I woke up Saturday morning after a night of drinking with a friend and i blacked out. and when i woke up i was in my friend's daughter's bed and my friends 11 year old daughter was sleeping right next to me completely naked. and I was too. i knew that she had a crush on me because her dad said that he read it in her diary but i never knew it would go this far. and here is the ****** part about it I'm 25 year old guy so i don't even know what too do i was able too wake her up and we were able to get dressed before her dad woke up and other than me taking the virginity of my best friends daughter i didn't wear a condom so she may get pregnant and I'm that case i guess I'm completely ******. i feel like a complete asshole knowing that i did this with her. and then about a day later she asked me if i wanted to do it again. i don't really know what to say. i don't know if we should do it again. or just tell her that we cant ever again but she might tell her dad that this happened if i don't and if we do i know that we could get away with it because i do watch her sometimes for my friend when he has to work late at night. i don't know what to do should i break it off with and getting pissed at me and telling her dad or should i have some sort of strange relationship with her Because i dont want to hurt her feelings.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Dragonflymagic answered Friday April 10 2015, 6:21 pm: One last thing on top of all that everyone said. You mentioned you sometimes watch her for Dad when he works late. You have to stop watching her because when he finds out what happened and you continued to be there alone with her, what's he gonna think? That perhaps you've been banging her all along for quite some time when you're there to watch her. So I agree with Missundersmock, he was not thinking, knowing what he knows of his daughters crush on you and you being too drunk to drive means you were too drunk to be a responsible adult. So he's part blame. So its gonna look better for you if you do tell him what you witnessed and ask him whats going on here. If you don't say something soon, it makes you look all the more guilty for keeping silent for a while. If some time has passed, you let him know you needed time to get over the shock yourself of how and where you found yourself in the morning and needed time to figure out how to approach him about this. Most likely he'll just react and want to punch you before listening but if he shuts down in person then get emails out to him. Hold on to them so he can't tell anyone that you never told him and he found out from his daughter. That would make you look guilty but emails to him would be written proof you made a move to be open and honest and sort things out. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
candicegomez answered Thursday April 9 2015, 9:45 am: to tell you the truth that was fun and interesting to read, without wanting to be offensive or anything.I think that before you do anthing you should make sure what happened between you and the girl.What if she tricked you and nothing is real?I mean it could have happened right?You need to have a serious conversation with her and clear out everything.You should explain the situation and that what happened between you was both and accident andwrong.However be careful becauseshe might go tell her dad everything.I believe you should definitelly not fuck her again. Keep some distance and if the girl insists on it be brave and talk to her dad.Tell him that it was an accident and youre so sorry.hemight not take you to jail.or how about talking to the mum? [ candicegomez's advice column | Ask candicegomez A Question ]
AaronAgassi answered Tuesday April 7 2015, 2:11 pm: If it comes to it, that she asked you again, can be helpful in arguing consent. The very expression: "jail bait" signifies the normalcy of the impulses, in that anyone might act upon them. As the saying goes, "the heart wants what the heart wants." Drunkenness is only a way to circumvent inhibition. There is unfinished business between the two of you. There always has been. There is some good reason why you are interested in one another. By good reason, I mean in terms of human dramatic motivation. You do not say much about her. You are in danger and afraid. Is she a good person? Is she rational? Do you trust her? You say you fear that she might turn on you if she feels rejected. Does she understand your position? Would it be a good thing if she did? How would she feel about your guilt? Would she be sympathetic or insulted? The two of you are increasingly alienated from one another by a looming sense of the classic Prisoner's Dilemma. And this is by design in society, to undermine collusion between social dissidents, indeed the deepest sense of collusion between all good lovers, especially in forbidden love. Make no mistake, you are partners in crime! Things don't just happen. Perhaps a good way to open conversation might be to ask her how she feels about her dad snooping on her diary. Let her ponder the value of privacy for herself. Then ask her if she thinks that you are a good person. I am hoping that behind all of the panic, you actually do care what she feels, and that she in turn, is not after all too callow to reciprocate. Then maybe you can both figure things out. [ AaronAgassi's advice column | Ask AaronAgassi A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Tuesday April 7 2015, 10:24 am: Just what you are guilty of I'm not quite sure of at the moment because there is important information missing. Missing is how you got in her bed. Do you know how you got there. Is her bedroom the only place your friend could have put you to bed or did you get there on your own? Then there's the question of consent. You were drunk, even drunk a man can get an erection and have unconsented sex? This would make her the aggressor and you the raped person.
It is these fact that are important for they are the ones that may keep you out of jail. As for your friend these facts will mean nothing if his daughter is pregnant. As for continuing to have sex with her the answer is no. For if you do you can expect to spend the rest of your life in prison. Child molesters do not do well in prison.
