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I'm dying slowly inside
I'm a 23 year old girl ,my life has been a living hell since my parents left us ,this was 10 years ago (I was 13 )I was the oldest and as you can understand I was always the one who had to pull it togheter for my other sisters ..I lost almost my whole life doing this...,no good memories,only pain and sorrow .
I fully grow up by my self thanks to the power of God .
But now I live with my bf ,he is good to me .
But memories keep coming back to me ,sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night crying and it just go on and on .
I don't know why but I keep asking myself why they walked out on us like that ,It hurts like hell.
I don't have close friend because I'm afraid
I don't know why ..I have thousand of good friend and you could say I am very popular for making jokes ,organising nice school trip ,parties ,acting in stage plays etc etc and I really can give good advice but I really really can't have a close friend , the truth is I am even afraid to be close to my bf , I don't know why ......I feel so unhappy feeling this way
I feel like I'm in a lonely world , I feel depressed ,I barely sleep and I can't concentrate at school.
My sex life sucks ,just because I can't get in the mood because I cant't stand for people to get to close to me ,I just want it to be quick so he can get off me ,this is a really strange feeling I can't explain,
I love him but I can't explain this weird feeling and its not just with him .My ex broke up with me because I never did have sex with him..
All this is depressing for me ,I can't live like this any longer
I am really dying inside
help me ,I need advice
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Well since you grew up in the power of God, I will pray for you. Sounds lame since I have no idea who you are, but that's how I feel. Loneley and depressed. Well that's how I did. And I prayed and so did everyone at my church and now I a not depressed. And I couldnt sleep or concentrate at school. And I only am 14, but I know a lot about God. So just keep praying for yourself, and if you are comfortable enough, then ask your boyfriend to pray with you. It honestly does help, trust me.
Hope everything works out!
<3
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I truely believe everything happens for a reason, though it may be horrible. I believe by your parents leaving and you having to take care of you sisters you matured, grew up in an instant, and did something amazing. You had to hold what was left together and you did. Now you have to get past it and let people into your life. You have to start trusting people and working on realtionships. You may want to start by talking to your boyfriend, let him know how hard it is to let someone in and tell him that you love him but you need to go through a process to put you life back together. Let him know you want him by yourside while you do this and that you need to take things slow so that you can be whole again.
Hope I helped!
Good Luck!
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I must start off and say
I have no idea how your feeling..
I have never went through anything like this
& I hope oneday you get much happier times.
But it sounds like you need to talk somebody about this, your allowing everything to build up in you and you need to start letting go of the past. I think maybe you should see a counselor.
And maybe you can find one that you'll have a tiny connection with, and go from there.
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okay so, i don't know exactly what your going through since that hasn't happened to me, the only thing i can say it's that you don't need to feel guilty or blame yourself because your parents left :S although I think there's no excuse to do it but don't over think it get over it and move on cause if you keep worrying and wondering about it then it will take away all your life :s enjoy youth, beeing alive!, feel proud of what you have done for you and your brothers it takes a lot of courage to raise your brothers and handle to be iwth your parents really i admire you ...and about your bf stuff don't be afraid that he's going to walk away from you or something :s i mean if he really loves you he'll stay with you, if he does walk away from you it's just that he wasn't right for you and somebody else would . you have to trust in people, you might not trust them because of the things that happened with your parents ..but if you let people get close to you, to mean something to you, change their lives and share moments with them, my advice is to go se a profesional cause you seem to have really serious problems with that good luck!
diane
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I am only 18, and my father left when I was a small child, and then I grew up with an awful stepfather. I wont dare say I know exactly how you feel, but I have troulbe getting close to people too. The only thing I can tell you from the heart is that the same God who helped you grow up on your own, is still there and he will help you deal with this fear also, he and only he has brought me trough some tough personal times, and now I depend on him all thime time. That and finding someone that i could trust, to vent my frustrations too, has helped me get over alot of my depression and anxiety. Just trust and beleive and everything will work out for the best. Also, try to think about all the people who need you and depend on you. Always remember that somewhere in the world someone is thinking about you right now. You grew up and raised your siblings, and are in college- your parents should be kicking themselves in the ass for letting goof you and your siblings. They love you, and God does too. I hope that helped.
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Just relax for a little get everything off your mind. Life isn't easy and I bet someone else is going through the same thing. I know I've never been where you are now but to help your social life practice talkting to people. I know it would be hard but find someone and go up to and just have a converstion with someone you know and then you will probably make a close friend. Just forget about what your parents did. It must have been hard for them taking care of you and your sisters and they just couldn't handle it. So I wish you the best with everything.
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Has Something happened to you when u was younger? Maybe something happened that you dont remember.
You wont give your all to this man because you think he is going to leave yopu like your parents did right?
This isnt really a problem that anyone on this site can handle. You should see a pro. Someone who can help you deal with the long term emotions you have been dealing with.
The ony advice i can give you is to try to let go of the past, you did what you could do. Look forward and hope for the best.
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You don't mention of having any kind of diary or notebook that you write out on a semi regular basis. Instead of going to a professional it helps to just get things out. The easiest way to do this is to write it out. You might find some more things about yourself this way. Other than that, I'm not sure you can find any better solutions than to actually go to a profesional, such as a psychologist. I get theme and phychiatrist mixed up, but I think what would be good is to go to the one that doesn't hand out prescriptions. I know that is the big difference between those two. I don't know if that would help you though with not being able to have anyone close to you on your own.
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