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Is he a good guy or a bad one?
Hey Im 16 and a senior in highschool. I met this guy in an interschool competition. He's the same age but is a senior in some other school. We started talking after the competition and became good friends. We have gone out on three dates till now. And yeah, we have kissed each other and made out a little. We cannot resist each other at all. And hence the makeouts were a mutual desicion. I am falling for him. But the problem is that even though he says he is falling for me, he keeps on telling me he cannot date me cause he's a bad guy and he cares for me too too much to hurt me. He says he is not one of those dateable guys who will love their girl completely and he might find a new girl and dump me.That would hurt me and he doesnt want to do that! He hasnt had a past record of cheating or anything it's just that he tells me he wants to be sure before he asks a girl out that he will be completely loyal to her and not flirt around with other girls. He also liked this girl a year back and he says he feels guilty that he got over her and fell for me! But when we meet we actually act like we are dating, cause he gets me stuff, he tells me he loves me, we hold hands. we actually act like a couple in love. we also talk all the time. I dont know what to do. Because I really want to be with him. But cant figure out how to make him ask me out? and if he is really a bad guy? HELP.
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I think it's definitely a red flag that he is warning you about himself. Honestly, it sounds like his way of trying to continue the casual makeouts, without having any responsibility in the relationship. To me, it sounds like he really enjoys your physical relationship but doesn't want to be limited to making out with ONLY you. A no-strings-attached kind of thing seems more his style. I understand why this would be hard... I'm sorry you're in this situation.. I was once in one somewhat like it, and when I realized who he really was, it repulsed me every day (even now). And he wasn't a bad guy... he just wasn't good enough for me. I don't think this guy is a BAD guy, I just don't think he sounds like boyfriend material. Remember that you deserve the best no matter what, so do not lower your standards because you have chemistry. In long term relationships, the initial chemistry's strength will fade anyway, so you want to make sure he's in it for more than that to keep it alive.
I really hope this helped~ I'll keep you in my prayers.
Best of luck & God bless!
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Here's what he's doing: he's giving himself a get-out-of-jail-free card. Essentially, no matter what he does to screw up the relationship, hurt you, disrespect you, or otherwise be a jerk, he can shrug and say, "I warned you." It's a tactic used by someone who isn't ready even for a minor commitment.
So, if you don't mind walking on eggs throughout your relationship, go for it. Just be aware that it WILL eventually end badly. He's essentially given himself permission to stomp on your feelings someday.
I suggest that you respond to him with, "You're probably right. I wouldn't want you to ask me out until you grow up a little. I'd prefer a guy who didn't make excuses in advance for treating me like dirt, and then assume that makes it all right when they do it."
One thing to keep in mind is that, odds are, one or both of you WILL find someone new and "dump" the other. People rarely get married to someone they dated at the age of sixteen. But for him to actually plan on it and set it up in advance so that he's blameless for it... that just reeks of childish insecurity.
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sounds like this dude is just a jackass. don't play this horseshit game with him.
find somebody else.
-Gunner
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If he is telling you don't date him because he will find a girl and dump you that is enough to tell you to STAY away. If you thinking you will hurt now if you decide to stay away from him, think how ten times worse it will be if you kept seeing eachother and then he just went off with another girl.
he can get you stuff, he can tell you he loves you but he can't give you truly what you want - a relationship. Don't waste your time on someone you can't have. It's best to get out now before it's too late.
You can't make him ask you out, and you certainly can't change a person - you haven't even been seeing him that long, what's different about you that is going to change his ways
It hurts but let it go. Be friends but I think it's best not to pursue it further. It will end in tears! I can't tell you what to do, and I don't expect you to listen, but I just want you to know what could happen.
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Well, I see many possible explanations. If he says he won't date you because he's bad, he's either saying that because he doesn't like you and doesn't want it to hurt you, OR he likes you, and doesn't know what to do, so he says he's bad, just for a false excuse. OR he really is a bad guy. These are just possibilities, its up to you to interpret weather he means what he says or not. If possible, investigate what he means by "bad" He may have problems, and wants to keep you out of them. Try to talk about why he considers himself bad. His judgement upon himself might be biased. Well, go with your instincts. Look into the soul doorway. I hope this helps. I'm not too good with relationships as I have problems of my own.
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I guess I was in a situation like this. He did tell me he was a bad guy for me and didn't want to hurt me. He wanted to wait till we were older and he was more mature.
He seems like a good guy right now and he acts all sweet with you. It's just, if you guys did start dating, he probably would be flirting with other girls and he's telling you that up front. You don't want to be with a guy who can't be loyal to you. He has already told you he's not one of those dateable guys who'll love their girl completely. You want a guy who will do that for you because in your case, if you guys did start going out, you'll end up falling in love with him but he won't be quite the same.
