|
i'm not really asking too much for advice, but more of an opinion and what you think. so heres my story (17f&17m):
i dated this guy for 8 months and we broke up the last week of april...he said he doesn't have the same feelings for me. however, we went to prom together and i was laying on this guy cause i wasn't feeling good and he was off doing his own thing...and he got upset at me for that...we both decided that itd be best for us not to talk until summer starts (which is in like a month from now) then he wants to start hanging out again as friends and he said "if its meant to be, it'll be". we started going out during the summer of last year and i was thinking of doing something cute when we hang out to realize why he fell for me last summer. i really love this kid and he treats me right. so what do you think i should do with this whole situation..is there anything that can boost our chances of getting back together?
oh and should i text him first when school ends? and how long should i wait? or should i let him text me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm gonna give you advice anyways.
I would let him text you. Give it about 2 weeks after school ends. If you get nothing, text him.
I'm not sure if there's anything that can boost your chances of getting back with him. The best I'd say is just to play it cool. Trying to get someone to see why they fell for you can backfire and totally blow up in your face. So, I would just play it cool.
If he feels a spark, you guys can work from there.
]
It is difficult for me to give you advice because I'm not sure why this guy wants to slow things down. I get the feeling that he may be protecting his feelings because he has trouble trusting you.
Here's the thing, if you really like this guy and he treats you right, you might want to make a commitment in your mind to wait for him. He might want to wait until the summer so he can see what you do in the meantime. If I were you, I would make sure I didn't flirt with any other boys. Don't give this guy any questions in his mind about who you want to be with.
Deep down inside you know why his feelings have changed. If you think it is because you had so much fun last summer and then everything changed, you can't recreate the person you used to be, but you can try to emphasize the positives. Have fun, be that sweet girl he fell for, but set limits, too. If he wants to see other people while you sit around bored and lonely, don't go for it.
Just one more thing. Search your soul and figure out why you want him back. If you find that it is only because he broke up with you and your ego can't handle the rejection, get over it; you will only end up wanting to break it off once you get him back.
Oh yeah, one more thing-try backing off for a little while. It is pretty easy for him to feel confident if he knows you are pining away for him, waiting until you can talk to him in the summer. If he doesn't have a valid reason for breaking it off with you, and you get the feeling he is enjoying the attention he is getting from you with no real plans of getting back, it might actually get him to notice you once you back off. Guys are just like us girls in that way-they always want what they can't have and they don't want to lose what they've got.
]
I have no clue why this guy broke up with you. I may have said that it was because his feelings were different from yours until you told me he got mad at prom. This shows he is jealous of you being with other guys, but why would he be if he just wanted to "stay friends?"
I don't want you to get offended, but you asked my opinion so I am going to give it.
I think this guy does not like the idea of being tied down. You dated for a long time, and that kind of committment can be scary for some guys. My boyfriend and I went through this stage at about the same time you two are now. He probabably got jealous at the dance because he does have feelings for you still, but he doesn't want to.
He wants you to text him over the summer so you guys can hang out as "just friends." He still wants to see you, only without all the extra baggage of being in relationship. If you are prepared to deal with that, then that's great. It's probably best just to let him take time away from you though. If you all continue hanging out while not dating, what incentive does he have to to go back into something that pushed him away so much?
Go about the rest of your school year, and try to forget about all of this. Have fun with your friends and take advantage of being single. If he decides to text you once summer starts, you can decide whether that's what you want or not. Who knows? You may not want to go back into the relationship. If you do, be sure to let him know this. Tell him you still have feelings for him, so hanging out just to be hanging out won't work and if he wants to be with you, he'll have to deal with being in a committed relationship. It's the only healthy way, please trust me on that. I would know.
Good Luck =]
]
Thanks for inboxing.
I think you should respect his opinion and leave him alone for a bit. Give him time, because that's really all you can do.
To me, it sounds like he's not totally over you. That being said, if and when you DO start hanging out again, do NOT push him to get back together or pressure him to do something he's not comfortable doing. Just give him time and space for now and like he said, if it's meant to be, it'll be.
As for texting him first, I'd wait to see if he texts you. Give him like 2 weeks into summer, and if he doesn't text you, send him a quick text like "hey, do you still want to hang out some time?"
Good luck! and if you need anymore help, let me know :)
-Laura (16-f)
]
In my opinion, it sounds like this guy might just be playing games. It seems to me like he didn't want to be with you, but he didn't want you to be with anyone else. It might be best to just be friends with him. If something happens, & you think he'll be committed to you, then go for it.
