about

I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.

advice

i have a great friend...(but i know never to start to like a freind)but its hard not too.I love him(not like that) .HE so nice and sweet and things have happened.....were not like friends that do things after school we do little things in school .i know i like him not that i know he likes me but im hapy around him and just today he asked me to sit with him and theres a lot of spaces on the bus i was really happy about it and he acted shy..?i dont know why i acted shy too and i knew i was. do i like him ????????????????i think i do

I think you do too...and to add to this, I think, he likes you. Enjoy this time with him and don't worry. Things will progress. It takes guys longer to admit their feelings than it does women. He'll get to it. You could hasten it slightly by letting him know what a good friend he is to you. Whenever he does something for you be extremely thankful and let him know how lucky you are to have him around (as a friend)...things like that. That will help him feel more comfortable with sharing his feelings too. Have fun and good luck to you.



Namaste!


LULABELLE

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what does the phrase "you can't draw blood from a stone" mean?

This phrase is usually associated with financial difficulties and bill paying. What someone means when they use it in this way is that no one can get money from them when there is no money there to get. The stone has no blood so anyone who tries to draw blood from it will get nothing. I'm sure there are other ways that this can be applied, but this is the only way I've ever heard this phrase used.


Namaste!



LULABELLE

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This is kinda a long one but I really need good advice.

There are these three girls I'm friends with at my school. We were all like a group of four and basically the "popular" group if my class has one. Well at least I was really good friends with them. Maybe I'm just paranoid but it always seems like two of them talk about me. I'm pretty sure the third one doesn't because she's always really nice to just about everyone. Well me and one of them got into a fight the other day and aren't talking. She's really close with the other one I think talks about me. I'm pretty she's mad just just because her best friend is. But the thing is, she acts all nice to my face and stuff.

I have other friends to hang out with but most of them aren't in most of my classes. Going to school is hell anymore though. I have my boyfriend and that's like it. I can't really explain this dilemma to him. He knows vaguely of it and that's like it.

I know what my "friends" can do. This one girl was really popular and everyone wanted to be friends with her and they turned her into a complete loser so everyone hates her and talks about her. I don't want this to happen to me.

The girl whose mad at me is not the apologizing type and I'm not apologizing to her.

So what do I do?

I rate 5's!

I want to start this off by saying that when I answer a question it is to give you the best advice as I see it according to my experience in life. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it is always given in the spirit of love, honesty, and in the hopes that your situation will improve based on a spark of clarity gleaned from my thoughts. You see, I have to tell you, I don't think your friends sound like much of a loss. Their behavior is a bit childish and down right mean. They turned a class against a perfectly nice person because they could? I can't think of one good reason a kind and loving person would do something like this to someone else. This sounds more like vindictive and envious behaviors which are fear-based emotions. Your friend was afraid of the competition, didn't like her personally for whatever reason, so she destroys her. I don't understand this concept (I don't want to either). You also have a fear to overcome. You fear that you will lose some sort of status if you were not friends with these people anymore. Fear is a strong emotion. If you fear it, then it will be so. One way to overcome this fear and still maintain popularity is to be really friendly to everyone. Say hi and smile to everyone (always have a friendly smile). Become involved with other people. You might even consider the girl they destroyed. She may be a very nice person who was undeserving of this treatment. If rumors start floating around, just laugh at them. Don't let them bother you. Rumors really can't hurt you unless you let them. Build your own popularity in your own right. Why give away the worth of your popularity to someone else. Your popularity is yours, it belongs to you. Your classmates already identify you with being popular. Simply continue doing things the way you always did when you were hanging with your mean friends with one exception. Do everything with kindness. Start being friendly with everyone, including the considered "losers". Don't slight anyone and that does also include those mean girls. Always be friendly and kind towards them too. Yes, I bet you're correct; those girls are talking about you. So? Let them. If you don't let it bother you then they will lose interest. People do mean things to others to see the reaction and to feel powerful. It's a thrill in a way. If they get no reaction then it becomes boring. They lose interest. They can't control you. If they can't get to you to react to anything they may do then they have no power. They will see the uselessness of continuing on the destructive path with you. Also, if you have your own popularity base, you will become valuable to them and very powerful on your own. You don't NEED them,but if they are nice you could include them in your presence. Good luck in all of this. I do hope that your success in popularity exceeds your expectations and you find yourself surrounded with battalions of loving dependable dedicated friends.



Namaste!




LULABELLE

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Do you think 5ft 4in and 140lbs is large (fat) for a 13 almost 14 year old? Especially one who is a dancer? So many different websites say so many different things I do not know who is right! Plus, my instuctor at my dance studio is stressing how in shape we need to be for the preformance and how we all need to be at slim weights so we will look "fabulous" on stage and in our costumes. So far I am the biggest girl in my 2 classes, whoop de do!

No, I don't think you are too fat for your height. You're a dancer. I'm sure you've built muscle mass which is heavier than fat. If you have a little fat you want to get rid of it would be very simple. All you have to do is cut out fats, sugars, and fatty proteins (red meat). Buy yourself "Pam" or any other none stick cooking spray that is oil/fat free. Eat nothing with process sugar (white sugar) in it and then eat only skinless chicken and turkey or fish. You need to start eating every 2 to 3 hours. Make these really small meals like 2 cups of veggies with 2 ozs of meat. Carry raw veggies in a bag with you to snack on when you are away from home and I guarantee you will start sliming down in a healthy way and it won't take you long. This way you can feel comfortable with the way you look in your costume. If you should have more questions about diet and menu plans feel free to contact me. But, if you don't feel like doing anything different in your eating habits, then, I say, don't worry. I'm sure you look great.



Namaste!



