A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Do you guys think its weird for 16 year olds to go trick-or-treating? I dont do it to steal candy from little kids, I do it because I am a kid at heart lol and its fun! PLUS ITS FREE CANDY! But some people give me weird looks when I knock on their door and say "Trick-Or-Treat!" I guess its because I look like I'm about 20. Several houses last year gave me just one piece. But I dunno if they did that to everyone or JUST me. So my question is this: Do you think there should be an age limit to trick-or-treating? Why or Why not? (link)
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If you're old enough to buy your own candy, you're too old for trick or treating. If you're old enough to be at a halloween party you're too old for trick or treating.
I generally say 13-14 is the cut off. Once you hit high school, if you are going trick or treating you should be bringing a little brother or something around.
But yeah, at 16 Id probably give you a wierd look too.
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One of my friends is 17 going to be 18 in about 5 months, is a senior in highschool, works at wendys making $7 an hour gets paid every 2 weeks and her pay checks are no more then $220. Today she signed up for the air force. I was talking to her online and she told me that she was going to buy another ipod. ( she already has 2 ipods ) i told her that she just needed to save the money. She got mad at told me she has no reason to save money cause she doesnt need to save for anything. I said thats the stupidiest thing i have ever heard. She needs to save for a car and a place to stay.She told me i was stupid and i didnt know anything about the airforce or the military services because they will provide her with a place to stay and enough money when she starts basic training that will last her for long enough. I told her that they only give her so much money when joining but she thinks that they give her a place to stay and all the money in the world.
I know im not her mom but how do i let her know she needs to save up money instead of blowing it on more ipods? Does the air force really provide you with a great place to stay and money to live off? She doesnt make enough money to waste it away.
Am i being a rude friend? Someone just can give me something to say to her? Anything? thanks (link)
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Tell her she needs to research things.
Armed forces pay sucks. I mean, you get room and board covered, but even then, it sucks for career pay.
Also, if she is going straight into the air force, she needs to look into college correspondence courses now.
If she wants to go to college while she is in, I am pretty sure they help with that. If she had college loans and then signed up, they can help with that too. But if she goes and does her time and then wants to go to college, I think the only money shes going to have is whatever she saves.
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15/f.
this kid, told my friend, that he wants to kill all the people that are mean to him in school. and he tried to buy a gun, but he like couldn't. or something. but he wants to kill all the mean people there. he said, "all the people that just even look at me wrong, i want to kill them." and now im scared. i mean i'm not sure how serious he was. because he is veryyy emotional. like he has major mood swings. but i just don't wanna walk into school one day, and hes having an off day, and die for it. you know? and hes like, well it doesnt matter. because the most that will happen to me is ill get 25 years in jail. and thats not a big deal.
so i dont know. what should i do!? :/ should i tell someone? or just let it go.. and risk it? (link)
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Go to a counselor.
Being 15 and living in society today, you are taught "dont tell the authority figures anything"
In some cases, thats right. In others (like this) its not. Give them as much information as you can. Bring in the friend that he told it to.
You know, everyone has their off days. I imagine Ive said things when angry that would worry a few people when I was younger. He might be blowing off steam.
If hes not, people might die.
If you know that hes tried to buy a weapon, and you know hes talked about killing people alot, tell someone. Now. You cannot take the chance with other people's lives.
And Ill tell you something.
If you say something and nothing ever happens, you might feel a little down because you wonder if you needed to say anything.
If you dont say something, and he comes and shoots up the school, you will feel a hell of alot worse. Or you'll be dead.
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Ok, here it is. I'm "Gothic" and the guy I like is a "Jock". I like him nad I'm pretty sure he likes me. Problem, I have no clue how it could get any farther than smiles and small chat because of the gossip and just people at our school. I swear, it'd be like WW3! Please give me your advise, Anything would be good at this point.
Thanks!
~VampireGirl818 (link)
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You should continue your present course of action.
Clearly, the labels you have put on yourself and him are absolute and represent boundaries which could not be crossed, else many countries will break out into global thermonuclear war.
