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This guy is ruining my life!
15/f. Pardon me if this is long. But it's ruining my life.
Last year I was a really lonely and pathetic teenager. At 14, I had no friends I could trust, and all that revolved around my mind, was school and homework. And then I stumbled upon an online forum. There, I made lots of friends and became so much happier. I had gotten more social through the ways of the internet chatroom. The people there all shared my interests and were so nice and sweet to me. It was almost like a dream. I actually thought I was fitting in somewhere. Ever since, to this day, it has become an addiction. Particularly because of one guy. Let's call him "Vibrator". Vibrator is 3 and a half years older than me. That makes him...(well, you do the math, if I'm 15 1/2) And he lives in North America (as I do) He shares my music interests, hobbies and other things such as this. When he talks to me (and we have been talking online on MSN and AIM for a course of one year) he is always so sweet and sugary and amazing. I feel like I've known Vibrator forever. He always compliments me and tells me I'm pretty. It makes me feel amazing. But, I'm a bit paranoid, because I've only seen like ONE picture of him! And I'm always sending him pictures o.o And everything we discuss....personally..is always about me. So I feel as if...he wants to know about me, but never tells me about himself. Is he hiding something? I don't know what to do ! I'm so emotionally attached to him. And he flirts with other girls too, and then tells me later that he has no "sexual" feelings for me. He tells me that we should meet and he tells me he wants to. He manipulates and plays with my feelings. He really is ruining my life. I hate him, but at the same time I like him a lot. I don't know what to do. I really want to meet him. But I'm so unsure. It's becoming an obsession talking to him. And he gets mad very frequently...when he does, I cry. He upsets me a lot. But then he apologizes and plays with me...like that. I cry over him. I can't tell this to anyone. Not even my best friend, because I'm too embarrassed to admit that I like someone online.
What should I do? Please. :( Any piece of advice would be helpful.
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Hi. Don't worry about the whole liking someone online thing - I've been there before myself and I personally don't think it's anything to be ashamed of at all.
I want to say to stop talking to him and delete any way for you to contact him and vice versa because this guy is bad news and NOT something you want to be getting yourself involved with but for me to say that is easy than it is for you to just do.
There's a distinct pattern here with your involvement with this guy. You were someone who was without real friends or friends. Maybe someone who was looking for affection? Enter Vibrator who makes you feel the way you've always wanted to feel, says the things you've always wanted to hear - is almost the perfect person. The more a person will know about you the more knowledge they will have about you that they can use against you (when they say knowledge is power they really were not joking). He knows so much about you he now seems to have you trapped and maybe even wrapped up around him in a way that you're now finding it very hard to let go - exactly the thing he may have wanted. He is showing the distinct pattern of someone who might be classed as an Internet predator (at least by everything that I go by and what I've learnt of internet predators).
The facts here are that there's no telling who he actually is. He could be anyone whos used everything you've told him against you to get into your head. For your own safety I would suggest you sever any contact with this guy. If he persists then tell him you want nothing to do with him anymore and wash your hands clean of this guy. I can only hope you've not given away any details to him about yourself that may become something he could try use against you but provided you've not it's best to cut off contact now. If you have then don't worry because it doesn't mean he has you in a corner.
I know it's not going to be easy especially with the hold he has on you but you've sought out help and you can see something is wrong, this is a really good sign. There's many who never realise this until it becomes too late - believe me I know this since I have seen it many times. If you require any help or want to chat do give me a shout to my inbox and I'll try help any further if I can. I was going to refer you to a site where you could try and get a background on this guy to see if anyone else online has had any contact with him but I am still trying to search for the site (my main PC died - I'm now using a laptop). As I said, send me a message to my inbox should you require any further details or help and good luck.
