I'm in love with my best friend but she doesn't know it.
Question Posted Saturday December 25 2010, 7:51 am
There's this girl I hang out with a lot. We've known each other since we were little kids. We grew up together and we're both 15 now. For 4 years now I've fallen for her hard. I daydream of her all of the time. I dream of her at night. I can't get her out of my head. I love everything about her from the way she smiles to the smell of her hair when I'm close to her. I always seem to find myself making excuses to see her more often. I feel like I'm obsessed because my feelings for her are so strong I can't have a proper girlfriend (I always end up being distant to them, not really wanting to date them, and dumping them early on because of my lack of interest).
I've kept these feelings a secret but sometimes I think I should tell her. I'm afraid she won't feel the same though, and I'll end up ruining the friendship. I know I sound like such a wuss here but the emotions are so intense and I've kept them in so long.
What's the best thing to do in this particular situation? Should I tell her and risk everything? Should I keep this stuff bottled in?
xJennaxx answered Sunday January 2 2011, 11:22 pm: I would tell her because you don't want to sit back and be wondering what could have been, and if she don't feel the same way then at least you know. From experience i don't think it will ruin your friendship with her, if anything it might make it stronger..you don't want to keep those feelings bottled up eithe, whats life worth if not taking a risks, especially because you love this girl..i say go for it! hope i helped (: [ xJennaxx's advice column | Ask xJennaxx A Question ]
jazzyvanscoy answered Friday December 31 2010, 11:16 am: Well, if you dont want to ruin your friendship with her, maybe you should get all of yuor feelings out in a journal first, and see if you feel any better. Maybe get some of your friends to talk to her about you, to see if shes interested. Dont keep your feelings bottled up though, you have to tell her soon. [ jazzyvanscoy's advice column | Ask jazzyvanscoy A Question ]
Lucy098 answered Sunday December 26 2010, 4:01 am: Don't keep your feelings bottled in. It's bad, because just imagine yourself 10 years from now..well maybe 5 or 3, you still might feel the same way about her, but you still haven't told her. Those emotions that keep intensifying as the years progress, might even get worse and maybe turn into some mad-trip of anxiety(just kidding. I don't wanna scare you) but you never know, it can happen. I suggest that if she feels comfortable talking to you, you know...both of you are like "safe" friends, just go ahead and tell her. She might appreciate your honesty and you never know, she might even like you too--she probable just hasn't decided to make the first move. So, it's all about risk--either you win or lose. Life is full of opportunities, so don't stress out too much if she says "no".
miranda_love answered Saturday December 25 2010, 7:50 pm: Oh boy. I think you should tell her but still remain good friends. Although she might feel like she might need her space away from you if she doesn't feel the same way. You never know till you tell her. But don't ask her to be a couple with you because you don't want to rush into a relationship with someone who is your best friend. You should be patient about her. Don't come on to strong. Just tell her that you have feelings for her and you don't feel the same way about anyone else expect her. I'm sure she will like to hear that. I know I would. :) Never bottle your emotions it's extremely bad for you. Good luck and remember tell her at a good time when you two are alone. [ miranda_love's advice column | Ask miranda_love A Question ]
RavenRun answered Saturday December 25 2010, 3:43 pm: When I was younger the same situation happened to me. I think the best way to go is let her know. Because you can't really have a friendship with someone you are in love with anyways. I wish you the best, and good luck! [ RavenRun's advice column | Ask RavenRun A Question ]
GradingCurve answered Saturday December 25 2010, 3:36 pm: Wow and damn.... At 15, I couldn't imagine having intense feelings that you seem to be exhibiting. It's damn near have you speaking all poetic and endearing.... It's nice. I'm assuming that you're a guy but you haven't actually stated it, so idk
But as per you're situation...
I would say that she may have some inkling of knowledge that you're really into her, but she may not know the depths of your feelings. So part of the weight on your shoulders should be lifted. Many a guy, don't relay there interests in females properly or at ALL because they are unsure if the feelings are mutual. (what a waste smh...)
