I am a professional writer, a full-time person, armchair philosopher and student of the human condition.
In my advice, I strive to be lucid, objective, and factual.
I believe in chasing your joy, enjoying your life experience, and being the person you feel in your guts you are supposed to be.
I hold that the best dispensers of wisdom are those most accomplished makers of mistakes.
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Member Since: December 17, 2009
Answers: 4
Last Update: December 17, 2009
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i'm not planning to go to college. one, i don't want to be far away from the people i care about, and two, i REALLY hate school with a passion, and would greatly enjoy being done with it when i graduate highschool. i'm just not a good worker, nor have i ever been. i wouldn't want my parents to waste their money sending me to do something i don't want to do.
but does anyone know what i could do as a future career? i'm interested in being a tattoo artist, but would i have to go to college for that? and would i have to tattoo myself all over my body, because that's what i've heard. i'm not looking for a lecture, so please, don't. just someone tell me a good career i could have without spending thousands of dollars and time going to college. and if anyone knows anything about tattooing, please let me know, send me links, etc. thanks! (link)
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I suppose there's something to be said for honesty and self-awareness. Since you didn't ask for help with your work ethic, I will offer you these few points of insight, the most important of which is first (and please don't construe this as a lecture - I think it's important that you understand the reality of a career in tattooing. The following statements are ones that virtually any artist would tell you):
1) If you are not a good worker, you are likely to be sorely disappointed with a career in tattooing. Everything about it is hard work.
2) Nowhere in the world do you have to go to college to learn to tattoo. The conventional, and thoroughly recommended way is to find a shop respected within the tattoo community and try to get an apprenticeship there. Some shops will require money up front. Others will only require that you agree to work for free for the duration of your apprenticeship (1 year is normal.) Almost all of them will require that you have some degree of artistic talent with drawing (applying tattoos that aren't hideous is a very involved skill. There will be plenty to teach you without having to start with the basics of art).
3) No artist or shop is going to require that you tattoo yourself whatsoever. If they do, you should seriously consider whether you want to learn from them. That said, it isn't uncommon for new artists to tattoo themselves a bit at first. This should always be completely voluntary, however.
4) Tattooing isn't as glamorous as it seems. You handle biohazardous waste on a daily basis, as well as mop floors, take out endless garbage, clean and scrub instruments and any number of other mundane, unpleasant tasks. You will be forced to trace and draw far beyond the point that it is fun anymore. The hours are long, the clients unapologetically inconsiderate and it can take years to develop a clientele that will allow you to support yourself comfortably. Even great artists have dry seasons.
This career will demand blood, sweat and tears, long hours and great sacrifice. You will be bulled around by employers and coworkers. In exchange, this career has no problem leaving you unpredictably able to make rent when you least expect it.
What it is not is an escape from hard work, sacrifice and education.
In my opinion, anything you are likely to experience in the working world is going to be more demanding than college.
However, if you are still the least bit interested, choosing to believe that I speak from an honest frame of reference (I am not a tattoo artist, I will add. This isn't the litany of my poor experience. I have known and worked with very, very many, at all levels of success.), then it may well be a rewarding career choice.
I can say that you will get out of it what you put in. Knowing what that is from the outset is the important thing.
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I know that tattoo's ruin job prospects, but to what extent? I have a tattoo on my upper arm- the middle of my bicep and tricep. People barely see it because its never warm enough here to wear short sleeves. Would it ruin job prospects even if you cant see them? like..if they would be covered with a shirt?
I read about a firm in japan, if you showed anyone a tattoo, you would be fired. what do you all think? (link)
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First, if your tattoo isn't visible, it's only a liability if you decide to show it to anyone at work. Even so, I think you'll find that the vast majority of employers are at least enlightened enough not to care that you have tattoos, only whether or not they can be seen.
I'll concern the rest of the article with U.S. business attitudes toward body art because it is the realm in which I have direct experience, but I think it is worth mentioning that different cultures have different attitudes toward these things. In Japan, as you mentioned, tattoos carry a stigma for their significance in organized crime. They are considered much more taboo by older generations there for this reason.
While I suppose it is regrettably undeniable that tattoos can "ruin" certain job prospects, even though dear old Mom might have assured you that if you get a drop of ink, you'll never work again (for more than minimum wage, at least), this is categorically untrue.