LULABELLE

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I'm in a jewelry class and I've been looking to purchase some metal. Ideally, I would like to find nickel but I'm having a hard time finding anything! I was hoping someone from Advicenators would know of a store I could purchase metal from. I've been looking online but would perfer to go to an actual store. If anyone has any ideas I would be greatful. Thanks!! I rate :)

Go to your local hobby shops or craft stores even Wall Mart carries jewelry making supplies. You also might put into your search engines " jewelry findings". "Findings" is a term used for the metal portion of the jewelry such as earing posts, settings, etc. You will find them in all metal types. You should even find jewelry sheet metal and rolls of metal wiring at different weights. Good luck and if you should have further questions feel fee to ask me.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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Well last night my mom and I had a fight and she said well if your dads so great go live with them so I started to cry, I sent a text message to my dad and step mom and I was like well if it comes down to it can I live with you. They havent replied and so I sent them another one about a hour ago. Still no answer my mom has been a real bitch lately and I dont know what to do somtimes I want to go live with my dad but I really dont like my mom just its my friends and the skit we are doing for the variety show that makes me want to stay. Please help.

♥ Tiff

I know how it is...I've been there myself. Something you may want to keep in mind in the interest of getting along with your mother is she may have a lot of stress factors going on that she is not be sharing with you. Sometimes parents try to protect their children from things because they don't want to stress their children out. It sounds to me like something stressful is going on in some aspect of her life, such as, work, relationships, friendships, the PTA...It sounds to me like you may have said or done something that lead her to believe that you don't appreciate the things she does do for you. It doesn't mean it is true. It just means that she's not thinking clearly and she isn’t seeing your appreciation. That is evident in her statement that you could go ahead and live with your father if you wanted. I don't think she really meant that. She's exasperated. She needs some patience from you for some reason right now. Take a step back and look at what is going on for your mother. Be open to what is going on for her right now. Maybe there is something you can do to help her. This would greatly help the two of you in your communication. It will also soften her up to whatever it is you need from her.



Namaste!




LULABELLE

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OK, im trying to lose weight around my theigh and ab area, so i was wonderin what diets actually worked, and i was hoping peole could give me like what to eat and not to eat and stuff..thank you very much, ill rate high for any useful info

You need to ellimenate fats and processed sugars from your diet. These things just get stored as especially in the food combinations you find them and our timing; when eating them. For example: We have a meal that contains meat and potatoes. The meat slows down the digestive processes in your body so the carbohydrates that you've eaten with the meat doesn't get used as the fuel you intended it to be and it gets stored as fat. That's why a lot of people experience indegestion and gas. By the time you eat the dessert, your body isn't digesting anymore. This is also why everyone feels so bloated during the holidays. So, what your goal at this point is to get your body to become an effecient buring machine. You want your body to burn what you put into it plus a little more (your fat storage depots). One of the best methods to acomplish this is to eat every two three hours as another one of your advisors mentioned. DO NOT cook anything in oil. What you would do is buy some cooking spray like "PAM" and spray your pans before cooking. You can brown things with this etc. If it looks like it might stick you would pour a little water in it as you go. Put extra herbs and spices in to make up for the lost flavor of the fats. You can make any of your recipes, just don't use fat or sugars in the process. I keep baked potatoes in the frig. Take a portion of it and chop it up small and make an interesting home fry (no fat). Put cajun seasoning on it with some parsely and warm it up in the pan. You can also slice the baked potatoe up into french fry slices, dip them in egg white, put them on a non-stick cookie sheet and back them at about 300 degrees util they are browned, turn them and brown them again. Make up big batches to have on hand to snack on. You see, you are going to eat more often so you are going to eat less amounts at each meal, but probably more than you would have had you stuck to the standard American diet. Don't eat more than 2 oz.s of meat, which should be limited to chicken, turkey, fish and eggs (The whites only). Red meat just stores as fat and gets stuck in the system. Don't eat any bread, dairy products, candy, processed sugars, or pasta. This stuff stores quickly as fat before you have a chance to burn it off or it clogs you up (cheese and red meat). There are seaweeds out there that have the same consistancy as pasta that you can use for pasta and it tastes like spinach pasta. Your health food stores should have them. You will find that if you eat this way you will get hungry more. This is good. This is your body saying it is working. Simply eat a snack and that doesn't mean sit down to a bag of potato chips. An example menu would be: Breakfast: 2 egg whites and 1/2 C Oatmeal, a gourmet one would be egg white omlet with green pepers, onions and fresh salsa with fresh fruit salad. Mid morning snack: 2 oz tuna (packed in water and no salt added) & 1/2 grapefruit, gourmet mid morning snack would be fish-ke-bobs skewers of mahi or shark with squash, onions, pepers and cherry tomatoes. Lunch: 2 oz. chicken brest, 1/2 med potato & 1 c greens or steamed veggies. Gourmet lunch: Salad with 1 oz Tuna over lsttuce, green beans, 1 hard boiled egg white & boiled potato pieces. Mid afternoon snack: 1-2 oz chicken & 1/4 cantaloupe. Gourmet snack is chicken broccoli stir fry w/onions, garlic, banboo shoots, water chestnuts and ginger. Dinner: 2oz grilled fish, small baked yam and 1-2 cups steamed veggies or her encrusted red snapper, rasted new potatoes and green salad. PM Snack: 2oz. chicken & 1/2 cup mixed berries or Turkey slices wrapped around cantaloupe. Now I kow I told you that carbs and proteins digest at different rates, but there are some carbs and proteins than can work together even if it isn't at their best they will still burn. These are the ones you see here. Good luck and if you have further questions feel free to ask.