Or, maybe you should realize that what other people think doesnt really matter, and that its effing retarded to limit yourself based on the possibility of gossip amongst a bunch of other kids.
Of course, this is saying that you're ready to date anyone. I dont think you're quite there yet.
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16/m
I have this friend. Well, now we're more than friends because she asked me out today. and i said yes. I really really like this girl, but im afraid things are getting awkward between us, and because of it she'll break up with me. and this is only the first day...
Im not sure if maybe im just being paranoid or something, but the only way we knew each other was because we made fun of one another and joked around. now that we're more than just friends, I don't know what should change and what shouldn't.
the point is, i really like this girl, but i dont really know HOW to be her boyfriend. i dont want us to be ruined. and i dont want us to break up either... thats why this is confusing me.
anyway, here's my main question: is this just the type of thing we will get used to? or is this never going to work out between us? PLEASE help. (link)
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You're stressing out too much.
Be yourself. She asked you out. That means that she likes who you are.
Conversation is one of the many ways into a womans heart. Ask her about herself. Things you dont know, like what she wants to do with her life, what she likes doing. Find something you have in common and talk it to death.
Its a day old. If you are stressing out about it this much then it WILL die. No girl wants to be with a guy who is a nervous wreck around her. Like I said, remember that she asked you out. She already likes you. That means it is no longer your job to make her like you.
Its your job not to mess it up.
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My husband always complaings that I don't initiate sex. I am a stay-at-home mom with two highly energetic, small children. I DO exercise and pay attention to my grooming/appearance but honestly, I NEVER FEEL LIKE INITIATING sex. What should I do? (link)
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1) Take time for yourself somehow. If you do not ever feel like initiating sex, that is something that you should think about. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so in a partnership it often becomes something of an issue if one side has to initiate intimacy all the time. It makes him feel less attractive.
If you are always too stressed out and tired, then you need some time for yourself. You need a babysitter, something. Go relax, get a massage, buy something sexy and put it on and remind yourself that you have a husband who wants you, alot.
That goes into 2
2) Often, in a long relationship, it becomes very easy for one or both members of the couple to not feel very sexy. You know on an intellectual level that the person finds you attractive and enjoys sex, but you dont feel hot.
An easy way to correct this, is to throw a twist into your sex life. Surprising him in something sexy is a good way. Others include surprising him at work, etc.
There is also something to be said about mood enhancers. I believe they have viagra for women. I know that things like this have a stigma attached, but speaking as a guy you dont have to need it to love it. Heck, anything that gets you in the mood can help. Go take a hot bath and explore a little. Ive often found that taking a little time to myself sexually leaves me horny and wanting more. More means my partner.
You need to get yourself back to neutral. Stress naturally decreases sex drive. De-stress, take care of yourself a little.
Im going to add, after having read the answers below. Not wanting to initiate isnt something you should just accept. Sex and sexuality should be something you enjoy in your life. It should be connection time. You should always take steps to keep your sex life healthy and mutually enjoyable.
If your sex life is not working as well as you like, its worth working on. Communication is the first key to a happy marriage. An excellent sex life is the second. Like I said, if you arent in the mood that means that you should adjust your life a little and take some time to get yourself back there.
You also might want to look into fufilling a few fantasies. Think about what you like, what you might not have done (or done with him) and look into it.
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So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a month and we've been sexually active for 7 months i think.. anyways we were casually having sex the other day and the condom broke.. it was the second condom but he ejaculated in the first one not the second but there was still some on his shaft he thinks.. anyways i took plan b(the morning/day after pill) and i was just wonder what experience you guys have had with it.. does it work well? and do you think i could be pregnant? all i've heard is that the m.a.p. works realllllly well! but i want to know your stories! (link)
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As far as I understand its pretty much foolproof. The morning after pill is like birth control, but its a very concentrated dose of the hormone. You are basically forcing a miscarriage.
In the future, on the same aisle as condoms are these things called VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film.
Theyre like flexible thick breath strips. Spermicide. You put one inside you 15 min before sex, it melts, and you have spermicide inside you as a second line of defense. Supposedly it is as effective as a condom without a condom. With a condom its a second line of protection in case the condom breaks.
