hey thanks for the great advice. I hope that this works. Ive called his cell earlier and he is ignoring me. But Maybe like youve said he needs time to cool down. I just dont wanna mess this up because I feel like its my last chance.
Sure, no problem. How often has this happened? If it hasn't happened too much, don't feel like it's your last chance. Whenever me and my boyfriend get into fights I feel the same, like if I mess up he'll leave.
But another thing I forgot to add is that when you two argue, try and keep things civil. I've put this to the test with our relationship and it really does work. Being civil includes no name calling, no finger pointing, just basically laying out the facts. What tends to happen in arguments is that it escalates into something worse because the argument tends to go off track and then you'll be fighting about something completely different compared to what's really important.
I know you're probably the peacemaker during fights, and just keep it up. Just remember to respect his decisions on what he does and does not want to do/say. And if he ever gets angry at you for really no apparent reason, just remind him that you're not trying to make him mad or trying to hurt him, cuz after all, you're his wife. If he takes things the wrong way, just calmly tell him,
"Hun, you're not getting what I'm saying. I'm not telling you this to intentionally hurt you. I'm your wife hunni. If I ever say anything that has a double meaning and one side of it is bad, what makes you think I'm meaning the bad side? Why would I try and hurt you like that? This is what I'm really trying to say, and please hear me out..."
Remember that during arguments, clarify your statements as well as his. This way you two will come to a better understanding of the situation and usually it prevents irrational actions like him throwing the ring at you.
As for him cooling down, yea my boyfriend turns off his cell sometimes too when I try to get a hold of him. My boyfriend's reason is that he doesn't want to get more angry by talking to me because when he reaches his boiling point, he tends to call me names and he's trying to prevent it from getting worse by talking to me so he has to cool down. I hope your husband is doing the same.
I hope everything works out for you two, and if you ever need anything, you know where to reach me! Tell me how it goes :)
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Okay today I called a "best friend" to see if she wanted to do anything becasue she aslways calls me with plans. She had another line and accidently forgot to press flash so she thought she was talking to one of her other friends. She was making fun of me and she made me look like a total idiot then shes like h.o god shes on the other line and she switched over and i didnt say anythign i held my hand over the phone so she wouldnt hear anything and i did that as she was saying hello over and over agian.. once she hung up i did and she called back she made up some lame excuse saying it was her sisters b-day and she would call me back with something to do around 3.. i dont know what to do i cant just switch firneds becasue i have always wanted to be firnedes with who i am firneds with now.
anonymous -
I'm a little confused, what's a firned? I'm guessing you don't mean friend cuz you spelled it correctly up there...so clue me in?
But with your situation, she doesn't sound like a real friend so just drop her. Ask yourself why you're tolerating this? She's not worth your time if she's going to talk shit about you behind your back. Although you have always wanted to be "firnedes" with whoever, tell me why? I'm hoping it's not for the possible status of being popular cuz hun, she's a bitch regardless of how much you try to defend her.
Confront her about the incident and tell her you're moving on.
Good luck.
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OK i want to throw a party at my house while my parents are gone. My house is too small so im thinking of using my grandmas house which is right next to mine. Does anyone have tips on how i can run this so i wont get caught...and ideas on what we can do at my party?
anonymous -
If you don't want to get caught, I strongly suggest you throw the party at someone else's house. As for party ideas, maybe Martha Stewart can help you with this one lol cuz all the parties I've been to sucked so can't help ya here :)
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My name is Amy Bussel and I am 21 years old, my fiance and I have just seperated, because I cuss to much at him. Although this is not the first time that this has happened and every other time he has came home to me this time my hope is very low. I have never done anyhting that would hurt him and have always gone out of my way to make sure that he is happy. He has always came first in my life. When he leaves like this it is usually for a few days and even without a phone call. Can you tell me do you think that he will come back home to me this time??
anonymous -
It's really hard to say because I do not know the specifics of your relationship, but since this has happened so much, your fiance might be more reluctant to come back home. Why because he doesn't want to deal with the same thing happening over and over again.
If you want him to come back home to you and stay with you, you have to make some changes. You wouldn't like it if he cussed at you constantly now would you? Treat others as you wish to be treated darlings!
