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my boyfriend won't have sex with me
i've been going out with this adorable junior for 4 months now. at first, i never thought it would work out because im the freshman girl who is shy and has never been with a guy before. but since the first time we met he took my heart. things have been going great, but im afraid he dedicated himself too much to me?
To me, it just doesn't seem right. He's Mr. Popular, quarter back of the football team and like abercrombie model looks; and im just the freshman girl. we've gone as far as oral but in the past month i've really wanted to have sex with him. i ask him all the time about it but he said he doesnt want to. (He already had sex before by the way.) He said he doesn't want to take the thing away from me that is most precious unless i love him.
You dont understand though, like i WANT to have sex with him so bad, but he doesn't want to take it away from me at such a young age unless im sure i love him. He tells me he loves me but it's hard for me to say "i love you" back and really mean it.
Does he not like me anymore? It's just he's so nice and i know for a fact he never cheated on me before or is seeing another girl. Should i drop the whole sex subject?! PLEASE HELP!
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To me it seems like he really cares for you. And I understand where you and him re coming from. You want to have sex with him, you have a barely controllable urge to! he doesn't want to take your virginity, for fear you really do not lov ehim and he doesn't want you to waste it on him, he wants you to wait for your, The One!
--Syd
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You should appreciate what you have because most girls would kill to have a boyfriend like that. Here's my two cents & I'll keep it shrot & simple: He respects you & doesn't want to rush into anything. Just because he's had sex before & you "want" sex, doesn't mean he's going to give it up that easily. & I think you should accept that. Don't be the nagging & annoying girlfriend who keeps bringing it up with him. Just drop the whole subject & respect his decisions. He's a good guy with a good head on his shoulders & you should appreciate that. :)
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wow. you have an amazing guy here. && alot of girls would kill to find somebody like that.
hmm i think personally your not ready for sex. i think he is completely right && you should wait til you love him && know it. && i believe that four months isn`t long enough at all.
you should respect what he wants && not try to push him into it or yourself. you don`t want to regret it later. it is something that is suppose to be special between two people that love eachother. && to jus want it to want it isn`t that great together. but doing it cuz you love him will be amazing.
he defiantly does like you there is no denying that. he could have sex with you && then be done with you && that would show that he didn`t like you but he`s not doing that.he has respect for you.&& is very mature.
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He has a great point. He shouldn't take this away from you unless you really truely love him. If you are having difficulties saying "I love you" then you really shouldn't. You are getting horny and its sometimes hard to fight it but please dont have sex. Another word for sex is "making love" which means in my opionion you should only do it if you LOVE him since you know you would be "making love." I say drop the whole sex subject and wait till you are able to say "i love you" and mean it. Maybe by then you will be ready.
Hope I Helped :)
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he has a point. you should hold on to your virginity as long as possible. he is respecting you by saying no. i'm sure he still loves you and it sounds like you two are a really good couple. but, you have only been going out for 4 months. if i were you, i would drop the sex subject for a while. he is respecting you by saying no even though you want to have sex and don't hate him for it. i'm sure he's a nice guy. just drop the subject for a little while and maybe bring it up again in a few months, and if he still says no then repeat the process: "1.ask 2. if he says no, drop it 3. ask a few months later 4. repeat steps 1-3 till satisfied"
i hope i helped.
--lazy_one--
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Okay. Well in my opinion, are are one extremely lucky girl. You are with a boy who cares about you and not just having sex. In highschool, this is RARE.
Don't push this. 4 months really isn't as long as it sounds. you should be able to enjoy being with him without having sex. ESPECIALLY since you said that you can't say you love him back.
It seems that he likes you so much that he will say i love you and mean it and will wait until you know that you both love eachother for sure. If that isn't perfect i dont know what is. It sounds like you're pretty special to him if he insists on waiting. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It means he REALLY likes you.
Don't let your hormones get in the way of something this great. When you know that you love him, then you can make these kinds of decisions together. Just please keep in mind that you have soo many more years ahead of you. Please don't rush it!
i hope that helped.
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GIRL let it go...he is doing you a favor by not having sex with you. You need to wait till marrige anyway but if you don't you are only 15 max!!He sounds really great. If he can tell you he loves you freely and you aren't sure if he loves you still??! you are the one who can't say it and really mean it. You are the one who is having secound thoughts if anything (not saying you are...people have different timings with things like that which is good). And with the whole sex thing...if you don't wait you will most likely regret it later when you are married because your husband wasn't your first so drop it.
I really hoped I helped!
-Milly203
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I have a feeling that he might be afraid of disappointing you or more than likely physically hurting you. He may be afraid of being with someone who hasn't sex before and his physical strength and build as a football player.
There's some kind of hang up here that he has with sex and it likely doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe his other experience was lousy and or scared him feel inadequate sexually. I don't know but he probably thinks something like she's going to be so disapointed, this was her first time and she built it up to be like this or that etc.
What you need to do is communicate with him. After all if you are ever to have sex with eachother you need to communicate and tell the truth about your concerns, wants, desires.
You need to tell him that you are ready and totally want to be with him and have no expectations about how things will be. Tell him that you know he has been hiding his true reasons for not wanting to have sex and no matter the reason you need the truth because the age thing as we both know is BS as he's been with other girls.
I hate to mention it as even a possibility but is it possible he might not be into girls sexually? Could this be his secret as he may be a football player with a ton of people expecting him to be this macho male and he's hiding the truth? How comfortable was he with other sexual things you did?
Ask him the truth as you need full disclosure if you are going to be his girlfriend about what's troubling him. Then after that, just drop the issue and let him come around to talking with you and letting you know if he's ready or not.
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I know you want to have sex, but I would drop it, unless he says something about it. Being a freshman, its kind of not a good idea to have sex. You never know if you would get pregnant. I could not IMAGINE tellig my mother that i was pregnant. She would flip out in my case. (by the way, i'm also a shy person)
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well maybe you should wait a little bit before you have sex with him. At an age like this if you can not fully say you are in love with someone you most likely should not have sex. Hormones are raging which could make you want to have sex, more a of a lust than a love. So just wait it out until you are positive. Losing your virginity is a big deal. I mean right after you have sex its like whatever but the next day you feel even closer to this person and some people even grow to require sex more and more. Also sex can be painful. Not only on your emotions but physically. I think it is great that he does not want to just get in your pants, most guys would just take advantage of the fact. You got yourself a good one. Just THINK about it, and youll know when the time is right, if you have the slightest doubt or if he does dont do it. YOU CAN NEVER TAKE THIS BACK EVER. Trust me i lost mine with my ex and i have fallen so hard and he will always have that connection with me. FOLLOW YOUR HEART NOT YOUR HORMONES.
good luck
Brittni.
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