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17 y/o daughter not responsible
My 17 year old daughter quit school, does not have a job--and does NOTHING around the house. She
does have money in savings which she has been blowing like crazy, but that's almost gone now. She lied to me about last night, said she stayed at a friends to babysit younger siblings, and I found out differently. The friends Mom doesn't even care that our daughters weren't there, so she is not much help. I don't know where my daughter is right now. When she comes home, I am going to tell her she cannot stay anywhere from now on. (she did this one other time and was grounded) I am prepared for a big fight from her, and she will probably leave without my permission. I am going to tell her that I will report her as a runaway.
However, then I have no clue what will happen next (if I get the law involved)
She might turn the story on me and say she is abused. (Which of course she is not) but she plays the role of the victim well, and threatened to call CPS another time when I put my foot down.
Her BF is 19 and lives in a bordering state, but is it against the law if he takes her across state lines? She is (17) and other people seem to think that would not be against the law because she is over 16.
So my questions are.
Is a relationship between a 17 yr old and 19 yr old legal?
What happens when a 17 yr old is reported as a run away?
Does CPS automatically believe a teenager who plays the victim?
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Well from personal expierence i spent 3 years pulling the same crap as your dauhgter and yes the law was involved because of my own mistakes. It might be a good thing to let the law become involved because she is out of control and needs help. I went to jail quite a few times for 9 months each time and i finally learned my lesson. It depends on what state u live in for the relationship issue. In FLA its 16-24 is legal. So im pretty sure she is legally allowed to date someone 19 if she is 17. When a minor is reported as a runaway the cops will look for her and bring her back home when they find her. If she comes back home before they find her, you must call them and tell them and they have to come to your house and see your daughter face to face to make sure she is really home so they can discontinue the search. And sometimes depending on the case and the minors behavior they will or will not believe a teen to plays a victim. In the end "what ever is in the dark will eventually come to the light" so pray about this and leave it in gods and the cops hands because if she wont listen to you there isnt much that you can do. I really hope I helped!
~Keosha
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This all depends on what state you are in. I think 17 is the legal age in most states. As far as running away, the officials will most likely do nothing. I was almost 16 when I ran away and the only reason they were going to do something is because my mom kept pestering them. The officials don't care so much when they are older teens.
One thing I did learn is that CPS doesn't believe the teenagers. At least not in my case. I was the one trying to play the "poor victim" and say I ran away because my mother was abusive. Of course she really wasn't, but at that time I was a selfish teenager and decided to try it. I didn't care who I was hurting. Let her call CPS, they most likely won't do anything.
I would put her on birth control if she isn't already. This behavior is not good.. but her getting pregnant would be even worse. I know that's off topic, but I got pregnant at 15 so I know..
And last but not least, in most states a relationship between a 17 and 19 year old is legal. I know this isn't good news to you, but honestly there isn't much you can do here but put your foot down. Tell her if she's going to run away she had better pack all of her stuff because the door will be LOCKED when she tries to come back. You don't really have to lock her out but it will get her thinking. When she leaves, you should call the authorities and let them know she has run away. Give them all the information you can. They can take it from there if they so choose. If not, at least your rear is covered.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. One day she will look back on it and realize how selfish and ignorant she was. Hopefully that day isn't too far off. Good luck.
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First it would depend on the State you live in, some States have strict laws and you could very easily have the 19 year old arrested for a number of things up to Statatory rape. Second also depends on your state , I know here in the State of Florida there would be a amber alert issued right away and as far as I have seen happen a search would begin right away, they take things like that very serious where I am from. Third, sadly that too had a depends, but I think that would depend on the worker that gets your case, there are some that are wonderful, caring and would not just take someones word for it but would look into the situation and go from there, most are like that, still again there are some that should have retired long ago and make a career out of tormenting good parents and letting the true abusers run free, this I have seen first hand. In any event, stand your ground, I just recently learned you can't be your teens best friend and parent too, Id much prefer being the parent and having her mad at me as long as she is safe in our home not running around while she rants and raves, keep your chin up, and the best advice of all you are all ready doing, stand firm. Good luck, keep me posted!
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I can help ya quote a bit here. My mom has had to deal alot with my 17 year old sister who acts alot like your daughter and has had to go through the same things your facing now. Regarding the relationship between your daughter and the 19 year old male, it is legal. There has to be more than a 2 year age gap for it to be illegal. (That might just be for North Carolina so you can always call your local Sherriff's office and ask annomiously if it is legal in yall's state. When your daughter starts acting up and you want to call the law on her you have a couple choices here. First off, the cops are your friends. They will try to help you. Explain to them that your daughters dis-orderly and has left without your permission and you want her picked up. Tell them to scare her. Worked for my sister. My mom told them to scare her and the cops told my sister they were going to charge her and that she was under arrest. Or you have the option to report her as a run-away. They will arrest her, she will be taken to the County Jail, strip searched and have to put on the jumpsuits where she will sit until her court date in which the judge could do anything. Give her community service, make her work at a hospital as a candy striper, make her work at a soup kitchen, or send her to a place for juveniles. (They discuss all this with you and what you would like to see happen) and Child protective Services...No they don't believe a person right away. They will do a "check" on your home and actually see how it's ran, as in they have beds, lights, plenty of food and other things. Or they'll have the whole family come in to the CPS office and talk to a counselor one by one, in seperate rooms, make sure your storys are together. Like if you have a younger son/daughter they would ask him/her does your mom ever beat you? does she ever cook dinner? things like that. BTW, I'm not a little kid answering this, just to maybe let you feel better about the advice your getting. I'm 24. All these thing's have happened to my family so that's how I know first hand. Good luck with your daughter.
