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How to deal with jealousy
Recently a friend of mine got my dream job. It bothers me a lot because I spent a lot of time on my application and didn't even get a chance to interview. He threw together the application at the last minute, got an interview, and got the job.
I congratulated him and said I was glad he was able to get the job but the truth is I'm extremely jealous and think I deserved it much more than him. I'm mad he got it cause he really wasn't interested until I told him about it and I researched it about a year before I could even apply. It's a government job, is extremely competitive, and only hires about once every year. It is also a contract job so it's not like he will be able to help me get a job once he's in.
It's been about 3 weeks now and I'm still extremely aggravated and think about it at least several times everyday. My friends and family are annoyed now if I bring it up but I'm not sure anyone realizes how much I wanted that job. I know there are loads of other jobs out there but the more searching I do the more I feel like that one was the best. My application was solid and polished and I take pride knowing that i did my best, but still I feel like a loser cause I didn't get that job.
How do I go about dealing with the jealousy? Does anyone have any advice about how I can move on and stop thinking about this all the time?
Thanks for your help!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
My close friend is dealing with this exact same situation. She and her best friend went through a highly competitive nursing program. She was the best student in the class and won many awards, but her friend landed a nice hospital job while she still searches. She says she feels so bad, because she wants to be happy for her friend but she can't help feeling so jealous. My advice to her - fake it til you make it! Meaning, pretend to be happy for your friend. Whenever he shares details about the job, whenever someone else talks about his great new job, whenever the subject comes up act as happy as you can (without going overboard in a fakey fake way). Tell others you are so happy for him and he really deserves it. When you are alone and feeling bad, tell yourself you feel so happy for him, he really deserves it, he's going to be great, etc. It will feel fake, because it is fake, but the more you do it, the easier it will become, until one day you'll realize you actually believe it. In the meantime, keep looking and do your best not to compare your situation to his. It is totally normal to be jealous, so give yourself a break. You're not a horrible person. If the tables were turned, I'm sure your friend would feel the same way. Try to keep in mind that you don't know all the details of the situation at that company. Its disappointing right now that you didn't get the job, but maybe the reason is that there is something better for you. Sometimes things that start out as disappointing lead to situations that are better than you could have ever imagined. So don't look at this as a loss. Look at this as a sign that you haven't found the right place yet. And try not to judge your friend. While jealousy is a natural reaction, judgement is not, and just like you have things about you that are unique and exceptional, so does he, so don't begrudge him because he didn't succeed the way you think he should succeed. Concentrate on your own self and what you can do to prepare for the great job that I know is just around the corner for you. And remember- fake it til you make it! Good luck.
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