A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96962
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Love Life
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Um I have a really personal love life question and id rather not post it on public internet, so I was wondering if a couple of people could volunteer to answer it? (ill send you a question to your inbox)
thanks (link)
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If you want more opinions drop me a line.
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15/f
boyfriend and i been together 2 years.
love him DONT JUDGE OUR AGE. K THANKS =]
first time i was unprotected;
like two weeks ago and he did NOT cum inside me
he didn't even cum; i made him get out.
[he lost his virginity to me; && has been tested like i many times]
since last week or so, when i pee
light colored blood comes out; its NOT my period.
i also have to pee alot more too.
sometimes it hurts to pee.
what is this?
i cant ask my mom about this either.
(link)
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Blood in urine is a sign of "You need to make a doctors appointment asap"
Off the top of my head, Im guessing some form of urinary tract infection.
Tell your parents. I know that youve been taught "parents bad" but your parents are here for EXACTLY this kind of thing. You cant fix this yourself. You need an adults help.
Tell your mother. Go to a doctor. Get yourself healed. Health is MORE IMPORTANT THAN EMBARRASSMENT!
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16/f
Boyfriend=18
Okay, well my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 14 months. So by chirstmas it will be 15 months. I have no idea what to get him. I already got him a necklace for his birthday and a ring for our one year.
For christmas last year, I got him a hoodie, and a bunch of shirts. I made him a scrap book of our pictures and such. And I got him candy. I just seem to ran out of ideas!
I was thinking an x box 360 game, a build a bear, cloths. I have no idea what else.
Sooo guys, If you are/been in a long relationship like I am. What did you like when your girlfriends got you things? Also, hes a football player for college. If that helps any.
&& girls, any ideas?? Any cute little things to do?
THANKS A BUNCH TO ANYONE THAT ANSWERS!! =D (link)
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If he likes video games, thats never a bad idea.
If you two are intimate, then things in that area (like lingeree for yourself) arent terrible ideas either.
Spoiling him is great as well. I had a birthday where my girlfriend basically said "anything you want today, you get". She waited on me hand and foot (for the three hours we got out of bed that day)
Guys are practical. We appreciate practicality in gifts. Things we can use, or things that can amuse, either works really well. Clothes are a "if you have a guy you know really likes clothes" gift.
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I've never gotten high. I've been offered many things, but I declined it. But since I'm getting out of high school soon, I would like to get high once. Just a experience, nothing more as a habit. Since my boyfriend was really hooked to getting high. He quit for a long time. So he's happy that we are getting high together, for my 'first time' ha. I just .. don't know what to expect and how it effects you. What are all the names of the pills? I get so lost when he speaks of them. It's just named for it's color and size.. or for the effect? How long are you high? How do you act? I've never interacted with my high friends.. so i'm completely lost. I don't want to freak out. Please no "don't get high, it's stupid" it's just one try. i know i won't get hooked over it because of a personal reason /that doesn't concern health/.
Any details and stuff.. email at vegancon@gmail.com
thanks! (link)
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Problem 1. On this website we are not allowed to tell you anything specific. In fact, I know a few websites that would give you all the information if you knew what you were taking, and those arent allowed either because the information is deemed "potentially hazardous"
So, you arent going to get an answer. Its a risk to tell you anything like that. For the website, and for the advice giver as well.
But. I can tell you this. As someone who has experience with substances, you should NOT be taking something when you dont know the name of the substance, much less the effects. This is not something you should be "oh Im a ditzy girl and I dont know anything about these someone dumb it down for me"
If you arent interested in the subject enough to educate yourself, then you should stay away from it. (this goes for any potentially dangerous behavior, from sex to skydiving)
I mean, seriously though. You are sitting here telling us "I wont get addicted its just once"
How do you know? You dont even know what you're taking. You dont know what its going to do to you.
And I can tell you, from the information here, no one can answer your question. There are many, many substances in existence with many, many effects on the human body. You cant say "Im going to take a pill" and expect a detailed account of what the experience will probably be like.
Dont get high on things. Especially things that you dont care enough to educate yourself about. Its stupid.