You should consider birth control too.
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ok well i think im ready to start doing sexual things..! like i dont really know how to explain it but....i am .. the only thing stopping me is i need 2 find a boyfriend..sooooo i guess my questions are: how can i let a boy no that i want to do things with him..??.. and like any comments..!! btw. 14/f (link)
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Sweetheart you dont need a boyfriend. You need to google "female masturbation" and go learn a few things.
You have hit a point in your life where the hormones are finally kicking in and you are suddenly ridiculously horny for reasons you cant really explain. It happens. Before you are ready for sex, you have to learn to control those urges. To be able to supress or take care of them on your own.
Until you could be with a guy you really liked, be incredibly horny and want to have sex with him, and walk away from the situation and NOT have sex because you knew it wasnt the right time, you arent ready to have sex or be sexual with a guy.
The hardest part about sexuality is mastering your own ability to say no.
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OK first Im f/14
I have a few questions,
1.ok my parents are 50 and 51, so they are old fashioned, well my bf and i have been going out for a year, and my parents always watch us like hawks to make sure we arent doing anything "inappropriate" well, so is there any way to escape them?!?!
2. My boyfriend and i kiss, just a little peck, how do i get him to start making out with me??? and i know he wants to make out with me!!!
3. Well so how do i get him to do more? not sex! but like more than just kissing, like idk what, but any ideas and advice?
4. ok, so like..im really confused with like EVERYTHING to do with guys, b/c he is my first bf, and my parents hide me from the world of anything like that, so explain to me EVERYTHING you can think of! ok?
please help me, and im sorry that im kind of out of the world of guys, sex, and relationships.
Thanks for the advice!!! (link)
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1) No, you cant really escape them. And to be honest, you shouldnt. "Old fashioned".
Ill try to keep this short, but please read it all. You consider your parents old fashioned (and maybe they are a little) but thats also because they were raised in a time when kids your age didnt know anywhere near as much about sex and the ability to enjoy it. So they werent chasing it.
Sex and sexuality are adult things. There are emotions and reasons behind sex that go beyond "I like my boyfriend and this feels good". At 14 you havent even encountered all of these things, much less are able to handle them well. You dont have enough experience to make a sound adult judgement. Thats why your parents are there. They create rules whos purpose is to keep you safe while allowing you enough leeway to learn without screwing up really badly and for instance ending up pregnant or with an STD.
Sorry about the lecture.
2 & 3) These are really one question and will be answered as such. Talk to him. I think that one of the things least taught to kids today is that one of the BIGGEST reasons you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or someday spouse, is that you have someone to talk to. Someone you can relate to. A person whom you trust. Its a hard subject to bring up, but talk to him. Tell him youd like to do more. Tell him that you dont want to do TOO much more. Set your limits now and talk to him about them. Trust me, he wont be upset that you brought it up. Quite the contrary.
4) Way too involved an answer. But this is because its different for every person. You bond with people in an individual level. Go for a walk, have a conversation, kiss in the rain, watch a movie, go out to dinner. Cook each other dinner. Going out in public is a bit harder to manage, but you get the general idea.
Its too early for sex. Your parents arent teaching you things which is bad on them, because they probably dont realize exactly how much you can learn on your own these days. This is something you've probably heard from them, and all I can say is that you will definitely understand this when you are older, but you have your entire life ahead of you to get these things done, to experience all you want to experience.
I will add to that. Some experiences that would be positive when you are older are not positive now.
I will give you a real life example, because it comes up on here alot. Sex with people you dont know very well, aka "hooking up".
In later years, past high school, past college, people often sleep together without knowing each other very well. They do this obviously because they want to have sex, but also because they know themselves. They know that they can enjoy sex with a stranger or a new aquaintance or on a first date. Furthermore, they can handle all of the consequences. They protect themselves, they are educated about sex, they prevent pregnancy and if one occured they are adults fully capable of handling the situation themselves, be it adoption, abortion, or keeping the baby. They are also able to make logical, informed, adult decisions about all of these things. Adult women know when to say no and when to say yes based on what is ok for them.
