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FEARS....DATING.....FED UP. radsfjlkadsfj :(
UGH.
15/f
For SOO long, I thought I had a "fear of commitment" issue, and that's why I've turned down EVERY guy who's asked me out
But lately I realized, it's not that I fear I won't be able to get out of a realtionship...
It's that I'm afraid of what people will think!!!
Just to say, I'm a total perfectionist. EVERYTHING needs to be perfect.
Whenever I like guys, they are PERFECT. GORGEOUS, smart, funny, popular...usually assholes... like it would ever happen.
I always occasionally find myself liking more down-to-earth guys, that usually like me to start with...they're usually cute, short, hilarious, and sweet.
But EVERY TIME they ask me out or try to tell me they like me, my heart just sinks, and I panic. I would never want to be seen with them, I would never want people to know about it, and talk about it, and judge me and them and make fun of me and them
I know. I'm most likely the most shallow, ungreatful, petty, narrow-minded bitch in the world.
I don't know if there's some scientific diagnosis for it, but I have a FEAR OF OPINION.
It seriously just hammers the top of my head and causes so much frusturation and annoyance and paranoia.
It really needs to stop. I can't do ANYTHING without worrying about what people will think.
It's so bad, I can't even get dressed in the morning. I can't even walk out the door without worrying what others will think.
Just the thought of people talking behind my back, laughing at me, making fun of me, whispering about me...it just makes me feel small and terrible.
...
I'm asking for a lot of advice here...
1. I need to find a way to get rid of this FEAR. It ruins my life and self-esteem. And a simple "just don't think about what others will say!" really won't help, thanks though...
2. I need to get over that, then be able to take another huge step and date. I'm not RUSHING into it by the way, I just need to be ready to date sooner or later...I'm 15 and the "you're too young to worry about it" won't apply for much longer.
Call me a bitch, call me shallow. Whatever. If it needs to be said, please say it. I just really need some help here.
Thank you so very much<3
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I understand were you are coming from,there was a time in my life that i was going through the same thing i had a problem with commitment and afraid of having my heart broken, but as i got older i realized that this was something i had to experience so i grow as a person. When that right person enters your life you will know and you wont have any doubts. Right know your 15yo experience life enjoy it.
Thanks
Tim
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There is a scientific diagnosis for it: It's called being a teenage girl.
Let me elaborate.
You are feeling what every teenage girl feels, and though I can't speak for the boys, I'm pretty sure they go through it too.
You're at an age right now where of course you are going to worry about what everyone thinks of you. That's totally normal and natural.
Would you like to know why?
Because right now is the time when you are figuring out WHO YOU ARE. You're figuring out WHAT YOU THINK. You are FINDING YOURSELF. It's all part of adolescence.
So of course, you are going to worry about people judging you, thinking about you, talking about you. And though I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but it's true: Everyone goes through this. It's all part of that magical process called "puberty". Fun time isn't it?
At this point, you are psyching yourself out. If you freak yourself out thinking that this is some kind of unique and freakish problem, then yes, you are going to feel like it "hammers the top of your head". But sweetie, in all honesty, if you just try and put it into perspective and realize that it's normal for a teenager to feel these same insecurities, it's easier to deal with. And I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Hopefully that makes you feel comforted so you can just start to relax.
Seriously, take a deep breath. Relax hun. This isn't some kind profound medical issue. This is just a teenage girl trying to find herself, figure it all out.
It'll pass once you put it into perspective. I can say this because this year, I personally have come into my own somewhat. I'm happy to report that I've just got it together, thanks to just experience and those silly hormones calming down a little finally, and most of those insecurities went away.
So relax. Because you will reach a point when YOU are ready, a point when it honestly will not matter to you what people say about the guys you choose to date. For now, if you aren't in a place in your life where you can do that comfortably, then don't do it. That's fine. It comes with maturity, both physical (i.e. puberty and hormones again, yay) and emotional (i.e. just living life).
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