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I recently met a wonderful, mature guy in his forties (I'm in my thirties) and we spent a great night together and a long late breakfast the next afternoon in which we told each other quite a lot about our past relationships. I divorced four years ago after a marriage of seven years. This marriage was to my first boyfriend, my first sexual experience, and turned out to be somewhat abusive. I tried to get out of the marriage twice, first by simply telling him I wanted out. I stayed that time because I couldn't handle how much it seemed to hurt him to leave. The second time, I went off to an artists' colony for a month and actually cheated on him, the first time I'd ever done this before or after. I told him immediately and it was the end of our marriage. One of my friends thought the cheating was the only way my husband would have let me go.
So I told the new guy all of this. He had said something about my being mature enough to get out of the marriage or something that I thought wasn't quite right, wasn't quite honest if I agreed, so I told him of the cheating so he'd really know what happened and told him I suffered untold guilt about it for a long time.
Well now I'm wondering if I made a mistake, if my desire for honesty will simply scare him off instead. He took what I said very kindly, seemed to understand, but now I'm worried. Maybe it's just that I'm waiting for that call to see him again that's gotten me so worried. In any case, would you recommend this kind of honesty on my part in the future (on future dates, if this one doesn't work out)? Shouldn't I keep things open? Or am I just shooting myself in the foot.
Thanks,
handwringing (link)
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The two sides of my head are saying two different things.
On one side, is the pragmatic side. I dont tend to tell new flames about issues with old ones. I am not about to bring up past mistakes. Thats why theyre past, and I learn from them so that they are not repeated.
On the other side, its good to be able to be completely honest with someone.
If this relationship sours, wait to admit to something like that until much deeper in the relationship. Wait until a point where there is enough trust between you that he will believe and understand that you cheated because of the marriage, not because you are that kind of person.
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what is the sexiest thing to do to a guy w/ youre hands (link)
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Make him dinner.
Sorry, I couldnt resist.
And there are a ridiculously large number of answers to a question like this. Different guys like different things. Talk to your guy. Try things out. See what he likes.
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my friend is madly in love with his girlfriend. they both love each other and were planning on getting married when they grew up. they were gonna go to college together, get married, and have a family. however, she went to a party without him and got very drunk. some guy took advantage of her and they hooked up. she apologized to him (my friend), and told him how much she regretted it, and how she would never do it again. should he break up with her? (link)
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People fuck up.
Its a fact of life.
She didnt fall for someone else. She didnt go somewhere to get sex from someone else because she wasnt satisfied. She got drunk and was taken advantage of on some level.
I like to think that everyone deserves a second chance.
Infidelity is hard to get over. But if they both still want to be with each other, I think that that is what they should focus on.
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ok so us women fantasize about finding the perfect guy "our prince charming" as we call it and we want them to be incredibly sweet and love us and no one else blah blah blah but what do guys want. when you guys think of having a relationship, a serious relationship, what do you guys want??? please don't say sex, women are not sex slaves, that doesn't make a relationship. please answer this question seriously and only answer if you're a guy because if you're a girl and you think you know what they want, you probably don't. (link)
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The answers to that are as varied as the men in the world.
My answers.
Humor. A girl who cant laugh at the things I laugh at is someone I wont get along with very well. Some people have no sense of humor or appreciation for humor in its various and sundry forms. I like a girl who I can sit down and watch south park with, or go out to a club for some stand up.
Conversation. You would be amazed at how little some girls have to say. As a person who talks alot, I need a girl who does the same. People who have a (controllable) tendancy to interrupt with their own stories make me smile.
Self Awareness. Big one. Everyone has their own blind spots and everyone lives in denial about certain aspects of themselves, but I seek out girls who are aware of at least some of their flaws and see life as a fight to bring the good out over the bad.
Equivalent intelligence. I cant be around people who are not relatively high on the IQ side.
Similar level of attractiveness. Lets face it. In this world, looks matter. Thats not to say that I look for women who conform to society's view of what a woman should look like. I have my own standards. But within those standards I definitely have a level of "will not date" in there. It has alot to do with how well a girl takes care of herself.