Namaste,



LULABELLE

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ok i am doing P.E this term and in 3 weeks i have to go swimmin. even when i am on my period. thing is i know that if i wear a tampon it wouldnt matter right? but see my problem is that my mom wont let me. she told me because it will make my cherry pop and it isnt supposed to pop until i am merried.(or so she says) but if i dont dress out and put an effort into swimmin then my grade will go done everyday by a letter grade. so basically (since we got 3 wekks of p.e) it can be possible that get an F and fail P.E completely.. and another thign at my school is that the guys swim wit the girls. there isnt a speration thing.. someone help me.. i dont about sneakin them bc i dont know hoa to use them..

p.s.
15/f

Wow, when I was in school P.E. was year round. This wouldn't have been an issue. You would just sit out during those times. I'm surprised your teacher male or female doesn't understand the possibility of this coming up. I'm sure they have back-up plans for this kind of thing. Go to your teacher and explain. Tell her if s/he needs a note from your mother or even if s/he needs to talk to her, you will arrange it. It will all work out.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

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I worked for two company already. I am jobless now. I always feel not happy when my boss assign many tasks for me to do; they just talk about work, but never talk about salary.

My friends tell me that just do what the boss assign. It is not the time to think about salary yet.

I can not stand with it!

I really need advices!

Ratha

I agree with you. I don't like it either. That's why I looked for something I could do on my own. I design jewelry, I have a interior decorator's license, I find antiques and take them to auction, I'm a raw and living foodest, so, I make food for people, I'm writing a cookbook, I make custom skin care products (creams, lotions, body scrubs...) for people and I life coach to name a few. I do what it takes not to work for someone. What you have to do is concentrate on what it is that you do enjoy doing. I know, you've heard this before...but really reflect within yourself. Start noticing, as you do things, how you feel about what you are doing. If it is something you really like doing for fun....look at it from as many angles you can come up with as to how you could make money doing this. There are a lot of millionaires out there that started business doing really obscure things with something we all love doing. Look for an angle. Or, you could simply start a business doing something very familiar to everyone that could work too such as starting an online store. You need very little capital and you could sell things that are special in your area of the world. But, if you don't have the money to do it yourself right now, you will have to just bide your time. That means work for someone else and do the tasks they want of you. You will have to be patient and save every penny you can to be applied towards your venture. Talk to friends; let them know what your goals are. You never know...someone may surprise you and help you sometime down the line. It may not happen right away because they may need to see how serious you are about starting your own thing. Keep in mind that these people you are working for didn't want to work for anyone either. That's why they started their business. Now, they need people to do certain things in a certain way in order for their business to operate efficiently. They can't do everything themselves, so, they hire people to do the less interesting tasks. These are the things they don't like to do either, but they have to get done. One way to help you get through working for other people is to keep your goal of your own business in mind in all the tasks assigned to you. Observe what the different tasks are and how it contributes to the growth of the business. This will actually be a great learning experience for you because people who've been in business for a long time have made all of the mistakes...they do things the way they do for a reason. This can help you not make as many mistakes in your business when you start it.

Good luck in your quest!



Namaste,




LULABELLW

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my dog is a 1 year old bichon frise. he has been scratching himself non stop to a point where he rips his face up & he bleeds. it's not flees (we asked the vet & he takes medicine). the vet suggested hypoallergenic food, which we ordered. my dog has been wearing a cone for the past 2 or 3 weeks (so he won't scratch) but as soon as you take it off, he does. what else can we do to make him stop scratching the way he does or what could be wrong with him? i don't want him to wear a cone or scratch for ever!

It sounds to me as though your dog has dry sensitive skin. Some things you can do for him are: give him dietary supplement C (in tablet form and crush it to add to food), E(capsule form and puncture a hole and squeeze on food), and Sulfur (powder or tablet form and crush and add to food). If you can't locate individual vitamins specifically for dogs then go ahead and get people versions only give your dog child doses. If your local health store doesn't have sulfur in individual tablets or powder form you can also find it in powder form in most pharmacies. If they don't have it they can order it. You need to give the dog a bath with a shampoo for dogs with dry sensitive skin. Immediately after drying your dog put extra virgin cold press olive oil mixed with vitamin E, clove oil, and lavender (proportions below) onto the areas most troublesome. Olive oil is a sqalane which will clear up difficult skin problems (eczema, dermatitis, rashes, etc.) when nothing else helps very much. It also heals skin cracks, which are a significant health issue in the winter as germs can easily enter the body through cracked skin that has dried out from cold conditions. Squalane has these unique abilities because the oil is naturally a major factor in skin lubrication as well as providing germ killing activity when it is properly concentrated in the skin. Pour about 1/4 cup into a bowl and put one drop of clove essential oil and 3 drops lavender. The clove will numb the area so that he won't feel it itch and the lavender will heal it. You can also use the clove oil on a sore tooth and it will numb it for a while. In World War I they used lavender as an antiseptic in France to heal to wounded when they ran out of conventional methods. It also has healing properties. You don't have to add these two items for the olive oil, with the added vitamin E,will work all on it's on. The clove and lavender only enhances the healing process. I suggested these natural products because you are going to be applying to a dog. They are always licking themselves other dogs are licking them and I'd hate for some chemical to get into your dog and harm him. Also, there is a product on the market that is called "Sqalane". It is excellent and is great for people and will work on dogs. It's just that the olive oil you can start using immediately. I don't know where someone can purchase the product "Sqalane" except over the internet and since olive oil is a sqalane.... Your dog will love your doing this. Make sure your fingers get down to where the skin is and rub the solution on the skin as best as you can. If the fur gets too oily, get a paper towel and lightly rub on the area and get as much as you can off. It won’t be long before it is cleared up. Good luck!



Namaste,



LULABELLE

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did anyone ever see one crazy summer?? i was looking for a quote site. it was the scene where they were around the campfire with the boyscout kids and he goes on like scaring them. idk it was reallllly funny. if anyone has any site ideas. i tried google & that quote didnt show up.

thanks!!

