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Overprotective Parents
Okay, so my parents are insanely overprotective and it's driving me nuts. My mom literally won't let me do anything. She gives me no freedom. I'm 14 and she still won't let me have a facebook even though EVERYONE I know has one, she won't let me go shopping with friends, see movies with friends, or walk or bike anywhere without her. It's embarrassing when my friends ask me to do something fun and I have to explain that my mom won't let me do it. I live in a wealthy, safe neighborhood where nothing ever happens. I'm so sick of following her rules and don't see how I can handle another four years before college with her. Also, her overprotectiveness is backfiring. It's making me rebellious. Little does she know I have ridden bikes all over town with a friend, seen a movie at a mall with a friend, created a facebook and done countless other things she would never allow me to do. I'm not ashamed of any of these things, in fact those times of freedom were the most fun i've ever had. They would be more fun, however, if I didn't have the fear of being caught and killed. How can I get my mom to be less overprotective? I've sat down and talked to her about it, told her everyone gets freedom, and nothing will change her! I'm going insane! Help!
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When you are much older you are going to be very appreciative of an over protective mom. My mom is the same way and to be honest I am a senior in high school now and I don't know what I would have done if my mom just didn't care. She cares for your benefit. You may say that "nothing" happens where you live but that is completely untrue. I always thought the same thing about my town and now that I am on my way of becoming a cop, I hear absolutely everything that happens in my town and its not pretty. You don't hear about it because the police don't tell you about it. Either way you need to be extremely careful no matter where you are going because your town may be small and quiet but behind the shadows there is a lot more happening than meets the eye. Facebook is really not a big deal. Throughout high school you will come to realize that it is nothing special and all it is, is drama. I learned that the hard way and I don't have one at all, I blocked if off the computer because I was much happier without it. (: You may be the same way. Appreciate what your mom is doing and don't be rebellious because that will just ruin the relationship of trust between you and your mother. You will have your freedom once you are older. Appreciate the freedom you do get. I am glad my mom sheltered me because if she didn't I would have ended up in some very bad situations, listen to your mother she is doing this for your benefit and you will appreciate as an adult. You may look at your friends and they may have more freedom than you but they may get in trouble one of these days getting too much freedom. Earn your freedom, and earn your mothers respect, honesty, and trust because you'll become much stronger in the end. (:
Good luck!
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Dear "Overprotective Parents",
You say you have no freedom, yet you have done the things she wished you not to do. Are you caged in your room all the time?
That is not having freedom.
You are comparing your life with others. If everyone you knew went jumping out of airplanes without a parachute, would feel deprived of your freedom to jump if your mom stopped you?
Your Mom sees dangers that you do not see. You should listen to her, and respect her wisdom. Facebook has made many murders possible. Girls like you have ended up hooking up with bad people and paying the price with their lives.
Your mom loves you very much, otherwise, she would not care if you had a facebook page, went out by yourself, or followed her rules. No rules, no love. That is right.
Going behind your mom's back shows that you cannot be trusted. I am sorry if this hurting you to hear, but it is how you have behaved. Regardless of how you feel about it, you have acted in a way that would make any mom keep a tight leash on their kid. Maybe that is why she does not let you go anywhere by yourself. She feels your untrustworthy or not mature enough.
Dishonest behavior is a sure sign of immaturity.
Trust is a curious thing. Parents need to know they can trust their children. Going behind your mom and being dishonest is not going to get you any freedom. It will get you less freedom.
My suggestion is to ask your mom to take you and some friends to the movies, the mall, anyplace you choose. Have her along with you and your friends like a chaperon. She can sit a couple rows away in the theater, or walk a few paces behind in the mall.
The point of this is to get your mom confident that you can be trusted with your friends. She needs to know she can trust your friends not to influence you into trouble. That is what peer pressure is. When everyone around you is doing it, you have pressure to do it too. She understands the dangers of this society and wants you to grow up with your eyes open.
Do not go against her wisdom. Embrace it. Spend more time with your mom. Trust me, you will be a better person for having learned all you can from her about life; before you are turned loose in this world to live life without her wisdom.
I wish I had someone sharing wisdom with me when I was your age. I could have avoided a lot of heartache and pain over the last 30 years.
Your mom is not holding you back. You are holding you back. You need to stop being dishonest. You need to spend a lot more time with your mom so that she can see you are mature enough to handle things without her around.
She will come around, but you have to forgive her for being this way. She is worried about you when you are not around. She needs to know that you will make the right choices when presented with bad situations. That's all. To get her past this insecurity, you must show her, not talk, that you are mature enough to be honest, and make good choices. Going behind her back is a bad choice.
The quickest way to get past this is to spend all your time with her and follow her rules. Include your friends too, she is just as insecure about them as she is about you. Getting past this is as easy as giving up the fight with her about the rules. Respect her rules, go with the flow, and show her that you are mature enough to be out without her. Honesty is the best policy.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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tell her you are growing up and want alittle more freedom. if that doesnt work ask her if you can go to the park with a friend that has a phone that way in case of an emergency you can call or if she needs you she can call the phone.