I walked directly out of a date a few days ago because the girl had two massive tooth blackening cavities in the front of her mouth. If she cant be bothered to go to a dentist, I dont want to find out what other parts of her life she pays no attention to.
I will say, I am in my 20s. I have had a long time to think about what I want in a woman, and the women that I DO chase are generally more formed as people than say girls whom I chased in high school.
When I was younger it was "are you cute, and willing to go out with me"
In the simplest terms, a guy seeks the fastest way from A to B.
If Going from A to B for him is getting laid, thats what he looks for.
If its a relationship, he gravitates towards girls who have qualities that would work there.
In all cases, we are pretty direct.
Though, I will say, if a woman walks up and expresses direct interest in a guy, she will get interest from him. Unless hes got someone hes already chasing that he likes alot, or is gay, or he has reason to not like you specifically.
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well im 14 and for some reason i just think its totally pointless to have a relationship before you can drive. dont get me wrong i have nothing against people who do have relationships but is this like totally wrong? i feel weird cause my friends are all like OMG he is sooooooo hot! and im just like whatever doesnt matter to me (link)
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You have no idea how much I WISH you were the norm. You have a much more level head than 99% of your generation that Ive encountered.
It is relatively pointless before you can do much about it.
Thing is, that kids are finding ways to do some things about it early. If you've been on this website, you have probably seen questions from girls as young as 12 and 13 who are having sex. One that stands out in my memory was a 13 year old girl who was having threesomes with another few 13 year old girls and her 14 year old boyfriend.
That seems to be about all they can do, is imitate adult sexuality, but its definitely happening. When I have kids I shudder to think sometimes of what climate to bring them up in and what kind of things they can get themselves into without supervision.
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I'm interested in Inuyasha, so any fans out there.. What is your opinion on the anime [subbed AND dubbed] and/or manga? Which one appeals to you? I'm nearly done watching it, and I may consider reading the manga. I'm not quite sure yet, I just want some opinions & how it differentiates between the other. What does it focus on more? Romance? Demons?
If you don't like manga or anime, your opinion wouldn't be needed :] Thanks!
Also, is there any other anime similar to Inuyasha? *That isn't playing on Adult swim [those do not interest me] (link)
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The japanese voices always seem to fit the characters better than the american ones.
I prefer all my anime subbed with a few exceptions (Kenshin, trigun, cowboy bebop, tenchi are notables)
Manga is awesome. Its always good to read because while the action in animation is always sweet, the manga often goes more into the backstory.
Similar to Inuyasha? None that I can think of. If you like the swordplay, you might like Kenshin alot, and Cowboy Bebop IS an instant classic.
Other great Anime that I can reccomend. Bleach. Bleach is amazing. I really like naruto if you havent seen it. Dai-Guard is another good one. I know alot of people who like Initial D (a racing anime, I am not a huge fan) and hmm. I'm trying to think of more that involve alot of swordplay or powers. Ronin Warriors is old as hell but fun to watch.
Ohh. Yu Yu Hakusho. Its set in modern times but its about demons. One of my favorites, I cant believe I almost forgot it.
Sorry, you called out my inner anime nerd. I have more if you want them. Google Mininova or the pirate bay for some good sites to search torrent links for anime. www.dattebayo.com has bleach and naruto, though for the first 100 or so episodes of either you might have to google "________ torrent"
putting a title in the blank.
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okay please dont judge me im begginnggg you..
but im 14 gonna be 15 in like 8 days.
but me n my boyfriend of 3 years have had sex b4.
and this last time we had it he didnt wear a condom.
i took a test and it showed up positive.
i took one about 3 weeks ago.
i took another one just last week and that one also said positive.
i have no i dea what to do.
my byfriend and i both want to keep it.
but have no idea how to tell our parents.
pleasee tell me something to doo. (link)
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School counselor first.
Its strangely easier to say things like this to a stranger. Tell them that you want to tell your parents but dont know how and you need someone who can say things if you cant talk.
Dont bring your boyfriend into it at that stage. Dont tell the counselor who got you pregnant. Tell them that you arent going to tell them if you have to. This is what counselors are there for. To be there when you need an adult and cant go to anyone else at that time.