All you have to do is put in the search engine "movie one crazy summer" and all kinds of sites come up. I have found one that has useless (that's what the site says) quotes from the movie and I've included it here for you. Have fun!



http://www.uselessmoviequotes.com/umq_o005.htm




Namaste,



LULABELLE

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ok I'm on holiday i UK. im from seychelles. im suppose to go back home on Sunday. but the problem is that ive just search for news on the net about my country and i've found out that my very close friend has lost her nephew in a boat accident on the 4th and his brother is in the ICU (i dont really know if his still alive). the accident happened on the 1st.she must be thinking that i dont know. when i go back home i dont know what to do. i mean in the group that we hang out with we are always there for each other. i feel guilty i wasnt there for the funeral plus the girl is still young she is only 13. im just not sure what to say. they always came to me for comfort but now im stuck

You have nothing to feel guilty for. It was your circumstances and not you that kept you away from everyone. No one will fault you for this. I'm sure they understand why you haven't been in contact with them. I do have an idea though...Since you have access to a computer you can email everyone and especially your friend and let them know that you just found out. You can especially send your condolences to your friend who lost her nephew and let her know your thoughts are with her as well as your heart and you will be home soon. You could also buy one of those long distance phone cards and call your friend who lost her nephew and then email everyone else. When you get home you immediately go to her house even before you unpack and visit with her. This will let them know how much they mean to you. They can't fault you.

I do feel badly for you in this time of stress. Relax. Takes some deep breaths. It will all be ok, I promise. I have some great relaxation exercises on my advice colunm. These will be of great assistance to you in lowering your anxiety level. Good luck to you!


Namaste,



LULABELLE

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I live in new zealand and I start back at school in 3 weeks. I am really worrying about it, and thus I'm not enjoying the rest of my holidays. Everytime I push it away from my mind it just comes back again and I end up thinking about it again. I'm starting year 12 which will be a really hard year. I'm just wondering if anyone had any methods or techniques for getting something out of your mind temporarily so you can stop thinking about it and worrying it. It's really ruining my holidays. Does anyone know how I can stop worrying about it? I feel I'm slowly going insane..

I say you sure are lucky... over here in the states we only get 2 weeks for Christmas and that's it. But, I do understand the anxiety and school thing. I have an exercise that if you do it you will not only lower your anxiety level, but you will also be able to accomplish any goal you set your mind to. It goes as follows:


First, find yourself a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit or lay in a relaxing position and breath in slowly to the count of eight, then breath out to the count of eight. Once you've slowed your body down to match your breathing start to notice what is going on in your body. Notice the areas of the body you experience tension. Take a moment to really feel the intensity of what you are feeling. Now, start to let the tension go in each area of the body one area at a time. That means relax the areas of your body that you are tensing. It may not work a first, but keep it up you will eventually. Once you've achieved relaxation in a body area then hold this relaxed state for as long as you possibly can. Throughout this process keep your mind clear and concentrate on your body and how it feels while maintaining a relaxed state in the areas you've released tension. Once you've achieved total body relaxation just be with it for a while. You can now transcend into allowing immediate issues of goals, personal growth work, your love life, or school come up for you. Also, remember to keep your breath constant during all of this and really notice how it makes you feel when you bring up school. Really feel what you feel about this and take notice of how it makes you feel. Where are you tense? Really notice where your body is holding its tension. Intensify it as much as you can stand and then release your tension throughout your body the same way you did before. One area at a time. IF an area tenses back up, just relax it again. Try to maintain this relaxed state for 15 to 30 minutes.



Since we can't get rid of uncomfortable situations all we can do is learn to cope with them as best we can. This is a coping exercise as well as a way to achieve meditation. Once you become practiced at this you can use this for all types of situations, for example, your in a family squabble. What you would do is start to lower your breathing pattern as described above and release tension in the areas of the body that you are feeling tense. Try to maintain the relaxed state throughout the squabble, or at least as long as possible. At first this will be hard, but if you keep practicing you will be able to do it in an instant. That is the true goal here. If you keep practicing this there will come a time that all you have to do is think about relaxing and you will instantly. The reason I feel being in a relaxed state is so important is that you make better decisions when you are in a relaxed state and life is also easier. What do you have to loose but your anxiety…Good luck!




Namaste,



LULABELLE


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im confused about what to do with my ex cody, its like i get the hot and cold responses from him, so to speak. sometimes he's extrememly nice and we flirt and get along GREAT and others he seems completely shy and doesnt talk to me.

i have liked him since august (it now being january) and in august when i told him that he said he liked me too. so he kind of dragged his feet .. not sure what he wanted .. didnt know waht to do . the usual guy thing. and when i'd finally given up hope on him and me he left me a message at midnight on october 10th like three months later sayin he wanted to give us a try. only to dump me 10 days late b/c he he liked someone else .. then he told me a couple weeks later that he wouldn't have dumped me for her if she hadn't had a boyfriend ..

so that was like november .. now its january and the guy is still all i think of. i try so hard to get over him .. but like around every other corner hes either makin me fall for him again or his friends are being COMPLTELY honest and telling me stuff he says.

like shawn told me that they talk about me all the time (he wouldnt say what but he said the stuff worked in my favor) and that in our study hall (me him and cody have it together) he cant wait for me to come out and talk to them .. and i asked him to stop jokin around w/ me and he went off sayin how honest and truthful he was being ..

then new years cody called. he came and got me on his snowmobile. me and his brother and friend hung out from 9 to 3. we hung out. watched fireworks in the barn by ourselves. hung out around the bon fire. laughed constantly and flirted. i thought it went great .. i had like good hopes you know .. we fell asleep on the couch then they brought me home. he said he'd call. yeah a week and half later .. no call. we talk at school . nothing big hey and how are u kinda stuff ..

i know its probably worthless to waste my time .. and you can be completley honest in tellin me so. but like even though my head knows that .. i cant let go .. 5 months later .. jesus look at me .. in so far i cant even get out .. i've never fallen for anyone like i've fallen for cody. he tells me he can see us dating in the future but doesnt do anything about it .. i just dont know what he wants .. its like this i guess to explain it well ..
It's like a routine.
I fall for him on Monday.
I like him from Tuesday to Thursday.
He make me mad on Friday.
I think I'm over him over the weekend.
But the SECOND I see him on Monday morning
I fall for him again and again
i just dont know what to do ..

