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Ughhh
This is kinda a long one but I really need good advice.
There are these three girls I'm friends with at my school. We were all like a group of four and basically the "popular" group if my class has one. Well at least I was really good friends with them. Maybe I'm just paranoid but it always seems like two of them talk about me. I'm pretty sure the third one doesn't because she's always really nice to just about everyone. Well me and one of them got into a fight the other day and aren't talking. She's really close with the other one I think talks about me. I'm pretty she's mad just just because her best friend is. But the thing is, she acts all nice to my face and stuff.
I have other friends to hang out with but most of them aren't in most of my classes. Going to school is hell anymore though. I have my boyfriend and that's like it. I can't really explain this dilemma to him. He knows vaguely of it and that's like it.
I know what my "friends" can do. This one girl was really popular and everyone wanted to be friends with her and they turned her into a complete loser so everyone hates her and talks about her. I don't want this to happen to me.
The girl whose mad at me is not the apologizing type and I'm not apologizing to her.
So what do I do?
I rate 5's!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I want to start this off by saying that when I answer a question it is to give you the best advice as I see it according to my experience in life. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it is always given in the spirit of love, honesty, and in the hopes that your situation will improve based on a spark of clarity gleaned from my thoughts. You see, I have to tell you, I don't think your friends sound like much of a loss. Their behavior is a bit childish and down right mean. They turned a class against a perfectly nice person because they could? I can't think of one good reason a kind and loving person would do something like this to someone else. This sounds more like vindictive and envious behaviors which are fear-based emotions. Your friend was afraid of the competition, didn't like her personally for whatever reason, so she destroys her. I don't understand this concept (I don't want to either). You also have a fear to overcome. You fear that you will lose some sort of status if you were not friends with these people anymore. Fear is a strong emotion. If you fear it, then it will be so. One way to overcome this fear and still maintain popularity is to be really friendly to everyone. Say hi and smile to everyone (always have a friendly smile). Become involved with other people. You might even consider the girl they destroyed. She may be a very nice person who was undeserving of this treatment. If rumors start floating around, just laugh at them. Don't let them bother you. Rumors really can't hurt you unless you let them. Build your own popularity in your own right. Why give away the worth of your popularity to someone else. Your popularity is yours, it belongs to you. Your classmates already identify you with being popular. Simply continue doing things the way you always did when you were hanging with your mean friends with one exception. Do everything with kindness. Start being friendly with everyone, including the considered "losers". Don't slight anyone and that does also include those mean girls. Always be friendly and kind towards them too. Yes, I bet you're correct; those girls are talking about you. So? Let them. If you don't let it bother you then they will lose interest. People do mean things to others to see the reaction and to feel powerful. It's a thrill in a way. If they get no reaction then it becomes boring. They lose interest. They can't control you. If they can't get to you to react to anything they may do then they have no power. They will see the uselessness of continuing on the destructive path with you. Also, if you have your own popularity base, you will become valuable to them and very powerful on your own. You don't NEED them,but if they are nice you could include them in your presence. Good luck in all of this. I do hope that your success in popularity exceeds your expectations and you find yourself surrounded with battalions of loving dependable dedicated friends.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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Its really hard to lose a good friend, you never want it to happen but sometimes thats just the way it is, im not sayin that you will lose these friends you have, but the best thing to do is just let her be, i've had friends who talk about me behind my back and its never a good feeling, but you cant let things like that get to you, im not very old, not even in high school, and i have seen my whole life just fly past me its not worth it to be mad at friends all the time because you dont wanna look back at bad times, you dont want n e bad times at all, you shouldnt care what other people think just cause you hang out with a certain person, and what r they gonna say?"oh you see her she hangs out with that girl there, so shes not kool anymore" you dont want to be around people that are so shallow, just try to let it all go, and do what you want to do, its not always best to be popular, i think you'd wanna be in the middle cause you get to meet a bunch of different people and are friends with everyone, just dont let it get you down.
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If you won't apologize to them, then just be friendly towards them... don't talk about her, and don't start anything with her... it's not worth it. Be the bigger person, maybe they'll realize you don't NEED them and that they still want to be your friend. Either way, even if she still doesn't want to be your friend, if you don't retaliate against her and she starts saying stuff about you, people will look at her and maybe realize that they don't need to hang out w. someone like that and she won't be able to turn them against you.
Hope it works out for the best, I really do, I've been there before and it's never fun...
------->Maureen
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hey, spunds complicated, although i dont know how serious this situation is that caused the fight i do know that if you hang out with the type of people that purposely turn someone into a "loser" then maybe you should reconsider being friends with them...true friends are ones that you dont have to say sorry to, ill have a hug fight with my best freinds and then the next day we'll go see a movie. I dont know how close you truly are to these 3 girls but just try talkin dont give in but dont be rude and stubborn. be a moderate and try to see the other side. good luck!
-kim
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well it seems you are in quite the delema. Well it seems to me you need to tell them how you feel. I went through the same type of thing last year sept they insulted me to my face. I know being in a fight sucks but you don't deserve friends that are talking behind your back. It's their lose. Popularity dosn't really mean much anymore and usually people talk about "the populars" because they are flat out jelous. See i have a new sytem with my friends now. Instead of talking behind each others back i told them to tell me whats bothering them about me and it worked. I havn't been in a fight with then for almost a year now and were tighter than ever cause we actually listen to whats really bothersing us. So tell them how you feel.
Hope i helped:D,
Becca
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