Just tell her whatever happened was a mistake and it will not happen again. That to tell her father will be just as bad for her as it will be for you maybe worse. If she is not pregnant. Thank your lucky stars and stay away from her [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
rainhorse68 answered Tuesday April 7 2015, 3:55 am: Hi there. Don't think there's much appropriate debate to be had in the question of whether you do it again or not, is there? No, you do NOT. And as a responsible adult you should make sure you don't end up in the position where the booze denies you the power of reason. To the point where it seems a good idea. I sincerely hope she is not pregnant, for all concerned. I can appreciate that the child did indeed seem to be compliant, even proactive in the event. I dare say a lot of kids of eleven would jump at the chance of racing about in my car. But I don't give them the keys and say 'Ok...have fun!' As adults, we're meant to have a better, more clearly defined sense of what is and what is not appropriate, are we not? And having sex with an eleven year old cannot possibly be appropriate. You have to tell her that it was a mistake, and that it cannot happen again. Regarding the hanging threat of her telling her dad...she'll have to make her own mind up about that and you'll have to face the consequences if she does. You can't really continue a 'relationship' in order to not hurt her feelings and buy her silence can you? How long for? A year? She'll still only be 12! Can't see her dad being any more impressed, can you? And it'll no longer be a single drunken mistake that you regret. No longer something that happened, you know shouldn't have happened and you are deeply sorry for. It will have become a deliberate and presumably regular event. You might JUST defend the former to him. You've got NO chance of mitigating the latter. Must add that if there is ANY motive of continuing to have sex with her for your OWN gratification then with all respect, you really have to ask yourself some serious questions about the path you're embarking on. And possibly seek some form of counselling or help. It's really NOT acceptable is it?
ps. She has a known crush on you. You were very drunk. Are you absolutely SURE you had penetrative sex? Is it possible she undressed and got into bed beside you all night without your knowledge at all and she's playing it? 11 year old girls are too young to be having sex, but they're definitely not too young to be amazingly savvy and manipulative when they see an opportunity to get their own way about something. Ask any father of one!! [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
missundersmock answered Tuesday April 7 2015, 3:12 am: ok wait a minute, i have a few questions here before we jump to the "you raped a child" conclusion because this may not ALL be totally on you. Not that im defending what you and probably half the people here think you did but this situation sounds like it was set up for something like this to possibly happen.
first off where the hell was this girls parents?
where you supposed to be watching over her? did you go to your friends house drunk? and why would your friend allow you to sleep or "pass out" drunk in his own daughters bedroom?? just THAT right there tells me hes not thinking about his childs well being. What if she were to come home from being out somewhere and see a drunken man on her bed?? she may know you but her father or guardian should never allow a grown adult whos intoxicated to crash at his house knowing his child has "feelings for you" to stay in the same house! what was he thinking! for the protection of his own child i wouldnt even have considered it, and had someone drive you home. theres too much of a chance there that SOMETHING could happen.
I think you should talk to your friend and ask sort this all out. YES it could potentially mean losing a friend and maybe even jail time, but at the same time they will look at the parents of this girl and say "well where the hell were YOU when this happened?!?" and she could be taken away by CPS.
ask him what happened on the night that you all got drunk and why you woke up in his daughters bed, and why she was curled up next to you! first of all!
I really have to wonder how in the world her father thought that this would be appropriate in any sense of the word. So im just left with more questions then answers here.
Im not sure what else to tell you besides sit down and talk to him when its just the two of you and tell him you woke up in his daughters bedroom, that you blacked out and down remember ANYTHING (because thats the truth RIGHT?) and ask him if HE remembers anything and compare stories to see if you can connect the dots.
Maybe you didnt take her virginity and maybe she just removed your clothes? i mean if YOU dont remember then wheres the proof??
SHE can say you two did something but her feelings for you could be causing her to SAY you did something because she wants to bring herself closer to you or pretend theres a bond there when there isnt or shouldnt be.
if you honest to god do not remember anything then i think you need to talk to your friend, her father, and try to sort this all out.
Im not saying try to play the blame game here but this should never have been allowed to happen, you shouldnt have been allowed to sleep in her room, her father KNOWING his child had feelings for you SHOULD have kept an eye on you AND HER just incase, and insisted you get home somehow safely. Im feeling like honestly this isnt all your fault. her father was aware of the feelings, and is aware of your personality when your drunk and that a situation where your there with his child in the same house should never have happened.
i would remind him that he could get in trouble too if this were to go to court because of these reasons and him looking like a neglectful parent could lose her to the foster care system. [ missundersmock's advice column | Ask missundersmock A Question ]
Mckenzie answered Monday April 6 2015, 9:25 pm: Ok I'm going to be honest may come off rude. You were drunk and you basically raped a child. Even though she was willing , it probably gonna end up bad on your end because she's a child. You maybe have been drunk, however it won't change the fact that you had *** with an 11 year old.
I'd tell her parents which I know you won't. But I'd atleast explain to her what beer or alcohol can do to you and that you didn't have full knowledge of this and it was wrong. Please don't talk her out of telling somebody it will only make it worse if someone else finds out which is 99.9% likely of what will happen?
Should you do it again? No! Just cause her feelings doesn't wannabe hurt its ssexualized abuse. Abuse is abuse. Rape is rape. A strange relationship indeed 25- 11.
You took her virginity not purposely but you did. She could suffer emotional damage years later. Also yes love can have no limits of age. First this isn't love. Second even if it was sex isn't appropriate at 11.
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