I'm 31 year old male and I've had many experiences with boyfriends, crushes, friends and family,drug abuse and mental health. I know quite alot about sex and sex related issues, so feel free to ask me anything about that! I can definitely give advice on drug abuse to. I'm going to be blunt and honest, because that's how I would want someone to be towards me. If you drop one in my inbox, please try to be as detailed as possible (like your age and gender) so I can be as helpful as possible.Look forward to hear from you. Check out my blog at asktimsandiego.blogspot.com
Website: ASK TIM
E-mail: TLBSANDIEGO@YAHOO.COM
Gender: Male
Location: SAN DIEGO
Age: 31
Yahoo: tlbsandiego@yahoo.com
Member Since: April 19, 2009
Answers: 34
Last Update: January 18, 2010
Visitors: 3197
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Indeed you are right, I do need to give it time. I know all guys aren't like this, but it's weird. I'm trying not to push it and this and that. I sent like 8 text between 1:20AM Sunday morning when I got home to tell him I was home safely to 3:00PM this afternoon (reading basically 1:30 AM..Im home, 5AM.. i woke at 430 and im wide awake :(. 5PM..hiii, 7PM..u alive? :/, 1030PM.....*poke*, 1130PM... :( today,-- 1PM...misterrrrr, 3PM..:/ ,) so they weren't on top of each other. But he won't even respond. Should I wait 2 days or so and not say anything and wait to see if he says something? If he doesn't should I say something? He knows I'm scared of getting hurt and kept saying he doesn't want to hurt me. :/ I'm so confused. :( (link)
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I would waiting a few days to see if texts you or calls you.Like what i said before whats meant to be is meant to be no controlling the out come of that.If he is meant to be with you he will in time maybe just give him some space to figure things out.DON"T push it because that may make him more afraid.Hit me up if you could rate me that would cool thanks..
Tim
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Ive been looking at a lot of gay porn and ive been playing with myself and I have found myself looking at the same gender quite a bit, i am strait, but do you think I could be bi or gay also is this normal also is it weird i like to watch gay people have sex online and stuff (link)
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Well it depends on your age,it could be a faze that your going through,the best think to do is try it and see if it is for you, if you don't like it then you know.It started for me watching the same gender and then watching gay porn then I tried it with the same gender and I liked it then I new that I was gay.One thing I want to tell you is no matter who you are no matter what people say be true to your self always.I hope this helped.
Thanks
Tim
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It's an odd story, but I met this guy online. Turns out we are both 19, and he goes to school only 50 minutes away. Ironically the school I want to transfer too. The last week, we have been texting back and forth a lot. It was easily seen that we both liked each other a lot. But we agreed we wanted to get to know each other better first. He is really honest and seems to have a really good heart. He was willing to be anything I wanted, whether it's friends or friends with benefits. When we talked about how it was shown so clearly we both liked each other, he was honest and said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship right now or not. Though if I wanted to be in a relationship, he wouldn't want to take that opportunity from me. While half the time I feel as if he is trying to just get in my pants, the other half says "your crazy for thinking this." He knows I just got out of a 9 month relationship of being cheated onh. and had my heart play yo-yo'd with, anyways. He'd call me babe and such. We were dicussing clothing and I go "so your preppy, eh?" and he's like "is that a problem? :P" and I go "no not at all, I used to be preppy." and he goes "what are you then?" I go "Me" and he asked me to define that, so I did. Basically I rather sleep an extra hour than put my face on, I hate pink but I love hollister. I'm obsessed with my hair but I don't straighten it everyday. He told me I made him smile and that I was honest and cute. He came back for the spring semester, and we decided to meet. We laughed and joked and had a great time. I laid on his shoulder and barely rubbed his leg. He said it tinkled, and then later on said he was thinking. I asked what, and he said I knew what. I responded, "I want you to say it." Moments later, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. In shock, he laughed at my reaction, and said I started it. I was practically blushing and in complete shock that I was unsure of what to do next. He just sat back and I started to barely do anything, and he adjusted himself and I asked why I was I even doing this? He said that I didn't have to if I didn't want to, so I stopped. Moments later out of habit, I poke to see if it was still hard or not. Which it wasn't, and he said "It's