Family dosnt give a good reason for why I have to go.
Question Posted Thursday July 24 2014, 6:28 pm
M/15
If the fallowing offends you I dont care.
About a year ago I came out to my parents that I was an Atheist. Well they are young earth creationists(which means they take everything in the bible literaly.) so they did not take to kindly to it. They made fun of me for not beliveing in there god and the fact that they are so positive that I'll regret it when I find out I'll be wrong. Well I shook it off I'm very strong with my belifs and at another time after I let things cool down I asked them if it was necisary that I go to church. The gave me no other reasoning other than yes because thats what our family dose. So ive put up with it for along time and I don't think I can any more. All I do at their church is sit there and stare off into space. Its truly a waste of time for me. I know the religion is not for me ive read the whole bible 4 times. More than most believers and I cannot stand for what they belive in. Dose any one know any reason
that my parents would be like this and only give me such a bland reason for making me go?
Pittguy answered Saturday July 26 2014, 1:54 pm: Let me preface this by saying that this is coming from someone who does believe in a higher power.
It takes all kinds of people for the world to go around. While I may not agree with them, I try not to judge them and to respect their opinions. But to me, belief is not about whether or not you attend services or conform to a specific doctrine, it's about whether or not you live your life with an emphasis on specific actions, like forgiveness, compassion, mercy and love.
I know it's hard but your should try to realize that your parents are essentially doing the same thing you are, sticking to their guns on personal beliefs. Clearly you have conviction in your ideas and so do they. How could you really expect them to do anything differently? I certainly do not think your parents should be making fun of you though.
All in all, I think you need to to find some common ground. perhaps a good place to start is something that is expressed in both religious and secular society, the golden rule. Work on things from there and if it still remains a problem that isn't moving toward a solution, I would suggest seeking the advice of a counselor or therapist. [ Pittguy's advice column | Ask Pittguy A Question ]
xcgirl21 answered Saturday July 26 2014, 7:09 am: I understand your frustration. I am an atheist as well, but I grew up with grandparents who believe the same thing your family does. To this day, my family doesn't know my beliefs because I never told them- I knew they would never accept them. I commend you for being honest, but I'll tell you why I am picky about who I discuss that part of my life with: most religious people depend on their religion. It is everything to them. So when someone critiques it (and rightfully steps on a few toes) they get defensive. Nothing you do or say will make them see what YOU KNOW to be the truth until they have opened their minds... Which will probably be never. So since you're a minor, you still have to do what they want as long as it's within legal limits.
I don't know your family obviously, but they may insist on you going to church because their beliefs have taught them to worry about non-believers. They might honestly think they are doing a service to god by dragging you along.
Either way, since you're still a minor, they probably take whatever you say worth a grain of salt and are going to continue on making you attend church. Which totally sucks, I know, but unless you want to cause a huge uproar or possibly damage relationships with family members, you should do what they want you to and then as soon as you're on your own, you're free to do as you please. [ xcgirl21's advice column | Ask xcgirl21 A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Friday July 25 2014, 4:48 am: I have to agree with Razhie in that if you are a minor you do not have many choices when it comes to what you can and cannot do. If your parents want you to go to church with them then you go to church with them. When you turn 18 it is a different story then you can say no. Forcing you to go to church with them is not being abusive so you cannot legally get out of going.
My wife and I are agnostics, meaning we believe there is a god we just do not believe in organized religions. My wife's mother on the other hand was a very religious, church going women as were other close members of her family. This could have been a problem for us if we wanted it to be. We allowed them to take our sun to church with them just as we allowed my parents to. When asked to accompany them on special occasions, we didn't fight them we went. These occasions were Christmas and Easter and with my wife being Polish I enjoyed the pageantry of the Mass so it wasn't an entirely waste 90 minutes.
Frankly a couple of hours a year out of our lives, out of your life is not all that much time to give them. They know you don't believe and I'm sure they know that forcing you to go to church is not going to cause you to change your mind, but the have hope that it will.
Is one hour out of your week that harmful to you to bring some hope, as unfounded as it may be, to your parents in return for what they do and have done for you. I don't think so. If they go to an early Mass and you would prefer a later one so you can sleep in on Sunday ask them if that's possible. If your asking they may be more than willing to meet you halfway. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
Razhie answered Friday July 25 2014, 4:05 am: Unfortunately, when you are a minor in your parents home, they don't really need a 'good' reason to make you show up and sit still for an hour or two on a Sunday. As long as the reason is not obviously or objectively abusive, you don't have much recourse.
I'm an atheist, and I go to church with my family when asked. They all know I don't believe. I'm not even the only athiest member of the family that goes. There is no expectation we'll participate in any way, more than just being there. It IS a part of being a member of the family. It's important to them - it might be important to them for a bunch of reason I think are really silly, including pride - but nevertheless it is important to them.
Maybe, when you are an adult like me you won't want to do that, and you'll be in a much better position to put a stop it that kind of compromise, but as a young person, you've got little option but to find a way a to cope, and entertain yourself at church. If you can maintain a truce by attending church, do that and ride it out until you can move out. That truce is very valueable - it'll help keep the peace for the rest of your life. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
K3587 answered Thursday July 24 2014, 7:13 pm: Any number of reasons. Maybe they have a reputation to uphold. Maybe they think that if they force it upon you, you'll change your mind. Perhaps it's due to belief, as the bible does mention spreading the faith. At any rate, there's absolutely nothing you can do. As long as you live under their roof, you have to attend. I suggest moving out at 18. I say this because I was in the exact same position. My mother is episcopalian and forced me to attend until age 18. I consider myself agnostic since well before that. [ K3587's advice column | Ask K3587 A Question ]
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