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Am I still a virgin?
I had oral sex twice, and before you say anything hear me out. I was 16 years old and very naive. During that time I was going through an emotional and mental roller coaster from abuse to suicide. I'll admit at the point in my life I wasn't 100% there. Even when I did oral sex it wasn't sexual for me, i panic and reacted to the situation. I was always panic when I'm around guys because i was abuse sexually. Anyway, I feel in my heart that I am a virgin because what I did honestly wasn't sexual at all. Am I still a virgin?
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Hi hun,
You are so lucky. Yes you are still a virgin.
I got fingered by someone & he told me I'd still be one but I don't believe him.
Just don't let anything go in your vagina. Eg: penis, fingers, vibrators. I think that any penetration in the vagina is sex because its going in the place where you have sex.
If you didn't do any of those things, then you are fine :)
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I'm sorry you experienced the abuse. It is thus understandable that you are rather gunshy around guys.
Virginity involves a question of penetration. If you haven't had sexual intercourse before you are a virgin, no matter how many times you've given oral sex.
By the way, try not to feel guilty about what you did in the past. You are at such a young age that you can literally wake up tomorrow and totally reset your life. Look at the past as a learning experience and try as much as possible to take the emotions out of it (other than, perhaps, "well, when this happened, I felt such and such a way at the time, was that constructive? And how do I approach that in the future?").
Also, virginity really isn't that big a deal. Sex isn't dirty or evil. It is just a normal part of the human experience and, like anything else in life, you have to handle it responsibly in order to avoid possible negative consequences. Don't attack or pick at yourself. You have no need to feel guilt over being an abuse victim (and there are millions of you out there, unfortunately) or reacting to things rashly at times (every human being does). Just be in control of your life by having goals and not letting anyone get in the way of them, including the boys/men in your life. As long as you act ethically and are considerate of others you will be a good person. When you are a good person you can love yourself because you deserve it.
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Unless a penis enters your vagina, you're a virgin. But you cannot use your personal problems as an excuse. If it goes inside of you, you aren't a virgin regardless of the circumstances. Even rape is sex.
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At the moment there are two definitions of virginity. The dictionary definition loss of virginity by the penetration of the vagina by a penis (sexual intercourse) which would break the Hyman if intact. A woman's Hyman can break from many activities other than sex. By this definition you are still a virgin.
The other definition is a little more general which can be summed up as in having sexual knowledge of someone or someone having sexual knowledge of you. This would include oral sex, handjobs, fingering, having anal sex and just being naked with someone.
One thing that worries me more than if you are a virgin or not; for as far as I'm concerned you are. Is that you wrote; "I was going through an emotional and mental roller coaster from abuse to suicide." If you have not talked to anyone about this the abuse is something that will haunt you for the rest of your life, especially sexual and mental abuse.
There is an organization called RAINN which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 365 hotline where you can call and talk to someone in total confidentiality. Once you have spoken with them if you and they both feel you need to speak with someone in your own community to resolve the issues you may have they will help you find someone to speak with. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Please call them, it cost you nothing to call and I believe it will help you feel better about yourself.
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Think about the purpose of virginity...
The purpose is so that you are free of any disease or emotional baggage.
In this case you have the emotional baggage, and whoever you choose to be intimate with will have to love you through that. That is fine, and we all have some kind of thing dragging us down in one way or another so that is to be expected. I wouldn't worry about that part very much.
On the other hand, you could very well have acquired any of the common STDs by giving oral. Even if you used a condom, you could still get herpes or HPV.
So, no matter what you decide on the whole virginity thing, you MUST get tested before you have sex with anyone else.
In fact it is a good idea to get tested asap. The sooner these things are treated, the better.
One more thought: I would just tell the guy what happened. If you are honest and tell the guy what has happened.
WAARNING: If you tell a guy that giving some other guy a blowjob "wasn't sexual at all" he will either laugh in your face, thinking you are making a joke, or dump you on the spot.
So, think carefully about how you want to present this.
Oral sex is most definitely a sexual act. Even if it wasn't sexually exciting for you, it is still sex, and will be considered so by the rest of the people around you.
Just be careful to fully explain why you feel that way before making a statement like:
"I gave a guy a blowjob... but it wasn't sexual."
Be honest, and if he is the right guy for you then everything will work out fine.
P.S. If you haven't sought counseling and/or a support group for sexual abuse victims, then I would like to encourage you to look into it. It can help more than you know. Please don't live your whole life without getting help for this. It wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. :-(
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Until you actually have intercourse, You will be a virgin.
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In my opinion, I believe you are still a virgin. Of course, there are going to be people that will tell you otherwise, but what matters is what you think.
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I classify virginity as actual sex, where the penis goes inside of a vagina.
If you go by what I classify as a person, then yes you are still a virgin.
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The answer to this question could be debated back and forth depending on peoples moral/religious beliefs.
You didn't have actual sex, so you are still a virgin.
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