so now that i've finished my freakin book .. im sorry its soo long. i just want all the details in it .. sorry sorry sorry.
alyssa05x@aol.com .. if you need more info or something doens't make sense.
i really appreciate it and im sorry about the length .. thanks in advance

First of all, the dragging of his feet could be one of two things...it could be that he's playing you or it could be that he has a fear of the feelings that you bring up. Either way there are ways you can figure out were he is right now. One thing I want to caution you on too. A lot of times we want what we can't have. Then we become obsessive about it. We go into "the grass is always greener syndrome". So I caution you to be real observant of other peoples body language, behavior and actions. Actions and behavior tell the true story... not words. I caution you to be careful for what you wish for... you just may get it. You are presently in idealization mode. I have been there so often in my life and it will most likely overpower me again. It is hard to resist, but if you know about it you can at least be more aware of things. Eventually the spell can be broken. If you really love him, you'll still have that but you also will have clear vision, if it isn't true love you will know it for sure by this point. This is what we are shooting for here.


There are a lot of conflicting things going on in this story. First of all I want you to deeply contemplate the idea I will be bringing up next... What kind of story is this he gave you for braking up with you... "I wouldn't have dumped you if she hadn't had a boyfriend?" Now really think about this. This behavior makes no sense if the guy was suppose to be in love with you. (I'm just trying to figure out how he is your best friend?) You seem like such a nice person, why would he treat you, his best friend, with so little regard. He went after someone who had a boyfriend. To me, this behavior is pretty heartless. She just sparked some kind of fire in him and he wanted her it's that simple. He didn't care how his actions would affect you or her boyfriend. Not nice. Your now rewarding him for this by letting him know you are open to getting back with him. His friends keep talking to you about him and yet they tell you nothing. THEY are just having fun with you. It feels like to me they like the attention you give them when you are trying to get them to tell you more. "COMPLETELY HONEST"? What have they honestly told you? They don't tell you anything so don't talk to them about "him" anymore. If they ask you a direct question say you don't know or if you do, answer it, and move on to another subject matter. If they bring it up and start discussing him don't respond. Even change the subject if you can. Stop letting them run back to him and tell him all about how much you like him. Any more information would be redundant. He knows. Have a little mystery and be less accessible. He seems to like that.


It could be that his seemly coquettish behavior is due to the fact that he does realize how badly he behaved. He may not want to make the same mistakes again. He may be trying to figure out why he did it. This reluctance to jump right back into a relationship with you could be a good thing. It could be that he has a conscious after all and he needs time to be sure of how he feels about you before he jumps back in. He doesn't want to HURT you again. Be patient and go with the flow here. It is in your best interest if you don't push on this.


New Years Eve sounds wonderful. This is very positive. He feels very comfortable with you and that is a good thing. What may be going on here is he, like most of America, is confusing "True Love" with a chemical reaction to someone's pheromones as being "in love". This initial chemical reaction to lust is so strong that people often overlook potential problems and fantasize about their object of desire. People overlook the things that have the potential to really bug them latter on because this feeling is so intense. That is why they think they are in love. For more information on pheromones I've included some web sites for you below. This could help you to understand what goes on chemically when you are attracted to someone. One of the things that they don't mention in these articles is that when the pheromones calm down and people start taking a look at who they are with they may not be as happy about things as they thought they would be. The people who they are with are not who or what they thought. Pheromones cloud judgment and we overlook things...we even fantasize things about who we want this special person we are focused on to be. We see things that aren't there and we don't see what is. This, in short, is probably what happened between him and this other girl. That is why it didn't last that long. It is also a possibility for what is going on with you too. I'm not saying that this pheromone thing can't lead to true love...it most certainly can. I'm not saying that you can't be in love and have the pheromone thing going on at the same time...you most certainly can. I'm saying that when you are in pheromone mode you are not clearly focused. You have to start overriding this particular mode for now. I have an exercise that will help you with this. People are all the time talking about how we should get physically fit by exercise. Well, there are exercises of the mind we should do to keep us on track to experience life at it's full potential. I'm not trying to teach you to get rid of this pheromone thing, I'm just hoping to guide you into being in control of IT instead if IT controlling you. Below are two exercises I think will be very helpful to you with regards to this:


First, find yourself a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit or lay in a relaxing position and breath in slowly to the count of eight, then breath out to the count of eight. Once you've slowed your body down to match your breathing start to notice what is tense in your body and how you are holding your body. Start to let the tension go in each area of the body one area at a time. Hold this relaxed state for as long as you possibly can. Through out this process you are keeping your mind clear and your only concentrating on your body, how it feels, and relaxing. Once you've achieved this state for a while you can transcend into allowing immediate issues of goals, personal growth work, or your love life come up for you. Keep your breath constant during all of this. Really notice how it makes you feel when you bring up something like...your best friend for instance. Really feel what you feel for him. Let it rise up and consume you...then...


.... slowly transcend into these exercises:


Caution: It is important that you know that before you do this exercise (YOU MAY CHOOSE NOT TO DO THIS ONE) you want to be very sure that the memory is not that important to you. Read it over carefully first.


1. Notice your emotional reaction to this picture in your head.


2. Notice if the picture is in color. If it is in color, change it to black and white.



3. Notice if the picture has a frame around it. If it doesn't put a frame around it. Notice your emotional reaction to this picture.


4. Notice if the picture is moving or still. If the picture is moving slow it down until it is still. If it is still, make it moving. Notice your emotional reaction to this change.


5. Finally, notice if the picture is clear or fuzzy. If it is clear, make the picture fuzzy. If it is fuzzy, make it clear.


6. Now look at this changed picture in your mind. What is your emotional reaction to it now? Is it different than your reaction to the original picture?


