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Why does my boyfriend enjoy my pain?

Question Posted Monday February 27 2012, 6:58 am

My boyfriend loves sex! I do to, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to enjoy it when it's so painful, and sadly my boyfriend loves the painful stuff. We did anal one time and I was practically screaming in pain and crying the moment it started. Not once, even when I was crying and trying to hold in the screams of pain did he stop or ask if I was alright. After that he promised he wouldn't put me through that again, but we've done it twice since then and it was the same everytime.
Then there's the "Blowjob"... I throw up every time. After he's finished I run to the bathroom to throw up what he's done to me, and he just watches me throw up from the bedroom like he's watching tv and my pain is nothing to him. I love him so so much but I don't want to have to be in pain to please him.

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SWEETXLOVE answered Wednesday March 21 2012, 10:20 pm:
I've had a similar situation when it comes to pain during sex ...

Just recently when my boyfriend and I would have sex it would be so painful. I would try to hold it back just to please him. The last time we did it though I started crying because the pain was so bad. My boyfriend immediately stopped and said 'I can't do it anymore, hearing you cry kills me, I'm not having sex w/you again until we can figure out why you're having pain'

That's what a good boyfriend would say. Now, I'm not saying your boyfriend isn't necessarily good because I don't know him, but this does concern me. If he loved you and cared, I believe he would stop instantly and try to comfort you after the pain you've went through.

Also, how come you're throwing up after giving a blow job? Are you letting him cum in your mouth? If you are, YOU DON'T NEED TO!! Don't let a man force you to do anything. I don't know if he is forcing you to do something, but it's not healthy at all if he is. Put yourself first, I've been in your situation. Have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you're feeling. If he still doesn't care and still wants to have sex and wants you to give him BJ's ... there's a red flag right there ...

Think about what I've said. If you need anything else just inbox me! Remember, you come first.

[ SWEETXLOVE's advice column | Ask SWEETXLOVE A Question

Xui answered Monday February 27 2012, 11:55 pm:
Judging from your rating with Nascar, I'm just going to give you the heads up that I completely agree with them. They are right

It's alarming if you are in tears and in obvious pain and he doesn't stop and express any sort of concern. That right there should tell you that he doesn't give a shit about your feelings nor whether you are enjoying it or not.

I am not even going to jump into how you should please him, I'm actually going to advise that you should break up with the guy. When someone is inconsiderate of your feelings especially to the point where you are in pain then the hell with him you need to move on. The guy is using you and he showed his true colors pretty well that he doesn't care that much about you.

I am also curious too, If giving blow jobs make you throw up then why do you do it? If someone ever dared to treat me like that I would pack my shit and walk. I don't tolerate abuse like that and you shouldn't either. The guy has already broke his promise too you 3 times. He promised he wouldn't put you through it after the first time and he kept doing it and doing it. WHY are you still with him? Don't you see how he is controlling and abusing you? Sex should be enjoyable and pleasurable with someone that loves you not someone who thinks of you as a fuck toy. Why aren't you standing up for yourself? Why don't you tell him that you aren't enjoying it? Sounds to me like maybe you are a little intimidated by him? Trust me, Maybe you don't see it now but somewhere down the line it is going to suck the energy out of you if you continue to be with someone like that. You are NOT his sex slave, He does NOT control you, He does NOT own you! You need to get out of the relationship and meet someone who is right for you and that will treat you the way you should be treated. However, You will never find that as long as you allow yourself to be held back and stuck in a hell trap.

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Siren_Cytherea answered Monday February 27 2012, 9:35 pm:
You DON'T have to be in pain to please him.
What you DO have to do is stand up for and take care of yourself. If he has no qualms about hurting you, then you need to keep your own well-being in mind and make sure he doesn't. That might mean you need to leave him.
There's a lot wrong with what's going on right now, but I'll start one line at a time, excluding the very first sentence.

"'s hard to enjoy it when it's so painful, and sadly my boyfriend loves the painful stuff."

Pain in sex is NEVER okay unless it's your first few times, or you're into masochism (it turns some people on. I'm not one of them, and it doesn't sound like you are, either). That being said, some girls like anal, but the guy is gentle, and does NOT make them scream in pain. That's NOT okay.

