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big problem

Question Posted Wednesday May 10 2006, 4:34 pm

First off, i appreciate anyone who can answer this. second, this is going to be somewhat long but here goes nothing:
On saturday my mom told me my boyfriend could come over. she wasn't home for 30 minutes and he came over during that time which she said she was fine with as long as we don't go upstairs to my room. But we went up there. while we were up there we had sex for the first time and while we were doing it, she came home. so we raced downstairs and acted like nothing happened. and she didn't suspect one thing at all. then the next day *sunday*, one of my friends called me and asked if i had sex with my boyfreind. i told her yes along with the story. while i was telling the story my mom picked up the other phone line and heard EVERYTHING. she knows now and is calling me a slut, and trash. now she is telling me i am not allowed to see my boyfriend ever again and if he steps foot into this house she will call the police because he's 18 i'm 16 and still a minor. so i guess she could have him arrested for him having sex with a minor.
i still want to continue to see my boyfriend but now we are going to have to sneak around. i know that isn't right but that's the only way we can see each other. any advice on what i can do to get my mom to let me see him without her freaking out and calling me a slut???

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loesje answered Saturday May 13 2006, 8:00 pm:
Well let me start saying that I'm very surprise to hear that you lost your virginity at the age of 16 ..because nowadays people tend to lose it at the age between 12 and 13 . (I work in a teenage center)

Where you ready when you tooke this step or was it just the only chance you and your bf had?

Your mother should not call you names ..
I think she got mad because she had high hopes in you and to prove this she let you invite your bf over.......But heyyyy do not give up moms are like that ..I think the first
ting you need to do is talk to her and explain to her what happened and how you feel when she calls you names .
Try to understand her too hurted her

I think she got even mad when she had to hear it through the phone and not from your own mouth.
I do not know what kinda person she is but I know she wants to protect you .

If you can't talk to her write her a letter...
Do not let more time goes by .
Explain to her ..

This may sound stupid but after you talk or write her a letter maybe you should invite your bf over to talk with your mom.

It took my brother 1 month to talk to me ...afetr I broke my virginity .
I wrote him a letter explaining him and
apoligize myself to him for what he thought I was not ready for and what I was sure I was ready for

It worked and hun beliefe me my brother is the hardest man on the planet...

Hey baby hope I helped

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Elcee answered Saturday May 13 2006, 10:26 am:
I totally agree with Rainbowcherrie in that your Mum should not be calling you names. I also agree that you should not have betrayed her trust and you should seek her forgiveness.

As a mother it was devastating to me to discover that my children were sleeping with their partners. However, the hardest part for me was knowing that they were growing up and it is very difficult to let go. Your Mum may also be feeling sad that you are no longer a child but a maturing young lady.

It is a difficult situation which needs careful consideration of everyones feelings. I wish you love and luck in your future.

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xx_nickelbackbabi_xx answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 7:46 pm:
well here's the thing....i get why your mom is mad at you. you can't blame her. If i was you i would ask your mom if the ONLY way he could come over to your house is she was there the whole time he was there. it sounds lame i know but is is better then nothing.what my friend did was she sneeks over to his house while her mom and dad are sleeping. *hint* just remember if your gonna keep having sex with him do not come home pregant.

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LadyGoodman answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 7:07 pm:
Hmm... you did something against her wishes, so it's fair that you suffer some consequences I suppose, but it's just plain bad parenting to call your kid a slut, especially when you probably aren't one. Like that's really going to help anything.

Before talking to her, give everything a couple of weeks to cool off. She's probably not going to be open to much right now. I'd suggest checking on the laws to see if it's REALLY illegal for you to be with your boyfriend, but even if you do find out that it's legal, she is still not going to let you see him and give some other ultimatum like grounding you from something you like or what not.

You just need to try to get her trust back. Once you've waited a bit, try to just have an open discussion with her. Tell her you're sorry for disrespecting her by going against her wishes but everyone fucks up and that you know it was a big mistake. Make it clear that you know she is right for punishing you (even if she's not right for calling you names). Try to tell her in a really undefensive manner how much it hurts you that she calls you that name. If things seem to be going well at that point, ask if you could possibly have time with your boyfriend when she is there, i.e. having him over for dinner or something along those lines. Yes, it sucks to have a parent around all the time, but it's better than nothing. I hope things calm down for you soon!

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fatalxheart answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 6:38 pm:
Check the consent laws in your state. It's usually 16.

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xlionxyouthx answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 6:21 pm:
I'm actually in the same position as you are, cept the age differences are even more intolerable.

In most states 16 is the age of consent, try checking that before you talk to your mom.

Sit down and tell her that it was your first time, and if it did tell her that it meant something, and you weren't just putting out.

Of course though, your mom would be pissed. She could have said that out of spite as my dad did to me. Just talk to her, no lies, or anything. Give her the truth, and maybe even her trust will regain.

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TheTeenGirl answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 5:16 pm:
I don't think that you understand at all how serious this is of what you did.

Your mom can have your boyfriend arrested for having sex with a minor and I think she should. You completely blew your mom's trust.

She was going to let you have him over for a while even by yourself. Do you know how many parents around wouldn't let that happen? Hardly any. And then you disrespected her and showed her that you cannot be trusted with him for even 30 minutes alone.

I don't think your mom should be calling you a slut and all of those other immature names, but I definetly support her when it comes to not allowing you to see this guy anymore. I know you probably don't appreciate my answer, but you're being really selfish by making your mom worried about you and then trying to sneak out and misbehave even more. All you can think about is how you'll be able to see your boyfriend and try squeezing your way through your mom to see him again.

Can you really say or do something that will make her think that you can be trusted when you couldn't even be trusted with him for 30 minutes?


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rainbowcherrie answered Wednesday May 10 2006, 4:51 pm:
This is a difficult situation.

On one hand, your mother shouldn't be calling you a slut and she shouldn't have listened in on your phone conversation. A parent should never say degrading things to a child, it isn't fair at all. She also invaded your privacy by listening to your phone call which was very rude.

However, on the other hand you did disrespect her by sleeping with your boyfriend in her house. She trusted you to let your boyfriend come over and you betrayed that trust by sleeping with him so she does have a right to be angry, even if she isn't handling it in the best way.

I suggest you sit her down when she's in a good mood and start by apologising to your mother for disrespecting her. Next, explain to her that you are upset with her for calling you a slut and listening to your phone conversation. Then go on to say that you wouldn't have slept with your boyfriend if you didn't trust him 100% and that you used precautions and made sure that you were safe.

Tell her that you care about your boyfriend a great deal and want to continue seeing him. Promise her that you won't disrespect her again by betraying her trust but make it clear that you are unhappy with her calling you names.

Hopefully she will be able to see that you are mature enough to discuss the situation with her and that you can be trusted with your boyfriend.

Good luck.

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