Note: If you prefer this new reaction, leave the new picture in place. If you prefer your first reaction, bring the picture back to the way it was. This exercise is to help you control the intensity of your reaction to him. It's a great reaction I agree. I love the way it feels, but you don't want to be having these feelings control you. You may want to hold these reactions off until it is reciprocated. All I'm saying you do with this exercise is to lower the intensity of your feelings towards your friend for now. You can always bring it back to its full intensity later when he is there in the moment with you.



Now, I do want to focus a bit on the part where you tell me that you know it is a waste of your time. I believe that is a very telling statement. That is your inner voice telling you something that you don't want to hear. This is another reason to do those previous exercises. These exercises will be so helpful in all aspects of your life. You probably won't achieve your exact goal at first, but you will feel better after you've done them each time. When you're with him, enjoy your time with him. If he flirts, flirt back, have fun. When you aren't with him enjoy your time without him. Do these exercises and gain control of yourself...enjoy your life with or without him to its fullest. Believe me there is enjoyment without him too. These exercises will help you see that. Also, they will help you with this next tactic. Guys love the thrill of the chase. I guess it is all part of that hunters instinct. If you are being all-available and everything he gets board. Just play it laid back. If you are with him then be into him and enjoy your time with him. If your not with him really enjoy it and relish that time too. Don't, when your with him, bring up the question of when or if you two will ever be together. Let him develope things into this. These exercises can help you to achieve your goals. Also, if you don't ask questions about him and you become indifferent when you aren't "with" him (like your with his friends) it will peek his interest I bet. He's not out if you really want to go through the trouble to get him. You just have to go about things differently. Remember, what you have been doing hasn't been working. So, you have to try a new tactic. What I suggest you do may not work either, but it will help you to learn to control your emotions more effectively. You can encounter all of life's ups and downs with greater ease. I wish you the best of luck with all of this and feel free to contact me further if you feel the need.



http://www.athenainstitute.com/psycha.html


http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro98/202s98-paper2/Kyin2.html


http://www.hhmi.org/senses/d230.html


http://cas.bellarmine.edu/tietjen/Human%20Nature%20S%201999/what_are_pheromones.htm



Namaste,


LULABELLE


[view]

ok. me and my best friend use to be completely in love with each other. then we kinda just ended it cause he got a girlfiend. but now he dumped her. and i think im falling for him again. what should i do?

I would tread lightly and be careful. I have a question for you. I don't ask it to be mean or anything. I ask it because it confuses me. If the two of you were completely in love, why would he even start up with another girl? I wouldn't have anything to do with him, boyfriend wise, unless there is mutual respect here. That had to be hard for you to have him basically end things because he met someone else. It's possible that he'll do this again. That's why I caution you. I wouldn't want to think that you could be hurt in this way again. I personally don't think very highly of someone who would do this to someone else. I don't know all the circumstances involved, but it isn't very nice.

You aren't falling in love with him again...you are just letting your feelings resurface. You have to be cautious now for you. Think about what you want. Do you really want him to drop you for someone else....again? If you are going to worry about loosing him as a friend then I suggest that you not get involved with him, boyfriend wise, again. If your love for him is so strong that risking your friendship with him is secondary than go for it. You have to be willing to take that risk.

If you go for it and get into a relationship with him I'd talk to him and make it clear the type of relationship you are looking to have with him. You may have to compromise on this some, but he should make some compromises as well. If he does to you again what he did last time I'd question whether or not he was a true friend in the first place.

Good luck to you in all of this. This is a very complicated experience. Also, open yourself up to other friendships (male/female it doesn't matter). Have other avenues of support while you are going through this. They will have an experience of you and him. You can talk things over with them and give you observed advice. Also, listen to yourself. You know what would work best for you. Sometimes we ignore it because it is not telling us what we want to hear. Listen, deep down, to yourself. You won't lie to yourself, so, open up to what you may have to say on this. If you decide to go against your instincts, then recognize this within yourself. Tell yourself that you recognize the instinct but choose to override it and thank yourself for bringing up this insight. I tell you to do this because what happens all to often is that people override their instincts. They use the disregard method. By doing this your instincts become submerged and don't talk to you anymore. You want to keep it active. You don't have to agree with it or do what it says, but you want to keep it healty because you will be glad when it is yelling at you to alert you to something.


I hope everything works out they way you wish it to. Have faith in yourself.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

[view]

Hello thanks for your nice advice... My mum and my step dad fought quiet a lot because my stepdad is super strict, i mean, he doesn't want us to watch mtv, he only wants discovery channel and something like that... But hello??? I'm 18 and my sis is 15, ofcourse we need something that are for teenagers.. And he's really thrifty, he doesn't give my mum money, she still had no work when we were still in Holland because she was still learning Dutch.. I was studying in school as well as my sister.. We already learned Dutch.. No we're not yet Dutch citizen, it will take 5 years.. and we only stayed there for 1 year and 3 months.. My sister and he were not also in good terms, but my sis promised him that he would do everything and she'll try her best to be kind to him just to bring us back in Holland.. But he's just saying that we'll just go there for vacation, only that.. and he could only bring us back there if he's already a millionaire.. I don't know.. I think it's hopeless.. we really wanna go back there but I don't really know in which way, he's really a difficult man, it's really hard to convince him.. What should we do? Thanks in advance..