You could probably keep him around but don't keep wishing that he'd ask you out because it doesn't seem like the right now. I'd try finding someone else, but I guess it'd be hard since you've already fallen hard for him.
I'm just saying, dating him wouldn't be a great idea.
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I'm not the best person to seek relationship advice from because my negative and jaded point of view on the subject didn't just materialize out of nowhere. My perspective is extremely biased -- if not tainted -- but ye asked and ye shall receive;
I don't know if he's a bad guy on a personal level, but he's definitely a bad guy for you. Continuing on with the relationship in its current form will do nothing but destroy you. He's laid out his intentions and desires, and none of those include being in an actual romantic relationship with you. I know right now it feels like what you have is enough to survive on, but human beings are like a drug; you will need more than what you're getting, and he is unable or unwilling to supply it.
My advice is to stop things before they progress any further. It will be unpleasant, but its better to experience pain that is just slight discomfort when compared to the devastation you'll experience down the road if this progresses.
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hello! will i don,t no much about relationship cause i never been in one ,and i think i,m to young to be falling deeply for someone ,but if this guy admits that he will hurt you and cheat on you ,then he,s not the right one for you ,because if you guys end up dating and he end up going with some one else and bring back with him a virus and give it to you ,you will feel like your life is over so please no what is right and make the best in life ,you still have time for serious love because your young and 16 is not the time to be thing in about boyfriend love ,just looking out for you peace and love :)
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Well you're both still young and since he's not taking things seriously I suggest you don't either unless you want to get hurt. Now this doesn't necessarily mean hes a bad guy, just means hes unsure of what he wants at the moment. Thus hes clearly not ready for a commitment, so I suggest not to rush into things so you two can actually fall in love, if you ever do and hes certain he loves you then good. But make sure not to expect too much from a guy that refers himself as a "badboy." Good luck.
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First and foremost, unfortunately :( there is no way to get a guy to ask you out. I wish I had that power 'cause lemme tell you, Zac Efron would be mine, but it's kind of impossible.
It seems like this guy is in a conflict. He obviously is showing interest in you but he doesn't want to let go of his single lifestyle. It's as if he's in a rush for everything... he's already saying "I love you"? It sounds a little too soon considering that there has only been three dates. Overall - with the exception of his self bestowed bad boy persona, he seems like a nice guy. Maybe he's saying he's a bad boy to attract you more? It is true that us girls do love bad boys!
My advice is that you give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you guys can't make out or kiss or go on anymore dates until he officializes it, because the way it is bluntly is that he's just playing with your heart, which is NOT good to do at all! This can lead to two things; 1. it makes you guys an official couple or 2. it pushes him away. If you're worried about number 2, another suggestion is to TAKE THINGS SLOW! Be upfront and tell him "listen buddy, we've already kissed. And you've already told me you love me. But, we've only been on three dates. Why don't we take a couple steps back and get to know each other more before we do anything else." This ensures that you find out if he's a nice/bad boy and he'll be able to discover if he truly does love you.
Take things slow. Become friends. Get to know each other better. Then process into boyfriend and girlfriend status! He obviously likes you, let's just make sure that his feelings are as sincere as they sound!
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WAKE UP! He is telling you that he is not ready for a relationship! That's a good thing. Can you imagine if he lied to you and then cheated on you. Why go through all that! Don't you think for one second that he doesn't think your worth it! But....he's young and dumb and that's what young men do at that age. They want to see how many young ladies that can get to like them then they can be "THE MAN". It doesn't mean your that your the man it means your still a BOY. TAKE YOUR TIME! He may not even be the right guy for you. Enjoy being young and being friends with everyone for right now. When he's ready and you're ready then let him find you. What I mean by find.....you will be way out of his ledge. I think your worth so much more then just a SECOND look! Don't you!
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It seems to me that he is a loyal guy and very trustworthy. When you say that he felt guilty for getting over that 1 girl and fell for you maybe he is just saying that she wast for him but yet he still has feelings for her.. Believe what you want to believe, but you also have to listen to him. What I am trying to say by this is when he says the he is not one of those datable guys maybe he means it. You are both seniors but yet in different schools and it is very nice that you get to spend time with each other because of your schooling. What I would do is sit down with him and tell him how you feel and say what is really on your mind and deep down in your heart. What really does not make sense to me is were you said quote "He says he is not one of those datable guys who will love their girl completely and he might find a new girl and dump me" well if he is not one of those datable guys why would he leave you and go to another girl. You seem that you have lots of feelings for him but to me that 1 line says that he does not feel the same way for you. Maybe he wants to be with you but does not know how to tell you and just says stuff that he does not mean. Like I said before when you to have the chance you should sit down with each other and ask him hat he thinks and tell him what is on your mind and in your heart.