The trick is in being savvy as to which employers will care, and which won't. Company policies are varied enough now, that it's often worth asking (but of course, if you already have an exposed tattoo, there's little to be done about it anyway).
Awhile back, I made the healthy, informed, and dubious decision that I didn't need to impress anyone who was put off by self-expression. I cannot, in good faith, say that I have ever encountered a situation in which this has hindered me or left me regretful of my decision to have two sleeves as well as a tattoo on the back of my hand done. Then again, my career choices have often leaned in directions that this was unlikely to be a factor anyway.
That being said, I enjoyed a rather successful stint in commercial real estate, representing people who had more money than my young brain could fathom in transactions worth millions of dollars. Common sense would tell you that visible sleeve tattoos, in combination with my young age would be a prescription for disaster.
I always kept my sleeves buttoned crisply, at first, but as I built a relationship with these clients, I became comfortable rolling them up, if it was appropriate. I didn't go out of my way to flash my artwork in their faces, but nor did I take awkward pains to hide it. When the negotiations got serious and the sport coats came off, I found that these people were a lot more interested in what I had to say about their money than whatever might be lurking in my shirt.
The reason?
Because even though I decided that I didn't need to be embarassed about my tattoos, or let it hold me back from going after goals, that comfort in self-expression is no excuse for unprofessionalism. I spoke the language, I knew my business, I represented my clients like a tiger, I dressed appropriately, and I was always on time. I never acted like my tattoos should be a problem, since I did an exemplary job, and I think my clients cared far more about what I could do for them than that I'd decorated my skin.
Sometimes it will be company policy; right there, black and white in the handbook. There's nothing you can do about that. But I think you will find that if you dress appropriately, care for your appearance, are polite, knowledgeable and hard-working (as we all should be anyway, right?) that people will be much more likely to overlook your tattoos. Your personality should be the first thing they notice. Win them with that, and it will be hard to lose.
Just be mindful of your choices, and be realistic about them. I doubt that even my winning smile could have prevailed if it had to compete with a swear word inked forever across my throat in Old English script.
Some sentiments are better kept under your collar.
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Is it horrible for me to hate my sister?
We have never really gotten along before. I am 21 and she is 19. We have both had very different up bringings. I was raised by my grandparents and she was raised by my mother.
She is a very attention seeking person and will do what others tell her or do or say things to fit in a crowd.. She doesn't work, throws in all her jobs because she doesn't want to work.
She has very minor 'operations' (its just like having a pap smear) and writes it all over face book for everyone to see. She never even finished school.
where as I, I have always worked since I finished year 12. In good jobs to, first in a lawyers office now in a doctors surgery. I have also studied through TAFE.
My grandfather who raised me passed away suddenly in August. He was only 58 and was never sick before, he suffered from a stroke and was in a coma for 30days before passing.
Now the problem is my sister is putting all over face book that she 'misses and loves her poppy' Um hello... she never had anything to do with him for 4 years!!! Every time our parents told her she had to come to nanna and pops house she would make herself vomit so she didn't have to go.
She's never really had anything to do with me before either. This isn't the only things that are contributing to my feelings of hate towards her.
Should I confront her and tell her that I wont don't want anything to do with her anymore and that she should stop writing things about my pop whom she's had nothing to do with for 4 years? Other wise i'm going to end up doing something childish that I will regret!
Thank you (link)
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I see two actual questions here, so I'm going to address them individually:
1) "Is it horrible for me to hate my sister?"
I would say, more than "horrible", it's just unfortunate. Insofar as I don't believe that valueless, obligatory tolerance, respect or "love" of one's relatives is "right" (or sincere, for that matter), I don't believe that annoyance, dislike, or even hatred of them is necessarily "wrong".
I'll put it this way: It's okay to dislike people that you dislike.
You spent your entire life building your value-judgements, and no one has the right to tell you that you have to pretend like you don't think and feel for the sake of anyone - even people who happen to share your DNA.
"But she's your sister!"
Yeah? And what does that mean, exactly? Is there a mystical relationship there, buried in potential, that you couldn't form with another person?
"But friends come and go! Family is forever!"
I think that's largely sentimental, unrealistic crap. Moreover, I think that it can sometimes be the problem with "family": It's easier to crap on someone you assume doesn't have the power to divest themselves of your BS. They take for granted that we'll be around "forever". And most of us will.
