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How can you tell if your fiance has lost interest in you?
How can I tell if my fiance has lost interest in me? How can I show him that I am sexy? How can I get him to love me again? Is everything my fault? I am a 32 year old woman engaged to an older black man
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hon, it doesn't matter the color or age of a person as to how much a person will love you or lose interest. I don't know how long you've been together but often in the beginning, a relationship is spurred on by NRE-new relationship energy with that same excitement you got over recieving the toy you begged for as a gift. At first its great but after a while, it no longer holds your interest if it isn't something perfect for you. My example, I was artistic so the toys I never got bored with was etcha sketch and spirograph.
Relationships are the same. If once that excitement fades, we are left with whatever level of chemistry we truly have or not. Some people lie to themselves that they are just going through a funk and will get over it in time and the more time goes by, the harder it is to tell ones partner that it just doesn;t work for you.
Chemistry is what we feel, that invisible attraction due to the pheremones we release. If our pheremones are too different from the other, we won't be a good match and the interest thus is only so-so or lacking totally at some point after NRE. I can't say that you are doing major relationship no-no's that turn a person off. I dont have that info. but if you were, he'd likely have complained at least about one by now if it wsa that big a thing to him. What irritates us, we try to avoid or at least bring to others attention so things can go more smoothly. Perhaps what you see as a lack of interest is actually his real personality and theres nothing wrong with how he acts, you just may not know most men are normally like that (whatever it is you are picking up on) In most cases, its not something one or the other does wrong, they are just wrong for each other. My 1st hubby and I wear such a sexual mismatch not just chemistry but libidos and more. aFTER I left him, I dated and discovered that there were various levels of intensity sexually, even just kisses with guys I dated. I found my guy with whom I have chemistry and intensity and I am married to him now.
I wont give advice as to what you can do to make him love you again, cus it's fruitless if you're a mismatch.
However, here is a list I added to that i got off the internet that shows whether a guy loves you or not with an intro.
Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
I have all 7 to the extreme and am very happy with my man. You really need all of it if you're to spend the rest of your life with a person.
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Do you think he's lost interest in YOU specifically or in having a relationship at all? Think you need to determine that first. You're not mentioning 'another woman' so it might be either? I shouldn't think it could be your fault unless you have done something to drive him away...which again there's no mention of. So I'm assuming it's about him? If he's 'off' relationships altogether, why? Fear of committment? Health problems? Family pressure? Has he a previous family, might a child or even the ex. partner ( they can have unrealistic expectations regarding the duties/life of their ex.) be making things awkward or difficult. For instance, a much-loved child can wield an awful lot of emotional force on his/her father when it comes to his 'new' partner. Does he feel he can give you the home, life and support you need...or is he not really secure in his own arrangements? If he's theoretically 'OK' for a relationship and he seems a bit cool towards YOU there could be various reasons. You mentioned him being 'older'? As you mention 'love' and 'sexy' it seems to imply him finding you physically desirable? Is your sex drive and expectations maybe just higher than his? Possibly he may have some problems 'performing' (it does happen, but it can easily, and very successfully be addressed nowadays). So is it a problem of how well and how often he seems to want to pleasure you? Or has he gone off the whole idea? Is he showing any signs of breaking-off the relationship. That's a key area to identify. If you talk about 'next years holiday' or 'planning something next Christmas' does he seem vague and reluctant to discuss it? I seem to be asking YOU all the questions, don't I? Your question is rather open-ended. So, is there any stuff in what I've said to help thus far? Could you gather some more info on what/who/where your fear seems to arise from? Which of the above can we discard? Which might be relevant? If you want, inbox me and we might try to find a specific answer, once we 'narrow the field' a bit and get a way towards a specific question? See what you think, and feel free to drop a line if you reckon it might help. Best wishes.
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I do not think the problem is you. It may be the difference in ages depending on how large age difference there is. At 32 you're still young and vibrant. T say 8 to 10 years older than you he is starting to become more comfortable with life. A good meal at a fine restaurant may be more important to him then a night of sex with you. Not that he doesn't love you or think you are sexy. Just his level of comfort with you has become more comfortable and his desires have changed.
Because you have written to use I am not going to ask if you love him, you would not have written if you were not in love. What I am going to ask you to do is to take a step back and examine your life with him.
* Has he changed to a more sedated life style then when you first started dating?
* Is it taking him longer to become erect when you do make love. If so he may be suffering from early Erectile Dysfunction. One reason for a change to a more quiet life style.
* Are you living together? If so have there been any subtle changes in how he is at home.
* If you are of two different races are both your families accepting of each of you.
All of these things may enter into what you are seeing and may require a frank discussion between you. On the topic of erectile Dysfunction this is an area of concern you have to be cautious when bringing up as not to harm his ego and males have very fragile egos on this subject.
If he is on blood pressure medication. Blood Pressure medication proven to be a cause of Erectile Dysfunctions and easily fixed with a conversation between him and his doctor. High cholesterol and medication for that is also a known cause, again easily correctable by his doctor.
The most important thing for you to decide is this. If he is much older than you he is entering a stage in life where his party days are over. He wants comfort of home and some of the finer things in life he is able to afford. You still have many years where you want to go out and paint the town red. You have to chose which life style you can live with or need and decide based on your needs if you want to marry this man.
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