As for him coming back home, although he probably won't answer his phone, just call and leave a message apologizing to him for what you did and tell him that you will change. He probably won't believe your words that you will change, and if he does come back, it will take some time for him to trust you on that, but if you love him, don't give up and constantly find ways to prove it to him. Otherwise it'll be deja vu all over again.
Good luck hun :)
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Hey. First of all my name is Jennifer and me and my husband have been married 2 years.Me and my husband constantly fight over the smallest little things and its making him tell me things like its over and he regrets being with me. For example today we got into a fight because I asked him what was wrong and he went off on me to leave him alone it turns out that he was tired but he couldnt just come out and tell me in a nice way he has to be mean about it. And I did not leave him alone I kept bugging him and I dont know what to do because he threw his ring at me and went to work. When he tells me to leave him alone I cannot do that. For some reason I have to be ok with him in order to get through the day. What can I do to show him more respect that I do really care whats going on with him without him putting up his defences? I dont know what to do I really am not ready to have my marriage be over but I dont know how to change but I know I have to?
Jennifer -
[EDIT] Hey I read your feedback and I'm really hoping that you'll read this update, but depending on how he looks and feels when he comes home is how you'll know if you should talk to him. When he walks through that door, if he looks tiresome and frustrated, just leave him alone to calm down a bit. Do things that'll lighten up his mood a little bit like cook him his favorite food, joke around with him, surprise him, be creative! When he appears to be in a happier mood, just give him a kiss and hug him and say something like:
"Hunni, I love you so much. I'm really sorry about earlier. I know it was wrong of me to try and force you to tell me something you didn't want to and I apologize. It's just I love you so much and it means the world to me to see you happy. So from now on I won't ask you so much okay? I'll respect your wishes, but just remember I'm always here for you babe and if you ever want to tell me something I'll be here for you. I just want you to be open with me okay? I love you."
I can't guarantee the success of this, but I wish you the best of luck!
As for him leaving you, if he's been with you for 2 years something is workin. Don't get upset because of these incidents though, all couples go through the same so you're not alone. The only thing you two need to establish is open communication. I see that your husband can be very stubborn, so it'll be harder to do so, but what I'd suggest is to have talks with each other about the relationship. Remember to catch him when he's in a good mood though, or else you might risk him taking out his anger on you. Also remember not to make him feel obligated to tell you things, don't make him feel like the relationship is in jeopardy, don't make him feel like he's put on the spot pressured into something he doesn't want to do. In order to make this work, both partners must openly express themselves at ease. Keep that in mind.
If you have any more questions, drop a note in my inbox! :)
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I have the same problem with my boyfriend and I can relate to you totally!
Like you, I can't get on with my day until me and my boyfriend are on good terms. What you can try doing when you ask him what is wrong is tell him that you're not intentionally trying to make him mad, you're just concerned about him and you ask a lot cause you want to see him happy. And try to limit how much you ask him, cuz the way he sees it, your nagging him and forcing him to tell you what's wrong, which you absolutely don't want. You want him to tell you willingly right? So if he's reluctant to tell you what's wrong, just remind him that you'll still be there for him if he wants to talk, and respect his wishes and stop badgering him.
I know you'll probably feel like crap throughout the day because things are not settled and hostility is still present, but remember that he just might want to deal with his issues himself and blow off the steam in his own way and he doesn't want to get you involved in every problem he has. I hate to say, but you have to make the sacrifice to give him his much needed space although you won't be happy throughout the day.
Get your mind off of it by doing something productive or just get out of the house and go for a jog or workout. You don't deserve any of this, but in order to avoid it, just respect his wishes.
Good luck :)
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is it important to you [personally] to save youself until marriage.. why or why not? to me i think its something to due with mental health and stuff.. but.. just answer i'll rate good
anonymous -
There was a question similar to this one not too long ago.
My opinion is no, I would not save myself until marriage. Why, because the sacrament of matrimony is the highest level of love where you make an eternal promise to your significant other. I think before that can be established, making love would come before that because before you marry, I think a couple should share everything with each other, even their bodies. Also, by doing this, you will see how sex plays a factor in the relationship. Cuz often times one person will leave because they are not satisfied; this way, you discover who they really are before you decide to marry them. If this happened when a couple was married, it'd be a lot worse because one partner broke their word when they took your hand in marriage.