I wish I could give the brilliant answer that would help you achieve your goal in an instant. You seem like such a sweet person who is deserving of the opportunity to go wherever you want to go. It sounds to me like he is just fed up with arguing. How he reacted is typical of how the males of our species react to arguing with women. They don't seem to understand that for us, what we are doing, is not arguing but discussing an issue. We (females) are usually very passionate and animate in our manner of expression. Males are matter of fact. He didn't want to hear any more discussion on the matters. Once a guy is done with the discussion he is done. There are certain things he wants done in his home, that he his paying for, and he doesn't want to discuss it anymore. If your not willing to comply with that then you can go someplace where you can do whatever you want and live. Yes, your right, you are 18 and of age to make decisions concerning what you watch or don't watch on TV. The problem here, again, is that he has the right to say what he wants on the TV's he is paying for. You see, for some reason he has been driven to a really ridged position. He felt cornnered. If you and your sister had been patient with him you could have ended up with everything you wanted. When he first brought you and your family back to Holland I'm sure it was a pretty scary thing for him. Here he is newly married with a ready-made family. People don't like change and this already was a lot for him to handle. Then, being the human beings that you and your sister are, you know, thinking and having ideas that conflicted his, it was just too much for him. What I suggest you and your sister do is take him up on the vacation idea. You may have to do this several times. You have to show him that you will change the way you say you will. People like to be shown. They don't want to hear about it. You have to be reeeeal patient for him now. It's going to be even slower than it would have been before, when you first moved there. Take baby steps with him. So that you can open up to what is going on for him a little I will touch on one reason he has to have such control over everything. He is filled with fear. It could be anything and everything such as the new family, his work, his family and friends. Any one of these, all of them combined or something else. He needs to feel comfortable with you in his world the way he is most comfortable first before he can merge your world into his. So, go on those vacations and show him how you can merge yourself into his world. Of course you can mention how you would love to stay, but don't make the trip theme be about that. Make the theme of the trip how much you respect him and his wishes. If he doesn't want to talk about something it should be respectfully dropped (to be brought up again at a better time). Timing is everything. You need to observe his manner. As with all people there are times that we are more open to discuss controversial issues. This is when we are in certain moods or states of mind. While in the other states of mind don't you can't come near us, but there is always one state or mood that we are more open. This is what you look for in him. When you see he is in one of these states/moods that is when you bring something up. Starting off with baby steps remember, basically just one thing at a time and give him time to think about it if he asks it. Drop it if he says he will think about it. Change the subject and talk about something else. Remember, baby steps. Also, while your visiting him you can also see your friends there and while you're in their home watch whatever you can't at home. I can see his point; television really doesn't have much worthwhile on it. But, I don't understand such a restriction though. That's really hard. Is he an easygoing guy on other levels? Well, I wish you the best of luck with this. I know this must be hard on you. Keep in mind...if all else fails, you can figure out a way to get yourself there all on your own. Be independent. I hope everything you wish for comes true.


Namaste,


LULABELLE

[view]

Ive been having a real problem latley. The last week I have gotten NO sleep. Its not that i stay up late or anything. I usually get ready for bed (meaning off the phone) at like 11. Then I'll just sit there for 3 hrs. Ive taken PMs but it still doesnt help. Someone PLEASE what can i do to get to sleep!! Its leaving me w/ migrains in the morning!

It sounds as if you are stressing about something. Start noticing if you are clenching your jaws closed at night or grinding your teeth. This could be the cause of the headaches you experience upon waking. What you need to do is some relaxing exercises. Find yourself someplace you can sit or lay in a relaxing position. Start by slowing your breath down. As soon as it is at a manageable pace start to breath in slowly to the count of eight, then breath out to the count of eight (thats one one thousand, 2 one thousand, etc.). Once you've slowed your body down to match your breathing start to notice what is tense and how you are holding your body. Notice the parts of the body that you are tensing. Really take note of this feeling (bad, good or indifferent). Really feel it for a moment. You could even intensify it as much as you can stand. Then, start to let the tension go in each area of the body one area at a time. You release the tension on the exhale. Feel the heaviness of the tension exiting with each breath. Spend some time with each release and observe how this feels to you. Relax with it. Notice how it makes you feel. It may even feel uncomfortable for you at first, but stick with it. After you've released the tension in your entire body hold this relaxed state for as long as possible. Again, make special note to how you are feeling. As a matter of fact it is very helpful if you do this periodically throughout the exercise. You can also use this time before you to mull over problems such as personal growth, spiritual, school, and work for example. Dont be surprised if you fall asleep (sleep is the ultimate relaxed state) though. This exercise can also be good for times when you are having intense problems or difficulties. What you would do is when you enter the final relaxed state you begin to focus on the problems at hand. Just let the ideas come to you, don’t force it. At first answers will come to you in the form of intuition. Your ability to be open to answers to difficulties will grow and become obvious if you keep it up. If you are using these exercises for help with problems you want to make sure you stay awake. If you do fall asleep, though, don't worry about it. You can also use these exercises to help you through difficult situations. People who make you nervous for some reason, for example: If you find yourself in a difficult situation start to slow down your breathing. Check out the areas of the body that you are tensing. Start to release these areas and relax. The more you practice with this the quicker you will be able to adust and not to let other peoples intensity affect you. There will come a time when all you have to do is think about it and you can change your state of mind. If this method doesn’t sound like it will work for you, you do need to look for some way to relax. Your simply taking in other people's negative energy. This will help you reground. Good luck!



Namaste,


LULABELLE

[view]

Helow.... I'm a 18 year old girl and I live now in the Philippines and I used to live in Holland because my mum married a Dutch man and he brought us there.. After few months there, I made lots of nice friends.. I didn't have homesick anymore because people there are always nice to me.. I really enjoyed my life there.. But my father thought that we should go back in the Philippines.. But he stayed there because of his work.. My problem is ... I wanna go back in Holland.. I miss my friends, and I really enjoyed my 1 year and 3 months of staying there.. I convinced my dad to go back there, also my sister convinced him but he doesn't want to because of financial problem (he said), but we don't ask money to him.. we don't spend much money, we're contented on allowance that he used to give to us, besides we're only four in the house.. So i don't think that it's the problem.. and besides he's not a poor guy.., he's just afraid to lose his money i think.. Please help me, how would i convince him to go back in Holland?