soft, hold on.." Then I proceeded to actually want to do something, I asked for a kiss and I got such a soft one, I wanted more and he said he wanted me to do some more in order for another kiss. I kissed his cheek and proceeded, and whispered that he was such a tease. He turned his head away and smiled. For a full neck right there for me to kiss, which I then kissed passionately. In the process of kissing his neck, he grabbed my ass which turned me on completely, then he started to slid his hand underneath my sweatpants and asked if he was crossing the line at all. It made me smile that he had asked me that, Afterwards, he gave me a gentle rub, and a few more soft pecks. With a really big hug and a passionate kiss, then shortly after goodbye hug, and a kiss. It's been almost 2 days so far, and I've yet to hear from him..why can this be happening..why do guys always do this? (link)
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Well first of all not all guys are like that.But you need to be firm with him and tell him how you feel and what you don't want to happen every time you get together and sometimes relationship are weird when it comes to commitment, something could have happened in a previous situation that has nothing to do with you that makes him afraid of committing.So give it time and if it is meant to be it will happened if not then you know.I hope this helped
Thanks
Tim
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okey doke
there is this guy who is ayear older then me who goes to my school and added me on facebook out of the blue when i have never talked to him and like a week later he is in the cafeteria and i look at him and then he sees that and he eyes went HUGE and then he continued to stare and lately all of his friends smile at me and so does he and stares constanly do ya think he likes me or is just being friendly idk thnx! (link)
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I think he likes you if that is his body language he is sending out,I think its time for you to sit down and have a cheat to see if feeling are the same.Don't get your hopes up to high until you known for a fact that he does.Put sounds like he is shy and doesn't known how how to take it to the next stop it sounds like you are going to have to take charge of this one.Hope this helped
Tim
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Im 14/f i keep feeling depressed and i dont know what about, usually im really talkative, but when i get this depression, i just dont want to commmunicate and i feel like my body is slowing down, i often feel ill and sometimes i just start crying for no reason, why is this? (link)
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People sometimes feel hopeless and depressed for no reason sometimes it has to do with a childhood situation and sometimes it has to do with anxiety of doing to many things and a young age.Take deep breath and go see your school councilor she or him can help you with teen depression is a big problem for teens as well as a adults I have suffered from depression for along time,And I take medication and I talk to a councilor and some of my friends that can relate and that are going through the same thing that I am. Get some support and don't be afraid this happens to allot of people the main thing is to educate your self so you know.Take care
Tim
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ok so i have a boyfriend. we have been dating for 1 yr. and 3 months.....well heres the thing...i might be falling in love with someone else....its confusing but really he treats me better...i feel like i wanna break up with my boyfriend....but i dont know. Im really interested in my in him but i lov my boyfriend....please help! (link)
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My sister is going through the same thing she has been with same guy for 6 years, about 2 year ago she stated to me that she loves her boyfriend but she wants space and see what else is out there.She told me that it was the best thing that could have happened to her her ex-boyfriend after Rockie times finally became friends and my sister found someone else that she loves even more they are planning on getting married.See sometimes when you see something else it maybe a good thing just make sure its really what you want to do.
Thanks
Tim
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im 17/f
hes 19/m
so i've had about 13 or so boyfriends, and hes had about 5 girlfriends. (im not a virgin, he is) we met on a site called myyearbook and we met at restaurant ,had dinner and its been a week and we've hung out/gone out together 4 or so times. we've kissed,held hands,he compliments me,ect. im interested in having a mature relationship with him. not just a high school fling, if that makes sense.
he texted me "how do you like me so far?" and i told him how he was smart,cute,funny, and how i felt being with him, ect. then i asked him the same and he said "i think your really cool. i like that you accept me for who i am and that you want to hang with me?"
sounds like something a friend who say to another friend.
