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I feel like I'm failing at most everything I do
I'm 20 years old. Ever since I was a very young child, I've had severe problems. I would love therapy, but I am not able to afford it. I've been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar 1, and PTSD. I was (for years) on a multitude of psychiatric medications. More recently, I decided on my own, to stop my medications (safely, I consulted my psychiatrist to help me titrate down) and I got a lot better. I feel quite a bit better that I was able to make that decision, knowing that I didn't need to depend on them anymore. I've been slowly learning how to cope and deal with my struggles more on my own, but of course it's difficult. The big things I'm struggling with now are that I've never had a job due to my problems. I'm working on my GED too. I'm working with VR (vocational rehabilitation) and they've helped me make plans to get a job and help with my GED but of course it's still hard for me. I get terrified with almost everything. I'm not giving up but it's causing a lot of stress, not only on me but the people in my life that care about me. I feel ashamed of myself that I can't do things that most other people can do easily. I always feel like I'm disappointing my loved ones. I wish they didn't need to help me so much, but I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm so so grateful to have them, but I feel so horrible not being able to help them and be there for them as they have been to me. I feel like a terrible person. I'm not sure what I can do. I don't know how to conquer my anxiety and panic attacks. I am still on a small dosage of Xanax to help a little, but its still very difficult. I wish I could get some therapy to help find the true cause of my problems, but as I mentioned earlier, financially I can't afford one. Has anyone had any similar problems? Or methods to help cope through my anxiety and stress in a healthy manner? And what would you suggest to do to help mend my relationships and be able to open up to them more so we could come to more understanding of all our situations and work together to fix it? I'm sorry this is such a long entry, but please, any advice would help immensely. And I would like to sincerely say thank you in advance to anyone willing to share any advice!
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Hy there.
Im 21. I know how you feel to a certain extent. Ive honestly never felt like a normal person. I used to drink and smoke and cut up myself. I would drive anyone away, but i later met my best friend in highschool who was really there for me. Sometimes everything you touch breaks and you really heed ears to just listen. I also went to a christian camp which was super fun. I cant believe how much ive changed with the guidance of god. Im happy now. Things are finally working. Find some good support and hang in there.
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There are a lot of support organizations for people in your position. Actually, lots of kids without your issues still have no job experience, going straight from HS to college. So its not the big issue you think to have not worked. I worked as a caregiver for a mentally handicapped female in 30s who attended a specialty school, graduated, and then got her vocational training just for people like her and others unable to work a normal job. THE worker in the agency was the one to help her in getting jobs. When her company laid off many workers including her, they found her another one, it was simple, repetitive and the bosses knew they were hiring disabled people and used their vocational trainer to deal with help in any specific training or corrections needed. If you don't have a social worker who will help with you finding a job which is the hardest part, then check with your local DSHS office. Dept of social and health services and see what it takes to get hooked up with a state agency that helps match people like you with jobs they can handle.
I do know from family who have have clinical depression and non clinical depression that medication can help the first but the person without any real physical or mental problems who has a bout of temporary depression can do special things to get over it. I can't speak on anxiety or others as I do not know anything about them.
However its worth a try to use what i will share as its easy. When depressed over a breakup with boyfriend, I told my daughter what she needed to do to get over it. She was a person with usually normal levels of NT's, neuro-transmitters and the feel good hormones that help us handle stress. However stress uses up these levels of usually normally produced substances in the brain. Some are born unable to produce these and thus need medication. Daughter didn't believe me and went to see a psychologisit for her one free visit paid by employer insurance. He told her the same thing I told her that will always help if you keep at it. In your case, using it in addition to whatever meds you're should help boost you feeling better but not cure you.
When depressed, a quick way to bring up levels of your feel good hormones is through movement, whether it be lots of hard excercise or just dancing or jogging. Dancing helps me.
Another is laughter so comedy is great. Watching the kind of movies that have you splitting your sides cus its so funny. Sometimes you dont have a movie on hand so....
I find that listening to a favorite song helps raise these hormones. bUT not just any song, its the kind when if you listen to it,( the melody is the part important) makes your heart feel like its light, floating like a balloon in your chest. One that does it for me it the melody of Clocks by Coldplay. There are a couple others too. I will put on headphones and play the song with eyes shut just listening 3 to5 times in a row and when done, already feel better. You might use this as a distraction for you too if feeling anxious to get your mind off the things you are fretting about.
Take it a step further and sing along to these favorite songs. yOU don't have to have a good singing voice, something in the action
of singing will raise those feel good hormones.
then lastly, I heard through a couple separate sources that giving and getting hugs will raise those levels of hormones as well to help you feel good. There is a lack of touch in society today and I have read it takes 8 hugs or so daily received to keep functioning well or the levels run low or run out with every day stress and depressed actually refers to low (depressed) levels of these feel good hormones. Due to your anxiety, you may find it hard to give hugs but give it a try with family, cousins, any friends you may have. It must be the long hug where you hold onto the person for a minute to a half a minute at least for it to work. the quickie grab and release won't work. Its worth a try. I'd like to hear back and know if this helps you any as it might be good for me to pass on to others in your situation.
If you do try anything repetitive, let family know what you are doing is trying something to help yourself feel better, not to purposely irritate them and as long as they know, Im sure they'll be glad to support you in that and perhaps give you tons of hugs to see if it helps.
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Hi there. You have a great understanding of your psychiatric conditions and seem to be playing a 'perfect game' in handling them. If there's anything slightly imperfect it might be that you are expecting a 'light-bulb moment' in your psyche that will facilitate the practical challenges and quell your insecurities? In fact it will tend to be the other way round. Conquering the practical obstacles of day-to-day life and beginning to realise your ambitions, aims and potential are precisely what will address the self-doubt and anxiety. That's really what Vocational therapy is all about, isn't it? You don't mysteriously 'improve' and then go out and face the challenges. It's the act of facing the challenges which bring about the improvement. Try not to look at the whole 'war'. Look at each battle in turn, complete in itself. The tactical approach rather than the strategic. What do I need to do to win THIS battle? Celebrate the victories, even small ones. It's the cumulative effect of winning each of the smaller battles which eventually turns the tide of the whole war. Stress puts any relationship to the test. You know that. Start to remove the stress, the tension and the conflict and they'll begin to heal themselves. Remember that relapse is part of recovery. You're 20 I see? Do you know, however you might feel there is something in this world that is bigger than your depression? And that thing is 'time' my friend. Keep your nerve and keep moving forwards.
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