"Not once, even when I was crying and trying to hold in the screams of pain did he stop or ask if I was alright."

He's made it pretty clear here that he doesn't give a shit if you enjoy yourself, much less if he's hurting you or upsetting you in any way. A guy who cared about you would notice you shaking/screaming/crying, immediately stop, and do everything he possibly could to make it okay and make you feel better and stop crying.

"After that he promised he wouldn't put me through that again, but we've done it twice since then and it was the same every time."

Okay, so, he hurt you, doesn't care (about you), and not only did he lie to you and break his promise, but he did the exact same thing and hurt you. Again. He didn't even try to make it better or apologize.

Are you starting to see a pattern here?

As far as blowjobs, I can't tell if you're making yourself throw up because you're uncomfortable swallowing, or you just have that involuntary reflex, but you don't HAVE to swallow. You can ask him to let you know when he's about to blow and move, or you can spit out the semen. If you're just not comfortable with blowjobs at all, then refuse. You have that right. If he doesn't like it, he can go to hell and find someone else to hurt and upset.

You are not his property. He does not own you, nor does he have the right to do as he pleases with you. You are not a sex toy. You are a person with feelings and emotions. People who love you don't act like he does.
Believe me, a guy like this is not worth it.

But, if he's willing to change his behavior and treat you like a person instead of a sex toy, fine. Just remember talk is cheap. He'll have to actually change his behavior, not just say he will. If he breaks that agreement, leave.
I know it's easier said than done, but think about this: Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who treats you as badly as he has been?
Good luck. Be strong. Keep yourself safe and out of harm's way.


[ Siren_Cytherea's advice column | Ask Siren_Cytherea A Question

nascarfan1987 answered Monday February 27 2012, 1:04 pm:
If you throw up after a blow job, why do you do it? If Anal hurts so bad you scream and cry, why do you do it? Obviously you like it because you aren't doing anything to stop it.

If I was you, I'd be straight up with him. Let him know that you aren't going to give him head anymore because of what it does to you. And he if he wants to have sex, than he can stick it in your vagina and not in your ass.

How old are you? How old is your boyfriend? How long have you guys been together?

A relationship takes two people. Even in the sexual department. You have to communicate with each other what you guys like, so its pleasurable for you BOTH!

If he gets mad that you do not want to do anal or blow jobs anymore, than that will show you that the user you gave a "4" below me, is right. He is only with you for sexual desires and needs. If he gets mad, but doesn't leave you- than tell him that you aren't gong to do anything else with him until he learns to respect your feelings.

Personally, your an idiot for continuing to do things that cause you pain and vomiting. I guess because if it was me, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING HOOT HOW MUCH I LOVE A GUY- I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING THAT HURTS OR HARMS ME.

But i guess it would be helpful to know ages and the length of how long you guys have been together.

[ nascarfan1987's advice column | Ask nascarfan1987 A Question

Sweet_LiL_Angel answered Monday February 27 2012, 12:55 pm:
He is treating you like a dog. My ex boyfriend before I meet my husband was the same way he would force me to have sex with him how he wanted it no matter if I told him no I dont want to. He would make me give him a blow job and then pee in my mouth or get in the shower with me and pee on me like he owned me. Seriously you are in love with him but you need to find out what love really is because what is happening to you is not love its degrading

[ Sweet_LiL_Angel's advice column | Ask Sweet_LiL_Angel A Question

MamaMaria answered Monday February 27 2012, 12:07 pm:
Stop letting yourself be treated this way and being used for sex. He does not care about you...he cares about his sexual satisfaction. Give yourself (and your body) a break, if you don't-your spirit and confidence is going to be broken as well.

[ MamaMaria's advice column | Ask MamaMaria A Question

xokristabelle answered Monday February 27 2012, 11:56 am:
Don't ever think you have to be in pain to please him. If you don't like those things, DON'T DO THEM. Think about it- if there was something you liked that hurt him, he wouldn't do it, right? There are so many other things you can do, especially since he's being so thoughtless. Don't sacrifice yourself for him, not worth it.

[ xokristabelle's advice column | Ask xokristabelle A Question

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