i didnt wanna scare him off by asking bluntly "are we boyfriend and girlfriend" so i texted him " what are you looking for in a relationship, if one at all" he replied "i don't really know right now...what are you looking for?" i fell asleep before i could answer, but he seems really into me when were in person. but we hung out yesterday and we started kissing but then when star trek came back on it seemed like he'd rather watch that.
im trying to be understanding that hes shy, and hasnt had a lot of girlfriends, but i really like this guy, but im so use to having 'in charge' boyfriends, im not use to shy guys.
i dont want to scare him off, its only been a week.what should i do? (link)
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Its time for you to be in charge and tell him how feel about him,when star trek is not on.You need to be straight and honest about what you are looking for.Sometimes its hard to talk to someone that is shy but look at the big picture maybe something happened to him that made him that way "shy" and maybe its hard for him to get close because of a different situation.I am not saying to pry it out of him because it maybe its a subject,that he is not comfortable in having and that may scare him away if you pry.Its only be a week just keep doing what your doing just keep showing that your interested and being there and hopeful he will open up,but i still would sit down and tell him how you feel "take charge"
thanks
tim
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im 18 and i need a date for this weekend. im not very good with getting guys. some girls are a magnet for guys because they're very hott. i dont think im one of those girls...
maybe im not attractive but i am pretty. i guess i dont catch many guys' eyes. i think im abnormally pretty; i have many flaws and not very great bone structure, but i think i am cute and charming.
i like cute and charming guys. i guess i attract the guys im not really interested in. like the ones who only want sex or the ones with terrible personalities.. or ones who are shorter than me /:
anyways, how do i get a guy?
i havent flirted with guys since...
in the past, one or two guys really hurt me, and they've made me insecure of myself. so im not so open to flirt anymore, but flirting has worked for me before...
where should i go hunting? what do i use as bait? haha just kidding. im not a predator ;D (link)
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first of all you are as pretty as you put your self out there to be.You need to have faith in your self before you will be ready to start flirting.You need to stop and look at your self in the mirror and tell your self that you can and you are a very pretty person inside and out.And don't let other situation keep from knowing that,I have been doing along time and really only advice i can give you is get out there start talking to boys show them you are intrested the more you do that, less in secure you will be. And more confident you will be,It only get's easier after that. Stay beautiful stay confident you will be able to over come anything.
take care
Tim
P.S. write me back if you have any questions.
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18 year old male
i've been with my girlfriend for about more than 4 months.. our relationship have been on and off for a while and recently we broke up. But today she stopped by my house and it surprised me and she wanted to be close to me.. she didnt tell me she was going to stop by or anything, she walked home from work which isnt too far from our neighborhood and she said that she wants me, but the problem is out of the 2 weeks that we've been away i've been working my way to get out of her grasp, because we keep breaking each other's heart.. i hate going back and forth like this because i want to have a stable life. one side of me is screaming to have her but another side of me is wanting to pull away.. it affects my school work and my mood. (link)
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This is hard sometimes you need to stop and ask your self is this what you want,there is alot to a relationship and sometime stress is one of them one thing you need to ask your self is do you love her and would it make you happy to be with her and you need to sit down with her no sex know try to change the subject but straight and you need to tell her how you feel and why its hard for you to have a relationship with her.I hope this helped
Thanks
Tim
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heyy i recently got a bf and my best friend is now acting all weird. i think its cos i have a bf now and she doesnt seem to like it or is jelous.
everytime i ask her to hang out she always blows me off by saying
"i dnt know i cant plan that far aheacd" or if i say "when can we hang out" she is always saying "i dno"
i try and i try and she just keeps being really cold towards me. i think she has given up. i dnt know what iv done.
she hasnt met my bf and thats becos he lives an hour away and i only see him a few nights a week so i have plenty of time to hang out with her.
im confused, wat should i do? i miss her. but she doesnt seem to care i just look stupid the more i try. help!! :( (link)
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First off you didn't do anything wrong. You have a chance to be happy with something that is in you
Life don't change that for anything. In regards to you friend you need to make her listen that just because you have a boyfriend now, does not mean that you will spend less time with her. I was that way for a long time I was worried that all my good friends when they found something better I was jealous of that because they found something better I was worried about losing a friend. AS I got older I realized that we all have to find something special to enjoy life with. You need to make your friend see that,I hope this helped.