I have to ask you this question only to make you think of other reasons besides "money" as an issue for your not being able to return to Holland. My question may have nothing to do with the real reason either. Just open your mind to other reasons besides "money". People use "money" all the time as a cover up for something they don't want to do. Find THAT reason. But, my question to you is this: How were your parents getting along before your return to the Philippines? If they weren't getting along it could be that he feels you younger members of the family are better off with your mother. I have an idea. You are now 18 years old. Since you lived in Holland for over a year are you a Dutch citizen? Are you planning on going to school? Or, are you considering going to work. Either way you ask your father if you could come to Holland and stay with him on a temporary basis. If you want to go to school tell him that you want to find a good school and you will live on campus. If you want to go to work you can ask him if you can stay with him long enough to find a job and place to live. Last, but not least, you could, on your own, go to Holland and find your own place, maybe stay with a friend for a while. Then get yourself a job or into school on your own. There are all kind of ways to get back to Holland with or without him. Just open yourself up to other possibilities. Talk to friends, shop, clerks, policemen, or anyone (including your father)you can in the Philippines. Get the energy out there that you want to go back to Holland. Once you do that you will find that ideas and alternate routes will be coming to you. You can make this happen all on your own. I wish you the best of luck in your quest!



Namaste,



LULABELLE

[view]

I don't know what to do! I'm writing a research paper/persuasive essay on how schools should not use uniforms, and I can't find any resources! I googled it, no luck there. The outline is due tomorrow and I'm scared. Can anyone help me?!

There would be no resources for something like this. This is a philosophical debate type of paper. What you need is to do something to get your creative juices going. I have some grounding exercises I would recommend for these types of situations in the future. I have given these exercises out to 4 or 5 people in the past few days and I think they will help you as well. I donâ??t want to waist time now on translating it to you when you have other immediate matters at hand. Check it out on my column I think you will benefit from them. Now, one way to approach this paper is to explain that if everyone started to wear uniforms in schools it would be just another step towards institutionalizing our country by using the technique of subliminal mind control. This only sets our young up It would repress the creativity of our young people because a big part of growing up and learning about who you are is the outrageously expressive manner of dress people go through when they are young. Everyone has done it. You look down through the ages and you can see that this has always been so. If one of the major ways of expression is repressed in our youth this could create a situation of acting out which would most likely take the form of delinquent behavior. Creativity will be expressed and if it is stifled in one area it will only be expressed in another and usually with anger. Well, you get the idea...Just make things up and make arguments for your statements. This could be a lot of fun for you. I've included some web sites about subliminal mind control. Just make something up and then make a case for it with factual information. Good luck!


http://www.newdawnmagazine.com/Articles/Mind%20Control%20Experiments%20on%20Children.html


http://www.hermes-press.com/brainwash1.htm


http://www.mrsci.com/Neuroscience/Mind_control.php






Namaste,


LULABELLE

[view]

Please try to help. Heres the problem.. Last May I went out of town to live with my father and got a job there and stuff, the only time I went outside was when I had to go to work. My father and I had a lot of problems, we fought all the time because he always has been a HORRIBLE dad, I was only there so that I could get a job. Well, I moved back home in October because I couldn't stand living with my father. The thing is, ever since I moved back home I havent stepped foot outside even once. When someone knocks at the door or I know someone in the house is expecting company, I run and lock myself in another room. When I wake up and all the blinds are open, I close them (this really makes my family mad). But for some reason I am terrified of going outside and being seen. I don't know why. Can someone please give me some answers? I rate 5's

I believe you have a condition called agoraphobia, which is a severe anxiety condition and a phobia, as well as a pattern of avoidant behavior. You have a fear of the feelings that come up when certain things happen, like, someone coming over. The anxiety you experience is so intense that, for you, the only way to get rid of it is to hide so the feeling will go away. I can’t say as I blame you. I have included some web sites below that will help you to understand your condition better. I also have an exercise I think you should do every time you have one of these anxiety episodes. Since you find a quiet secluded place to hide anyway you can make use of this time. Find yourself someplace you can sit or lay in a relaxing position. Start to slow your breath down. As soon as it is at a manageable pace start to breath in slowly to the count of eight, then breath out to the count of eight (that’s one one thousand, 2 one thousand, etc.). Once you've slowed your body down to match your breathing start to notice what is tense and how you are holding your body. Notice the parts of the body that you are tensing. Really take note of this feeling (bad, good or indifferent). Really feel it for a moment. You could even intensify it as much as you can stand. Then, start to let the tension go in each area of the body one area at a time. You do this on the exhale. Picture in your mind that each time you breath out the tension is released. Spend some time with each release and observe how this feels to you. It may even feel uncomfortable for you at first, but stick with it. It will relax and stay there. After you’ve released the tension in your entire body hold this relaxed state for as long as possible. You can now use this time before you to mull over problems such as personal growth, spiritual, school, and work for example. Don’t be surprised if you fall asleep at first (sleep is the ultimate relaxed state). But, do work on staying awake. Being aware of what is going on physically in your body when you have these “fight or flight” reactions will be helpful in your gaining control of your life. The goal is to eventually be able to function in public or even answer the door. To start off push yourself to do something that has these anxiety feelings attached to it. You will notice how you are holding your body as you are doing it. You will release the tension that you are creating within your body with each breath as you did in the exercise only faster. There will then come a time that all you have to do is think about it and you can change your state of mind. You see, what I am suggesting you do is reprogram yourself. We have been given these wonderful bodies with no instructions. Everyone is stumbling through life trying to figure it out and most of the time don’t. Your parents are among us all. They are teaching you everything they have learned that will keep you safe, etc. They’ve never been taught how to be in control of what is going on within themselves and their bodies. They really can't help you there. You do need to seek some professional help. Look for support groups in your area. Put agoraphobia in the search engine along with your city and see what pops up. Also, this exercise I gave you will help you gain control. Don’t feel you have to accomplish everything at once. Take baby steps. Start off with doing the exercise in private and then work yourself up to public appearances. But do try to do something everyday that will push you. Once you've pushed passed these intense feelings you will be able to accomplish anything you wish to.



http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-an02.html


http://www.psychologyinfo.com/problems/agoraphobia.html


http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/agoraphobia


Namaste,


LABELLE

[view]

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