You are in no way obligated to give your sister a pass when it comes to your opinion of her. She has the right to make her choices, and you have the right to think of them what you will, and moreover, to do with that thinking what you will.
Now, for your second question.
2) "Should I confront her and tell her that ... she should stop writing things...?"
The answer to this one is simple, and you already know it: Take Her Off Of Your Facebook.
I have mixed opinions on social networking sites. For this purpose, I'm curious to know why, if you dislike this girl so much, you have her on there to begin with. Too keep track of her personal business? So that you won't miss a single, infuriating post?
Ditch her. She probably won't even notice, and if she does, so what? If you eliminate the avenues through which she annoys you, you'll find that pretty soon, she isn't annoying you. She sounds like a pretty big loser, so why are you worried about what she posts, anyway?
In this case, the answer is pretty simple: Remove the problem, and the problem goes away. If her Facebook posts are annoying you, you can make it so that you don't see them anymore.
If she's as transparent as you say, it's safe to assume that other people see it, too. If someone's out there taking her seriously, how interested can you really be in what they think, either?
People like this are hungry for attention. Attention on your end means energy. Let her starve, I say, and move on. You have a lot of good things going for you more deserving of your focus.
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My parents want to come and spend the night at my house. I have told them hundreds of times that they have really nasty habits (like not washing their hands after using the bathroom then touching food). Then they come and bring roaches with them (unintentionally of course) from their house, that they refuse to clean. (Then they ask why we don't visit them at their house. Last time we went I got a glass from the cabinet to get some water to drink and it had roach eggs and spiderwebs in it.)I have to treat them like children and tell them how to do things properly. I do not like them giving my kids food because I don't know where their hands have been. When I do tell them that they need to clean up their act, they get offended and blame it on this or that (a line of bull). Then my dad gets mad at me and says sarcastic comments (like I'm sorry we are not perfect like you). I never said I was perfect, I just don't want them to teach my kids ( 2 & 6 yrs. girls) bad habits. They need to be able to look up to them and be proud. Nothing I do seems to help. They never listen, when I'm trying to tell them something they always take it the wrong way. Then they act jealous of other family members (ex: why can u go visit them and not us?) I can't take much more of this, I don't know what else to do other than just start avoiding them. I have put up with this for years, Please help... (link)
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When you were a child, you didn't have much choice in putting up with their neglectful housekeeping. Now, you're an adult with a family of your own, and the good news is that you do have a choice.
When addressing inter-family issues such as this, I find myself wondering why relatives expect (and are expected) to be held to a lower standard of consideration than acquaintances.
If your friends/neighbors/fellow PTA members/work associates would never dream of bringing filth into your home, why is there something sacrosanct about your parents wishing to do so? Shouldn't your feelings and desires be even more important to them?
Your father's passive-aggressive response suggests that he's quite aware of their disgusting habits (people who don't realize they're offensive are typically pretty horrified when it's pointed out) and chooses - for whatever reason - to disrespect you and your home by diverting the issue. As so often happens with narcissistic family members, they feel entitled to be disrespectful, and are very quick to make an issue out of your problem with their offense.
If you really examine the message behind this behavior, it's rather disturbing:
"I'm allowed to act as thoughtlessly as I please, and should you choose to have a problem with it, I stand ready to instantly victimize myself."
It's two insults in one, really. The painful lesson with this kind of parent is that they are not interested in altering their behavior, and resent the slightest expression of disapproval.
You're not asking them to change their political affiliation or religion. You're asking them to wash their hands while in your house. If that's something only "perfect people" do, then I would only entertain "perfect" guests.
If they can't observe the most commonplace and pedestrian of rules while in your house, then I think you need to examine just how interested you believe they are in your relationship. What's more important: Visiting the grandchildren, or the mess?
Divorce the problem from them when you talk to them about it.
Don't say: "You can't come over. You bring roaches and practice poor hygiene."
Do say: "You're always welcome in my house, but your roaches aren't. And I'd hope that you would respect the example I try to set for my girls by keeping up your hygiene while you're here."
You have a right to require a base level of respect in your own home. If family members, of all people, can't seem to accomodate that, then I'd love to know why they don't seem to feel you're entitled to it.
I must have used that word 10 times in this answer, if I've used it once: Respect. Respect. Respect. There's three more for good measure. You aren't asking for too much.
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