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Is he a good guy or a bad one?
Hey Im 16 and a senior in highschool. I met this guy in an interschool competition. He's the same age but is a senior in some other school. We started talking after the competition and became good friends. We have gone out on three dates till now. And yeah, we have kissed each other and made out a little. We cannot resist each other at all. And hence the makeouts were a mutual desicion. I am falling for him. But the problem is that even though he says he is falling for me, he keeps on telling me he cannot date me cause he's a bad guy and he cares for me too too much to hurt me. He says he is not one of those dateable guys who will love their girl completely and he might find a new girl and dump me.That would hurt me and he doesnt want to do that! He hasnt had a past record of cheating or anything it's just that he tells me he wants to be sure before he asks a girl out that he will be completely loyal to her and not flirt around with other girls. He also liked this girl a year back and he says he feels guilty that he got over her and fell for me! But when we meet we actually act like we are dating, cause he gets me stuff, he tells me he loves me, we hold hands. we actually act like a couple in love. we also talk all the time. I dont know what to do. Because I really want to be with him. But cant figure out how to make him ask me out? and if he is really a bad guy? HELP.
xx
Tanvi.
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asking someone out is just putting a lable on something. you don't have to call him "boyfriend", but as long as you two are acting like a couple, theres nothing to worry about. theres seriously no need for lables as long as you're happy where you're at (and from the sound of it, you are)
as for the bad guy thing, he may not have a history of cheating, but it sounds like he has a history of losing interest. if he doesn't want to be in a legit relationship with you because he cares "too much" then you must be pretty damn important to him. he just doesn't want to hurt you. you should feel special, not everyone has someone like that. I, myself, have turned down a few guys cuz i thought i lost interest too easily. they all understand. like i said, being in a "relationship" is nothing but a lable. all that matters is that you guys love eachother and right now, nothing can separate it.
take care
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He is a bad guy, but everyone has good in them :)
What you got to do is sit down and talk to him about your love life mixing with his.
See how he feels about it, and tell him that if hes really falling for you, there is a chance he won't hurt you.
Try to keep yourself a little bit off and separated from him, don't get to into him, or your heart will break. View him from a different perspective, see how he looks at other girls. I know its tough, but just get to know him better and understand the type of guy he is. You don't necessarily have to dump him or let him go, have some fun! :) But don't fall too deep until you know he's fully committed.
~Gsmergirlxoxo
P.s. wishing you the best of luck, if anything new happens, message me :)
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To me, it sounds like this guy is a player.
He tells you he loves you, hold hands, ACTS like the typical couple, but won't give it a title. That means he wants the option and the freedom to date other people.
I would step back, and make him miss you.
Don't talk to him every day. Don't act like a couple. Hang out with other people and make sure he knows! If he asks why, tell him because you aren't in an official relationship, you don't have to act like it.
If he likes you, he will be scared by you not being super affectionate to you. He will want to make you his girlfriend.
Don't let him lead you on or play with you. Stand firm. Besides, you WILL end up getting hurt if he acts like this and then you see him with another girl, even if you two aren't official.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Something is obviously keeping him from dating you, and honestly the fact that he was so up front about his inability to be in an exclusive relationship is a pretty strong indicator that he isn't boyfriend material.
It sucks, but he probably won't change, at least not now. It's not unusual for a guy his age to not want to be tied down, so no matter how much he likes you he won't date you exclusively. Be happy that he was honest with you about it, and try to move on.
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firstly the most famous line a guy uses when he isn't interested in commitment is "i care too much to hurt u",or "i don't deserve you". So think, would you really wanna get serious with a guy that doesn't care, you should really get out of this now before you start falling even more and then it's going you hurt ten times worse.
the truth is that this guy won't love you after three days especially if he tells you that he can't date you, trust me hun if a guy wants you he would try his best to make you his, think wisely about this i'm just advising you and wouldn't want for you to get hurt
he's a playa and you don't deserve that, if you really wanna go ahead and try then you never know people change, why don't you just casually ask him out, as a friendly thing then as the date goes give him subtle hints and he'll get the picture, but one thing i guarantee you is that if you refuse to kiss him he's gonna leave( that's all he wants) good luck doll
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he's a bad guy. if you date him you will just get hurt stay away from those guys.
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Hey there(: thanks for asking! first off I think when guys say stuff like that, theres defintly something up. Boys who will go around and kiss you, make out with you, hold your hand etc. and then say i'm bad for you, it just don't make since. He may just be playing you then just walk away thats what it sounds like. I would first make sure he isn't maybe ask some of his friends. Also though you sound like you really like this guy, and I know how that feels. your like no matter what, you want to go out with someone you like am i right? so I would just talk to him about what I said like why do you keep saying your bad then see what he says. Then tell him (if he isn't just playing you), that you would really like to go out with him and you don't care if he thinks hes bad, and that if he did just dumped you or treated you bad like he says he thinks he will, then just say if it don't work out blame it on me, im the one who wanted to try it and you said no, and act like he don't bother you. Thats what I would do(: Well I really hope I helped you and I want to thank you again for asking me this! if you need anymore help im here(: good luck! -xoxo Madison
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Tell him that his fears are irrational fantasy not based on reality. He shouldn't fear hurting you or being disloyal when he hasn't to anyone else. Either this is his way out of being in a relationship or he doesn't know how to handle this situation or just wants physical.
Issue an ultimatum and tell him it's either a relationship or a friendship but choose. You can't have both as it's not working and the feelings you are developing could cause a problem if he continues jerking you around on the issue. If he continues doing this find someone else as it's not fair. You have to spell out to him what you want and that the risk is worthwhile.
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I can think of two explanations off hand.
The first is that he's playing some kind of stupid nonsensical game. Pretending to be a bad boy to make himself more interesting or something. That's exactly what "I'm not one of those datable guys, I'll find a new girl and dump you and I care too much about you to hurt you" sounds like.
The second explanation would be damaged goods. That he's just fucked up in the head and has no idea how to interact with people and has self image issues because someone taught him he's unlovable or something.
Neither option bodes well. The only solution I really have for you is to ask him why alot. Try to get him to talk about why he thinks he'd leave, why he says he's not datable, and what he thinks relationships are that he doesn't want to be in one with you. Maybe you'll figure him out, maybe you won't like what you find if you do, but as things stand he's too distant and cryptic for you to devote much of your attention or affection to.
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Honestly? I wouldn't give this guy a chance. To me, it seems like he is manipulating you. By telling you he is a "bad guy" when you have witnessed nothing but him being kind to you will only make you think, "oh, he's just being modest. He's so good to me!" (like you said, you act like a couple in love) Him telling you he's a bad guy is in turn causing you to firmly believe he's not, so it he DOES do something bad (flirt with another girl, etc) you're more likely to overlook it.
I honestly think he is just using you to satisfy his crave for attention. You sticking around after he is basically telling you not to has got to be in incredible ego boost for him. He basically "gets to have the milk without having to buy the whole cow". Meaning, he gets to have the perks of a relationship without being tied down to one girl.
Think about it: it he TRULY loved you, he wouldn't care about the other girls he used to like. He wouldn't worry about thinking he was a "bad guy". All he would want is to be yours, and you to be his. In my humble opinion, I feel that what he wants is to manipulate you. He's a teen boy, honey. You honestly cannot expect anything less.
Please understand that this is my educated opinion, and I may be completely wrong. Best of luck to you!
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