After your parents have been informed, tell them everything. You can tell your parents that you didnt want to name your boyfriend in front of the counselor but you are going to tell them.
I cant say if its a good idea for you to keep the baby. I can honestly say that adoption would be a better idea. No idea on your stance on abortion. But keeping this kid...
Its not good for kids to have parents who are 15. You cannot take care of your kid and provide the positive role model that the child needs at your age. I would argue for not keeping the kid one way or another, because its whats best for your child. There are MANY loving families who would love to adopt an infant. People who cannot have children but want one very, very badly, and who would give your child the life they deserve.
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my boyfriend has been saying i love you for a couple of months now. i do say it online but not in person or over the phone yet. he understands i'm waiting for the right moment. [btw, i'm speaking from a 9 month relationship]
it's just i don't know what's wrong with me. i can feel it, but the words don't come out. i love you is like saying sorry. by the age 7 or 8, i never spoke of those words [to parents or friends]... maybe because i was embarrassed or i dont know. i want to say it but i'm afraid i'll freeze up. i'm naturally quiet, close to a mute anyway. so maybe it's the anxiety or the experience/reaction of his that's scaring me. i felt forced to say it [over the phone] in another relationship.. but this one.. i told them how i felt about it and i can wait comfortably. i think i'm strange.. it took me so long.. by the age 14.. i could finally apologize to friends.. and maybe around 16, i would go and say i love blahblah [a close friend]. but in a relationship.. it's.. a lot different. what's wrong with me? there has been times i've wanted to say it but.. it just won't come out. i freeze up and get shy. (link)
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Its time that you forced yourself.
Honestly.
I had a girl that I was in love with. 8 month relationship. She said it once, about two weeks before we broke up.
The day she said it to me, I was as happy as a person can be. Giddy. That lasted about three hours.
Then I started to think. It took me 8 months to pull this girl far enough out of her shell to get her to say the words "I love you" over the phone. I realized that I couldnt continue the relationship after that, because I knew how much farther I had to pull her out of the shell. Over the next two weeks, she did not say it again, even with prompting.
I couldnt do that. I couldnt be with someone who had such huge mental blocks.
Im not trying to scare you. But it hurts, being with someone who cant give you that. Because you are constantly questioning yourself. "Is she not saying it because she doesnt feel it, or what?" kind of thing.
You need to steel yourself, and you need to tell him to his face, and let him read it in your eyes.
Everyone has their issues to overcome, especially in relationships. This is one of yours. Its time to face up to it, and to beat it. Tell the boy, I know hes waiting.
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When a guy and a girl stand together, who puts their arm where?
Whose arm goes around the waist and whose goes over the shoulder? Can both put the arms over the shoulder, or both put their arms around the waist? (link)
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Generally the taller person puts their arm on the other's shoulders, while the shorter puts their arm around the back.
If theres only one arm, the arm goes on mid/lower back.
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well theres this girl i like of course and she knows it very well that i do but im not an expert on what to do and we hardly talk ever since i told her i liked her i mean i would understand if she liked me and still didnt cause every one tells her i do but when i hear them do that and there all laughing and so is she but i dont know what to do so i look away and now i realize that was stupid and i looked at her and she looked mad but now it looks like she likes me more then she has ever oh should i care what anyone thinks but her i mean i dont want people picking on her for me liking her i think i should talk to alot more because this year we have no classes together but i love her with all my heart and soul and dont want to hurt her in any bad way so ill find out on monday if she likes me cause if u dont agree or anything i will go and talk to her around her friends and see if shes realy happy and wants me to do more i mean im the more think more act none but i want to change it for her and im shy and she might be to so if it means getting out of comfort zone i will do it to be with her i mean im addicted to runescape and every one hates me for it and i dont want her to hate me for it and should i act confident even though im not and smile alot around her and say hi alot more and have it go good shes the best thing ever happened to me but i dont know if she likes me i mean i understand what notto like about me
should i get and answer monday and ask her no matter what else happens? well every day she gets even more beatutiful and i love her and i guess i just need to see if i should do this if not in morning should i go walk the way to her lockers and walk the other way with her talking and think its not creepy in a girls point of view (link)
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This is patentedly unreadable.
