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I'm Being Harassed - 16/f
16/f
This is a long, somewhat confusing question. I realize that it is a lot of work to figure this out so any serious answers will definately be rated appropriately. I really appreciate any advice.
For the last couple of months, I have had several 'downs' and few 'ups' with this situation. I am being harassed by girls from my school, some are "ex-friends" and others are just people who don't know me. I am wondering what is the most beneficial next step to take.
Involved People (females aged 15 to 17+):
Myself - Usually in a good mood, polite, kind to others, strongly opinionated, willing to stand up for causes which I believe in. Straight A's (with very few exceptions) and a dedicated student. Last summer I went to many parties. Strong willed, self confident and "always dressed up" describes me.
Tracey - One of my best friends, ex-best friends with Annie, used to be good friends with Danielle and Kaya.
Danielle - Last summer we were best friends, she is a "party animal," low grades, jealous of her best friend, Kaya.
Kaya - Danielle's new best friend, many insecurities, low grades, treats people badly to make herself feel better (laughing at overweight people), acts like she is amazing.
Annie - Used to be best friends with Tracey. Follows Danielle and Kaya with whatever they do.
Here is a basic timeline of the sitation for reference, I have all of the recent activity documented carefully on my computer:
November - Danielle and I got in an argument. I was talking to people at our lunch table about how I was worried about her. I also said she is friends with people then just ditches them and that I was thinking I should talk to her about it. It got back to her before I talked to her about it, she got mad and I apologized. She said tons of mean stuff to me so I ended up not talking to her for weeks. I was excluded from everything and always ended up at home doing nothing.
December - Things were great, Annie always told Tracey how much she disliked me (behind my back) but we started to become friends. At the end of the month I was excluded from "secret santa" because of my dispute with Danielle, and everyone (lunch table people) said they didn't want ME making conflict.
January - Conflicts were slightly resolved but Tracey and I noticed we were being excluded from all events and birthday parties. We started to become closer and hang out a lot.
February - Some "tough/druggie" girls attacked me, saying I "dress like a / am a tramp" and I was hit in the back of the head. I walked away from them but everyone was talking about how I "ran away crying." I still do not see why they did this and it is completely unfair. I do not dress out of the ordinary, usually - when I wear a skirt I have long legs so it looks short, but who cares anyways. I always avoid walking that way now.
March - Annie began to get mad because Tracey and I were so close. She started talking behind my back again and to Danielle and Kaya (Annie did not like Kaya at the time). Danielle, Kaya and Annie began to grow closer due to their hate of me. The 3 of them would always make plans infront of Tracey and I and purposely not invite us.
April - Danielle wrote a blog about people she hated, and I said "Honestly, do you consider me one of those people?" In reply, she went crazy and said a ton of mean things about me. She said I shouldn't bother replying because she did not want to start a "bitch fight." I was outraged, and told her to say it to my face. At school she couldn't look at me and was afraid.
April Cont - Kaya stood up for Danielle and said I was "attacking" her. I was just not letting Danielle walk all over me, I no longer wished to be friends with her and immediately stopped talking to them. I told Kaya that it was not her business. One day at lunch, Kaya and I got in a big arguement and she ended up leaving the table.
April Cont - Kaya, Danielle and Annie went to the "tough/druggie" group of girls and told them what was happening. I started to be harassed by these new girls (I will call them the hawks) and they threatened to beat me up. I backed off, feeling overwhelmed. I completely stopped talking to all of those people.
April Cont - At the same time, Tracey told Annie that she felt excluded, so Annie went against her. It was now Danielle/Kaya/Annie against Tracey and I.
May - Danielle tried to start a fight with Tracey over the computer over nothing. Pointless things continued to happen even though we weren't speaking to Danielle. I started talking to Annie and Kaya again (I regret this now) and we were fine together. I tried to be nice and work things out since the whole fight was over very little. I tried to resolve things with the "hawks" but I was still constantly stared at by them at school.
June - Tracey, myself and two of our other friends made a funny video and posted it on facebook. It wasn't about anyone it was just a pointless music video dancing around in big coats. Danielle, Kaya and Annie "copied" our video but tried to "copy our make-up, clothes and moves." They exaggerated everything and acted like completely sluts (I can honestly say that) then told everyone to "say whose is better." It was obnoxious.
June Cont - They began to harass me on MSN but I said "haha yeah you're great at being us. bye!" and blocked them. Kaya was me, Annie was Tracey and Danielle was my other best friend from the video. One day walking along the street after our friend's birthday lunch, Danielle and Kaya rode by on a bike and yelled "ugly ass sluts!" to us. We ignored them. Later on, Annie and Danielle apologized to Tracey and included me in the apology (it was never sent to me) and Tracey "accepted" their apology.
June Cont - Annie and Danielle left for a month long student exchange trip in Europe. Kaya found a new "best friend" (Ellen), whom I used to be friends with last summer but we rarely saw eachother. Kaya and Ellen posted pictures in short skirts and tanktops saying "oh ya.. this is how (my name) stands and dresses" and posted them on facebook. Kaya, Ellen, Danielle and Annie have all been put on "limited profile" for my facebook and cannot see anything except my name and a nearly blank page.
