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Boyfriend's mom offended me..
21 female. Nick 19. This may be kind of long but I will really appreciate any help! :)
Me and Nick have been together for about 4 months. He is the nicest guy I've ever been with I really couldn't ask for a better guy. We've known each other for a long time but just started dating months ago. He pays for me when we go to dinner or get anything to eat. I'll be like "Nooo!" And take out my wallet because I feel bad that he pays for me. But he won't take my money he makes me put my wallet away.
Well last weekend we were going on a double date with my brother and his wife. Nick called his mom for something and she asked what we were doing that night and Nick said going to dinner and his mom asked if he was paying for me and Nick was like well yeah. And she said well do you always pay for her? And he said yeah. And she was like does she ever pay for you? And he said no but she said that she was going to take me to dinner soon. Then she said ..well that's not right and she said it kind of in a mean tone. And she was on speaker phone so I heard everything. Nick was pretty quiet and his mom was like is she right there? And he said yeah, and I walked away. It was so uncomfortable and I was kind of offended.
That night when we were at dinner I took out my wallet again and he said no, put that away and I insisted I at least pay for the tip then and he wasn't even going to let me do that but I forced him to let me.
And just a couple nights before this happened we were talking and I even said I hate that you pay for me I feel bad! And he said no I want to pay for you babe and I said well I'm taking you out some time then! :)
It just bugs me that his mom would say that about me acting like I'm taking advantage of him or something saying "well that's not right, she should pay for you" I couldn't stop thinking about it all night and I was really quiet. Nick could tell something was wrong and he kept asking me if I was mad at him. Finally I said, I know your mom doesn't like me. And he said she likes you babe, you wanna know why she likes you? Because she sees how happy you make me. And I said well it didn't really sound like she liked me too much on the phone and he said well I don't think she said anything bad, what part didn't you like? Obviously he was sticking up for his mom and didn't think anything she said was offensive. I just let it go. But now whenever I see her next I am going to feel really uncomfortable around her. Would you be a little offended if you were me? I don't know what to do!
Plus, he told me way back that he wanted to pay for me & take care of me because I am doing school full time and can't work that much and he is working full time right now before he goes back to school so he knows I don't have a lot of money right now. But it's not like I say, you have to pay for me! No, I'm not like that at all.
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Oh goah. Moms are very protective of their babys. Just ignore it, its the way of life. I would be upset but do not let her get to you. Go out for Ice cream once in awhile and pay enven though you really shouldn't have to. Show him or make him something to show how much you care. Let whatever she says roll off her tongue and over your shoulder. Do no, I repeat do not, say anythohg to offensive or mean about his mom. He will go into protect mode. Unless he knows damn well she isn't nice.
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Men should always pay for food. That's what I real man does. So it's good that he's paying for you. Stop feeling bad and stop trying to pay. We are in new times but some thing should stay the same. And you are going to school. What man will not pay for you? If you find I man that does not then you know that he's not really a man. Just a boy who's in a men body. And the next time you see his mother say something. Say: it's not wrong for him to pay for me. That's what a real men does.
I feel that he should not stand by his mother when he knows she wrong. People don't just give out money. He most have learn some where that a men pay's for a woman when they go out. To eat and when you are shopping(and more!)She was wrong. Very wrong!
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I'm not sure what his mothers problem is. When a guy and a gal are dating, it is generally accepted that the guy pays for the date. That's the way things were back before I married and judging by my adult son that is still the way things are.
When my son is dating someone he pays for everything on the date. When they go from strictly dating into a relationship, which he has had several long term ones, things go from him paying to them sharing. Not all the time but when they want to do something that is expensive they will split the cost.
From the standpoint of dating etiquette I don't see what her problem is. The only thing I can see that she might see as a problem is the differences in your ages. She may see you as a cradle robber as her son being 19 is just barely an adult. To this I say that is her problem and I will offer this. My mother in-law was 5 years older than my farther in-law and they were happily married for over 40 years before she passed away.
You two are both adults and are acting in an adult manner. I was lucky in that I had a wonderful mother in-law and a great relationship with her. Not everyone is a lucky as I was. If you can just ignore her, the problem is all hers not anything the two of you have made or done.
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I wouldn't worry about it too much!
Moms tend to be protective no matter what. When it comes to their child they want whats best for them and nothing less. When your boyfriend mentioned to his mom that you don't pay he does she probably assumed you didn't even offer which isn't true. It sounds like there was a miscommunication and that's okay.
I believe sometime he should let you pay. When I go on dates with my boyfriend we switch off, but sometimes he insists on getting the check.
The reason that the whole thing is bugging you is because it's his mom. You want his mom to like you. You are dating her child she is going to be protective it's a given. A lot of mothers are, my own mother is very protective. My boyfriend's mother and I get along fine, she is a great woman. We sit down and talk she is really an amazing mother. I respect her son, her son and I get into fights but she never gets involved what so ever. Some people are old fashioned and think that the guy should pay for the date but nowadays it can go either way.
I wouldn't worry about it too much and I would just try to sit down and have a conversation with her. You should try to get to know her and let her get to know you. She might be curious about you and about your relationship with her son. Don't worry about it and don't let it get you down.
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None of this is your fault. The guy made a free choice to keep paying for your meals and entertainment. His mom needs to mind her own business. So don't let his mom get into your head. Just enjoy the relationship and don't overthink and don't get hung up on extraneous noise like what his mother thinks. Keep it simple and focus on what you guys have together. What others think of it doesn't count because, again, it's none of their business.
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I understand where your coming from. I would be offended in a way too. Guys are hard headed, and very stubborn. His mom only sees one side of it, and thats him always paying for you. She doesn't see how you always insist on him letting you pay. Therefore, its nothing to be upset over. Your boyfriend needs to explain to his mother why he pays for you, and to let her know that you offer sometimes too. Because its really not your fault, I mean you try, what else can you do, ya know?
So I'd talk to your boyfriend, and tell him that since that night she called, you have really took it to heart that she may see you as a user, and you don't want to feel akaward around his mom next time you see her, so you'd really appreciate it if he would let her know that he doens't always pay for you because he feels like he has to; its just because he likes to EVEN THOUGH you offer.
I say next time you guys want to go out; before yall do, make it settled that this time you'll pay for it, and the next time he will. You guys gotta switch it up, or like Zane said, he will start to feel negatively, and I know you don't want that. He's just being a gentleman, don't let it fool you though. (:
Good Luck!
Anything else, inbox me!
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Sure he insisted on paying that is a man's ego talking but the relationship SHOULD be 50/50. If he always pays I can almost promise you that sooner or later it will get tiring, Trust me I did it for 5 years and after awhile it got old even after all the times I insisted to pay.
You two need to come up with a plan, You either pay half or you take turns each time you go out. That is the fair thing to do and the right thing to do as well.
Likely, His mother doesn't like the fact that her son is always paying for you. In most peoples eyes that really isn't right. Relationships are about team work and yes even financially it should be about the teamwork. For the sake of your relationship talk about it together and come to an agreement. You want to give a good impression to his family.....Then you need to communicate with your boyfriend. If my son was paying for everything for his girlfriend I would be a little bothered too.
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