Use Punctuation and paragraphs please.
A few other tips.
Falling heart and soul in love with someone who you arent even sure is interested in you is a bad idea. It will never, EVER turn out into a decent relationship. Remember that.
Talking to a girl in a group of her friends is a terrible idea unless you KNOW shes interested, her friends like you, and you are confident.
If you can say yes to all three of those, then it becomes a good idea because you have peer pressure from her friends and she will say yes. Ive had 100% success rate with that one, it feels great to pull off and makes you that much cooler to a girl.
Talk to her alone at some point. Dont tell her "I like you". Tell her you want to do something. A movie. Dinner. Whatever. Girls function better if you give them options rather than saying "I like you. Do something with that information that makes us happy"
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does any female care to tell me what makes a wife cheat and is there help out there for this????? (link)
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The overall answer is that she is self centered.
There are many justifications for cheating, but in the end it comes down to the fact that she is more concerned with her own satisfaction and happiness than making sure she doesnt hurt others or that others are satisfied and happy.
She might be unhappy and not want to say anything.
She might be the kind of person who is simply very sexual and doesnt tend towards monogamy.
She might have absolutely no self control.
She might be immature and is getting her "edgy guy sex" jolts from someone else. Ive met women who got off on cheating. It made the sex illicit. We all know illicit is exciting, our culture breeds that in people.
But, in the end, all of these answers and many more besides center on the fact that she is selfish.
Selfish people generally dont become less selfish.
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so theres this guy that i like, but he has a girlfriend. well, we talk everynight and he tells me how he wants me and how he doesn't like the other girl. well , we have talked a lot about doing stuff with each other. so i just wanted to get an honest opinion on what people feel about this .. and he says he would date me if he wasn't taken so what are some ways i can step up my game a little ?? thankss. (link)
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I want you to consider something.
First. If he really liked you more than his girlfriend, he would leave her for you. How girls miss this blatantly obvious fact is incredible to me.
Let me repeat that.
If he really wanted to "be" with you, he would.
Second. What makes you think that you are any more special than the girl he is dating? The fact that hes told you so? What do you think he told her when he started chasing her? If nothing else, if hes willing to cheat hes willing to cheat. Its not like hes going to cheat on her, but not you, if he was in a relationship with you eventually.
Stay away. Dont mess with guys in relationships unless they are genuinely willing to be in a relationship with you. Why would you consider settling for less?
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me and my boyfriend has been together for a while now, and we lost our virginities to eachother. and it's almost been a month before my period is supposed to come. and right now, we're both scared because he thinks i'm pregnant right now. but i'm not really sure if i am. because we've used condoms and we've changed it over and over again too. and it didn't break or leak or anything. we were very careful during sex, and i haven't been throwing up or anything, i felt like it.. but that's maybe because i'm kind of sick and i've been coughing hard that makes me wanna throw up. and my stomaches gotten kind of bigger, but how is that possible for less than a month? it's probably because i've eaten alot of junk food or something. my period comes at random times, supposedly it's supposed to come around this week or next, but i don't even have my warning yet. maybe i'm just worrying too much that my period hasn't come yet... i'm not sure.
PLEASE HELP ME! i'm really scared, nobody knows that i'm not a virgin anymore, and neither does my boyfriend's friends or whoever. please help me! we're really scared. (link)
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Only a pregnancy test knows for sure. That is tried and true advice. Theres no real point in speculating. There are many things that can and do cause the same symptoms as pregnancy.
A suggestion for the future though.
On the same aisle as condoms is something called "VCF"
Vaginal Contraceptive Film.
They look like thick flexible breath strips. You put one inside yourself and it turns into spermicide by dissolving. Instructions on the box.
They are safe to use with latex condoms, and it is basically a second line of protection in case the condom breaks or leaks. VCF is supposed to be almost as effective as using a condom in preventing pregnancy without the presence of a condom and assuming that the man cums inside the woman.
Used with a condom it should give you a very, very strong barrier against pregnancy. Birth Control is not a bad idea either.