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i think your right in being a little rebellious. Teens need to live a little. but please please please do not do anything stupid like smoke, drink, have sex. please. your mom just knows the dangers there are out there. shes just trying to keep you safe. i know its tough. i really do. im going to assume that your mom messed up a few times at your age. she doesnt want that to happen to you. try to handle it for now. have talks with her every now and then. be careful being rebellious. if she finds out, it will make everything worse. and like i said, please please do not do anything too stupid.
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Try to work something out between you and your mom like maybe chores for freedom. And when you do go out aasur her that you are safe, and tell her that you'll text her every hour to let her know that you are fine. basically what i am saying is you have to comprimise.
Justagirl16 :)
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Hi, i am going through the same exact problems they let me have a facebook but they want complete accsses to it, so finally what i did was stick up for myself i was SOO SICK of them trying to control my life! tell them what you think make sure they understand what YOU want not what THEY want take it from me and im 14 too
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When I was your age and I would say that my friends are doing this or Billy's mom is letting him do that, my mom would respond with: "Just because Billy Jumps of the Brooklyn Bridge does that mean you have to too." I grew up in Brooklyn, New York.
The ages 14 to 17 are probably the hardest ages to be a teenager, especially today. You want to be treated like an adult. People tell you to act like an adult and when you do they tell you your still a child. Do I have the right picture? I think I do.
So does your mother and while she is being overprotective she has her reasons. Just what they are only she can tell you. I know some of what those reasons could be, all you have to do is watch the evening news. I live in one of the richest areas in the country and just last night not 5 miles from where I live a drug addict snatched a child off the streets; holding him for ransom. Why? The addict needed money for a drug fix.
The news is full of stories like this. Not long ago a girl your age was going to a fast food place to meet a friend. Her body was found a few days later in a swamp. Raped and killed by a pedophile.
There are many more stories like this on the news every night. There are stories about children meeting people over facebook, going to the mall, the movies and everything else your mother is not allowing you to do. Because she sees stories on the news about these people and ending up harmed or murdered.
Can this happen to you, yes it can. But the odds are better that you will be hit by lighting before any of this will happen to you.
Understanding what scares your mother, what makes her to be so over protective is the first thing you need to understand before you can deal with the problem. Once you understand why she is this way, then you can have a reasonable conversation. A reasonable conversation is one that takes place with out any yelling or argumentative tones.
You start with mom I know you love me and are only looking out for my safety and well being. But how do I learn to care for myself if I'm not allowed the freedom to learn and explore the world around me. Then you go on from there. Children have to be allowed to grow if they are going to function as adults. If need be enlist the help of an Aunt, Uncle or grandparent.
I'm fairly certain mom is just afraid for your safety. I'm just as certain that you are probably an only child, which is compounding your problem. If your not an only child then you must be the first born.
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ahh.. i remember when my parents were like this too. Unfortunately, it comes with growing up. about 70% of parents will act this way towards their children as they grow up. and about 20-30% of those children act in an inappropriate way and rebel. That is why so many families have issues, because they misunderstand each other and don't communicate with one another or try to understand each other and compromise.
My parents were the same way. Every time I wanted to do something fun, they would always be so worried and say no. For example, I literally live 2 minutes away from my Middle School. When I was about your age, I asked my parents if I could walk/bike to school since we lived so close. But no. they made me take the bus because it was "safer". Safer than what??? we live in the middle of no where hahaha. They were so worried someone would kidnap me and rape me or something. I had to take the bus and sit all alone :( but I got over it.
I know you're only 14 and it seems like the end of the world. But trust me, you'll get your freedom sooner or later. You're not missing anything really. I'm 18 and I'm still doing the stuff you're doing- going to movies, biking around with friends, sleepovers etc. So don't worry, you have the rest of your life to enjoy those things :) Yeah i know it sucks, but you should realize. Your parents are only doing this to protect you and because they love you and just want you to be safe.
wow.. i just sounded like my mom. haha. But it's true. When you get older and more mature, you'll realize that they love you and only want you to be a healthy good kid.
You can, however, try to change the situation a little bit. Try talking with your mother again and this time, ask to compromise. Tell her something like- I'll do extra chores this week, if you let me go to a movie with some friends. That way, its a win-win situation. Both of you get what you want. If she still says no, try upping the anty and give in a little more. Like doing extra chores AND coming home before curfew or something.
If she still says no, here's the trick- do extra chores or help out your mom, even if she doesn't ask for it. I know it kinda sucks... but i've done it and it pays off BIG time :). she will wonder why you're doing all this for her, and then thats when you let her know- well i was doing all of this because I love you and I was hoping you'd let me go out with friends this weekend or whatever. Your mother will appreciate all the things you've done to help, and she will eventually give in and let you have some rewards. But don't get upset if its not exactly what you want. At first, my parents would give me money for doing extra chores. Then I told them "well whats the point in having money if I can't even go out and spend it?" haha so they finally said I could go out.
A part of growing up is understanding how other people feel. You need to understand how your parents feel, and your parents need to understand how you feel. Communication and Compromise :) thats the key :)
Good luck and inbox me if you have any more questions :)
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