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I'm taking up BS Nursing right now, on my 2nd year...But my dreams of becoming a dermatologist is getting bigger than my dreams of being a nurse..So, how do I get there? should I finish nursing first? shift to a more relevant course?
anonymous -
Finish nursing school first and then pursue your dermatologist career. This way, you have nursing to fall back on as a backup career if dermatology doesn't work out.
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I have had sex with about 90 guys and the oldest one being 82 i am 14 is this bad and am i a slut. i also like my best friend carolynns boyfriend names john and i really think my friend is a stuck up whore at times but i think john likes me too i really think he needs to break up with her because she cheats on him every night with a different guy one of them named harley and she always says he humps like a rabbit and she had to fake her orgasms and he doesnt deserve that she said she didnt even like him she just felt sorry for him. what should i do
anonymous -
Ok, first off, why do you bother giving us your statistics when the whole point of the question is that you're going after your friend's boyfriend? Although you say it's bad, it's like your proud of your damn statistics to irrelevantly put it on this site.
What you should do? Become a nun, or wait, would you fuck the priest too...?
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theres a girl i like but she dont like me how i do. shes so perfect 4 me and we have so much in common. im real good friends with her friends too, but im afraid to go out with her because if i get into a fued with her friends it will tear us apart and im known to be a "sh*t disturber" when it comes to my friends. also, im sort of a sucker for per-preasure and have been involved with drugs and i know she doesnt approve too much in that area, so what should i do??
anonymous -
The best thing to do is move on. You can't make someone like you, the only thing you can do is respect their wishes. Don't pursue her, it's pointless. There are a lot of other chicks out there :)
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this guy i like alot is giving me really mixed signals! somedays he flirts w/ me alot. then, the next day he wont even look at me! and i really like him! And, he might like me! but this guy is really confusing!!! What do i do?
anonymous -
I know you may really like him, but hun, you don't want a guy that's indecisive or mood swingy like that, especially if he ends up not liking you in the end then it would be pointless. There's a lot of other great guys out there for you so don't waste your time on this guy...life's too short!
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people told me about squats and lunges for toning legs.. what are those? please explain..
plus.. spring break is a week and a half. i want to get up every morning, weight lift a little, stretch, and go walking. approx. how long should i fast walk, to tone my legs, how far, and how fast will it work?
i need to look better in a swimsuit in other words, please respond fast, ill rate high!!
anonymous -
If you want to look for squats and lunge directions, search for it on google.
As for toning your legs, the results are gradual. Be careful not to overwork yourself, do it at a good pace. Otherwise your legs will end up bulky and muscular! I've learned from experience, I did calf raises to tone my already ok looking legs but they ended up bigger than I had wanted.
As for how fast and how far, just go with what you feel comfortable with. If you walk faster, you'd get more tone and burn more calories, same goes for walking longer.
Good luck!
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my friends always make fun of me and call me a ditz i dont like it but i kinda have to deal. One of my best friends said she thinks shes only friends with me because it makes her feel smart. Should i take that personaly? How can i change i dont liek to be ditsy.
anonymous -
Well I'm not sure that you understand what ditsy really is. Being ditsy doesn't mean your lacking in intellect, it means that you can sometimes do stupid things like not realize the obvious or just plain being goofy.
I can relate to you here cuz my friends call me ditsy all the time. I don't take it personally cuz I'm a really smart girl that gets pretty good grades, I'm just overly goofy without realizing it.
If your friends make fun of you and make you feel stupid like that, drop her. She's just using you as a prop to make her look good if she's saying bullshit like that. Tell me, is that something a true friend would do? Hell no! Sounds more like something an enemy would do.
Good luck.
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Any advice on how to get a guy, cuz I'm not terribly ugly, I'm really nice, and everything i do just doesn't seem to work. What the heck am i doing wrong?
anonymous -
What you're doing wrong is you're trying too hard. You don't want a guy to fall in love with someone you've put effort into becoming. Just be yourself and live your life without a care in the world; a guy is meant to love you for you, and when you try too hard, well, it's a turn off unfortunately.