Ellen lives on my street, like a two minute walk away. She has been in many fights and now I am feeling threatened because in my honesty box on facebook, Kaya threatened that if I went to any bonfires or parties this summer that she would fight me or get other people to. Annie and Danielle are gone for three more weeks, but Ellen and Kaya are so close. In addition, they have all of the "hawks" on their side.
I have just been staying home/inside to avoid conflict and I am sick of this harassment. Please help. =(
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That's rediculous! Danielle is completely immature for starting all of this, just because her friend said that she was worried about her. She's being immature by getting her little gang of friends that have no self esteem so they bring down other people, and getting the 'tough druggie girls' to go against you. That's something I think girl would do in, hm, 3rd grade? She knows that she's hurting you and causing you pain, so that's all of those girls keep bringing you down and trying to scare you. They know that you'll stay home, so they keep threatening you. I think that you should seriously NEVER talk to those girls again, even if they apologize. They've all turned their backs on your before, and they can easily do it again. They're immature and heartless enough to do it. I think that you should have a fun summer. Go out with Tracey and your other best friends, and have a good time. Those bitchy girls shouldn't stop you from having the time of your life. They know that you're threatened, and that's how they're getting amusement out of it. Show them that they're not threatening you, and have fun. Then they might start to back off, because you're not afraid anymore. Sure those druggie girls are on your side and you're trying to avoid conflict, so whenever you see them, just look straight past them, don't even GLANCE at them, make no eye contact, and just ignore them. They're acting like the girls from the movie Mean Girls, by mocking your friends. See, you don't even do anything, and they'll do ANYTHING to make you feel bad. They're all just insecure about their lives, and they probably are even jealous that you're smart and you know yourself/are true to yourself. Just go against whatever they say, and ignore them. Don't even make eye contact or any form of contact with them. They should get over it eventually, unless they really are that immature. If they try anything new, just look them straight in the eye and say 'Okay, I get it. You don't like me. Why don't you just drop it? I don't do shit to you, so how about you grow up, act your age, and get the hell over yourself. You try to scare me, but it's not working. If we both hate eachother, why keep the war going? Let's just not talk, or even acknowledge eachother. It'll save a lot of stress for both of us. Get over it, this has been going on for over a year, and it's just old."
If you really feel like it's a threat to even go out, then try talking to your parents. If it's to the point where you're afraid to be beat up or even killed by these girls (sometimes it really can lead to that), talk to your parents and say how afraid you are. If it will make your life happier, maybe they can even considering moving you to a new school, or moving.
Good Luck. =[
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Wow, i feel your pain.
In my opinion i think you should completely ignore them...dont talk to them, sit somewhere else at lunch dont even bother looking at them. i think you should have a group of best friends...that to you are "true"..that will always have your back because incase kaya, ellen, danielle or annie try to start a fight with you...you will have not only tracey but a couple of people on your side.
another thing, dont hit them..let them hit you first. you shouldn't hit them back anyways. however, you have the right to tell adminstration or authorities that so and so hit you. you could also press charges, which seems to me you most likely will.
dont stay home and try to "avoid" conflict, your gonna be depressed and bored. no no no! its summer, go out and have the best time. who cares if they hate you. everyone has enemies, don't let them "control" your life. dont be afrarid of them.
let me tell you something.
if you start going out in public and having fun, word will get around to them about it...which is good because then they will be like NO! WHAT?????? like they would be shocked, cause right now they probably think that you are scared of them and your hiding from drama. dont be scared, you have to be the stronger one. dont listen to what anyone has to say, just based your opinions on your best judgement!
hope i helped!
-courtney
have more advice? ask(:
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Ok i'm not exactly sure if this will help but i'm willing to give it a try.
First i definately think you should go out and have fun. Alot of times parties and bonfires have so many people that if you wanted to avoid them you probably could. While there i would try talking to new people and make new friends who will definately treat you better than the "hawks"
Also, if one of these girls is over 18, and you want to fight her, make sure she hits you first. Then you can beat the shit out of her and she will be the only one who gets in trouble by the authorities since she is over 18.
Other than that i really don't think you should bother trying to be friends with these girls at all because it definately doesn't seem like its worth it. Just go out like i said try to make new friends and have a great time this summer without them
I hope this helped :D and good luck
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Go out, have fun. They are just trying to scare you. But if they do indeed jump on you, make sure you get acouple of licks in, and then press charges. lol. Pick up something and knock their asses out with it. You shouldnt be scared. Thats your neighborhood too,
Me? Im a fighter, and I would just whoop kaya's ass. Then she wont be able to talk crap anymore.
I would beat them up one by one, but yout not me, So my advice is Never past the first lick.
And get some new friends. NEW friends. So you will have people on your side too.