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I have been married for 5 years, and for the past 10 months have been having an affair with a man from work. I love my husband, but I know that if I tell him the truth, we will be over. My husband is very good to me. The affair is now over. I have been feeling guilty and depressed, and I don't know if I should tell my husband. I also think there is a possibility that I might do this again, and I can't explain why. What should I do? Tell him, and try to move on, or move on myself, and try to spare our relationship? (link)
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Alright.
First, a question. Do you want to lose him?
I mean, all things considered, do you love this man, and want to be his? Do you want to be his wife and do you want to spend your life with him?
Does he want the same? Do you make him happy? Are you still in love with each other?
If you think that it is better for you to move on, if you think that you are not happy in your marriage and you are cheating because you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, then tell him and end it. It is better for him to be with a faithful person and better for you to get out of a relationship that is not making you happy.
If.
If if if.
If you can be happy in your relationship with him, if you two do make each other smile, and if you and he are still in love with each other, do not tell him.
Ever.
If you can make your marriage work and want to, if you want to stay with this man and make him happy, then do not tell him. And do not cheat on him again. Ever.
There are no excuses for infidelity. If you are not the kind of person who can just be with one person sexually, that should have come out before you ever slept with other people. Hell, for all you know, he might be the kind of guy who could learn to be open to the idea of bringing others into your sex life. It just has to be solidified as YOUR sex life TOGETHER first.
If you want to be with this man, then dont tell him. Telling him what happened isnt for him. Its not going to do him any good. Tell ing him is for you, to assuage your guilty conscience. If you want to stay with him and make it work, never tell him. Deal with the guilt silently. Do what it takes to make your husband happy, and take this secret to the grave.
Thats the question. Do you want this, or not.
If not, do right by him and end it.
If so, do right by him and let him believe he is all you need. And if you need to, have a talk with him about expanding whatever sexual boundaries need to be expanded for this marriage to continue working.
I'll finish with a story. A friend of mine cheated on her husband after 3 years. She cheated with the same guy for about a month, then never spoke to him again.
As a way of fixing things (because she truly loved him and wanted to be his forever) she brought up the subject by bringing a girl into their sex life. One of her single friends shared their bed for about a month several times a week.
Over time, others were brought in. She eventually explained after they had been in a more open relationship like that about the fact that she had cheated, and he then had a frame of reference to understand why she had and to understand that not being completely monogamous didnt mean she didnt belong as a person and a woman wholly to him. He had always been able to pick and choose and she gave him final say on anyone after that one instance of cheating.
They are now in their mid 30s and had their 15th anniversary this year. Quite happily married.
Its a way Ive seen someone in your situation make things work.
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I am a 15 year old high school student and I was just wondering what are some good conversation starters. I feel as though I lack alot in this area. I really just would like to know like what i can do to make more freinds.
(link)
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Ask questions you already know the answers to that arent blatantly obvious. Most people like to talk about themselves. Give them that opportunity.
As a guy in college, my most common opener is "what are you studying and why?"
Yeah, theyve probably told a thousand people about this. But most people are perfectly happy to add one more. I mean, if you are interested in their life, why shouldnt they tell you about it?
For people in high school, think about what you know about a person. Ask them something about it. While they answer, you have time to think. Its also a good way to gauge interest. If you ask someone some questions and respond to their answers, and they dont follow suit, usually it shows that they dont really care. Theyre happy to talk about themselves but arent interested in you in any way. Move on. Sometimes its not a great time, and they may have other reasons for not asking, but generally a lack of interest is pretty blatantly a sign that you should try yourself elsewhere.
Let others talk about themselves, and talk about yourself a little. Dont go on any long stories unless they have serious entertainment value or the other person is expressing interest.
Good guidelines, if you want more detail ask me a few questions privately. I enjoy verbal fencing with people so Ive kind of refined my methods over the years.
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how do you give one? like is it gross? and what do you do? i really need help ! thanks (link)
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Wow
The below was quite obviously written by a guy. Not that thats a bad thing, but it amuses me.
If you put "blowjob instructions" into google, wikipedia, or apparently urban dictionary it will give you an idea. We arent supposed to post details here, as it is a liability for the website. The poster below will probably be banned.
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