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I hate my life I wanna die
I'll get right to the point. I can't stand living anymore. Everything about my life has turned to sh*t. All my friends ditched me fir no reason and now have a new group of friends who all hate me. They continuously talk about me behind my back, give me dirty looks in the hall, and cyberbully me.I can't walk past them without seeing them whispering, staring at me, and then a sudden burst of laughter. I have mo friends that are girls. I get called a slut for hanging out with guys so much. Every day for the past two months I cut myself. I became bulimic about two weeks ago. I've. Attempted suicide twice. The only thing standing in the way of me really trying hard to kill myself is my parents and my sister. No one knows about my bulimia. The only person who knows about my cutting is my old friends because I did it even before all this sh*t happened. I'm terrified that they are going to tell somebody. My grades mainly consist of b's and c's. The only time I feel ok is when I'm acting on stage, but I had to transfer out of my performing arts class because my old friends are in it and I couldn't take their constant dirty looks and whispering and laughing. I really don't think I have anything going for me. I hate my life so much. Does anyone have advice on what I can do, besides telling my parents or my councelor about my problems?
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You start believing in you! The only reason that kids are mean and hurtful is because they are desperate to fit in-and so badly don't want to be teased themselves that they start harassing and bullying others first in an attempt to keep it from happening to them.
You sound very intelligent and kind.
So now you know why they act that way, you should be able to empathize ( feel sorry) for them. They are not happy, but scared kids. You are better than that, and you need to act accordingly. No more letting other people dictate how you feel about yourself, only you have that ability.
If you are afraid of these kids then I would for sure tell someone of authority ( Parents or School), so that it is documented in case they try something to harm you or if you can't deal with them anymore. You can let them know that you want to handle it on your own, but make someone aware.
My advice on dealing with them directly is to simply ignore them, or even tell one of them while they are being cruel to you... that you know why they are doing this to you, and that it breaks your heart that they are going thru that insecurity and feel the need to fit in so badly. Kids want a victim to hurt...if you are not a victim...then they will move on due to no thrill.
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I have had similar experience where it seems everyone hates and thinks your not good enough that no matter what you do, they can always get you.
I have done everything you mentioned except cut myself as i can't stand blood, hopefully my advice can get you through this diffucult time.
1. If they are too cowardly to talk behind your back andnot to your face that they have to resort to sneaky tactics its cause they know you're vulnerable and are hurt by it, words mean nothing if they are not true, you are important for yourself not anyone else we are born alone and in the end we also go alone,the term friend is used so loosly, during high school i had no friends and i hated myself for not being happy with myself, if i can wake up everyday and face the same people who hate me im not afraid and words don't hurt cyberbulling is another cheap trick and at this point is a criminal offense.
2. Cutting yourself draws out blood which contains endorphins which like a drug calm you but no one is worth YOUR physical touture the world is full of mean ignorant people in it that we all have the potential to be nice or not, choose to help or hurt when people are under stress its hard to try approach people sometimes not knowing what to say or fear of other kinds of ridicule, if your "friends" ditched YOU forget them and move as it was there choice and not only because of you friends come as go like money is passed friends one day enemies next. Trust yourself and focus on what makes YOU happy.
In this world time waits for no one and those who think there bad now will get theres eventually Karma works and is a knive and shield give and take help get help hurt get hurt, i understand that telling your parents might make them think crazy stuff.
3. its hard when you feel like no one cares why try it wont matter life is hard and everyone gets whats coming you are important you have a family and are taking a big step by asking for advice.
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go on the stage! Performing art is a form of release. If it makes you happy then you should do it! Who cares what anyone says of thinks! You're above them! They're beneath you! Let me tell you something: friends are not everything! They aren't there when your dog dies, or when you have an accident and are in the emergency room. Most of the time they're the reason you're there in the first place. Sounds like you're around 16 or 17. Those people are only part of your life until graduation. After that, go to a college far far away and never look back on this time! You need to shine!! Show them what you're made of!!
Oh, and, by the way, cutting yourself will leave scars and directors don't like scars. Once your wounds have healed(the ones on your arms, from cutting) tell your parents about bulemia and your problems with friends. They're your parents, they will understand. And trust me, it will help!
Don't give up hope!!
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I think you really have to tell somebody. How bad would your family feel if you succeeded in killing yourself and your parents and sister were left, for the rest of their lives, wondering why you did it and if they could have helped.
You need to find someone you trust to tell this to, possibly not someone you already know; it's often easier telling difficult, emotional stuff like this to strangers. Whoever you choose to tell, get the information out there, somewhere.
You might feel a lot better afterwards, not enough to just carry on regardless but at least enough to take the edge off your desperation.
Is there anyone at school that you feel even slightly close to, a family member or friend, doctor, tracher, priest, taxi driver or postman, anyone who will listen.
Look for new friends outside school, try groups and clubs that have interests similar to you, whether its music, hobbies, faith or activities that you have in common. Could you offer to do dog-walking for neighbours? You can walk wherever you like and might meet other dog-walkers who usually like a chat. Are you interested in singing? Look around for a band or choir that's looking for new members, singing is good for helping you to forget your problems and gives you a buzz too. Look for other activities that will help you relax and focus on yourself a bit - treat yourself to some 'me-time'. You could ask your mother and sister along too, I'd imagine they've noticed that you aren't happy of late.
I c an feel your desperation in your question, but I don't think you really want to die; you couldn't have written such a letter if you did.
You've taken the first step towards sprting out your life already, by writing your question. You could try sitting down and making a list of things you'd like to try, however sild and wacky they sound, then see if any of those are possible. It'll give you something to look forward to and something to talk about to those people you're going to meet.
I really hope this helps, let me know how you get on? Bestest wishes X.
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