Besides, females won't usually hang around guys they don't like. In some cases, she could like YOU already and YOU haven't seen/heard/noticed HER SIGNS of companionship because you can't get beyond your own anxieties of endearment.
Internalizing emotions as strong as your staing must be driving you insane... that's a no-go..
Considering that you've known her basically all your lives thus far... you should find an outlet where you can express your feelings without putting your friendship (if it's actually meaningful to you) on the line.
Since you can recall, the exact amount of time you consciencenciously (??spelling??) began developing feelings for her, I hope it wasn't over a negative situation. (meaning her lost= your gain kinda situation)... good things can come from these situations however, the catch 22 is that this "obseessive anxiety" thing within your may be harboring.... uh.. counter productive emotions/actions and motives & intentions. What is meant by this is... for example only...
IF she decided to date someone, before you decide to relinguish your feelings to/for her, would you fall apart? Would you damage your relationship with her "in a moment" that you're sure to regret? and how? IF so, that's counterproductive.
Especially, because it seems that although you may not be a long-term dater( your decision), you are serial dater just to get over NOT telling your friend, what's on your heart.
Just be aware, "IF" this is the case, she has emotions as well. As your friend AND as a prospective love interest... The longer you wait... the more opportunity you have to lose her interest in that "romantic" way...
Assuming that you'd like to avoid the "MOST" scary, unnerving place for a guy when he like a girl... find an outlet to tell her asap..
Or be forever stuck.... IN THE FRIEND ZONE...
(it's not that bad, but guys really, really, hate it). What they hate more, is if/when she giving the love she "could" have been giving to to another because you're deciding what's up between "YA'LL" by yourself..
a13d answered Saturday December 25 2010, 3:19 pm: Oh my lol I was just like you!!! I really feel I can help. Ok so I felt the same way as you same things dream about him (I am a girl so I am gonna say him) and all of that and I kept it bottled in for 4 months and I finaly burst and I think you will to not to be mean but i sounds like you got it bad! just like me! Ok so does she show signs of liking you? my guy did. I was still scared to tell him though. Anyway if she shows any kind of signs thats great. Now I think you should tell her, I knew I should tell y guy but I didn't like I said for 4 months but I really showed signs of liking him though so much that everyone about in my grade new I liked him and some new he liked me. Now if you tell her dont just be like hey I like you or something of that sort I brought up a converstaion first so he would say who do you like first so if you told her after she asked then hey it isn't your fault she asked right? Now this guy was my bestfriend just like this girl is your best friend. So I think you should text her or say facfe to face and be like So do you believe in going out with someone in your same grade same age because I do, and she will reply and be like no or yeh who is you like? (or really it can be anything you want to say to her to get her to ask), then I said because I was so nervous"don't be mad ok" and he replied and said i Promise tell me!!! so I said you. Then guess what he said he liked me too.!!! So see I think your results will be good, and I think you should tell her and do what I said and everything will be good! -HoPe ThIs HeLpS(: [ a13d's advice column | Ask a13d A Question ]
gr8fruit answered Saturday December 25 2010, 3:01 pm: Hey there,
You should tell her! But not all at once, for that may scare her away. Hint that you like her by sending her subtle clues.. Such as asking her to hang out, holding eye contact for moments longer than normal, touching her arm/leg/shoulder, smiling, or telling her she looks great. You have so many feelings you want to express and I know how hard it can be to express them to someone you care about.
No matter what, you should never keep your feelings bottled in. They will just grow on you and make you wonder even more. If you tell her, she will either take it as a very good thing or she will give you a sign that she only sees you as a friend. Thats the worse that can come out of sharing your feelings. There are more good things that can come of this than bad. She may feel the same way, she may want to get to know you better, and she may want to date you. You never know unless you give hints. It would stink to not let her know how you feel and then go on your whole life wondering if you could have been something together. You have to know a person well in order to be close to them. Ask her if she ever thought of being more than friends. Give her a chance and see where it takes you <3 [ gr8fruit's advice column | Ask gr8fruit A Question ]
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