Thanks
Tim
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I didnt know them well personally.. but occasionally I'd check their facebooks when i was bored.. like Im sure most people do on facebook anyways. and there were some pictures of them like drinking alcohol and stuff.. also with some other people and other people smoking and stuff.. everyone underage. i told the entire guidance department using a fake email.. and im not sure whether to feel like i did a bad or good thing? cause in 1 way its like i prevented them from really ruining themselves like some teens who never had someone intervene, even their parents. but on the other hand it was snooping.. stalkerish to do.. and now they have to go through stress with the administration now about it. they are all really popular kids at my school. but at the same time its not like i reported them to police.. i definitely wouldn't do that.. i think the school would handle that sort of thing better. i am also worried on being found out. i know if they find out im fcked for life socially. and i'd lose a lot of respect and people's confidence maybe. or they'll just think im a creepy stalker. but people have albums on facebook for people to see them so its not really an invasion of privacy i think. i just do not know what to think. i just feel pretty guilty right now.. ughh whas this a mistake or the right thing to do? (link)
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One thing you need to know is that you didn't do anything wrong sometimes kids have to hit the bottom of the barrel before realizing that they are messing up there life and sometimes they realize it and they fix it and sometimes they don't i would not worry about and let these people learn the hard way sometimes thats the best way as long and you know whats right and wrong then thats the most important thing.Hope this helped...
Thanks
Tim
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Hello im 19 and my boyfriend who is 21 wants to join the army/military. Not full blown army but like working with computers and such. He asked me what i thought yesterday and it was kind of a shock. He said him and one of his friends were talking about joining and he convinced him to go. He basically is just waiting my "approval" but i want him to do what makes him happy. He said after he goes for basic training he will only have to leave one weekend out of the month for like 2 years. Im not really sure how anything works. He just brought this upon me yesterday. The only downfall is that he will be gone for 10 months touring afghanistan or something. We've been together for about 2 years now and 10 months is a long time and i dont think we can go without seeing each other that long. He is basically only going into the army for the money. We are very serious and he said when he comes back he'll have money so we can plan a wedding and maybe some other big stuff. If he goes i dont know how im going to cope with him being gone we see each other every day! Any ideas or suggestions? I do rate!
-Thanks (link)
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Well first off being a military wife or girlfriend is hard,if he feels that this is something that he needs to do the only thing you can do is be supportive in is journey and dreams.And i understand what you are going through my sister has been together with a marine and they were going through the same issues of not being able to see one another,it started out Rockie but it go easier they were still able to talk on the phone and they were able to do webcam back and forth.And when they did finally were able to see each other in person it was so much more special because they haven't seen one another in awhile.So see it can work,just back sure you are telling him that you understand that he is doing this to make your situation better and that you understand that.And how much you care for him.I hope this helped...
Thanks
Tim
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My boyfriend and his ex girlfriend are always fighting. They fight about their past relationship and what went wrong. They fight because one of them will bring up their current love life and the other doesn't want to hear about it. I'm pretty sure this means that they aren't over each other, but don't really know it themselves and/or won't admit it. Does anyone know if this is like...a psychology term that happens a lot? What should I do? Please, any advice will help.
Thanks. (link)
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Ok so I don’t think they still like each other sometimes when couples get together and break up sometimes there is some bitterness it doesn’t have anything to do with them still liking each other, you need to give it time let them work out there issues if they ever do. One thing you should ask your self is how is your relationship with him and is it strong if it is then you have nothing to worry about. I hope this helped feel free to send me a message if you have any other questions.