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Yes its legal for a 17 year old and a 19 year old. It has to be 2 years apart. If its more than 2 years then its against the law if hes over age. Now even tho shes over 16 doesnt mean she can make decisions like leaving state or whatever... or running away for that matter. As long as they are under 18 they are under your control unless you're abusive or she gets (okay spelling is bad) emansipated. Now you're gonna have to talk to CPS yourself because I dont really know. But as far as I know shes under your control still since she isnt considered an "adult" yet.
good luck.
sounds tough!!
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wow i would say to kick her out she does nothing for you and dosent even go to school if not kick her out wait until she is 18 then say she has to pay rent
their relationship is legal but if the have sex its not
do not report her as a runaway it will do nothing but cause controversy
one simple answer NO
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um- this is kind of tough. i want to say i kind of have a little experience with this- but its kind of in a different way. well, a relationship between a 17 year old and 19 year old is pretty much legal. now, thinga are much different if they are having sex. if you ever find out, and have visible proof that they are sexually active, then you can pres charges against him even if she did consent to it. when a child is reported as a runaway itstaken very seriosuly. thats why i wouldnt recommend doing this when she doesnt come home- ifthings get bad enough- send her off to a relative- thts what my dad did- althoguh i didnt get into trouble- he jsut got tired of me. and i dont believe that they would just automatically believe her- she would have to have visible proof that she 'is infact getting mistreated'. whic hshe wouldnt have. by law, you, as a parent have the right to corporl punishment- meaning even if you were to hit her out of anger, as long as its not in an abusive matter- theres nothing she could do about it. but as it seems, you arent hitting her at all. in all honesty, i would suggest saving up some money to send her to a boot camp of some sort. by law, she would have to go- becuase youre her parent. unless her 18th bday is coming up soon- but if it is- she seems like the type of girl thats going towant to move out the minute she turns 18. just be the mother, and YOU tell her wht she can and cannot do- and to tell you the truth- if MY daughter dropped out of school- i def. wouldnt be lettin her sty at my house still. hope i helped. and good luck.
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You may not want my help, seeing as well, I am also a teenager.
As for your daughter dating a 19yr old, I'm not sure that this is legal, If they are sexually active, it is not.
Reporting a 17 yr old as a runaway will do nothing. My sister left the hosue at 17 and my mother too, got the police and they stated that Since she is 17 she can leave whether she's has permission or not.
Your daughter would need to prove that you abuse her for it to be taken seriously.
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Okay, it differs in states whats illgal on dating age. But its usually if the person is still a minor, and is dating someone over 21.
But I dont think she would get in much trouble for that since she is seventeen, almost 18, and when she is 18 you do realize you wont have much control over her anymore.
When a 17 year is reported as a runaway, they would probably do an amber alert, but only if they think she is in danger of death or serious injury. Or if an abuduction has taken place, or if there is enough information to be described as a missing child alert. So its pretty high criteria it has to meet for the law to do an amber alert, or anything of the sort.
So I think they would most likely just be on the look our for her.
CPS wont automatically believe a teenager who plays a victim, because teenagers are niave and they dont think things clearly, and there has to be evidence of what she says to them in the first place.
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I don't know if you've thought about it, but do you think she might being doing drugs? that could explain the school quitting, the lack of employment, the sneaking out, and the money spending. Don't bother looking for things in her room... that's not good and the best proof is in her body.
the relationship is legal- certain details vary by state.
CPS probably won't believe it automatically.. either way, i really don't think there's anything going against you.
i hope this all works out for you.. <3
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Dear Help,
Well this is how it works (depending on where you live). A relationship between a 17 yr old and a 19 yr old isn't illegal, only sexual activities, and that isn't easy to prove if this is the case. When a 17 year old is reported missing a series of things are taken into consideration, who might have taken her, why she left and various other situations. Now if she is found after running away she might get a restriction put on her. But if you want to keep closer tabs on your child I believe you can set up a program for "troubled teens". My parents put me in one and I had that nice little anklet(they thought I was sneeking out to do bad things and they later found out I was trying to make a film with some friends). CPS, please, in order for them to believe that you are a bad person. You have some documentation that you are worried, such as this site with your question, the mother you called because you were worried and your colleagues. You might want to call CPS yourself and talk with a rep and explain that you have a "out of control" child and you are worried. Right now you need to concentrate on collecting documentation about your situation in case your daughter tries something.
Before you get in an arguement ask her where she was, and if you want to, only if you want to check her story. If she was at a friends house, tell her to call the house to check. If she was at the movies or somewhere check the reciepts. And with CPS there is no such things as playing a victim, its about the facts that they can prove.
Hope this helps, e-mail here if you need anything else.
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A relationship is legal.
Sex is not. (Other things vary by state)
If he takes her across state borders, you could have him arrested for kidnapping.
If she has a car, I suggest putting in a tracker so you know where she is.
I didn't want to give you inaccurate information, so I'm sorry if my answer is brief. Might I suggest google for the laws?
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