know if anyone else feels like this. Ps. Its my birthday (link)
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Well, I understand that you are hurt, but its the SUPERBOWL. Asking a guy not to participate in the annual Superbowl activities is like asking a Christian not to celebrate Christmas. Its a guy thing, not just your boyfriend. If it were me, I would have gone to the party and treated it like it was a birthday party for me, with a football game to entertain folks! Superbowl is only a few hours. You could have gone, hung out and enjoyed the noise and food and drinks. Then, after it was all over, you and your bf could have just continued the celebrating doing something you wanted to do. It seems unfair, but sometimes you have to compromise to get what you want in a relationship. And sometimes you have make your own fun.
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My brother is in a serious relationship- and we met the family for the first time recently, and I found myself attracted to her brother- physically, and personality-wise. We all went out afterward, and I talked to her brother at dinner basically the entire time... I had a feeling he might be interested, but (a) he is very outgoing and friendly, so he might have been trying to be nice (b) I'm his sister's boyfriend's sister, so that ties in closer to (a), and (c) he might already have a girlfriend, according to my brother, but we aren't sure if he still does, or if it's a serious relationship.
It's a difficult/awkward situation to be in. First, our siblings are in a serious relationship. I live across the country, for the time being...our siblings are in a long-distance relationship, but...i'm not even sure if there's a mutual attraction, though I did sense some interest on his part. He might have a girlfriend, our siblings are dating, I live far away...all odds are against this. Also, I send him a friend request on FB a few days ago, but he hasn't added me yet, though my brother and sister are FB friends of his.
I don't know what to do. My brother says it's not weird for me to like him, he's a great guy, etc., but I shouldn't get worked up over this, because chances are it will go nowhere, and I will just end up getting hurt. I feel like I already am- this guy seems like a total catch- he is intelligent, honest, friendly, I find him very attractive, and we seemed to be on the same wavelength (he is well-liked, since he is outgoing and sincere). He comes from a good family, and I adore his sisters. I know I shouldn't think about this too much, but it's on my mind a lot and I don't know what to do about it. Any thoughts? (link)
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Hmmm... I think because you live across the country, perhaps you should just let this simmer. Keep in contact (FB, email, whatever is convenient) and just maintain a casual, 'getting to know you' kind of thing. Who knows where it will go from there, or what the future will hold, but since its not really realistic to plan for a full-on relationship with this guy for now, a long-distance friendship is a great place to start. Then, if and when it seems like you two could take it to the next level, you'll already have had the chance to really form a strong friendship, which is the key to any good relationship. Don't take this too seriously. Enjoy getting to know a great guy, and enjoy the feeling that anything is possible! When its right, it will all come together. Good luck!
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