Thanks
Tim
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im a 16 year old female and im bisexal. it about the same girl from my last question i gave a few weeks ago. i decided to try to move forward in our friendship into a relationship but she basically pushed me away. So we have a small arguement and i end up being pissed so i told her im done, but i dont know if i really am. How should i move on from her or should i try to fix it and be patient and wait for her to change her mind about us? (link)
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It's hard to move on sometimes and sometimes its for the best,You need to look at the big picture which is.Is it worth it to keep trying to fight for something that may or may not be meant to be .I am a firm believer on if it's meant to be it will happen in its on time, give it some space and see were the future takes you. Hope this helped take care, and remember everything happens in it's own time.
Tim
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hey,
im planning on going clubbing with some friends. and i have no idea what to wear. i dont like being too showey, but i still want to look good.
any ideas?
thank you. (link)
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It depends what kind of club you go to and if you are a girl or boy.Boy you can wear a pear of nice jeans button up shirt no teeshirt underneath and the first two buttons undone wear a nice pear of shoes black or brown they go with anything and black socks.If you are a girl nice pear a jean with a nice blouse or a nice summer dress.hope this helped.
Tim
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I am 17 years old, female, and a senior in high school.
So I met this guy over the summer at a party. He was 20 and a friend of my cousin's, so she introduced us. That night, we hit it off and he ended up asking me out on a date.
That date, led to many more.
We dated that whole summer, but for some reason, I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be.
I remember wanting to break things off with him, and I eventually did. Right before summer ended.
I broke his heart.
School started, and things went back to normal. Except...I began to regret my decision of breaking things off.
During the months of august-november we saw each other randomly at parties since he was my cousin's friend.
And every time, he would tell me how much he wanted me back and we would hold hands and kiss. But nothing ever came out of it.
As much as I wanted to put things back together, there was something holding me back.
Now, he has a girlfriend. I haven't spoken to him in about two months, the only details I know of him are through my cousin.
He didn't even really like the girl when they first started dating, but he apparently told my cousin that "things are getting serious now."
I wanted to tell him how I still feel about him, but since I found this out, I know I can't.
Should I move on with my life?
My cousin doesn't think they will last forever, and she tells me that one day we will end up being together. I'm just scared that he will fall in too deep with this girl and forget all about me. I was too late. And I don't know what to do now. I would really like a guy's perspective on this. Thanks. (link)
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Ok first of all a lot of people get into relationships they fall hard then they get scared and
Break things off its normal especially if this is a first love and sometimes people just need space to think about what is important to them. It sounds like that you still like this guy and I think that all that you have been through with him I think you owe it to your self to find out if he still feel’s the same way about you still. Sit Down with him and find out what he thinks just the two of you maybe ask him to go to coffee with you to loosen up any tension and most of all be your self and tell him how you feel about him. I am a firm believer what’s meant to be is meant to be and if its meant for you to be together in the future which sounds like it is, and then it will happen. Most of all is patients.
I hope this helped write me back if you have any questions
Thanks
Tim
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ok, if you are reading this you probably have already read the first part and know pretty much the whole story..
so recently my stepmom and dad got into a huge fight. my dad was working that day so i went over to comfort her. she told me she talked to her younger son, 16, (my stepbrother). she told me that he said something about me. She said he said " it hurts him to see me going through all this drama all over again, considering ive seen my mother suffer because of my dad and now to see my stepmom who is also my bestfriend suffering is like the past repeating itself. he also supposably said that he feels that i am part of his family because they suffered all their lives like i have.. also stating that i am brave, kind, pretty and have a big heart and that he feels bad seeing me in situations like this." when i heard this i couldnt help but cry. i burst out crying because no one has ever said anything like that or that nice about me. what blew me away was that he thinks of me as pretty. no one has ever told me i was pretty when i was little or even to this day. its always you LOOK pretty or you LOOK beautiful today. i found out this out about a week ago, and i havent stopped thinking about him and wondering if he actually feels the same way about me. i dont know...im confused... what do you think??? (link)
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You need to be careful,it sounds like the reason he said what he said is that he looks at you as a sister and he cares about you.When kids are in a situation were there parents divorced or separated and they get remarried siblings go through so much in dealing with that,That they become variable so they can become attached to situations or people very easy. And with your stepbrother saying that about you it made you feel special which you are.But i don't think he meant it in that contents that you think. I would keep monitoring it and if his action priests then you know.Take care good luck..