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Im so sick of this. I have a friend and one weekend we were suppost to go to the mall together, Well I kinda ditched her.. but anyway the thing is one my birthday she ditched me!! Well today my other friend basically ditched me.. its not like I havent felt it before and I told her about it. She said "It sucks right?" So I said "Well duh.. but wouldnt it suck more if it was on your fricking birthday?!?" and I walked away... I feel bad.. but then I dont want to talk to her. What do I do?
anonymous -
To be brutally honest, she only behaved in this way because of the impact of your similar actions previously.
There isn't any reason to be mad. Have you ever thought how she felt when you ditched her? It's just karma coming around to bite you in the butt.
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okay, i had this ex named bradin about a yr ago and we both liked each other but i dumped him for another guy that i went out with. now im startin to like bradin again because we've been talking again. he says he likes me too but has a girlfriend or "has a girl in mind".. he always flirts with me, saying he wishes it was me and everything just doing normal flirting stuff but wont break up with her because he says hes been waiting for her for a long time. whenever i ask him if i have a chance or whatever he says maybe and then when i ask him if theres any point to liking him he says yes but he doesnt know what. i know he has been waiting for this girl but she says that they arent going out but they both like each other. i really want to go out with him but i dont know what i should do or say to him or act around him or even if i should stop liking him. i dont want to stop liking him. he really does act like he likes me and everything but doesnt want to cheat on his "girlfriend"
what should i do!
anonymous -
My best suggestion is to either have the patience and wait it out or move on.
Since the guy obviously doesn't know what he wants, the only thing you really can do is respect his decision, whether he chooses you or not.
Either way, you want a confident decisive guy! You don't want a hesitant guy cuz if you do end up going out with him, how do you know he wouldn't do the same switcheroo-what-girl-do-i-want thing with you and some other chick?
Hope this helps!
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So, I have this friend, and everyone in our "group" is getting SOOOO annoyed with her! All she does is complain, and when one of us says WOW SHUT UP! she just flips out and walks away. We all love her, best friends and whatnot. But ALL SHE DOES IS WHINE LIKE A BABY!!!! Like about her b/f of almost one year and they haven't made out yet. But most of us think she does it for attention. We don't know how to tell her to stop with out hurting her feelings. and she always always calls someone a b!tch or a wh0re , and everyone is sick of her. What should we do??
anonymous -
Sit her down and have a serious talk with her. Try not to jump to conclusions, insult, or try to embarrass her, just confront her with the facts and your supporting evidence. Ask her why she does it, express how everyone feels about it, and if she overreacts, tell her that you are confronting her about this cuz you really care about her and the happiness of the other group members. Also tell her that the name calling she is guilty of is unacceptable, ask her if she'd like to be called the same?
My guess is the same as yours, she just wants attention. I've had a friend who acted the same, and in my case I think she was intentionally trying to snub her relationship in our faces cuz all of us didn't have boyfriends at the time.
Anyways, good luck!
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Okay lately I have been feeling a little tied down w/ my boyfriend....and the funny thing is, is that I was the one who wanted him to want me and he did but now all of a sudden I see him as something else, I feel different for him. Not nessecarily friend but.... Like I just don't think he's boyfriend material...He absolutely HATES calling people so he won't call me to talk or whatever on the days we don't see each other but oh, he'll talk on the phone for hours if someone calls him. So it hurts me and feels like he really doesn't care after all he is like obsessive compulsive of me...he says he loves me soo much and w.e and all that garbage. but I also fell head of heels for this guy that is 1 yr. younger than me and pays more attention to me and has a better personality. I find myself thinking about him more than my boyfriend...I just don't know what to do...Do I break it off with my boyfriend and start a relationship with mr. personality. Or wait things out and see how it goes??
thanks in advance & 4 reading this
xo0x
xoox -
Well, the answer is pretty simple. If you really care for your current boyfriend, make an effort to work it out by talking to him. After that's done, see if he takes your needs seriously. If he does, he's worth it, if not, he's not considerate of you so drop him.
Good luck!
