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A few months ago, i wrote on here about my mixed family.( I married my high school sweetheart after we both had previous relationships and children from them. Her kids were absolutly wild, never punished for anything in their life, just completely wreckless) Now my worst fears have come to reality and i am now facing a teen pregnancy with the youngest of my step daughters. Of course she is hysterical about the situation and wants to get an abortion. I am entirely against that and would never let my sons think that this is a way out of this kind of situation. her mom (my wife) is saying that she can do whatever she needs to do. Do i allow her to have the abortion or make her own up too her mistake?
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I know this is very late; however, I am hoping that there was nothing drastic done yet (ie: abortion).
This girl does not need to have an abortion. You need to educate her on what abortion can do to her and what it is. She needs the information NOW so she knows it is a very bad decision.
Please read my full response to this question:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
My answer is located near the bottom. You may suggest your step-daughter read the response, check out the links, and watch the videos.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render a woman infertile for the rest of her days.
This is not something to take lightly. Parents need to guide their children in life and help them learn enough to make responsible, healthy decisions. This girl is, understandably, upset but does not have a good amount of knowledge to make this sort of decision or she would not be in this situation.
Please sit down and talk with your wife so she realizes how serious this issue may be. The future of two lives are at stake--you could be left with a zombie-like (or postitute-ish) young teenager and an innocent soul murdered.
The girl is not able to make a responsible decisions, obviously. Please take care of her and your family. Your family can survive through this if you all stick to making it through it and helping each other.
I hope an abortion has not occurred and does not occur, and I hope your family grows healthier each day. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me.
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Wow. Okay I'm only 15. But I'm totally against abortion. My theory is, if you big enough to lay down, open your legs, and make the baby, then you're big enough to carry it for 9 months. Now I'm not saying she has to keep it, because if she feels she's not ready then that's probably true. Let her give it up for adoption. But there's absolutely no reason to kill an innocent baby, it's not the child's fault. But for real, if you really want to get through to her, just be like, " Could you really go through life knowing that you held the life of your baby in your hands, and you decided to kill it." My mom tried that on my sister, who was about to have an abortion, and that brought her out of it. Don't yell at her though, she's only going to get pissed and do the opposite of whatever you say.
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I am so so sorry hear this. I went throught it too except I was the teen who got pregnant. Here's the thing, this is her decision to make.
She needs your guidance in helping her make the deicion that she feels is best for her. If her decision is to keep her child, the focus is maintaining a healthy pregnancy and SELF suffency so that you and your wife aren't left raising her baby and then she goes out and gets pregnant again as a result of having no responsibility. Regardless of what she decides to do, she needs to own up to the responsibility associated with NOT being responsible. If she decides to have the abortion, support her and be there for her, regardless of what you believe. She will learn from that type of experience too. Either decision she decides upon will be a life, mental,and spiritual altering event. Trust me.
Use this opportunity to help her and to make your family bond tighter and better. This is the perfect time. If led, she will follow and make the changes in her life needed.
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Although I am no huge supporter of abortion, I don't believe you can make this decision for her.
Her making the choice is part of her 'owning' her error.
An abortion isn't a perfect 'fix it'. It's an emotional and unpleasant experience that nearly every woman would choose to forgo. If abortion is her choice, I promise you, she wont out dancing the night away an hour later. It might not be years of dirty diapers… but it still isn’t fun.
Although it would be nice if her values were the same as yours, they may not be, and she's entitled to her opinion. You might disagree with the morality of her opinion, but legally, she’s allowed to have and act on it. The unfortunate truth of the matter is a baby exists inside a female, so the matter of faith and the choice lie predominately with that female. That might not be the lesson you want your sons to learn, but it is the current truth in our society and it's unlikely to change: The chick gets to choose. That is simply the reality of it.
Besides, if she does have the kid, chances are that YOU would 'own' her problem more then she ever would, because YOU wouldn't let the child suffer for her mistake, whereas she probably would. Not because she is a bad person, just because she is teen and not ready for a child.
If nothing else, you must be able to see that forcing her to have this baby to punish her is a bit backwards. Babies don’t have ‘jobs’. It isn’t a baby’s job to punish or teach your daughter a lesson. Babies don’t have responsibilities, everyone around them does!
Get some counseling for you and your wife to deal with your conflicts and feelings about this. A professional can give you more specific advice and approaches to deal with the complicated things to come than anyone here can, but you do need to let your step daughter ‘own up to her mistake’ and that means taking ownership for that mistake. It’s very difficult, even for an adult, to take ownership of a situation if they feel they are denied the right to choose.
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Depending on her age, abortion may be what to do. I'd say if she is about 15 or possibly 16 and younger, she would need an aobrtion just because of health risks that could go along with her being pregnant and being so young. Yet, if she is around 16 or 17 and higher, let her have the baby, it would be killing a baby in my opinion. I am against abortion unless it is totally neccesary. I would ask the doctor about it too. If the doctor says she can have it, let her have the baby. If she doesn't want it, she could always put it up for adoption. That is just my opinion and advice.
I hope Iv'e helped.
-Olivia
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I hate to say it, but no matter what you "allow" her to do, it's her decision and you can't make it for her.
If you don't want her to have an abortion, I suggest you just talk to her about it and make sure she completely understands her options. Let her know that even though she may not want to deal with the situation, it's still a living child that she's killing and that even adoption is better than death. Offer to take her to an adoption agency or something. There are TONS of couples out there looking to adopt that can't have children of their own.
But if you just try and like put your foot down and say no abortion, that may cause a rebel effect and may cause her to have one just to spite you, even though it's not what she really wants.
My advice is talk to her. And when you're talking to her, don't use a negative attitude on abortion. She's going to feel bad enough about it as it is. Try using a positive outlook on adoption. Talk about how great it would be to give an infertile couple a baby and a family of their own.
I hope this helps and good luck dealing with this.
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