Tim
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Ok so I live with my best friend, and for the most part she is a decent and good friend, but this girl is sooooo insanely attached to her boy friend. Let me start out by describing their relationship. They have been together for over 2 years and neither of them have ever been with anyone else. She drops everything for him all the time. She'll make plans with me and then not show up because he called and she 'forgot' our plans. She cry's if she cant see him for a day, she is constantly txting him, calls him for an hour every night. I live with her and we share a bed room and he is here almost everyday. I just feel like she puts him before her own life, and she's constantly upsetting our friendship because of him and I am at my wits end. I dont want to tell her 'Hey, your adicted to your boyfriend and I cannot stand that you put him before me all the time!' because this would end in an emotional spout. So please someone give me advice as to what to before I smother her in her sleep lol jk. (link)
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Well it sounds like they are in love and maybe even a first love which can make it harder to pry them apart, it sounds like that maybe you would like your friend to spend more time with you. Maybe you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel. And see were that goes.
Thanks
Tim
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Me and this guy have been talking and hanging out and im pretty sure he likes me because he kissed me etc. But he always texts me saying "hey whats up" etc but like he talks a little bit then he just kinda doesn't say much and i have to keep the convo going.Like I will type a whole paragraph and he will say " haha oh nice : )" or something similiar and i usually just dont respond and then he will text me later and the same thing will happen.Why do guys do this?! (link)
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Well first of all don't take it personal a lot of guys just don't like texting and when they do its short and sweet or may be he has a phone that makes it hard to text. As long as you can have a good conversation person and you guys enjoy your time together then you will be fine.Take care
Tim
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UGH.
15/f
For SOO long, I thought I had a "fear of commitment" issue, and that's why I've turned down EVERY guy who's asked me out
But lately I realized, it's not that I fear I won't be able to get out of a realtionship...
It's that I'm afraid of what people will think!!!
Just to say, I'm a total perfectionist. EVERYTHING needs to be perfect.
Whenever I like guys, they are PERFECT. GORGEOUS, smart, funny, popular...usually assholes... like it would ever happen.
I always occasionally find myself liking more down-to-earth guys, that usually like me to start with...they're usually cute, short, hilarious, and sweet.
But EVERY TIME they ask me out or try to tell me they like me, my heart just sinks, and I panic. I would never want to be seen with them, I would never want people to know about it, and talk about it, and judge me and them and make fun of me and them
I know. I'm most likely the most shallow, ungreatful, petty, narrow-minded bitch in the world.
I don't know if there's some scientific diagnosis for it, but I have a FEAR OF OPINION.
It seriously just hammers the top of my head and causes so much frusturation and annoyance and paranoia.
It really needs to stop. I can't do ANYTHING without worrying about what people will think.
It's so bad, I can't even get dressed in the morning. I can't even walk out the door without worrying what others will think.
Just the thought of people talking behind my back, laughing at me, making fun of me, whispering about me...it just makes me feel small and terrible.
...
I'm asking for a lot of advice here...
1. I need to find a way to get rid of this FEAR. It ruins my life and self-esteem. And a simple "just don't think about what others will say!" really won't help, thanks though...
2. I need to get over that, then be able to take another huge step and date. I'm not RUSHING into it by the way, I just need to be ready to date sooner or later...I'm 15 and the "you're too young to worry about it" won't apply for much longer.
Call me a bitch, call me shallow. Whatever. If it needs to be said, please say it. I just really need some help here.
Thank you so very much (link)
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I understand were you are coming from,there was a time in my life that i was going through the same thing i had a problem with commitment and afraid of having my heart broken, but as i got older i realized that this was something i had to experience so i grow as a person. When that right person enters your life you will know and you wont have any doubts. Right know your 15yo experience life enjoy it.
Thanks
Tim
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