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My sister
Is it horrible for me to hate my sister?
We have never really gotten along before. I am 21 and she is 19. We have both had very different up bringings. I was raised by my grandparents and she was raised by my mother.
She is a very attention seeking person and will do what others tell her or do or say things to fit in a crowd.. She doesn't work, throws in all her jobs because she doesn't want to work.
She has very minor 'operations' (its just like having a pap smear) and writes it all over face book for everyone to see. She never even finished school.
where as I, I have always worked since I finished year 12. In good jobs to, first in a lawyers office now in a doctors surgery. I have also studied through TAFE.
My grandfather who raised me passed away suddenly in August. He was only 58 and was never sick before, he suffered from a stroke and was in a coma for 30days before passing.
Now the problem is my sister is putting all over face book that she 'misses and loves her poppy' Um hello... she never had anything to do with him for 4 years!!! Every time our parents told her she had to come to nanna and pops house she would make herself vomit so she didn't have to go.
She's never really had anything to do with me before either. This isn't the only things that are contributing to my feelings of hate towards her.
Should I confront her and tell her that I wont don't want anything to do with her anymore and that she should stop writing things about my pop whom she's had nothing to do with for 4 years? Other wise i'm going to end up doing something childish that I will regret!
Thank you
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I see two actual questions here, so I'm going to address them individually:
1) "Is it horrible for me to hate my sister?"
I would say, more than "horrible", it's just unfortunate. Insofar as I don't believe that valueless, obligatory tolerance, respect or "love" of one's relatives is "right" (or sincere, for that matter), I don't believe that annoyance, dislike, or even hatred of them is necessarily "wrong".
I'll put it this way: It's okay to dislike people that you dislike.
You spent your entire life building your value-judgements, and no one has the right to tell you that you have to pretend like you don't think and feel for the sake of anyone - even people who happen to share your DNA.
"But she's your sister!"
Yeah? And what does that mean, exactly? Is there a mystical relationship there, buried in potential, that you couldn't form with another person?
"But friends come and go! Family is forever!"
I think that's largely sentimental, unrealistic crap. Moreover, I think that it can sometimes be the problem with "family": It's easier to crap on someone you assume doesn't have the power to divest themselves of your BS. They take for granted that we'll be around "forever". And most of us will.
You are in no way obligated to give your sister a pass when it comes to your opinion of her. She has the right to make her choices, and you have the right to think of them what you will, and moreover, to do with that thinking what you will.
Now, for your second question.
2) "Should I confront her and tell her that ... she should stop writing things...?"
The answer to this one is simple, and you already know it: Take Her Off Of Your Facebook.
I have mixed opinions on social networking sites. For this purpose, I'm curious to know why, if you dislike this girl so much, you have her on there to begin with. Too keep track of her personal business? So that you won't miss a single, infuriating post?
Ditch her. She probably won't even notice, and if she does, so what? If you eliminate the avenues through which she annoys you, you'll find that pretty soon, she isn't annoying you. She sounds like a pretty big loser, so why are you worried about what she posts, anyway?
In this case, the answer is pretty simple: Remove the problem, and the problem goes away. If her Facebook posts are annoying you, you can make it so that you don't see them anymore.
If she's as transparent as you say, it's safe to assume that other people see it, too. If someone's out there taking her seriously, how interested can you really be in what they think, either?
People like this are hungry for attention. Attention on your end means energy. Let her starve, I say, and move on. You have a lot of good things going for you more deserving of your focus.
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I think it is okay for you to not like your sister. We can't chose our family. Most family members at least have things in common because they grew up together. Since you two didn't even grow up together, you don't even have that.
The other thing you have to remember is that you cannot control another person's behavior. You can only control your reaction to it. So by confronting her and "telling her to stop" whatever it is that upsets you, you will only make her mad. It won't solve any problems.
Try to look at it from her point of view... She may be jealous of you for some reason and is seeking the attention that she felt like she was lacking before? It doesn't sound like she is purposely trying to sabotage you in any way?
It doesn't sound like you want a relationship with her right now in your life. I think that is okay. A relationship with anyone isn't fun if its forced. While I don't think you should confront her and tell her what she is doing wrong (because it wouldn't help anything), I think it would be appropriate to tell her that you need some space right now. Tell her that you feel frustrated and need some time to yourself. If she asks why, you could tell her how YOU are feeling (NOT what she is doing), but do it in a calm fashion. Don't let her have the control to take away your happiness.
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This really is a touchy subject but I'm going to answer this based on experience.
My mother was abused by her mother, and moved out at 16. My mom grew up to resent her mother because of the way she was treated as a child, and stopped talking to her when I was a kid. Just recently, my uncle died and now my mother & her mother are talking again. It took a death for them to realize that the past is the past & that they need each other regardless.
I understand why you have an extreme dislike for your sister. I really do. I was in the same situation with my mom. I hated her mother for what she had done, but I can't change the fact that she's my grandmother. I'll always disagree with her actions, but like I said, the past is the past, I wasn't alive then & there's nothing I can do about. I'll always love my grandmother.
I think it's a little unfair of you to say that she shouldn't write things about your grandfather. He was her grandfather too and even if they weren't close, that doesn't mean that she doesn't love him. So, you can't really tell her what she can & cannot write about, but you need to tell her how you feel. Sit her down & be mature about this. You're 21 years old, act like it. Be honest with her, and be stern. Make sure you get your point across (without being rude).
Trust me, if you shut your sister out of your life, and something happens you will regret it. You don't have to be her best friend, but be civil.
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Thats so weird I'm 22 and my sister is 19. I wouldn't say you hate your sister hate is a rather strong word maybe you don't agree with the things that your sister doesn't but you're both still sisters. My sister aggravates me all the time and there are times where I can't stand her. I still care about her and still hope she makes the right choices. It might piss you off that she has written a status on facebook but it was her grandfather just as well as yours. You may have had a closer relationship but she is connectde to him by blood as well.
Don't shut your sister out of your life that isn't the way to go about things...she may piss you off but she is still our sister. People always say that once you get older the person that holds the key to your past is your sibling and in that case it would be your sister.
I know its hard there are sometimes I want to get as far away from my sister because she pisses me off sometimes but I still care. She is the way she is for now and she may grow out of it...hopefully she will because she sounds childish with the things she has done in the past.
As my mom always says "You as the older sister should take the initative" When she says that it pisses me off but she's right I need to be the bigger sister. Its the holidays jsut try to get along with her I know its hard but its the right thing to do. Good Luck! Happy Holidays!
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First off, congrats for finishing school and getting a good job!
If I was you I would confront her. Keeping things inside just makes it worse because the anger builds up until you pop. Tell her how you feel. If anything YOU should be the one missing him since he and your grandmother raised you. Tell her it hurts you to see the lies she's telling people about her missing her grandpa. She's probably begging for attention because she's lonely, but that is her own fault. She could have finished school, and made friends, and found a decent job to keep her happy; but she chose not to.
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I think you should put all of these things behind the two of you and start from scratch. You are sisters no matter what. Family should be able to have differences but work them out. In the end, family is all you will have.
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