You havent been around to know these things yet. But more than that, reread the part about the consequences. Adults have earned the right to express their sexuality in ways of their own choosing because they have the rest of their life in order. If you got pregnant, there is nothing you can do about it. You cant get an abortion, put it up for adoption, or keep it on your own. If you get an STD you cant set up your own appointment to go take care of it or to figure it out. This is why your parents set rules and try to keep you from "doing inappropriate things"
Because they dont know if you would be responsible. They do know they havent taught you enough about your own body and about relationships or sexuality to know enough to keep you safe.
How do you tell a 14 year old to consider the future and expect him or her to understand the gravity of what that means?
Now that, Id love to have an answer to.
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i know limewire is illegal and everything. ive heard about people getting fined for LOTS of money for using it. if i right click all my songs and click stop sharing or whatever it says, can i still get fined? is there anything i can read online about this?
thanks! (link)
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First.
Your best bet, is to move them to a different folder. Example, your limewire folder is on the desktop, and you move all songs to "my music"
This is a small protection, but usually they target people who are uploading alot rather than downloading. However, they can do it either way.
Now, a few warnings about limewire.
1) Limewire is full of some of the worst viruses and other ways to screw up your computer known to man. Using it will screw up your computer over time.
2) Limewire is very traceable. Anyone you download from or upload to can see it and can find you if they so desire.
3) Limewire is also infamous for spyware and keyloggers. A keylogger saves a file with every key you hit in it including mouse clicks. This means that by looking at the log, people can know passwords, usernames, bank information, or anything else you do on your computer even if you arent online. It sends this data to whomever. Usually people who like to steal identities or simply mess with people who arent net savy.
I would not use it if I were you.
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ok. 13/f.
i was at a party this weekend and i ended up having sex three time with three different guys. it was really good, but i wont go into details.
im only 13 though, like since im so young can something like that be bad?
thanks.
also, do you consider that as a slutty thing.
i did ALOT of things. (link)
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Sweetheart, close your legs. Keep them there until you are 18.
I dont have a whole lot more to tell you. Its a terrible idea.
Do you know why parents dont want kids your age having sex? Because you dont know how to handle yourself. You arent old enough to know what you should be doing or to know that you shouldnt. You are acting like an adult by having sex when you dont understand or even really have alot of the adult emotions and thoughts that are behind what sex is.
You need to stop having sex. Period.
It amazes me the level to which parents do not teach their kids how to handle themselves these days.
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16/f
i've fallen in love with the foreign exchange student. he's from france, he's a senior and i'm junior in high school. he came in august and was staying with a friend of mine so i got to know him pretty well. he was in my gym class too. anyway he's only staying until he graduates and then he's going back to france. we kissed over the summer and have talked about a relationship but we're really not sure if it's worth it or not. he's so sweet but if we get into a relationship and it really works out and then he moves back to france we're both going to be heartbroken and devestated. i love france and i've been there before but it's a completely different country! how do i handle this? (link)
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You dont live your life now based on possible hurt later.
So many people are unable to do that, to even the smallest nuances of their lives. Look at how much some people on here agonize over just talking to the opposite sex. People act as if every rejection was the last chance they will ever get with anyone.
Yeah. The guy or girl you are looking at may be the last person you ever date. The last person you will ever need. They could also be someone you dont remember their name a few years from now. But either way, why would you trade the possibility of good memories to avoid pain later.
Pain is part of life. Its going to come one way or another.
Another thing to note. In a year, who knows what can happen. Not you, not I.
Take more chances with your life. Date this guy. If nothing else, you will hopefully have some wonderful memories.
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ok how long do you think me and my bf should be together before we have sex. he's thinking 5 months but idk im ready whenever but idk how long do you think we should wait? (link)
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Until you agree on the subject.
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I've just broke up with my boyfriend and it's official it's over. I don't want him to get with another girl but obviously it's inevitable he will. I just can't stop thinking about his hands over a girl and him "doing things". I know I'm torturing myself and I feel so sick about it. I've tried keeping busy and even when I'm at work I imagine it. All I wanted was for him to care and love me and he went for no reason. I know he isn't worth it but that doesn't make love go. I know time will only do that but how do I control the girl thing? n e suggestions? (link)
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Get over it.
