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who should initiate sex?
My husband always complaings that I don't initiate sex. I am a stay-at-home mom with two highly energetic, small children. I DO exercise and pay attention to my grooming/appearance but honestly, I NEVER FEEL LIKE INITIATING sex. What should I do?
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As a mother I can understand where you are coming from. Try and look at if from your husbands point of view as well though. If he is always the one initiating sex with you it's only natural that there will be times where he is going to want to feel wanted, and attractive and he's going to want you to make the first move on him. No matter how good of shape you stay in or how you keep your appearance during the day, the fact of the matter is kids WILL WEAR YOU OUT! One weekend, leave him home with the kids, go out and spend the day in the spa, have YOU TIME get a manicure, pedicure, massage, maybe even get your hair done. you will feel great and look fabulous!! With your new DIVA look you will definitely be feeling sexy and you may just want to go home and seduce your husband ;-)
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1) Take time for yourself somehow. If you do not ever feel like initiating sex, that is something that you should think about. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so in a partnership it often becomes something of an issue if one side has to initiate intimacy all the time. It makes him feel less attractive.
If you are always too stressed out and tired, then you need some time for yourself. You need a babysitter, something. Go relax, get a massage, buy something sexy and put it on and remind yourself that you have a husband who wants you, alot.
That goes into 2
2) Often, in a long relationship, it becomes very easy for one or both members of the couple to not feel very sexy. You know on an intellectual level that the person finds you attractive and enjoys sex, but you dont feel hot.
An easy way to correct this, is to throw a twist into your sex life. Surprising him in something sexy is a good way. Others include surprising him at work, etc.
There is also something to be said about mood enhancers. I believe they have viagra for women. I know that things like this have a stigma attached, but speaking as a guy you dont have to need it to love it. Heck, anything that gets you in the mood can help. Go take a hot bath and explore a little. Ive often found that taking a little time to myself sexually leaves me horny and wanting more. More means my partner.
You need to get yourself back to neutral. Stress naturally decreases sex drive. De-stress, take care of yourself a little.
Im going to add, after having read the answers below. Not wanting to initiate isnt something you should just accept. Sex and sexuality should be something you enjoy in your life. It should be connection time. You should always take steps to keep your sex life healthy and mutually enjoyable.
If your sex life is not working as well as you like, its worth working on. Communication is the first key to a happy marriage. An excellent sex life is the second. Like I said, if you arent in the mood that means that you should adjust your life a little and take some time to get yourself back there.
You also might want to look into fufilling a few fantasies. Think about what you like, what you might not have done (or done with him) and look into it.
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Some questions about you: are you not interested in sex, or do you just want to be approached and courted? My wife stays at home with our kids, and after a whole day with those two she doesn't feel like being a vamp. It's up to me to shake her focus from 'mommy' to 'wife'. And if the kids have been difficult, she may not even want to be touched at all.
You and your husband definitely need to be honest with each other. Figure out exactly what you need, and then talk with him.
Hope this helps.
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there's nothing wrong with not wanting to initiate sex.. just talk to him about it and he should understand.. talking to him about it will help things out that way he'll always know what you want and wat you don't want and what you need and what you dont' need.. i know it's not much, but hope i helped some-what lol... Skyla
the key to a sucessful relationship is to be open with each other!!
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