If you want to talk to him, I'd just text him & ask him how he is. Just something casual, to see if he's ready to talk. That way you're not pushing it on him.
]
This is clear cut case of.. let him come to you. Guys LOVE a challenge and they LOVE chasing girls, not when girls chase them. He's very mature with "if it's meant to be, it'll be", because that's very true. When things are meant to be, they will happen, sooner or later and you can't force them, ya know? Relax and let him text/call you. If you start to get all anxious, then maybe you can text him once something like "whats up", but be short and sweet and ler him handle the rest.
]
Hello,
AS FOR GETTING BACK TOGETHER, I would suggest that you two go on some double or triple dates. You know, you two go on dates together with another one or two couples. This usually is the best way to rebuild a broken relationship. Seeing others get along with each other and hearing them talking might hit something in your heads. Also, they might be able to give you two better advice than I do because I've never known anything about you two.
AS FOR TEXTING HIM, I would suggest you wait for a week and see whether he would text you first. If he doesn't, then you text him and ask him to go on a double/triple date. But in the text, ask why he haven't text you yet, too (with a smile like this :), of course . . . because guys like seeing smiling faces ":)" and "x"'s [without the quote] appear randomly in text messages and emails. We thought that they are cute, hehehe.)
Reason you should wait then tell him that is because in most relationships, if the guy would set aside his pride and let the girl wins and/or subdues to the girls a little, the relationship would have more chance of success. Reason being that guys typically have less self-awareness than girls. When they win, they proud of it and want to win more. Girls usually know when to stop, or at least their sympathy would kick in and tell them where is enough.
Of course that would not be true if the girl is a slut, just get into a relationship for the fun of it, or if she likes to take advantage of it and go out with other guys, and ask for expensive things, etc. Well, actually, if the girl or guy is like that, the relationship is never going to work out. Luckily neither of you are like that =)
AS FOR HIS SUGGESTION OF "not to talk until summer starts then hang out as friend again" is a bad idea. That is just "running away from the problem." You two are suppose to seek the solution to the your problem, not run away from it.
Besides that, once you two have crossed the boundary of friendship and step into the lover zone, it's really hard to go back where you were before immediately. Yes, you could go back to be just friends eventually, but it takes time. As of now, it's not going to happen. 8 months of affections just won't wear off so easily. (Hence: he still jealous when you laid on the other guy, heh.)
Again, it takes much time and effort to the friends like before. Both of you would need to be mature about it. Meaning you two shouldn't care about losing or winning to the others, and who benefits more, etc.
Hope this helps,
Ng2491
]
ok well theres a few things i can deffinetly tell you. one is that you have to give him time to miss you. so as to texting him first, id let him text you. and it reallly sucks to wait around for him to, but it'll be worth it in the end. another thing, is if you want him back, you have to be the same girl he fell in love with. everyone changes during long relationships, and it takes guts to admit you have. (i just went through all this with my bf) so basically you have to be your old self. and i think a really cute thing to do to hang out is to maybe go where your first date was. or wear his favorite perfume, shirt, etc. a good thing to do is mirror him. i dont think im going to explain it right, so you should google it. search something like "mirroring people." ive used it; it works. its basically just body language, and you copy theirs. google will explain it better. im not very good at organizing my advice lol sorry. but i really hope i helped; let me know :) 17/f
]
There's nothing you can really do that will magically make him have the same feelings for you, assuming he doesn't still have them. I would have a hard time hanging out as friends with a girl I dated for 8 months :/ if I didn't still have some feelings.
When school ends, you should text them. Your lives aren't meant to be played as mind games; if you want to hang out, text him. Guys usually don't fool around with reading into such tiny things, unlike a certain gender I know.
]
Okay i dont understand why you both decided not to talk until summer starts how would that make a difference?..
or is it a case of giving each other space to find out if you truely like each other..the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder type thing?
i dont think theres anything you can really do to boost the chances only be yourself as you always were and maybe he will realise that he still does have feelings for you and that he doesnt wanna let you go.
id say give it a week after school ends and see if youve heard from him by then if not just casually text him to see how he is.
good luck i hope it works out for the best between you two let me know how things turn out =] hope i helped a bit anything else you need advice on or wanna know please ask
<3 jess.
]
More Questions: |