Honestly, if you broke up with someone you should be sure it was time to end it, and you wouldnt have a problem with this.
If you have a severe problem with this, perhaps its because there is work yet to be done on the relationship and its not time to give up yet.
I dont know your situation, your relationship with him. But I would say that if thinking about this is consuming you, making you sick, then perhaps you should talk to him.
Speaking as a guy who was recently dumped, yeah hes probably seeking out a relpacement. Most guys are going to take the most direct route to feeling better. That means a rebound relationship.
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im 13 and ive given about 5 handjobs,all to the same person,do u think im a slut. i gave my first handjob when i was about 7 and my most recent when i was 12. the guy wasnt my BF but he was my best friend and still is. ive always loved him but hes never felt the same way do u think he was useing me? (link)
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/sigh.
Sweetheart you arent a slut.
What you are, is being used. And you are allowing it to happen, I would imagine, because you are afraid someone might not like you if you dont.
Read the following. Memorize it. Someday it will hit home.
There are people in this world who will set conditions on them "liking you". They will do the least they can possibly get away with for you to be happy as long as you give them what they want. With guys, often this means that they will want sex to like you, and will ignore you if you dont get it.
These people are not worth being friends with. No matter how popular, who likes them, etc. If someone wants you to do things for them in order for you to like them, they are not good people.
Whoever this guy is, may not be actively "being your friend to get handjobs". What he is, is just selfish. He is willing to let you do these things becuase you care about him and hope that by making him happy he might love you back.
Its not going to happen.
Do not let yourself fall into the pit of "trading sex for people to like you"
Its a terrible way to live and you will attract the worst people. The kind of people who will see that you want friendship and will take every sexual favor they can get to give you the friendship you desire.
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sometimes when my boyfriend and I talk on the phone he wants me to talk sexy or dirty to him. Is that normal? I did it once or twice but i hate doing it because i don't know what to say or how to start off or anything. WHY DOES HE DO THIS? he told me that him and his friend called one of those hotlines and it was funny but im not a sex hotline. I want to make him happy but like this?? PLus he doesnt do it for me! So why should I?! and let's say i do "talk dirty" what do i say?? (link)
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He does it because hes horny and when you do it turns him on. That answer is simple.
Unfortunately, theres no real way for me to provide you with a practical example. Just not appropriate. Phone sex is generally talking about what you would like to do to the person.
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People keep judging me because I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. And since it is high school, everyone always questions or assumes that we had sex. So, how was it for you when you first told people or it got out? Did your friends or people treat you differently?
We did have sex. And we still do, some people found out because the boyfriend thought it was okay to imply it.. and give them ideas. So now I've got an old friend [that i dont talk to or see anymore] who is always "Don't have sex with her, or I'll cut your dick off" or "Wear a condom!" towards my boyfriend at his school and it's really annoying. I didn't tell her anything, it's just she always acts superior because when she was 14.. she did it.. all, you know? I'm almost 17 and I haven't done drugs.. she keeps treating me like a child when she's a year younger than me and she implies that i'm not responsible. What do I say to her without coming off as rude? She makes it seem it's okay for herself to sleep around but when it comes to me, only having sex with one guy.. it's HORRIBLE!
also, another bit about sex.. i kind of want to stop having sex for a while.. but i'm not sure how to tell my boyfriend that. I'm sure he will get a bit hurt about it.. and I'll like some ideas of what else we could do.. nonsexual ..? we are going to bake something, but not any time soon. i'm not sure what else we could do for now.. watching movies is getting old and we are broke. (link)
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Ignore her. She is an immature child who thinks that imitating adult behavior makes her an adult. Having had more sex than you doesnt make her any more grown up than having had sex makes you in general. And the way she goes about things (from your description) tells me that shes pretty much using you to feel better about herself.
Its funny that way, but you might notice it. Kids who do things that others might not consider to be a great idea (like being slutty or doing lots of drugs at 16) will often tell others "you arent mature" or "you just dont know what its like" or something else of that nature.