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Reading this i am absolutely disgusted at these girls behaviour. Seriously im like getting mad. Anyways, being serious now. Ok You NEED to find new friends. Ditch these people that are so-called friends or were and find people who treate you like you deserve to be treated. Your alowd to go to any parties you want its none of Kaya's buisness. This is getting out of hand and i think you should tell someone. It's getting to the point where you could end up getting a restraining order against some of these girls. Your being threatened against and fear for your own safety. PLEASE tell an adult, parent, teacher, older brothers or sisters, anyone! Just ignore those girls completely. They can have their opinions of you it doesn't matter what they think. Your a gorgeous smart girl and they're jelous of that so they try to make themselves feel better by making you feel horrible. Find new friends who treat you properly because you will be so much happier. You need people who are willing to stick up for you and accept you, not act like they did. I had a "friend" who acted like them and she was like 3 times my size! I stood up to her and told her off when i did nothing wrong and she is totally scared of me now lol. Don't be afraid of them. Eventually they're gonna get whats coming to them and probably end up as pregnant teens with no life expectations living in a trailor park with 20 cats. Just get away from them and you do what YOU want to do don't let them bully you around. But PLEAAAAASE tell someone of authority or someone you trust to help you out! If they call you names or threaten you then ignore them. They just want to scare you and get attention. If thats how they get their kicks then they're pathetic. If i was there i would like so hug you right now and then tell them off lol. I hope it all works out!! Love xXxPuNki-PiXiExXx
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PHew that was long, adn very confusing. alright so basically this is going to be hard but you need to tell someone that you trust an adult. its not fair that you have to stay home because your scared basically i would make sure to stand clear of them become on their good side. you dont have to be firends with them. honestly i dont knwo what else to do. if i was in that position i would feel like i couldnt do anythign cause after you tell someone then what are they going to do.. could be worse than before. so for a while at least you might have to suck it up make sure when you go somewhere you are with someone a friends family parents) just as kind of a witness i know that your parents cant always be there for you but when they can use them.
make sure your parents do know about this ordeal. it could help you they might have advice to. and if you are scared (which who wouldnt be) to go to parties then do your own thing this summer. if you can try to get away for a little while talk to your mom or dad about going ot vist family jsut to have things cool down a bit.
if that is not possible try getting a job or volenteering jsut so you have something to do this summer and your not hiding away wasting your summer completely. You can even throw your own little bash and invite close friends it doesnt have to be the part of the year and then exclude them just a friendly thing maybe a pool party or a sleep over type thing to celebrate summer. something so that you dont have to be in your house doing nothing because of this. dont let this get to your head you have a whole
summer not to worry about this USE IT.
ANOTHER THING which is not recommended but suggested (if theres a differences)is maybe its time to stop playing the good guy and sticking up for what is going on. i nnot saying ruin their life but you can make sure people knwo what is going on so there is no more people taking their side. i say this is not recommended because it could jsut blow up in your face adn make things worse but you never know. so take caution with that. but remember what they are doing to you will come around to them (karma)
when you do have to face the music when you get back to school talk to a cousulor (sp?) when you get back to school you dont have to tell on them or even gie names but ask him/her what to do. i hope ive helped some what and good luck.
=)
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More or less you can throw the book at these people quite literally. You are a very smart young lady to keep a diary and log of what they did and the dates and times. Hopefully, you kept phone records too of when they called and their numbers.
All you or your parents have to do now is go file a report with the police and have them all charged with harassment. You can do this and it will prevent them from ever contacting or having anything to do with you again.
As far as staying inside and not living your life goes that's what they want you to do. They wan to see they have gotten to you. Live your life and to hell with them. Learn self-defense too just incase someone does throw a punch. If anyone did they get brought up on assault charges. This is likely a scare tactic.
Don't trust the schools for anything or their admin to back you up as they like to stay out of this kind of thing with students. Go the route of the police.
Btw, no offense or anything I didn't read your entire blog on events because I've been in your shoes and knew where things were going with your question and what the answer was having been in your exact position before. I hope I helped.
In many ways, I think you knew the answer to your question before you asked when you mentioned your log book. I think you just needed reinforcement to use it as evidence and file charges.
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wow ok that was really long, and i feel so sorry for you! omg you don't deserved to be treated like this.
one thing i must say is, GET A NEW LUNCH TABLE! you should sit with people who are nice and not people who will start arguments with you.
i think you should just not talk to these girls anymore, except Tracey who seems to be a good friend for sticking by you. Just mind your own business and don't let them bother you. they are obviously jealous of you and your looks or else they wouldn't be "copying" your vidoes and takings pictures and saying that they are immitating you.
be the better person and let it go. just surround yourself with people who make you happy and like you for who you are. Danielle, Kaya, & Annie seem like real b****es. and they don't deserve to be your friends. don't try to fight back, because that will only make the problem grow and become worse.
so just ignore them, and the "hawks" at school. and if you EVER get harassed and pushed around by the hawks like you did before tell somebody! i know that might seem embarrassing at the moment, but it will really help because it will get them to stop hurting you in the future.
so basically stick with tracey and ignore the rest. you're 16! just live your life and don't let drama get in your way :]
good luck! and if you ever need my help just leave one in my inbox and i'd be happy to help :]
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