Hope I helped
Hope you to find the good in each other and wishing you the best.
blr51697
P.S. If you need anything else you can always come to me.
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He is sending you some very strange signals. First of all, why are you guys saying "I love you" after only 3 dates? Or have you known each other for a few months? That just seems really fast to me if you guys have only "made out a little." But you need to confront him. Tell him you want to date him and give it a try, and that by him telling you that he loves you but saying he doesn't want to date you are completely different points of view, and he needs to choose. Tell him you don't want to go fast (perhaps not even be exclusive right away), but you want to date him. But if he's admitting right away that he's basically a player, perhaps you need to cut your losses and get out. Because down the road he very well hurt you if he cannot be committed to you. It's something you definitely need to discuss with him, because you guys are on two different wavelengths right now.
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He's not a bad guy but he's a very insecure guy. Not all relationships work out so if this doesn't work out because he ends up liking somebody else then that's how it ends unfortunately. You seem to be getting on very well with each other so just sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that you just want to have a go at the relationship because you think it would really work and he just needs to have some confidence in himself and forget about what could happen and all of that and just focus on now and what he would like to happen. Try not to make the talk too serious and just make a little joke and be like, "if you flirt with other girls, I'll just have to put you back in line". It might get a laugh it might not. But just go with it. You guys just need to talk, there's obviously a lot of insecurity on his side, inbox if you need more help.
Hope this helps, xx
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Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to be with you, no matter what the reason, you just can't make him. And to be honest, what he's saying sounds like bs. It sounds like he wants a girlfriend, it's just not you, or maybe he just wants to hook up with girls and not commit to one. I don't think he's a good guy. Don't waste your time going after him- if he really wants you, he'll go after you. It's better to keep yourself from getting hurt now, before it gets bad. I know it's easier said than done but any effort on this guy is wasted.
-Krista, 21/f
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I don't know this guy personally but he sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants. He would rather not be official and act like a boyfirned rather then putting the title of boyfriend. I'm not sure if you can get him to ask you out either it sounds like he's trying to figure out what he wants or needs.
What I have always been told that if a guy likes you he will go out of his way to make sure you know. I've dated several guys and some have been interested and some not so much. If this guy really wants to be with you he would make it official and make it known that you're his girl. My boyfriend and I had problems with the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. We were young and I truly thought something was going to happen between us but nothing came of it. I finally walked away from the situation but eventually we worked it out.
Maybe have a talk with him and if he still doesn't want to make it official I would suggest moving on. I know you don't want to but don't you want someone who is going to show you off to his friends and family? Don't you want him to call you 'my girl'? Think about it and do what is best for you and what makes you happy. Good luck!
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This is tricky, mainly because its the start of a possible relationship and its hard to assess how anything will turn out. Bit like guaranteeing that the weather will be perfect on May 12, 2012! Your guy sounds good but young enough to know how motivating lust can be, and old enough to realise that a viable long-lasting relationship needs commitment and trust.
Like most things worthwhile, I think if you want to have a relationship with him, its going to take time. Time for you to get to know each other and your families too; if there are problems on either side, families will often sense it early on in the relationship.
Relax and enjoy the flowers a bit before you get too serious, learn about each other and take time before you commit yourselves to this; if it does happen, it'll mean so much more to both of you.
Hope this helps, good luck + best wishes to you both, let me know what happens? I like to know how things turn out
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Hey,
Okay so I feel for you here.
The first thing to do is to take time apart. I know this is the opposite of what you want to do, but it's the first crucial step. Absense makes the heart fonder after all.
I'm only talking a couple of days where contact is kept to a minimum, just so that he can clean up his act.
Okay, so the thing that guys find most unattractive is a girl begging or being needy. If you keep hoveing round him (this is understandable as you want to be with him) then he will not see you as attractive, but someone who can't be independant on their own.
If you guys have already made out, kissed etc. then it sounds hopeful that you may get together someday. Think about this:we want what we can't have.
If you reduce contact with this guy in person, through text etc, he'll wonder why. He'll think you've gone off him, and then what will happen (in my personal experience) is that he'll think your moving on, wouldn't want to risk the humiliation and he will talk to you again, but in a more sensitive way because he will realise you're the one for him.
To recap, not to upset you but the fact that he's talking about how he doesn't want to treat his gf indicates that he may be trying to find a route out. So you need to give him a reason to warm even more to you!
Guys love girls who are independant not clingy, sweet and love them like a son and girls who maintain good looks but not overdoing make up. If you work on these three thigns, plus take time apart from this guy then trust me he'll see you in a new, romantic light.
At first it may not seem to work, but even for me this worked eventually! Feel free to ask for any more advice and good luck :)
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