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i have asthma and i wanna start smoking cigarettes *kinda depressed* but yah.. i don't wanna die from it lol.. but you'd think i'd be getting used to it bc my sister smokes everyday on the way to and from school.. soo ya.. would it be that big of a harm to me? if ur gonna lecture on how bad smoking is.. then dont answer
anonymous -
Unfortunately the results of smoking is death down the line and is harmful to everyone who uses them. Healthy people have enough trouble coping with it's effects as they age, so since you have asthma, I'm assuming the effects would be twice as hard on your lungs.
I won't lecture on how bad smoking is to you, but think of it this way, you will become addicted sooner or later which means you'll need more money to buy cigs for your addiction everyday. The money adds up to a lot girl!
So to answer your question, yes, it would be of harm to you.
Hope I helped!
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I guess this could go under this subject? but my class (8th grade) is graduating this year.. so we need to find a graduation song.. if you could list as many as you can think of with the artist's name that would be great!
please do not say graduation- vitamin c shes obvious..
anonymous -
A very good song would be "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. Download it and listen, it's sad yet wonderful!
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I feel like the worst person in the world. On March 17 me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a huuuge fight because he cheated on me. Our relationship was sooo good and we always got told that we were the role model for couples, well anyways..we got into a huge fight and we said things that we didnt mean and I told him that I wish he wasnt in my life and he would just die because I hated him so much, those were my exact words. Later that night at 11:26 I got a phone call from his sister (we were really close, she was like a little sister to me) she was crying really hard and she told me that she had found him in his room laying on the floor, dead. I didnt even know what to do with myself. He had taken a gun to his head. She read me a note that he left and it said "I'm so sorry, I love you so much" thats all it said, and he had the date that we started going out until forever carved into his arm. That night when my parents found out they tried to comfort me and all that but I just didnt want to be around anyone. I went to my room and I cut myself so bad and my mom walked in and stopped me and just held me and I cried for hours, with my wrists bleeding, and I fell asleep crying in my moms arms. I'm getting help now. I went to his funeral and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I fell to the floor when I went up to his casket at the wake and his mom had to pick me up and just hold me while we cried. I go to his house all the time and talk to his family and just tell them how sorry I am and we talk about all of our memories. I havent slept since the night it happened, and I havent been to school, the doctors say I probably wont go to school for about another month, I might be homeschooled. I can't even look at myself anymore. I can't beleive those hateful words were the last words I ever got to tell the love of my life. I'm sorry it is really long but does anyone have any advice on how to help me get through this?
anonymous -
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I apologize if I ramble on and offer no real good advice, but this situation is beyond any advice I have to give.
I know that not a lot of columnists on advicenators can understand, and I admit I can't fully comprehend what you're going through either, but I do feel you on the fights and saying what you don't mean.
Me and my boyfriend have also been together for nearly three years, and we get into some pretty intense arguments sometimes. We say things that we don't mean due to our spur-the-moment anger, and when it gets to be too much, we threaten to take our lives as well. Why, maybe to see if the other will care enough to stop us? I know it sounds silly, but I think that's what you're boyfriend was trying to do.
I don't fully know what went on, but I'm assuming maybe after the heated argument you both left with hostility still present. No one will ever understand what went through your boyfriend's mind, but I'm thinking that he realized what a great girlfriend you were, and that he couldn't live with the guilt of ever cheating on you let alone face the great deal of pain he's caused by cheating. With your words of not wanting him in your life, he took it literally, again, probably a spur the moment type of thing. And when he's so overcome with emotion, suicide was the most reasonable thing to do and he didn't want to think twice about it because of the guilt and never being able to forgive himself for betraying you, so he did it promptly. I know that you think it is your fault that he died, but keep in mind he cheated on you and that's probably what drove him to do it, that he wanted you to be happy even if he is not in your life.
What I can tell you is to continue mourning and let your feelings out, but don't think that it was your fault. I know you will sometimes want to believe that all this is a nightmare and that you'll wake up realizing you fell asleep in his arms during a movie, but you have to accept that he's gone. It may take a long while to come to this realization, but take your time, no one is rushing you.
You are emotionally unstable right now and the best thing I can really suggest is to exert your emotions whether through writing, talking to close ones, or vice versa. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your boyfriend. Although he's gone, he still wants to see you happy.
If you ever want to chat, you can IM me on yahoo or email me at mylinhthan@hotmail.com
Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that God will be with you during this difficult time. :)
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