What they are doing, is convincing themselves that everyone wants to do it. The concept of something being "cool" is probably the worst thing to ever happen to kids. Because people can easily make any behavior "cool" and then stupid children do it without actually knowing why they are.
I mean, look at this website. I have seen 13 year old girls asking for advice on how to handle a threesome.
Speaking as an adult, there is an entire social dynamic behind things like this. There are emotions that adults deal with and enjoy that are simply not present in children. The adult desire is balanced (or should be) against adult responsibility, the ability to maintain your own life, and the ability to handle the consequences of your decisions independently or in some cases as a couple.
Kids are just doing it because theyve seen it or heard about it, and someone made it "cool" along the way.
But thats society. Sorry, I went off on a rant. The point is, your friend is a brat. She doesnt know what shes talking about. Tell her that you are more than old enough to make your own decisions without her input. And that references to your "inexperience" are not welcome or needed.
As to the stopping having sex. Hmm this is going to take some explanation too.
If you want to stop having sex that is fine. There are no real negatives and if you honestly think thats the best idea, then do it. No question there.
At the same time, look at your situation. I had a friend who had sex and then stopped. She stopped because she didnt like the way people seemed to look at her differently when they found out she was not a virgin. She was "one of them". She stopped because she didnt like it. The decision to stop having sex wasnt really a mature decision. Why? Because she stopped because of how others were making her feel.
The point of this, is that your decisions regarding sex are private, and are not something that you should make based on what other people (most especially other high school kids who have absolutely no genuine concept of reality) think.
Ill clarify again at this point, if you think you should stop, do. Just because the decision isnt the most mature decision in the world does not make it wrong in this case.
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ok i just got off the phone with my boyfriend. and he told me he loved me. for the first time. and i said i love you too byee. but i don't think he heard me say i love you. :[ cuz he hung up without saying anything.
what should i do??
help!! plz.
(link)
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I'm going to jump on the call him back bandwagon.
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I want to do something for my boyfriend.. But I'm not quite sure. Whether it's sexual or not. [we are open + sexually active] I want to look sexy i guess. A change for one day to surprise him. But what should I do? New hair, makeup, clothes, etc?
How do i "wow" my boyfriend? (link)
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The simplest answer is lingeree.
Other suggestions.
If you dont wear skirts often, start wearing them a bit more. Get him used to seeing you in them.
One day, arrange to go somewhere interesting. Wear a skirt. No underwear. Ravage him in public. I had a girlfriend do this to me in the Museam of Natural Science on a sunday when it was almost deserted.
Blindfolds are fun. When he walks in the room, blindfold him. Forbid him from taking it off. Strip him and surprise him with fun things.
Just be creative. Costumes can be fun. The sexy maid or nurse always goes over well.
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Well I'm 14 and my boyfriend and I had sex the first 3 times he had a condom on but when we where going 2 go 2 sleep he wanted 2 have sex AGAIN the thing is we only had 3 condoms and we already used them all he was begging me so I let him do it 2 me but he didnt EVER cum only twice when he didn't have a condom on but when he would about 2 cum he would pull his penis out of me I wanted 2 know if that would still make me peragnate?and why did he only cum w/o a condom? (link)
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1) As stated below, do not EVER use a condom twice.
2) If he is inside you without a condom, yes you could get pregnant. even if he didnt cum inside you, he leaks small amounts of fluid that contain sperm. From this point, see if you miss a period. If you do, take a pregnancy test. No more sex without protection, k?
3) Why without a condom?
Take your finger. Wrap the bottom of your shirt around that finger, and rub it on things.
Cant feel that much, can you? The shirt is in the way, it absorbs some of the sensation.
Take the shirt off. You feel more.
Condoms block sensation. Most guys hate condoms because alot of us do not enjoy sex nearly as much when wearing one. But if you want to get laid, thats the price you need to pay to keep yourself safe.
You need to talk to your parents or someone about birth control. You are already allowing sex without condoms to happen. You need to protect yourself. And dont let a guy talk you into anything when you know you shouldnt.
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