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I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but this guy is like a drug for you you're addicted. You've got to lock up your computer or block these sites, he's toying with your mind, you might be embarassed to tell your friends, but you've got to sit down and at least tell your parents. There are clinics for these types of problems, YOU MUST NOT MEET HIM,
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Well seriosuly he sounds like the typical online older guy. Tells you want you want to hear, compliments you 24/7, makes you feel like your the only girl that matters, makes you feel like you love him because once you love someone and you think there the right person then they have you in there trap.( i don't say trap meaning that he is a sexual predator, but you can't be too sure. He is the exact description of one. Most sexual predators tell people that they have no sexual feelings for the other person so that would make them feel more comfortable, but all they really want is sex, and if he is pressuring you to come and see him then i would really make my next moves careful ones.) Once you have grown these uncurable feelings for anyone it's hard to disappoint them doing anything. You feel as if your obligated to not let him down. Which is natural for anyone who loves someone, but the question is does he love you back, does he feel the same way. From my opinion, no. He wouldn't be flirting with other girls if he really loved you. You would be his main focus and there would be no need for any other girls. And i can guarantee that when you two first started talking he wasn't getting mad or upset with you.
From putting everything together, his anger, his flirting, him only letting you see one picture of him, his compliments for you and his non-sexual feelings for you, and what i know about sexual predators i would say that you need to find out alot more about him before you even consider seeing him, be careful, take things slow, really think about if he is the right guy before you say you love him...you can do that by making a list of what you want in a boyfriend and well if he has everything you want then maybe he is the onef for you. Just be safe.
This subject is very important to me, and i would love if you could contact me with more information. You can write to my email, and i have a aim. I'm available 24/7 sweetheart.
(: Smilez til Later :)
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Your instincts have already told you everything you need to know.
The anger, the focus on you, the lack of photos, the flirting with others, the blatant manipulation all come together to paint a picture of a guy who enjoys controlling people. Maybe he isn't hiding anything, but let’s look at what he is showing: He's a lousy person.
You aren't the first girl in the world to get attached to a lousy person. Now you need to choose to continue allowing yourself to be used and manipulated or if you break free.
If you want to break free, don't do it stages. Tell him you aren't interested in speaking to him anymore and then don't speak to him. If you must return any messages to him, take your sweet time about it and wait a few days. Do your best not to reply though. He'll try to drag it out and say things to get a rise out of you. Don't let him get to you. Ignore him, and will eventually go away.
If he doesn't go away give your parents a heads up that there is a guy online who is bothering you. Yes, they might over react a bit, but they will also help keep you safe.
You'll cry for a while and you'll feel crappy. You'll want to talk him and you want to make excuses for his bad behavior. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to wish for better, but don't give in! You've learned some valuable skills online about how to get along with people and a bit of self confidence. How to get away from of some one bad is an important lesson too.
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You need to stop talking to this guy immediately! I don't mean to scare you hunny but this guys is in all likliness not who he says he is.
I know what it is like when you are a teenager and you feel that you don't fit in but now that you have acquired all these new social skills online you should be putting them to good use in the outside world.
As for this guy - if you don't feel that you can actually tell your parents about him then call his bluff. You say that he gets angry a lot and upsets you so why give him the time of day????
If I were you, I would tell him that you really like him and want to meet up so badly that you have told your parents about him and they have agreed to come with you to meet him. If he reacts angrily you can bet your bottom dollar that he is not the person that he is portraying himself to be. In the unlikely event that he agrees then be sure to tell your parents or adult and get them to go with you to meet him. NEVER EVER meet someone that you have met online without an adult with you. And under no circumstances let him talk you into meeting without an adult there. If he is genuine and cares about you he will want you to feel safe and secure when you go to meet him.
I know that you are emotionally attached to this guy and that it will hurt not to talk to him anymore however if he has been lying to you all this time then it is better to hurt now and save yourself a whole lot of agony and the possibility of a very nasty situation in the future.
At least then you can move on, put your new found social skills to excellent use and have lots of fun getting to new people and trying new things with them. There is probably some lovely guy out there just waiting to meet you.
Hope this helps and feel free to email me any other questions.
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You should honestly, stop talking to Vibrator.
You've pretty much answered your own Q in way,
he's ruining your life, so obviously you should
stop talking to him. Seriously, you need to
realize that he's just playing games with you.
If he hasnt sent you over two pictures, he's
not who he says he is! He probably just got the
picture off photobucket. And this is becomming
more of an obsession than an online "crush."
Get out more & spend more time off the computer.
Try finding real friends because once you do,
you'll become really happy & you wont have to
worry about Vibrator. =)
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