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my boy friend
i am 14 and my boyfriend has asked if he can finger me he keeps asking and i dont no what to say because he has told me we will stay together if i let him but wont if i wont let him , i was worring that i am two young so what should i say ??
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For me, ultimatums are something I always refuse. I think you should take that advice and tell him to piss off. The sooner you grow a spine the better your life will be.
Plus I have never heard of any guy making the continuation of a relationship contingent on being able to finger a chick. The kind of emotional blackmail the guy is pulling is so childish I actually laughed at this question.
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I completely agree i mean I just gradated highschool and have plenty experience with those types of guys but if u half want it and half don't then dont do it. And if he just wants sex then tell him get lost! Don't disrespect yourself. Say no!
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You should say something along these lines.
"Dating isn't about you getting to finger whoever you want. If that's why you're here, leave. Now. You don't get to tell any girl that she has to let you be sexual with her or you leave, ever. Someday when you're not a little kid anymore you will understand exactly how disrespectful you have been and you will feel like a complete dick about it. For now though, we're over"
I feel like that's about the appropriate response here. His actions are unacceptable. He wants you for sexual contact and really nothing else. You have a right to not be treated this way. It's hard at 14 to feel that way, you don't really know what to expect out of guys and then someone treats you like this and you wonder if it is normal.
It is not. If any of the adult women on this website had a boyfriend say something along those lines to her she'd probably be chasing him out of her house with a frying pan 30 seconds later. Someday you will understand just how immature and offensive he was being, but for now just trust me that you're worth alot more as a person than what this kid wants from you and you should not hesitate in dumping his butt and walking away.
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This is a moment in a girls life where it really tests you as a person.
If he is saying if he can't finger you, he is going to dump you - that is an emotional blackmail. If he really cared he wouldn't pressure you.
If you say you don't know - you obviously aren't ready. Don't waste your time with a boy who isn't considerate and he cleary does not care about you enough if he is prepared to dump you. Stand up for yourself and all the other girls who have been pressurised into doing something they never wanted to do. Be smart, do the right thing.
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As someone old enough to be your grandparent I am going to try and impart something you should always remember when it comes to matters of sex.
Never ever let someone try and coerce or force you to have any type of sex or sexual relationship with them that you don't want to do or have. This is true if you are 14 or or 114.
It starts with what he is telling you now. Then its is he wants you to take of your blouse and bra or pants and panties off. Always with the threat of if you don't he will leave.
Show this boy where the door is an find a young man who will respect you and your boundaries.
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No guy should break up with a girl, just because they don't want to do sexual things with them..
Tell him what you want to do, if you honestly don't say "I'm not ready". If he is going to be an ass about it (Excuse my language) break up with him..you do not deserve to be treated that way.. it's SO disrespectful.
Please stay strong, and tell him yourself you won't do things like that.
Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
I hope I helped! <3
Emily <3
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You should be the one to break up with him. You might like him and stuff but being pressured to do stuff you don't want to sucks. It could always lead to more. If you let him do this, then he'll stay with you. Then later on he's gonna want sex. You'll be saying no and he'll go back saying you guys will break up if you don't.
You don't want a guy like this, trust me. Find a guy that will respect how you feel and wait till your ready instead of threatening to leave you.
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I'm going to tell you two things.
1. If you aren't ready to take your relationship to that level, you don't have to. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. You clearly don't want to let him do that to you, so you're not ready, and you need to tell him NO.
2. Any guy that says he'll break up with you just because you won't let him get far with you sexually is a dickhead and was never really invested in the relationship. The only thing he cares about is sex and your feelings do not matter. A guy that truly loves you will respect your decision no matter what it is. Your boyfriend does not care about you and he is using you.
Dump him. And always remember those two things.
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I know you might not like what I am going to say, but I am saying this for your own good.
PLEASE dont stay with this loser. Any guy who has true feelings for you would not make you choose between him fingering you or dumping you. Soon he will want more, then once he gets what he wants he'll move on. Youre young and will have plenty of boyfriends later in life who respect your mind and your body.
Pleaseee, take this advice so you dont do anything you'll regret later on.
Good luck!
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Sweety, if he's threatening to leave you because you won't let him have his way with you, he is NOT worth keeping. If he can't respect how you feel about this, then you are better off leaving him. Because right now it's "Let me finger you" later it could be "let's have sex, if you don't I won't stay with you". Explain to him that you are not ready for any of that yet and that you would like to wait. If he still insists, I suggest you leave him because it'll only get worse. You deserve better than that! You should do things at your own pace, not because someone is pressuring you or threatening you.
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