|
My wife complains I drink too much, but I drink only about once a month
My wife is constatnly fighting with me calling me an alcoholic on a daily basis and throwing huge fits all the time about drinking. I am a well educated profession who drinks only about once a month, weekend only. When I do drink I will have several drinks, get a nice buzz, eat and go to sleep.
She comes from an alcoholic family (father, brothers) and says my drinking is a MAJOR issue, but I don't get into trouble, I do it only at home, I never go to bars, I dont drive or hurt anyone or anything, and I have a great job and treat her very well, and I only do it every so often, as I said about once a month. I see no problem except that she dislikes it so much.
Is this truly an alcohol issue or is this something that is about her and her past? What should I do besides stopping entirely which I dont think is fair. If i want to drink once a month on a Saturday after a long week, why can't I?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your wife has a problem with people that drink stemming from her family life. This is something that will continue to eat away at your marriage until the two of you face up to the problem and resolve it.
Yes, it will take both of you to resolve the problem. She has to learn to be more tolerant of people, like you, who are social drinkers and and people like members of her family who are alcoholics. While you seem to understand this is an issue of hers you need to find away to help her understand social drinkers are not alcoholics and are not like family members.
Normally I would recommend family counseling, but this issue does not, yet rise to that level. Asking her to see a therapist may be something she would fight you on but something you should try to get her to do and you should offer to attend a few sessions with her.
I'm also thinking that Al-anon might be able to help. Al-anon was formed to help people like your wife who are family or friends of problem drinkers. Al-anon helps them deal with the problems they face by meeting with others who have similar problems.
While al-anon is not an exact fit for your wife's problem Im hoping she will see that social drinking and chronic drinking differ. I am also hoping that through al-anon guidance you will be more successful in getting her into therapy.
]
You can. Will your wife find it acceptable? Possibly not.
In truth, this is her problem and not yours. Being in a marriage though, disregarding her problems can damage or destroy the relationship.
Communication is needed. She sees alcohol as the devil, and for all I know there may be no middle road. You are not being unreasonable, but only you can know or find out if her being unreasonable presents a problem you cannot overcome together.
I think you need to assert yourself. I think you need to refuse to allow her to call you an alcoholic. I think you should probably see a relationship counselor together.
God knows if it'll change her position though. I'm an occasional drinker, and enjoy a few other things as well. I married a woman who is OK with that, and who is willing to share a little intoxication with me.
You didn't do the same. The question you need to ask yourself is, is the relationship worth ending over her being irrational and unreasonable? If this is a "major" issue you can't just do what you do and put up with her forever. It'll drive you apart, and I think that her degree of unreasonableness in this area will probably manifest itself in other places.
Get couples therapy. At the very least, see what a neutral third party telling her she's being ridiculous does. If she ignores any viewpoint other than her own, well the evaluation that comes after that is up to you.
]
Your wife is definitely going overboard, but it comes from an honest place. Witnessing the devastation alcoholism brings on a family can make a person very sensitive. My own family had the same problems, and for a long time, I thought that even if I had one drink it would turn me into an alcoholic. It took me many years to realize that alcoholism is about more than just taking a drink. It has to do with filling a void and numbing pain. Your wife has been terribly hurt by alcohol in the past. Its understandable that she is a bit oversensitive to your use. This is something she really needs help with. Sit down and talk with her. make sure you do it in a time of peace, when you're not already arguing. Calmly explain your position. Tell her you understand her point of view, but that you also understand there is a lot more to alcoholism than just taking a drink. Do a google search and find a support group for families of alcoholics. Offer to attend a meeting with her, or research the issue more with her. The point is, your wife has some issues to work through that have nothing to do with you or your drinking. If you can afford it, therapy would be a great help too. She needs to be able to confront the issue of alcoholism in her family, and what it means for her and the family she is trying to create. It will take work, and continued patience on your part, but you can work through this together if you try. In the meantime, your wife needs to be reminded that compromise is a two way street. Maybe you two can agree on a schedule or acceptable time for you to drink while at home, or maybe you can make arrangements to drink outside of the home (responsibly of course), either meeting up with a friend once or twice a month for dinner or hanging out a neighbor's house for drinks. Set up some ground rules, and then assure her you will stick to those rules. If you hold up your end of your agreement and continue to seek support for her, she'll come around. good luck.
]
You can! I would talk to your wife about seeking professional help, you could also go with her to her appointments and try to resolve the issue together.
You aren't an alcoholic. My step dad drinks several beers a NIGHT. Which is worse than several beers Once. a. month.
It's just her past and her. Truth be told, she is probably scared to death about your drinking thinking you'll get as bad as her family.
Sit down with her calmly and talk to her, no yelling.
Don't give up on her :) this girl needs you.
Goddess bless you.
xX
]
More Questions: |